An enterprising pastor has opened the first drive-through baptism centre in San Antonio, Texas, where, for the price of a Happy Meal, you can secure your place in heaven.
‘You can get saved on your lunch hour!’ Pastor Vincent Galbraith (48) beams. ‘Just drive on in, take Jesus into your heart and drive back to work in the knowledge that when the Rapture comes, you’ll be one of God’s chosen.’
Pastor Galbraith, a follower of Dr Theodore Lund’s End Times movement, came up with the idea after his church was overrun by panicked wannabe Christians who had taken on board the bizarre theory that The Three, and now Kenneth Oduah, are the harbingers of the apocalypse. And so far, even though it’s been open for less than a week, the lines snake around the block. ‘People are getting desperate and rightly so,’ the former insurance salesman turned pastor says. ‘Those signs can’t be ignored and I knew someone had to come up with a solution. We’re not picky. I don’t care what your religious affiliation was before. Muslim, Jew, atheist, all are welcome. You never know when the Lord is gonna call us to Him.’ He chuckles. ‘And at this rate I’m thinking about franchising it.’
Pastor Galbraith’s new enterprise is only one of the many indications that thousands of people in the US’s Bible Belt and beyond are taking the Riders of the Apocalypse theory seriously. In a recent poll undertaken by CNN in conjunction with Time magazine, a whopping 69% of Americans believe that the events of Black Thursday could be a sign that the end of the world is imminent.
In Kentucky, Hannigan Lewis (52) is proselytising the ‘Down Tools’ movement. ‘The Rapture could happen at any time,’ says the ex fork-lift driver. ‘If you are flying a plane, driving a bus, and you’re one of the saved, well hell, when you’re taken up to Heaven all of a sudden, think of the carnage.’ Borrowing a phrase from an unpopular UK Conservative Party campaign, he’s encouraging Rapture believers to get ‘back to basics’ and divorce themselves from any technology that could potentially harm those left behind when the faithful are raptured.
But not all American believers are buying into the theory. Pastor Kennedy Olax, the head of the Austin-based Christians for Change organisation, says: ‘We would counsel people not to give in to the hysteria sweeping the country at this time. There is no reason to panic. The ridiculous and unproven horseman theory is nothing but fear-mongering, stemming from a desire to whip up the religious right and get Reynard into the White House now that we’re in an election year.’
Other groups are worried about the political and social changes this religious hysteria could bring. And now that Dr Lund and his rapidly growing End Times movement have publicly backed hard-line Republican presidential hopeful Mitch Reynard, their concerns appear to be increasingly legitimate. ‘We’re worried,’ said Gay and Lesbian League spokesperson Poppy Abrams (37). ‘We know that Dr Lund is working hard to draw together all the disparate evangelical and fundamentalist groups that make up the religious right, and Mitch Reynard is running on anti–gay marriage and pro-life platforms. He may not be ahead in the polls yet, but his support is growing daily.’
Iman Arif Hamid of the US Islamic Coalition is more philosophical. ‘We are not worried that there will be a backlash against Muslims like we saw after 9/11. Most of the vitriol appears to be targeted at the abortion clinics and the homosexual community. So far there have been no reports about Muslim citizens being marginalised.’
Although the horseman theory hasn’t yet caused the same level of panic in the UK, many British clerics of all denominations, from Catholic to Church of England, have seen an increase in church attendance. And now that the so-called fourth horseman has been found, maybe it’s only a matter of time before we’re super-sizing our own baptisms on this side of the Atlantic.