All in all, my first date since losing my wife was a success. I hadn’t thought I was ready, but everything with Fallon was…easy. She was lighthearted and came into my life like a rainbow after a storm. For the first time, I felt a thread of hope curling through my chest.
And Fallon was just plain fun. Being a single parent was challenging at times and I’d almost forgotten that I was also a man. I’d buried the old me under layers of grief, stress, and focus on my daughter’s well being.
Tonight, I allowed the old Ben to come out to play. We’d had a lively discussion at dinner about a range of topics. She loved travel and was an entertaining storyteller. I’d laughed all evening over her exploits. She returned the laughter as I shared stories about Ruby.
There was no awkwardness talking about Sarah as she factored heavily in my best memories with Ruby. Fallon smiled, occasionally reaching out to touch my arm, or my hand as we talked. She kept her touches light and friendly, which I appreciated. As much as the date was a success, I didn’t think I was ready for more intimacy yet. Simply being on a date with Fallon felt like a momentous milestone in my grief journey.
She’d shared about her own grief after losing her parents. She’d been poised to move to France then their death had changed everything. We’d connected on a deeper level than I’d expected because we’d both experienced unbearable grief. Most people shied away from talking to me about Sarah because it made them uncomfortable but Fallon understood.
Walking back to my van, we’d drifted closer to each other and our shoulders touched periodically. Each brush felt electric—as if we were connected by a live wire. The feeling was new. I’d never experienced this with anyone else I’d dated, including Sarah. Guilt pricked at the realization, but I pushed it down. We had a good marriage with a wonderful daughter. Whatever was happening between Fallon and me didn’t change that fact.
“It’s chilly,” Fallon said as she hugged her arms around her in an attempt to warm herself. “I hadn’t expected to be out late or I would have brought a sweater.”
Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her. “Is that better?”
My voice was husky and Fallon shivered at my touch. “Much better.”
We walked the rest of the way to the car with Fallon in my arms. When we reached the van, I reluctantly let her go. I blasted the heat as soon as I started the car. It was a short drive to her home at Chateau Felicity and I didn’t want the date to end.
We didn’t talk on the way back and the silence was comfortable. I turned on the local radio station, which played a mix of pop and rock. When a song came on that she liked, Fallon sang softly. Being in the dark in the small cab of the van felt more intimate than being in bed together.
She was so close I could smell the floral perfume she wore and her curly hair occasionally grazed my arm as she moved. I drove as slow as I could to prolong our time together. Too soon, we pulled into the driveway for the main house. I shut off the engine and we sat in silence for a long moment.
I expected Fallon to bounce out of the car, but she hesitated, hand on the door handle. The porch light reflected the golden tones in her hair and I reflexively reached out to wind a curl around my finger. Fallon’s eyes widened in surprise.
I pulled my hand back. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
She continued to watch me as if considering something. Finally, she spoke. “Do you want to come in for a glass of wine. It’s still early and it would be a shame for you to go to bed so soon.”
She was calling back to my earlier comment about going to sleep early, but my attention hung on the word bed. As much as my emotions weren’t ready to move on, my body had other ideas. An image of her in my bed, golden curls spread around her flashed in my mind. Angelic.
But not tonight.
As if sensing my hesitation, she added “We can sit on the porch and have a drink. I’m enjoying my time with you. It can be just a drink. Not a date.”
My heart swelled at her gentle words, letting me know that there was no pressure on me for this evening to be anything more than friends spending time together.
“Okay. I drink sounds great.”
I followed Fallon into the house, which was mostly dark. A light shone in the hallway to illuminate the space enough to move safely. She dropped her purse on the entry table and moved towards the dining room. When she turned on the light, I was surprised to an antique-looking buffet with wine storage built in. Above it, a wooden shelf was stocked with glasses for both red and white wine.
Fallon ran her finger along the bottles, humming to herself. “This is perfect,” she said as she pulled one out. She expertly uncorked a light red wine and poured a small amount in two glasses.
