Nadia and Mom met me for dinner Sunday to evaluate the two contenders who’d had callbacks for the role of My Boyfriend. I’d told them both about the honey exposure, only because I didn’t want them to freak out—which they would—if I sprung the ER visit on them over dinner. They both wanted to make sure I was okay, and I was, though I had to admit my pride still hurt a bit. How embarrassing: fainting on a date! It was no wonder I was single.
Mom, Nadia, and I sat in a cozy corner next to a roaring fireplace at a bar near Nadia’s house. I scoured the menu, checking and double-checking for honey. I didn’t want any more close calls. The waiter brought us a bottle of wine, poured two glasses, and fetched Nadia her requested cup of hot tea. Nadia took out her hardbound copy of The Dater’s Handbook and flipped to Dr. Susie’s dreaded checklist at the back.
I took a long sip of wine. I might need many more sips soon. Which man won more of Dr. Susie’s checks on the list? Frankly, I prayed it did not point to Robert. After he’d scuttled out of my place without a word or even a text, I was almost convinced he’d taken himself out of the running. But I’d promised to let Dr. Susie decide, so I needed to see it through.
“Okay, I’ve got the checklist ready. Let’s see how the guys did,” she declared. I glanced at Mom, who did not disguise her disapproval of the whole process. She eyed the list as if it sported eight legs and venom.
“Question one. ‘Does he make adequate plans for the evening?’ Let’s start with George.” Nadia looked at me expectantly.
“George took me to a concert,” I said.
“I like concerts,” Mom managed, clearly not liking giving anything to George.
“A classic quartet,” I added.
“Not so much,” Mom said, taking a swig of her wine.
“I know…you think classical music would be boring, but they played themes from famous movies like Jaws. It was actually really fun.”
Mom stared at me like I’d been possessed. Nadia nodded and scribbled notes in the margin of her book.
“But why didn’t you just go to a movie?” Mom wasn’t going to like anything George did. Of this, I was certain. Robert’s bribe of REO Speedwagon tickets couldn’t be overcome. How could I explain to Mom, who hated all things snooty, that classical concerts can be fun?
“Because,” Nadia intervened. “He put effort into it. He considered her likes and planned ahead. And she liked it. Point, George.” With a flourish, Nadia made a checkmark on her list.
“Okay, now what about Robert?” Mom did not bother to disguise her clear favoritism.
“Okay, well, Robert started out strong,” I said, dreading getting to later on in the date when I was on a gurney in an ambulance. “He took me to this diner—well, his favorite diner—”
“A diner?” Nadia wrinkled her nose. She hated greasy spoons.
“Ooh, did they have that counter and the stools? I love those places,” Mom exclaimed. The waiter brought some cheese sticks and Mom dug in.
“They did,” I said. “And they were known for chocolate cake.”
“Your favorite!” Mom pointed out, clapping her hands. She seemed so excited about this diner that I almost wondered if she’d helped Robert plan the outing. For all I knew, they could’ve been plotting together on Facebook.
“No,” Nadia said, shaking her head. “I’m not sure about Robert’s restaurant choice. It’s a date. He could’ve picked something a little nicer. George took you to a concert—”
“Where they couldn’t talk to each other,” Mom argued. She put down her wine, a little too forcefully, and it sloshed in the glass.
“Nope, I’m going to say no check.” Nadia pressed her lips together in disapproval. I knew that stubborn look, and so did Mom, who let out an exasperated sigh. “Next question.” She skimmed it. “Oh, this is a big one.” She glanced up at me. “‘Is your date genuine? Is he being true to himself or his he putting on airs to impress you?’”
I thought about this. Both men seemed very genuine. I thought of George’s earnest appreciation of classical music, and then Robert’s goofy sense of humor. Besides, neither one would’ve lasted this long if they’d been pretending. I can smell fakers a mile away. Which was also why Robert’s disappearing act this morning had sent a signal as clear as day.
“Ugh!” Mom glared at the ceiling, reaching the limits of her patience. “So bor-ing. Is there anything good on that sheet? Is there anything about romance?” She nibbled on some more cheese.
“Fine,” Nadia said, running down the list for a different question. “Skipping ahead… ‘Is the evening romantic throughout?’”
I considered this a minute. Was the time spent with George romantic? Renditions of Jaws and then the odd, platonic hug? Well, I guessed that could be romantic. Under certain circumstances. Maybe.
“Well, yes, I think so. George’s date included champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries—” I didn’t even get to finish my sentence before Nadia leapt.
“Another check,” Nadia declared gleefully as she put another mark by George’s name. I almost thought Nadia might want to date George.
“What about Robert?” Mom cried, once more sticking up for her Facebook friend. “And the food at that diner? I bet their chocolate cake was amazing. Diners always have good dessert.”
“Well, I was trying to be good and ordered the salad, but he got the diner special, the chicken wings. ‘Five amazing flavors.’” I imitated Robert’s exaggerated voice. Mom grinned. “I’m not proud of it, but I ended up stealing some of his.”
“That’s romantic! He let you share his food.” Mom glared at Nadia.
“Well…except that one of his wings had honey on it. Thus, my trip to the ER.”
“Unfortunate,” Nadia said, clicking her tongue in disapproval as she tapped her pencil on the checklist. “Another point lost for Robert.”
