Pastor Len Vorhees agreed to be interviewed on DJ Erik Kavanaugh’s notorious Talk NYC radio show, Mouthing Off. The following is a transcript of the show aired on 8 March 2012.

ERIK KAVANAUGH: On the line with me today, I have Pastor Len Vorhees from Sannah County, Texas. Pastor Len–can I call you that, by the way?

PASTOR LEN VORHEES: Yes, sir, that’s absolutely fine.

EK: That’s a first, no one’s ever called me sir before. Gotta say, you’re politer than most of the guests I usually have on here. Pastor Len, you are trending on Twitter right now. Do you think it’s right for an evangelical Christian to use social media in this way?

PL: I believe we should use any means possible to spread the good news, sir. And since I got the message out there, there are people flocking into Sannah County, eager to be saved. Why, at my church they’re practically spilling out the doors. (He laughs)

EK: So it’s like that scene in Jaws. You’re gonna need a bigger church?

PL: (Pause) I’m not quite sure what—

EK: Now let’s get down to exactly what you’re saying. Some people might say that your belief that these children are the horsemen is–and I can find no other way to say this–absolutely batshit crazy.

PL: (Laughing nervously) Well now, sir, that kind of language isn’t—

EK: Is it true that you came up with this theory after one of your parishioners, Pamela May Donald, the sole American on board the Japanese plane that crashed into that forest, left a message on her phone?

PL: Ah… yes, that’s correct, sir. Her message was addressed to me and her meaning was clear as day. ‘Pastor Len,’ she said. ‘Warn them about the boy.’ The only boy she could mean was the Japanese boy who was the sole survivor of that crash. The sole survivor. And then the airplanes’ insignias—

EK: In the message she also mentions her dog. If you believe she was saying that the Japanese boy is some sort of end-of-days harbinger, surely this means you also believe we should all go around treating the family pooch like a deity now?

PL: (Several seconds of dead air) Well now, I wouldn’t go so far as to—

EK: On your website, pamelaprophet.com–you should check it out folks, trust me–you say that there are facts that back up what you’re saying. Signs that the misery the horsemen are supposed to bring is already coming to pass. Let me give any listeners who may not have heard the details of your theory an example. You’re saying that the foot and mouth outbreak they’ve just been having in Europe was brought on by the appearance of the horsemen, am I right?

PL: That’s correct, sir.

EK: But surely there’s always stuff like this going on? The UK experienced exactly the same thing a few years ago.

PL: That’s not the only sign though, sir. If you put them all together, you can clearly see that there is a pattern of—

EK: And these signs, you’re saying they’re all pointing towards the fact that the end of the world is nigh when all the saved will be raptured. Is it fair to say you evangelical guys are looking forward to this event?

PL: I wouldn’t say that looking forward is the right way to phrase it, no, sir. It’s important to let your listeners know that by taking the Lord—

EK: So these signs are like God’s way of saying, time’s up folks, get saved or burn in hell forever?

PL: Uh… I’m not certain that—

EK: Your beliefs have come under radical fire from religious leaders of, let’s say, more traditional persuasions. More than a few of them have said that what you’re saying, and I quote, is ‘utter fear-mongering nonsense’.

PL: There will always be doubters, sir, but I would urge your listeners to—

EK: You’ve got some heavy hitters behind you. I’m talking about Dr Theodore Lund of the End Times Movement. Is it true he used to go shooting with former President ‘Billy-Bob’ Blake?

PL: Uh… you’ll have to ask him about that, sir.

EK: I don’t need to ask him about his views on women’s rights, the Israeli peace accords, abortion and gay marriage. He’s radically opposed to them. Do you share his views?

PL: (Another long pause) I believe we should look to the Bible for guidance on these matters, sir. In Leviticus it says that—

EK: Doesn’t it also say in Leviticus that owning slaves is cool and that kids who backchat to their parents should be stoned? Why do you guys take on board, say, the anti-gay stuff and not the other crap?

PL: (Dead air for several seconds) Sir… I object to your tone. I came on the show to tell your listeners that time is—

EK: Let’s move on. Your theory about The Three isn’t the only one doing the rounds. There are quite a few nutjobs who are adamant that those kids are possessed by aliens. Why are their views any crazier than what you believe?

PL: I’m not sure what you—

EK: The Three are just children, surely? Haven’t they been through enough? Wouldn’t the Christian thing to do be not to judge them?

PL: (Another long pause) I don’t… I—

EK: So let’s say they’re possessed, are the real children still inside their bodies? If so, must be getting crowded in there, am I right?

PL: God… Jesus works in ways we can only—

EK: Ah, the ‘God works in mysterious ways’ defence.

PL: Uh… but you can’t… you can’t discount the signs that… How else did those children survive the crashes? It’s—

EK: Is it true you believe there is a fourth child who has survived the crash in Africa? A fourth horseman? You’re saying this even though the NTSB is absolutely adamant that no one could have survived that tragedy?

PL: (Clears throat) Uh… that crash site… there was much confusion down there. Africa is… Africa is a—

EK: So how did these horsemen bring down the planes? On a practical level, it seems like a lot of effort to go to, doesn’t it?

PL: Um… I can’t tell you that for sure, sir. But I will tell you this, when they release the crash reports, there will be signs of… of…

EK: Supernatural interference? Like the alien people believe?

PL: You’re twisting my words, sir. I didn’t mean that—

EK: Thank you, Pastor Len Vorhees. We’ll be opening the lines for callers after this message.