“This is my favorite for this time of year.”
She handed me the glass and electricity sizzled as our fingers brushed. She led the way to the porch and we sat next to each other on the swing. She pushed her feet to get the swing moving and we gently rocked as we sipped our wine.
“This is good,” I savored the red as I sipped, surprised at the robust flavor.
“I’m glad you like it.”
Fallon fell silent and instead of being awkward, it was peaceful. I thought about earlier, when I’d wondered what it would be like to sit on this porch and watch the sunset. I was dark now, but the feeling was more than I’d imagined. The faint chirping of crickets and the rustle of the occasional breeze. The air was cool, but not yet cold.
This was damn near perfect.
We finished the wine and Fallon leaned over to set the glasses on the wide wooden porch railing. She made no move to get up so neither did I. Tension coiled around us and the air was heavy with the unspoken energy between us. I’d said earlier I wasn’t ready for a physical relationship, but I had promised Fallon a kiss. And this seemed like the ideal moment to make good on my intention.
I glanced at Fallon to find she was looking at me. She flushed when caught, but she didn’t look away. She allowed me to see her desire while not making a move to act. Her bold appraisal was sexy, as was her restraint.
Now or never.
I chose now. I leaned forward, observing her eyes turn from leashed desire to liquid pools as she realized my intention. I crossed the distance between us to touch my lips gently to hers. I kept the kiss soft and exploratory. Her lips were soft and I could taste the wine that lingered. Fallon was intoxicating.
My shoulders were tense as I adjusted to new sensations. It had been years since I’d kissed anyone and in the back of my mind, I’d been afraid that the first kiss after Sarah would be a disaster. That somehow I’d forget how to do it or a lightening bolt would come down to strike me for moving on.
While I knew that I had every right to go on with my life, I couldn’t shake the guilt that lingered.
Except no lightening bolt came. And kissing was remarkably like riding a bike. I found it came back naturally. Fallon’s lips were nothing like any other woman I’d kissed and I was grateful. She was her own unique person that created a novel experience for me.
I relaxed my posture to sink closer to her so I could trail kisses down her neck. She tilted to give me access and wound a hand around to the back of my neck while the other rested easily at my waist. She returned my kiss with enthusiasm and I resisted the urge to ease her back on the swing so we could be closer.
Instead, I focused on the kiss. Despite my body offering up ideas of where this evening could go, I knew my heart would need time. This moment was wonderfully perfect exactly as it was.
I brought a hand up to tangle in those wild curls I loved so much. The position also gave me the ability to change the angle to deepen the kiss. Fallon moaned softly as I licked the seam of her mouth and she allowed me entry into the wet heat.
She inched closer to swing a leg over mine, but made no other moves to be more intimate. We lingered in the moment, trading kisses and soft touches until we eased back.
“Wow.”
Fallon absentmindedly touched her lips and my heart melted. That was the most amazing kiss I’d ever experienced.
“That was…” I paused, unable to find the exact words that summed up my feelings on this moment. “Amazing. That was an amazing kiss.”
Fallon’s smile lit up the dim porch. I reached out to wind my fingers through hers. We sat together, holding hands, her leg still over mine. She leaned down and rested her head on my shoulder.
As much as I wanted to stay here forever, I knew that I should head home soon. Fallon and I were in a magical bubble and I wanted to prolong the feeling.
“I should go.”
Fallon raised her head and untangled her legs from mine. Her hand lingered in my grasp. “I had a wonderful time tonight.”
“Me, too. I’d really like to see you again.”
Fallon smiled softly. “I’d like that, too.”
“I don’t get much time to go out.”
“I understand. Next weekend is the annual Fall festival. How about I meet you and Ruby there?”
I grinned. Fallon was really the most special person. My heart swelled with hope for the first time in al one time. Just maybe I could find happiness again, with Fallon by my side.
I leaned in to kiss her. “I love that idea. It’s a date.”
Our second date which would hopefully lead to many more.