“Come on.” Mom wiped her mouth furiously with a napkin. “There was no way he could’ve known about her allergy. And she ate off his plate.”
Nadia glanced at Mom and arched a knowing eyebrow. Then she flipped to the next page and began reading aloud. “‘By now, he should know all about you…’”
Mom grunted. “Oh, you know what? I was married to your father for twenty-six years, and he couldn’t tell you what I liked on my hot dog. Didn’t mean he didn’t care.”
That much was true. Dad loved Mom to pieces, anyone could see that—whether or not he remembered what condiments she liked. Besides, I’d never told Robert about my honey allergy. How else would he have known? I didn’t know many people who asked that question first on a date. Are you, by chance, allergic to honey? It’s not exactly a common thing.
Nadia took a diplomatic sip of her hot tea. “Okay, we’ll agree to disagree on that one. Let’s go back to the list and the final question. End of date. ‘Does he respect your boundaries?’”
I thought back on the weekend.
“George absolutely respected my boundaries. Maybe a little too much.” I told them about the almost-kiss turned into platonic friend hug.
Mom looked shocked. She put her wine glass down. “He hugged you?”
“I wish it weren’t true.”
Mom just tsked and shook her head some more.
“He was being respectful,” Nadia said, glancing down at the book. “Point George.” She scribbled another mark by George’s name. George sure was getting a lot of checks. How did I feel about that? I wasn’t even sure.
“Respectful, yes,” Mom agreed. “Romantic? No.” Wow, Mom was pushing Robert hard.
“Okay, look, but it was nice. I’d say it was romantic up until that point,” I said, wanting to defend George. Mom wasn’t giving him a chance at all.
“Let’s move on to Robert,” Nadia said.
“Yes, let’s. Please,” Mom agreed.
So, I told them about how he rode in the ambulance with me to the hospital.
“Point, Robert,” Mom said. “And, also, you should’ve called me. I am your mother.”
“Mom, I didn’t want to worry you. I was fine.”
Nadia and Mom exchanged looks.
“Anyway, I told Robert to go home, but he insisted on coming in. He was worried about me.”
“That’s sweet. Very considerate. What happened?” Mom leaned forward, eager for the details. Like I’d tell her if anything really happened.
Nadia clucked, shaking her head.
“We both fell asleep. Nothing happened.”
“But what about this morning?” Mom asked, hopeful.
“No. When I woke up, he was just gone. No note… Nothing.” I twisted my hands in my lap. This was the part I hated to admit. He’d abandoned me.
Nadia shook her head, making disapproving sounds. “That is a serious infraction,” Nadia said, unable to hold her tongue any longer. “Boundaries breached. First, you wanted him to leave, and then he stays overnight, and then he leaves without even saying good-bye?” Nadia glanced at her list once more. “I hate to say this, but it’s not looking good for Robert.”
“Oh, come on,” Mom argued, her cheeks getting a bit red, either from the wine or from her temper. “It may not have gone perfectly, but he was really trying.”
“Not hard enough,” Nadia said, and I had to admit, part of me agreed with her. Why hadn’t he said good-bye? Had I been too much trouble, after all?
“It was one bad date,” Mom exclaimed. “Cass,” she pleaded with me. “You have to admit there’s something between you two. I saw you guys. You can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for Robert.”
So this wasn’t just about the REO Speedwagon tickets.
“I do,” I admitted. “I like him. I really like him.” Too much. Him bolting from my place in the predawn hours had hurt more than I wanted to admit. I’d come to rely on him. He was taking care of me, and then he was gone. Just like Dad—except Dad didn’t leave me by choice. I felt those dark, sad emotions bubble up inside me and I pressed them down again. Hard.
“Well, that’s all that should matter,” Mom said, as if I’d proven her point. But she had it all wrong. This was why I couldn’t count on guys like Robert. This was why I never got serious about anyone, because they could leave me at any minute.
“No,” Nadia declared, and I thought Mom might actually throttle her firstborn. “According to the Handbook, there needs to be more. There needs to be consistency and reliability.”
Mom snorted. “That’s great if you want hugs for the rest of your life.” Her sarcasm was thick. “Tell me something, when you look into George’s eyes, does it feel the same as when you look into Robert’s eyes?”
Well, no, of course not. With George, I had to force myself to think about what comes next, and with Robert, everything seemed so easy. When he was around, that is, I reminded myself. That was before he pulled a Houdini this morning.
“Those feelings fade,” Nadia declared and glared at Mom. I wondered if that was why she was pushing George so hard. Did George remind her of dutiful, reliable Michael? “When you have kids, and you work, and you have to sew strawberry costumes late into the night, and Michael gets home tired, and…”
Mom and I glanced at one another and then back to Nadia.
“Okay, this is not about me, but I think I’ve made my point.”
“Mom, I completely see what you’re saying.” I took a deep breath. How could I explain to her that as excited as Robert made me, he also terrified me? How could I explain that him bolting this morning had shaken me to my core? I remembered how Mom was when Dad died. I never wanted to be that vulnerable, that helpless. If I let Robert in, truly, I’d be giving him the power to hurt me in just that way. I wasn’t ready for that. Not now.
“I’ve had these feelings before,” I said. “And they’ve gotten me nowhere. I don’t want to make the same mistake over again. I like George and I like Robert. It’s not fair to either of them. I have to make a decision.”
And I thought I already knew what that would be.