A number of days later, Lizzie shook out a damp sheet and hung it over the clothesline. She quickly attached it at each end and put a couple of pins in the middle, to keep it from sagging to the ground. In spite of the chill in the air, morning sunlight gleamed across the yard, a mild breeze coming from the east. Red, gold and brown leaves fluttered to the ground. Maybe later that afternoon, she could get the girls to rake the front yard.
By noon, the laundry should be dry and ready to be ironed and put away. She took a deep inhale, enjoying the momentarily peaceful interlude and the beauty of the autumn leaves. Once the weather turned, she’d have to hang their clothes on racks inside the house to dry.
The rattle of a buggy caught her attention and she lifted her head toward the dirt road. Mervin Schwartz pulled into the front yard. Wiping her hands on her apron, Lizzie went to greet him. She held the horse steady while Mervin heaved himself off the buggy seat. A portly man of perhaps forty-five years, he winced as he tried to step down.
“Let me help you.” Lizzie took his arm, noticing he wore a work boot on his right foot and only a heavy wool sock on his left.
“Danke,” he spoke in a breathless wheeze once he stood on the ground. He favored the shoeless foot as he hobbled toward the front porch.
“Do you have an injury?” she asked, helping him climb the steps to the front door. Instead of going inside, he dropped down into one of the low Adirondack chairs Daed had made with his own hands.
“Ne, but I’ve got the gout something terrible.” He groaned, easing himself back as he gripped the armrests of the chair.
“I’m so sorry. What can I do? Can I get you something?” she asked, feeling a bit helpless and wondering why he’d come all the way out here to their farm when he should be home, resting.
Mervin shook his head, his face flushed with sweat in spite of the cool day. “I came to see Eli Stoltzfus. He helped Deacon Albrecht with his leg wound and I’m hoping he’ll know what I can do to ease the pain in my foot.”
Lizzie blinked, thinking Mervin had lost his mind. “But Eli isn’t a doctor.”
“I don’t want a doctor. Eli is one of us and yet he’s had schooling and will know what to do for me.”
His obvious faith in Eli astonished Lizzie. A number of her people served one another according to their specialties. Amos Yoder was the best blacksmith in their community. Linda Hostetler dried plants to make special teas, ointments, tonics, salves and liniments. Everyone valued their contributions. But their skills had been learned at home, as part of the community. Not through a fancy education in the Englisch world. To have a member of their congregation ask for Eli’s help specifically because he’d received a college education seemed odd to Lizzie, especially since her people shunned higher learning.
“I...I’ll see if I can find Eli,” she said.
Stepping down from the porch, she rounded the house and hurried toward the barn. Inside, the musty scent of clean straw filled her nose as she blinked to let her eyes become accustomed to the dim interior. Eli sat on the top of an old barrel, a harness spread across his lap as he mended the leather straps. Lizzie wasn’t surprised to find Marty and Annie helping him. The girls both liked Eli and he was kind to them. Wherever he was, they were usually there too. Just now, her sisters were pulling the lead lines out of the way, holding them straight so he could make sense of the melee of straps, hooks and buckles.
“Ach, that’s good. Hold it steady now.”
Eli bent his dark head over the mess, his long, graceful fingers pulling apart a particularly stubborn knot. His black felt hat hung from a hook on the wall, his short hair curling against the nape of his neck.
In the quiet of the barn, no one seemed to notice Lizzie. For a few moments, she stood watching from the shadows, enjoying the serenity of the scene. Then, she cleared her throat.
“Eli?”
He looked up, his handsome mouth curved in a ready smile, his sharp gaze seeming to nail her to the wall.
“Lizzie-bee.” He said her name softly, like a caress, and she couldn’t help shivering.
She folded her arms. “Um, Mervin Schwartz is up at the house. He’s hoping you can help him with his gout.”
