The congregation knelt in silent prayer until Bishop Yoder released a discreet sigh. As a body, they each rose to their feet, turned and sat on the hard, backless benches. Once they were all seated, Lizzie watched as Bishop Yoder stood at the front of the room. With such a small Gmay, they had only one minister...Lizzie’s father. And with him still in the hospital, the bishop would probably preach to them.
“What is in your heart today?” he asked the worshippers.
The question took Lizzie off guard. Tilting her head, she listened intently as the bishop spoke, his voice soft but powerful, like the sound of rolling thunder off in the distance. He met the eyes of each person in the room as though he were speaking to every single one of them. When he met Lizzie’s eyes, she looked down, feeling suddenly embarrassed.
“Do you carry peace and charity within you, or do you harbor anger and malice toward someone?” the bishop asked, pausing to give them each time to search their hearts.
Lizzie squirmed on her seat. She glanced at Eli, but found him gazing straight forward, his expression one of thoughtful introspection.
Bishop Yoder lifted a book of scriptures. “But whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.”
Lizzie had heard this passage numerous times and thought she understood it clearly...until now. She had no desire to be hurt again and again, especially where her heart was concerned. But wasn’t that what the Lord expected? For her to humble herself and cast aside her harsh feelings.
“Over the next weeks, I hope each of you will resolve any hard feelings you might carry toward others,” the bishop continued. “Examine your own thoughts and actions and bring them into line with how the Lord would have you live. I beseech each of you to hand Him your anger and pain, your shortcomings and flaws. Then, once we all are in accord with each other, we will hold our Council Services in preparation for Communion.”
Communion! A sacred time when the entire congregation must be in complete harmony with one another. With all that had happened recently, Lizzie had forgotten it was nearly that time of year.
As the bishop continued speaking about the rules of their Ordnung and the responsibility of each member of their community, she clenched her eyes tightly closed and gripped her hands together in her lap. Surely the bishop wasn’t speaking directly to her. He couldn’t know the resentment she still harbored toward Eli. Could he? Yet whether he could or not, she was the minister’s daughter, after all, and she knew she should set a good example of love, tolerance and forgiveness. But how could she forgive Eli after what he’d done? He had soured her toward all men. She would probably never marry now. Never have a familye of her own. Never live in her own house. Over time, several men had asked her out. Martin Hostetler had pursued her doggedly, but seemed to have finally given up after the first year. Now it appeared she would become an old maid. Pitied by the other members of her community.
She took a slow breath, trying to settle her nerves. Her thoughts were selfish, she knew that. She was so worried about herself and what others might think about her that she hadn’t stopped to consider Eli and his well-being. Why had he returned? What had happened to him after all this time? After he’d left, she’d been worried for him, fearing that he was lost forever. But here he was, seeking a second chance. And who was she to refuse him?
She had to find a way to let go of her anger. To forgive him. But how? All her life, she’d been taught the principles of repentance and forgiveness. So, why was it so difficult to exercise those virtues now?
Puzzling over her dilemma, Lizzie was surprised at how quickly time passed before they broke for the noon meal.
“Komm on. You can help me serve my potato soup.” Abby spoke cheerfully as she took Lizzie’s arm and pulled her toward the barn door.
“Potato soup?” Lizzie said, her mind still focused on the sermon.
Abby laughed. “I know it’s a bit fancier than our normal fare of bread and peanut butter, but I’m feeling extra domestic lately. All I want to do is cook and clean. Jakob says I’m nesting. He says it’s normal for a woman in my condition to act this way.”
Laughing at Abby’s enthusiasm, Lizzie let herself be pulled along. She could just imagine how fun it must be to anticipate her first child. But that thought brought her another bout of confusion, sadness and guilt.
Inside the kitchen, a dozen women crowded around, helping prepare the food. Their identical dresses were simple but pretty in assorted colors of blue, burgundy, purple and green. Each woman wore a pair of black, sensible hard-soled shoes, and a starched organdy kapp. Lizzie thought there was something lovely and serene about their simplistic dress.
Naomi Fisher stood slicing loaves of homemade bread in front of the counter while Sarah Yoder laid dill and sweet pickles on a plate. Abby stirred an enormous silver pot on the stove as Lizzie reached for a large serving bowl.
“I’ll ladle the soup into the bowl and you can serve it hot to the men.” Abby picked up a long ladle and dipped it into the frothy, white soup.
Lizzie nodded, sliding on a pair of oven mitts to protect her hands from the heat. Lifting the bowl, she held it steady while Abby ladled it full. The warm, tantalizing aroma made Lizzie’s mouth water.
