It pains me to talk about this, Elspeth. But I feel I need to tell my side. People out there need to know that there are good Christian folk in Sannah County who never wanted any harm to come to those children.
I reckon Pastor Len really started letting the devil into his heart just after Kendra upped and left, and Dr Lund broke away from him for good. Then there were all those reporters making fun of him (Stephenie said they even did a skit about him on Saturday Night Live, though she doesn’t usually watch that kind of programming). And all those folks, the Lookie-Loos, they didn’t help any. A whole new wave of them came after they found Kenneth Oduah out in Africa and people started saying that Bobby Small’s grandfather had started talking again even though he had that Alzheimer’s. There were so many I heard he had to hire in some of those chemical toilets and you could barely see Pastor Len’s ranch from the road for the number of Winnebagos and pick-ups that were parked on his property. I’m not saying some of them weren’t good Christian folk, but I’d see them around town sometimes and some of them had a lost look in their eyes, as if their souls were broken. People like that Monty.
But in my opinion, the real tipping point was Jim.
Glory, that was a terrible day. I can recall it right down to the last detail. I was in the kitchen, fixing Lorne a sandwich–bologna and cheese, his favourite. I had the TV on in the kitchen, and Mitch Reynard was being interviewed by Miranda Stewart, talking about how the US had been going to hell in a hand basket, and that the time was ripe to get the country back onto a good moral footing (Stephenie thinks he looks a little bit like that George Clooney, but I’m not so sure). He and Dr Lund were always on the news around that time. They were being lambasted left, right and centre by the liberal element, but they stuck to their guns, and rightly so. The phone rang just as I was about to take Lorne his lunch. When I heard Pastor Len’s voice on the other end of the line, I don’t mind admitting that I felt uncomfortable. I thought maybe he was going to ask me why I hadn’t been at church or Bible study for a while, but all he wanted to know was if I’d seen Jim. Pastor Len said he was planning one of his special early-morning prayer meetings, and Jim had agreed to come over to the ranch and talk to the new Lookie-Loos about what a good woman Pamela had been. I said that I hadn’t seen Jim for a week or so, but I was fixing to take him a lasagne that evening. Pastor Len asked me if I wouldn’t mind going over there early to check on him as he wasn’t answering his phone. He said he hoped to see me at church that Sunday, then hung up.
I couldn’t settle for a good half-an-hour after that–part of me still felt guilty for turning my back on the church like that–and then I called around the Inner Circle to see if anyone had any news about Jim. Fact is, by then, most people had stopped taking him food and checking up on him. Stephenie, Lena and I were the only ones left who still went by occasionally, though he never seemed grateful. Next, I tried Jim’s number three or four times, but there was no answer. Lorne was out back, and I asked him if he’d drive me over to Jim’s place to make sure he hadn’t passed out drunk and maybe hit his head.
I thank the Lord every day that Lorne had the day off; I could never have faced it on my own. I knew that something untoward had happened the second we pulled up. I could see it by the number of flies that were crawling on the inside of the screen door. It was black with them.
Lorne called Manny Beaumont straight away, and we stayed in the truck while he and his deputy went inside. Sheriff Beaumont said it was obvious it was suicide; Jim had put his shotgun in his mouth and blown his head clean off his shoulders. And he’d left a note addressed to Pastor Len. We didn’t know what it said until Pastor Len read it out at Jim’s funeral. That’s when things really took a turn.
Jim may have committed a sin against God by taking his own life, but me, Stephenie and a few of the other Inner Circle folk agreed to do the flowers for his service. The church was packed to the rafters with Pastor Len’s Lookie-Loos, strangers who’d never even known Jim. Lorne said that Pastor Len was playing up to the TV cameras that were there, no doubt hoping that Dr Lund would see him on the news.
‘Jim is a martyr,’ Pastor Len said. ‘One of the witnesses, like his wife, Pamela. Time is running out. There are still thousands that need to be saved before it is too late. We need more time and Jesus, He ain’t gonna wait forever.’
Lorne says the authorities should have stopped him right then and there. But what could Sheriff Beaumont do? This is America, people have a right to do what they want on their own land, and Pastor Len wasn’t breaking any laws. Not then he wasn’t. He didn’t come right out and say that those children should be killed.
Pastor Len had been my guiding light for the longest time. I’d trusted in his words, heeded his sermons, looked up to him. But what he was saying, about Pamela being a prophet, and that Jim killing himself wasn’t a sin but his way of showing us that the fifth seal had been opened, didn’t sit right with me, and that’s a fact. I believe that Jesus spoke to me and said, Reba, break away. Break away now. For good. So that’s what I did. And I know in my heart that I did the right thing.