Eli’s forehead crinkled as he stood and laid the harness on the ground before looking at the little girls. “Well then, my two good assistants, it seems we will have to mend the harness later on. Right now, someone needs our help.”
He smiled and tugged playfully on the ribbons of their prayer kapps before whisking his hat off the hook and heading toward Lizzie. He paused at the door, pushing it wide while he waited for her to precede him outside. She did so, feeling suddenly flustered by his good manners. The little girls exited as well, and then raced ahead of them. As Lizzie walked toward the house, she was more than conscious of Eli following behind. She could almost feel his steely eyes boring a hole in her back.
The girls greeted Mervin and initially watched with curiosity as the two men discussed the problem, but the girls soon disappeared when Mervin removed his sock and revealed a rather hairy foot with a large, red bump on the side of his big toe. Even Lizzie could tell it was inflamed. The skin looked red and dry, with an odor like Limburger cheese emanating from his toes. Trying to hide her grimace, Lizzie stood back, feeling a bit repulsed. But not Eli.
With infinite gentleness, he knelt before Mervin and cupped the front of the man’s foot in both hands. When Eli lightly touched the bump with his fingertips, Mervin inhaled a sharp breath through his teeth.
“It hurts, huh?” Eli asked without looking up.
“Ja, a lot. I can hardly stand to walk on it and I’ve got chores needing to be done. Can you do something to help me?” Mervin asked.
Lizzie could hardly believe Eli didn’t draw back in disgust. A vision of the Savior washing the feet of His disciples suddenly flashed inside her mind and she couldn’t help respecting Eli for not shying away.
Looking up, Eli met Lizzie’s gaze. “Do you have a bag of frozen peas and a clean dish towel I can use?”
She nodded, thinking of all the foods they had stuffed inside their propane-powered refrigerator. She wasn’t naive enough to ask why he needed the peas.
Whirling around, she hurried inside and opened the small freezer box. She rummaged around until she found what she was after, snapped up a dish towel, then raced back outside.
The screen door clapped closed behind her as she handed the items to Eli. After scooting another chair close in front of Mervin, Eli wrapped the cloth around the bag of frozen peas. With gentle precision, he lifted Mervin’s foot to the chair and laid the cold compress across his big toe.
Mervin laid his head back and groaned, closing his eyes for several moments.
Sitting next to Mervin, Eli met his gaze. “You know I’m not a doctor, right?”
“Ja, but you know what I need, don’t you?” Mervin responded in a half-desperate voice.
“Ja, you need a qualified doctor,” Eli said. “Someone like Dr. McGann can prescribe some medicine to help reduce the uric acid in your joints. All I can suggest is that you take an anti-inflammatory medication, drink lots of water and eat a handful of cherries every day.”
Mervin blinked, taking in every word. “Cherries?”
“Ja, they’re a natural way to reduce the uric acid. But a doctor can give you a complete list of other foods to eat or avoid eating.”
Tilting his head to one side, Mervin’s jowls bobbed. “Like what kinds of foods to avoid?”
Eli shrugged. “Things like bacon, fish, liver, beef, corn syrup...”
Mervin’s eyes widened. “Liver? Bacon?”
“Ja, they’re high in purine, which contributes to the uric acid in your blood. They’ll make the gout worse.”
“Ach!” Mervin lifted a hand to his face as he shook his head. “I eat liver almost every morning. I love it covered with fried onions.”
“I’d recommend you no longer eat it. I’d also recommend you lose twenty pounds.”
Mervin frowned.
Eli rested a consoling hand on the man’s arm. “You may need to give up a few foods and watch your portion sizes, but I guarantee it’ll help you feel better. But more than anything, it’s important for you to go see Dr. McGann as soon as possible.”
Mervin pursed his lips, his face slightly flushed with repugnance. “But he’s an Englischer.”
He said it as if it were a dirty word. Although they all lived among the Englisch and did business with them, some of their people didn’t like to mingle with them any more than absolutely necessary.