“Um, it smells delicious,” Lizzie said.
“Danke. I crumbled bits of bacon and shredded cheese into it. It’s one of Jakob’s favorite dishes. It’ll go well with Naomi’s crusty homemade bread,” Abby said.
“Did you see Eli Stoltzfus listening to the bishop’s sermon? I hope it sank in. That boy needs to mend his ways, that’s for sure.”
Lizzie looked up and saw elderly Marva Geingerich standing next to Linda Hostetler. The two women were unwrapping trenchers of sliced cheese and ham. Slightly deaf at the age of eighty-nine, Marva’s rasping attempt at a whisper carried like a shout across the kitchen and everyone paused in their work. Especially Fannie, Eli’s mother.
“Ja, I saw him. He’s trying hard to fit back into the Gmay and doing a good job of it from what I can see,” Linda said.
Marva’s thin lips curved in disapproval. “Ach, I don’t know why he ever came back. Once they leave and get a taste of the Englisch world, they never can get rid of it. I’ve seen it happen several times.”
Something hardened inside of Lizzie. Though she was angry at Eli, she didn’t like what she was hearing. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right.
“Marva! What are you saying?” Naomi paused in her slicing, her forehead creased with a frown.
“He won’t stay long, you mark my words,” Marva said. “As soon as that boy gets tired of living our humble way of life, he’ll be off again to live among the Englisch.”
“You don’t know that. Eli returned of his own choosing. He wants to be here with us.” Sarah Yoder, the bishop’s wife, set a casserole dish on the wooden counter with a thump.
Marva jerked her head up, the wrinkles around her gray eyes deepening with her scowl. “Ach, he’s been gone too long. Who knows what wickedness he’s been up to? I don’t know how he’ll ever fit in with the Gmay now. No doubt he’s got plenty to repent of. Mark my words, he’ll leave again and that will be that.”
An audible gasp filled the room and Lizzie flinched.
Turning, she saw the reason why. Eli stood in the doorway, holding an empty glass in one hand. His expression looked peaceful as a summer’s morning, but Lizzie knew he’d overheard the conversation and must be upset. It was there in the subtle narrowing of his eyes and the tensing of his shoulders. Other people might not notice, but Lizzie knew him too well. For just a moment, she saw a flash of anger in his eyes, then it was gone and she thought perhaps she’d imagined it.
He cleared his voice, speaking in a composed tone. “I’m sorry to intrude, but Ezekiel has a cough. Could I trouble someone for a glass of water?”
Ezekiel, or Dawdi Zeke as most everyone called him, was the eldest member of the Gmay. Having just turned ninety-four years, he still had an active mind and was as kind and compassionate as Marva was harsh and unforgiving.
“Of course you can.” Naomi, who was Dawdi Zeke’s daughter, took the glass from Eli’s hand, filled it with tap water, then handed it back to him.
“Danke.” He ducked his head and left without another word.
Everyone stared in mortified confusion, not knowing what to say. A part of Lizzie felt compassion for Eli and the urge to run after him. But another part thought it was just what he deserved. That made her feel worse because it wasn’t charitable to think that way.
“How could you say those things? It wasn’t very nice. We should be more compassionate.” Naomi shook her head, her expression showing her dismay as she gazed intently at Marva.
“I don’t know what you mean. I only spoke the truth.” Marva drew back her shoulders, pursed her lips and lifted her chin a little higher.
The hackles rose at the back of Lizzie’s neck. Even if it was the truth, it wasn’t kind. She would never consider belittling Eli to other members of the congregation on Church Sunday. It wasn’t their place to judge him or anyone. Especially right after the bishop had preached to them about forgiveness and their upcoming Communion. But she couldn’t help feeling like a hypocrite since Marva had voiced aloud her very same concerns.
Lizzie’s gaze shifted to Fannie, Eli’s mother. She had been cutting thick pieces of Schnitz apple pie but had dropped the knife onto the table when Marva had begun speaking. Looking at her now, Lizzie saw that her face had gone white as a sun-bleached sheet, her chin quivering.
“He’s mein sohn. Do you really think he’ll leave again?” she cried with naked fear.
Naomi quickly set her bread knife on the table before wrapping her arms around the other woman in a comforting hug. “Ne, it’s nonsense! Don’t you listen to such talk, Fannie. Eli fits in here with all of us just fine. He’s one of our own and a welcome addition to our community. We love him and we’re blessed to have him back. Look at all the gut he’s done already for the Beiler familye. Isn’t that right, Lizzie?”
