Someday Molly would live in a house. In that house, she’d have an entry hall and then a room or two, and then a bedroom so when people knocked on the front door it didn’t sound like they were standing inside her brain.
Her sister’s voice floated through the hotel door. “Are you okay? You’re usually up by now! What’s going on?”
Molly opened the drawer of the side table. The hotel had always provided ear plugs for its customers who didn’t want to hear the bands playing late into the night in the saloon, and she knew there was still a plastic-wrapped pair or two at the back of the drawer. With her ears blocked, the knocking became more like a counterpoint to her jagged thoughts.
She should have told him. He’d been right. He’d been a jerk about it, yes. But he’d been right. She’d been wrong, so wrong, and so had Nikki. Nikki, though, had the excuse of wanting to protect her brother from pain. Molly didn’t even have that.
She’d just wanted to help Nikki. She’d wanted to do something good for a woman who’d been helping her, who’d been listening to her. Molly had ignored that voice in the back of her head that had said to call Colin. To text him at the very least. How long would that have taken? Your sister is hurt. Meet us at Kalamas Sheriff’s Office. Molly groaned. Her breath was hot against the sheet over her face but she didn’t tug it off. At least with the ear plugs in, her own voice was louder and better drowned out her sister’s. So she groaned to herself again.
She could even admit the truth: she’d wanted to impress Colin. Not that she’d gone through it all in her head clearly – she hadn’t – but she’d had a brief vision of herself greeting him in a sterile police department hallway. Your sister will be fine. I’ve been with her. We’ve got it handled, but we’re glad you’re here. He’d kiss her, gratefully. He’d embrace his sister. She wouldn’t be a hero, exactly, but she would have been helpful.
She used to be helpful. A long time ago.
What an idiot. Instead, she’d contributed to a man going on the run. She’d assisted him in getting away. Todd Meyers wasn’t behind bars because of her.
“I will let myself in, see if I don’t!” Adele’s voice was muffled, soft at the edges. It was only because Molly knew her so well that she understood what the words were at all. But Adele wouldn’t be able to open the door. On Molly’s way up the walkway from the café the night before (after Colin had dropped the bomb on her, after she’d carefully put out the puny fire in the oven, after she’d had a quick and violent attack of tears, after she’d swallowed them back along with the taste of soot and grief), she’d made a brief detour into the saloon. It had been almost closing time, and Adele had been nowhere around. Nate was behind the bar and had given her a friendly wave. She’d made a show of grabbing a can of Coke from the back room, holding it up and cheerfully calling, “Pay you later, okay?”
Nate hadn’t noticed that she’d palmed the master key when she’d grabbed the soda.
So now, Molly waited. Eventually, her sister went away.
A little later, the pounding got louder and stronger. Nate’s voice filtered thickly through her earplugs. “Your sister is worried! Molly!”
She didn’t respond.
“Just give me a sign you’re alive, or I swear to God I’ll get the fire department over here to bust this open. If there’s anything Tox Ellis loves to do, it’s use his tools.”
Molly threw a pair of balled-up socks at the door.
Nate went away.
Another hour went by.
A softer knocking.
Molly knew it wasn’t Colin.
She took out an earplug, listening, waiting.
For one second, she dared to hope.
“Molly?” Nikki’s voice was loud but shaken. “Are we working today? Should I do the stuff on my list? You’re freaking me out. What happened?”
A pause.
“Did Todd get to you?” Terror laced Nikki’s words.
Molly sat up. She stood and opened the door, just a crack. “I’m fine.”
“What is wrong?”
“Nothing. I just need a day off.” Or a year. Maybe a lifetime.
Moving more quickly than Molly would have predicted, Nikki slipped inside. “Talk to me.”
“I just think…”
“Are we still opening in four days?”
God, wouldn’t that be great? If they put it off? Forever? “I saw your brother. He said the oven isn’t working right, and that it’s a hazard.”
“Oh, that asshole. I’m going to kill him. He shut us down because you helped me?”
“No.”
Nikki frowned. “No, he didn’t shut us down? What’s going on, then?”
“How do you feel?”
Nikki touched her arm cast self-consciously. “Like I fell off a horse. But I’m not the one hiding. Talk to me.”
“I just think I’m not up for working.”
“Today?”
“Ever.” It was suddenly true. Lana’s voice came back to her. If you want to run, just let me know. I’m pretty good at hiding. She slid back under the covers. It was only out of courtesy that she didn’t pull the blanket over her face. Yet.
“Are you crazy?”
“Maybe.” Molly could run. Get the hell out. She’d have bad credit for the rest of her life, but you couldn’t get blood from a turnip, right?
Shit. The Golden Spike. Adele had co-signed on the loan for the café. They’d come after the saloon if Molly left town.
Tears rose, and she pushed them back as hard as she could. If she started crying, she would never, ever stop. The room would fill with salt water, and she’d drown.
But after she drowned and died, she’d have to eventually drag herself back to life and stand up. She’d have to take a shower and walk down to the café and work with Nikki on all the last-minute things they still had to do (so many, even more now that they couldn’t offer pizza for a while).
“What else did my brother say to you?”
Molly shook her head.
Obviously guessing, Nikki said, “Something about Kalamas County being a bad place to file the report.”
“You knew?”
“Of course. If my brother got hold of Todd, he’d go down for years. I figure a failed report in Kalamas plus a restraining order might be all I need. I have to get away from him, that’s all. I don’t need him to be behind bars. I just have to turn off the juice. Make myself stay away from him.” Nikki bit her bottom lip.
“But you will. Stay away from him. Right?”
She shrugged. “I’m going to try. Love is really stupid.”
“I know.”
Nikki didn’t look surprised. She sat on the edge of the bed and touched Molly’s knee. “What are you going to do?”
“You think I can get a restraining order against myself?”
“Girl. If you could, I’d have been the first in line a long time ago.”
“Colin really loves you.” His name was painful in Molly’s mouth.
Nikki sighed. “I know. It’s awful. And I see the way he looks at you. He loves you, too.”
The air in the room got thin. “No.”
“He does.”
“He said he didn’t.” Molly’s chest hurt, as if her heart wanted to get out, to run away without the rest of her body. Could she live without her heart? Manage the café and talk to people and serve coffee and smile at babies, all the time without anything to pump her blood? She’d figure out another way to get her blood pumping through her body. Maybe Amazon sold a machine for it.
If she didn’t have a heart, she wouldn’t think of Colin.
She’d called him trash.
And his raised voice had triggered anxiety she’d thought she’d put behind her.
It was the lowest moment she could remember.
I was falling in love with you.
I was falling in love with you. All night, as she’d struggled through sleep, she’d heard his voice as if someone had put it on repeat. Thought you were brave.
“Then he’s an idiot, too.” Nikki closed her eyes as if thinking.
Molly waited, daring to hold the smallest whisper of hope. Maybe Nikki would have the answer. The way Molly could fix this. She knew Colin, after all, better than anyone else.
But all Nikki finally said was, “Yeah. Maybe we’re all idiots.”