“Ja, Dr. McGann is Englisch. But he’s also experienced, capable and kind. He won’t force you to do what you don’t want to do, but he can ease a lot of your pain. Go see him. I wouldn’t send you to him if I didn’t believe he could help.”
A deep frown settled across Mervin’s forehead. “All right. I’ll go. But only because you trust him.”
“I do. Explicitly,” Eli said.
His concession seemed to ease the tension in Mervin’s shoulders. Lizzie quickly made a pitcher of lemonade for them to enjoy and they talked about inconsequential things for a short time. When Eli removed the bag of peas, Mervin announced that his big toe felt a bit better.
“It’s just a dull throb. I believe I can even stand the drive home now,” Mervin said with delight.
“Good. But I fear it won’t last long. The pain will return,” Eli said.
“That’s all right. I’ll go see Doc McGann tomorrow and buy some cherries at the grocery store on my way home. And I’ll ask Hannah to fix something else for breakfast besides fried liver.”
Eli chuckled and Lizzie couldn’t help smiling too. They assisted the man to his buggy and she couldn’t help noticing Eli’s caring compassion. He ensured the man was seated comfortably before handing him the lead lines.
“You drive safely. And I’ll check back with you at church on Sunday,” Eli said.
“Danke. You’ve been a lot of help, my friend. It’s gut to have you back home where you belong.” Mervin tipped his hat, then clicked to the horse.
As the buggy pulled away, Lizzie couldn’t help shooting a sideways glance at Eli. She studied him for just a moment, then flinched when he turned abruptly and caught her watching him.
“Ach, look how the time has flown,” she said. “I’ve still got so much work to do. I shouldn’t have visited so long.”
Turning, she hurried toward the house, trying to ignore the weight of his gaze following her. Her brain churned with confusion. Though she disapproved of Eli’s worldly knowledge, she could see how it could benefit their people. That was good, wasn’t it? But such knowledge often led to Hochmut. And pride was never a good thing. It kept a person from being humble and receptive to Gott’s will. And the fact that Eli had gotten his education prior to committing to their faith seemed a bit like cheating to Lizzie. He’d known all along that he could make peace with his people as long as he got his education before being baptized. It seemed he’d gotten what he wanted from the Englisch world, which meant it likely cost him little to return. So, how could she accept Eli and his higher learning now? She couldn’t. It was that simple.
* * *
An hour after Mervin left, Eli had finished repairing the harness and taken Billie out for a drive with the buggy. He wanted to see if the horse was skittish around passing cars and trucks. He was delighted when the animal didn’t even flinch.
Now, Eli stood at the side of the barn chopping wood. Wielding an ax, he split the last piece of kindling, then sank the blade of the tool into the top of the chopping block. Arching his back, Eli wiped his forehead with his shirtsleeve, thinking he’d have this cord of wood split by the middle of next week. As he eyed the neatly stacked pile of kindling, he felt satisfied that the Beilers wouldn’t run out of fuel for their cookstove this winter.
“Oh, no you don’t. Get out of here. Shoo!”
Eli jerked around, wondering what had caused such a frenzy of shouts. Wielding a broom, Lizzie chased two fat pigs across the backyard. Her laundry basket sat on its side beneath the clothesline. Obviously, she had dropped it there when she came out to collect the laundry...and found pigs in the yard. One of the swine raced toward the garden just beyond the clothesline.
“Ne!” Lizzie tore after the animal, swatting its hindquarters with the broom.
The pig squealed and veered right, barely missing the clean sheet. Understanding how the animals could ruin Lizzie’s hard work if they tangled with the laundry, Eli raced forward to help her.
“Haw! Haw!” he yelled, waving his arms to direct the swine back toward their pen.
The pigs snorted and oinked as they pattered in the right direction, their short legs moving fast.
Flanking them on the right, Lizzie helped Eli herd them into the pen.
Victory!
Before the animals could escape again, Eli shut the gate. In the process, his boots slipped in the mud and down he went, landing on his backside.