Naomi looked at her and Lizzie blinked in stunned silence before stuttering over a reply. “Ja, he...he’s been very kind.”
“And who are we to judge others? We all have our faults. We are all happy that Eli has returned to his faith.” Sarah nodded her approval.
“Danke.” Fannie wiped one eye, showing a tremulous smile of appreciation.
“Humph! We’ll see.” Marva huffed as she carried a tray of sliced homemade bread outside.
Swallowing hard, Lizzie realized she was staring. Her mind whirled in confusion. Seeing the hurt on Fannie’s face, she hurried over to comfort the woman.
“Don’t listen to such talk. Eli loves you and Leroy. He wants to be here with you,” Lizzie said, trying to believe her own words.
“But what if Marva is right? What if Eli leaves again? I don’t know what I’d do. He’s our only sohn,” Fannie whispered.
A tremor ran down Lizzie’s spine, but she fought off her own fears and tried to be brave. “If he leaves, we’ll do as Christ taught and turn the other cheek. We’ll exercise faith and face whatever comes our way and pray that he’ll come back again. We can never give up on anyone.”
Speaking these words aloud brought Lizzie a bit of courage. She meant what she said, yet her heart thumped with trepidation.
“I just don’t think I can stand to lose him again.” Tears shimmered in Fannie’s eyes.
“We’ll all be here for you, no matter what happens,” Lizzie said.
Fannie nodded, but her sad expression still showed her unease as she returned to her chore of slicing pie.
Lizzie watched her, her own hands shaking.
Abby laid a hand on her arm. “Lizzie, are you all right?”
She gave a stuttering laugh. “Ja, I’m fine.”
What else could she say? Only Eli knew if he would stay or go. Any member of their community could leave at any time, including her. Lizzie just wished she could be certain she wouldn’t be hurt by his decisions.
“Don’t worry,” Abby said to her. “It’ll be all right. Komm on. Let’s get out of here. I need some fresh air.”
Lizzie followed her friend outside, the screen door clapping closed behind them. They paused beneath the shade of the back porch. Children raced across the yard in a game of chase. Teenaged boys stood in a group, watching the teenaged girls. The afternoon sun sparkled in an azure sky. Lizzie wanted to cherish such a day...one of the last warm ones before the cooler weather rolled in. As she gazed at the rows of men sitting at the long tables, she let their subdued laughter soothe her ruffled feelings.
“I can’t believe Marva said those horrible things. What was she thinking? She has such a waspish tongue,” Abby whispered, her hands gripping the soup ladle like a hammer. “She’s never been happy since her son brought the familye here from Ohio after his vadder died. She understands about repentance and forgiveness and should know better than to speak that way.”
“Marva is rather stern,” Lizzie agreed in a vague tone, once again feeling like a hypocrite.
“Jakob told me you and Eli were engaged once. I hope her words didn’t upset you too badly,” Abby said.
Lizzie shrugged as she gripped the serving bowl tighter, letting the soup warm her chilled hands. “That was a long time ago.”
“Are you still friends with him now that he’s returned?” Abby peered at her, as though looking deep inside her heart.
Biting her bottom lip, Lizzie couldn’t meet Abby’s gaze.
“Oh, Lizzie. I’m so sorry.” Abby squeezed her arm. “His return must be difficult for you. And to have him working at your farm every day... But don’t forget to keep an open heart and have faith. Gott will care for you both and all will work out fine. I know it will.”
Lizzie couldn’t manage to muster a smile in return. “I’m not so sure.”
Resting her palm against her baby bump, Abby rubbed gently. “With my past history, I never would have believed Gott could make my life turn out so well. I thought I could never trust men and would never marry. But I soon learned that I was wrong. Give Gott a chance and He’ll work so many blessings in your life, just as He did mine.”
Lizzie understood. Since her marriage to Jakob, Abby had confided that she’d been physically and verbally abused by her father and elder brother. Abby was so happy now and Lizzie was glad. But she almost dropped the serving bowl when Abby turned and headed straight over to the table where Eli was sitting.
Breathing a sigh of resignation, Lizzie followed her friend, but couldn’t help wondering if this day could get any worse. She wanted to turn the other cheek. To forget her pain and humiliation and believe that Eli truly was back for good. But she couldn’t help thinking that Marva was right about one thing. Eli wouldn’t stay.
* * *
“When did you cut your leg on the hay baler?”
Eli sat at the table next to Darrin Albrecht, their deacon. The autumn sun beat down on the men, but they’d each removed their black felt hats for their noon meal. They spoke in companionable friendship, waiting as the women set the food before them.