Lizzie gasped. “Eli! Are you hurt?”
Standing just inside the gate, she gripped her broom like a savage warrior. She looked so fierce and endearing that he couldn’t contain a chuckle.
Sitting in the mud, he bit his tongue. The cold muck seeped through his pants, soaking him to the skin. Lifting his hands, he flung great dollops of black sludge off his fingers. Now what would he do? He had an afternoon of chores left to complete with no clean change of clothes.
A chortling sound caused him to look up. Lizzie stood in front of him, trying—and failing—to hide her laughter behind her hand.
Eli tilted his head. “May I ask what is so funny?”
She hunched her shoulders, no longer laughing, but her smile stayed firmly in place. “You are. I think you are a bit too old to play in the dreck.”
He looked down at himself, noting how long it would take to get the mud off, then looked back at her. “Ja, I agree. When you can quit laughing, would you mind helping me up?”
He held out his arm and waited. Leaning her broom against the pen, she took firm hold of his hand, braced her feet and pulled hard.
A heavy sucking sound heralded his freedom from the mud. As he stood before her, he felt absolutely dismayed by his predicament...until he heard her laughter again. When he glanced up, her laughter cut off, but her eyes twinkled with mirth. Being near her made his heart rate trip into double time. In spite of her frequent looks of disapproval, he felt happy being around her and figured it must be because they’d been so close once.
“You have dreck on your face.” He reached his free hand up to wipe a streak of mud off the tip of her nose.
She gave an embarrassed giggle. “At least I’m not wearing it all over my clothes.”
He chuckled helplessly and indicated her nose. “I’m sorry, but I just made it worse.”
She wiped at her face, removing most of the muck.
Looking into her sparkling blue eyes, he felt thoroughly enchanted. She stared back at him, her lips slightly parted. Then he remembered that Shannon’s eyes were a dark amber color and his heart gave a painful squeeze.
He stepped back, feeling flushed with shame. It was disloyal for him to flirt with another woman, wasn’t it? Shannon was gone, but his heart was still tied to her. He couldn’t seem to let go of the pain or the guilt. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Lizzie about his fiancée. To confide his heartache over Shannon’s death. But Lizzie’s expression changed to a doubtful scowl.
She turned toward the house. “I’d better get the laundry gathered in and finish making sandwiches. I’ll lay out some of Daed’s clothing on the back porch if you’d like to get cleaned up. Then you can join us for lunch.”
Without waiting for his reply, she walked fast toward the clothesline. He watched as she rinsed her hands with the garden hose, then jerked the pins from the clean sheets and haphazardly folded them and the other clothing before dropping each piece into the laundry basket. Without a backward glance, she went inside. Only when the door closed behind her did he realize he was still staring.
Swallowing heavily, he shivered as a cool breeze swept over him. He headed toward the house, eager to get out of his damp clothes. When he’d stared into Lizzie’s eyes, he’d felt the attraction between them. But it wasn’t right. Shannon should be here with him, not Lizzie. He’d been Shannon’s fiancé and would have soon been her husband. It had been his job to look after her, to protect her, but he’d failed miserably. And it occurred to him that he’d failed Lizzie too. Twice, he’d lost the opportunity to marry the woman he loved. And both times, it had been his own fault. Though he longed to have a familye of his own, maybe he’d let the chance for happiness pass him by.
Pushing his morose thoughts aside, he went to the outside faucet and rinsed himself off. He gasped and trembled in the frigid water. After he’d rinsed the muck off his work boots, he stepped up onto the back porch in his bare feet and found a pile of clean clothing waiting for him along with a fluffy towel. He quickly retired to the barn where he got cleaned up. When he returned to the kitchen, Marty and Annie were already seated at the table. The spicy aroma of allspice and cloves filled his senses.
“We waited for you, Eli. Lizzie made pumpkin bread,” little Annie chirped in a happy tone.
“First, you must eat a sandwich.” Lizzie stood in front of the counter, slicing homemade bread. She didn’t spare him a glance as she set a plate of bologna and cheese on the table beside a bowl of sliced melon.
“We’re real hungry and you took a long time,” Marty added, her forehead creased with impatience.
He smiled, noticing that Annie’s kapp was crooked. As he took his seat, he straightened it, then brushed his finger against the tip of her nose. “Ach, I’m famished too. Let’s eat.”
Once Lizzie sat down, they each bowed their head for a silent prayer. After a few moments, Eli breathed a quiet sigh and they all dug in.
“Lizzie says she’s gonna cook a turkey for Thanksgiving,” Marty said.
“But I want ham,” Annie said. She swiveled around to look at Eli. “What’s your favorite? Ham or turkey?”
He hesitated before answering truthfully. “I think I prefer stuffed turkey for Thanksgiving and ham for Christmas dinner. Now, what’s your favorite pie?”
Annie tilted her head and looked up at the ceiling, as if contemplating this deep subject. “Hmm, I think I like pumpkin the best. But Lizzie always makes pecan and apple too.”
“Yum! I’d like a giant slice of each kind,” Annie said.
Eli chuckled, enjoying this light conversation. If not for Lizzie being overly quiet, he would have felt completely relaxed. He had to remind himself that this wasn’t his familye and his visit here was temporary. “That’s a lot of pie for such a little maedel. Are you sure you can eat all of that?”
“Sure I can. I could eat it all day long.” Annie nodded as she took a big bite of her sandwich to make her point.
“How come you left and didn’t marry Lizzie?” Marty asked the question so abruptly that Eli choked on a bite of buttered bread. He coughed to clear his throat and took several deep swallows from his glass of chilled milk.
“Didn’t you love her no more?” Annie asked before he could reply.
“Anymore,” Lizzie corrected in a stern voice. “And it’s none of your business.”
“Well,” Eli began, speaking slowly so he could gather his scattered thoughts. “We were both very young at the time and I wanted to know more about the world before I committed to our faith and settled down to raise a familye.”
There, that was good. He’d rehearsed the explanation more than once, not wanting to admit that he’d been too frightened to marry so young. He’d wanted to go to school instead. To see and learn more about this world he lived in before he settled down for the rest of his life.
He was about to enlarge on his explanation when Lizzie set her fork down and rose slowly to her feet. Her eyes were narrowed and flashed with an emotion he couldn’t name...a mixture of despair and anger.
When she spoke, her voice sounded hoarse with suppressed emotion. “It would have been nice if you had explained all of that to me instead of disappearing without a single word.”
Eli stared at her, his mind a riot of thoughts he didn’t know how to express. How could she say he hadn’t explained? He’d told her everything in his letters. Why hadn’t she replied? Why had she ignored his efforts to reach out to her? She could have written back to him.
Before he could think of a satisfactory response, Lizzie walked out to the backyard, pulling the door closed quietly behind her.
The little girls stared after their sister, their gazes round with uncertainty.
“Is Lizzie mad at us?” Annie’s lip quivered, her eyes welling up with tears.
“Ne, she’s not angry at you. Please don’t cry.” Eli set his sandwich on his plate.
Lizzie wasn’t mad at her sisters. She was mad at him.
“I’ll go check on her and see if I can get her to come back inside.” He stood and smiled, speaking in a light tone he hoped would soothe them. “You two finish your lunch and I’ll smooth everything over. Okay?”
They both nodded. He went outside, wondering if he should simply take his muddy clothes and go home. It had been a difficult day and he wasn’t sure what to expect when he found Lizzie.
She stood leaning against the tool shed, staring out at the stubbled fields. Tomorrow, he planned to harrow and smooth out the small ruts in preparation for spring planting. When he approached, she quickly wiped her eyes. Ach, did she have to cry?
“Lizzie?” He spoke gently, not sure what to say. He didn’t want to create more friction between them.
She faced him, her eyes damp and filled with such misery that it nearly broke his heart.
“Why did you have to go away to school? And why are so many people asking for your help?” she asked.
Taken off guard by her questions, he shrugged. “You know why I went to school. And I suppose people come to me because they think I can make their ailments better.”
“Can’t you stop it?”
“Would you rather I sent them away?”
She looked down at her feet. “Ne, that wouldn’t be right. You have to help them if you can.”
“I don’t have to help them, but I want to, Lizzie. I believe it’s what the Savior would have me to do.”
“Ja, you’re right. It’s just that...just that...”
She didn’t finish her statement, but she didn’t have to. Finally they were getting at the crux of the problem.
“It’s the fact that I went to college that bothers you, isn’t it? That I lived among the Englisch and became a paramedic. Right?”
She nodded. “On the one hand, your skills are so beneficial. But on the other hand, it was wrong for you to leave. Higher learning can cause too much Hochmut.”
“Is that what you think? That I’m filled with pride?”
“Ja, ne... Ach, I don’t know anymore. When you left so suddenly, I didn’t know what to think. I can’t even tell you how badly you hurt me. I thought we were going to marry.”
He sighed and looked away. “We were too young, Lizzie. At the time, I truly loved you. But we both needed time to become adults. You know that.”
Her mouth dropped open. “So you just forgot about your promises to me? You didn’t even have the common courtesy to say goodbye.”
Confusion fogged his brain. “I...I left you a long letter explaining everything. And I wrote to you many times afterward. Not once did you respond to me.”
Her forehead furrowed in bewilderment. “You wrote your eldre, Eli. Your mudder shared some of your letters with me, but you never wrote directly to me. Not once.”
Taking a step closer, he lifted a hand, forcing himself to be slow to anger. His faith had taught him to be a better man than to yell and say things he’d regret later on. His father had also taught him that a soft answer turned away wrath. So, he spoke in a gentle voice, hoping it worked.
“I wrote to you dozens of times, Lizzie. I...I didn’t dare say goodbye to anyone in person because I feared you and my eldre would stop me from going. It’s hard to explain, but I wanted to know more about the world. I couldn’t stay. But I am wondering why you never responded to my letters. Why would you pretend they never existed?”
She shook her head, looking miserable. “I never received any letters from you. Not ever.”
Doubt clogged his brain. He’d never known her to lie, so why would she do so now? There had to be another explanation.
“I don’t know what to say,” he said. “I wrote you many times, but every letter was returned unopened. I told you that I loved you and asked you to join me in Denver, but I never heard back from you.”
She snorted. “Even if I had received these letters from you, it would have made no difference in my decisions. I would never have abandoned my faith to become an Englisch woman.”
Though she spoke softly, he caught the contempt in her voice. The disdain. To her, the Englisch were worldly and ungodly...everything she didn’t want to be.
“I know that now,” he said. “But it took a long time for me to realize you would not agree to come to me. After a year, when I didn’t hear from you, I finally accepted that I had lost you for good and moved on with my life.”
But he didn’t tell her about Shannon. If Lizzie knew he’d fallen in love with an Englisch girl, it might deepen her disgust for him.
“You moved on without me the moment you left,” she said. “You loved worldly pursuits more than you loved me. More than you loved Gott. And that is because you had too much Hochmut. I don’t know what has brought you back home, but it doesn’t change anything between us. And now, I have work to do.”
Lifting her chin, she brushed past him and headed toward the house, her spine stiff and unapproachable. Watching her go, he couldn’t help wondering what had happened to all of his letters. They’d been returned, they were now in his possession, but who had sent them back to him? Perhaps Jeremiah? He didn’t know for sure.
It didn’t matter. He and Lizzie no longer loved one another. Time had drawn them apart and they’d found other lives and other loves. There could be nothing else between them. Not now, not ever.