A rather hefty and somber man, Darrin was middle-aged with a thick head of salt-and-pepper hair and a long beard to match. As the deacon, it was his job to assist the bishop in disciplinary issues, to ensure that all members of the Gmay were following the rules of the Ordnung and to announce upcoming marriages.
“It’s been two months since it happened and it wasn’t even a bad cut. I can’t understand why it’s taking so long to heal,” Darrin said.
Out of his peripheral vision, Eli caught sight of Lizzie standing just behind his left shoulder. She held a large, steaming dish, the aroma tantalizing. He leaned back, giving her and Abby room to scoop soup into his bowl. Along with the other women, they worked in silence, seeing to everyone’s needs before their own. Glancing up, he saw Lizzie’s face looked pale. She’d been in the kitchen earlier and he couldn’t help wondering if she agreed with Marva Geingerich’s opinion of him.
He clamped a hard will on his anger. When he’d returned, he’d known he might face disapproval from some of his people. It didn’t change anything. He wanted to be here. And that meant he must exercise self-discipline, control his feelings and remain passive in the face of adversity. It’s what the Lord would want him to do.
“Are you all right?” he asked Lizzie, worried that she and his mother were both overly upset by what had transpired.
“Ja, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Before he could answer, she ducked her head and moved on to Deacon Albrecht’s bowl.
Turning, Eli faced Darrin. “May I see your wound?”
He was conscious of Lizzie moving to the other side of the table as she served the other men, still close enough to overhear his conversation.
Beneath the table, Darrin hiked up his homemade pant leg to the knee. A gauze bandage had been affixed to the side of his lower calf with white tape. Eli ducked down and Darrin lifted the gauze to reveal a thin, jagged cut no more than an inch long. Though it didn’t look deep, the wound was swollen and angry red.
“Ach, I have no doubt it’s infected.” Eli wasn’t a medical doctor, but he recognized a septic injury when he saw one.
“Norma cleans it for me every day with hydrogen peroxide and ointment, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference.” Darrin pressed the bandage back in place and pulled his pant leg down.
Sitting up straight, Eli considered the man for a moment. “Have you seen a doctor about it?”
“Ne! There’s no need for that. I don’t trust those Englisch doctors.” Darrin waved a hand in the air, then buttered a thick slice of bread.
Eli watched the man as he lifted his glass and smiled at Lizzie. Setting the serving bowl of soup down, she picked up a pitcher of water and refilled his glass...which Darrin had emptied for the third time since they’d sat down twenty minutes earlier. Several women from the congregation hovered nearby to keep the men’s plates and glasses filled.
“You seem overly thirsty today,” Eli said as he lifted a spoonful of soup to his mouth.
“Ja, he’s always thirsty lately, even when he’s not working in the fields.” Linda Albrecht set a plate of sliced ham in front of them. She must have come outside while they were engaged in conversation.
“What about fatigue? Are you feeling more tired than usual?” Eli asked.
Darrin inclined his head. “Now that you mention it, I am more tired, even when I’ve had a full night’s sleep. And sometimes, my feet feel numb too. Do you think the cut could be causing that?”
Eli took a deep inhale and let it go. This didn’t sound good. “I’d feel better if you saw the doctor as soon as possible.”
“That’s what I suggested, but he won’t go,” Linda said, resting her hands on her hips as she tossed her husband an I told you so look.
“Ach, I’m fine. I’m sure the wound will heal eventually,” Darrin insisted.
Eli met the man’s eyes and touched his arm to make his point clear. “I think you’re wrong, Deacon Albrecht. Please, go see the doctor. I don’t want to alarm you, but you should ask him to test you for diabetes. If you’ve got diabetes, chances are it’s probably keeping your wound from healing, which could cause other serious problems down the road. Don’t take chances with your health. You want to be around to take care of your familye for many years to come.”
Linda widened her eyes and pressed a hand to her chest. “Oh, my! Diabetes?”
Eli nodded. “He has some of the symptoms, but don’t take my word for it. Let the doctor diagnose it for you. He’ll be able to run some blood tests and let you know for sure. If the test is positive, he’ll prescribe medication to control the problem. At the very least, he can ensure that wound on your leg doesn’t turn gangrenous.”
Linda gasped. “Gangrene?”
Darrin pursed his mouth, looking doubtful. Because Eli believed the man had a serious health problem, he pressed the issue further. “I’m dead serious about this, Deacon Albrecht. Go to the doctor first thing tomorrow morning. Please, do as I ask.”
Darrin must have heard the urgency in his voice because his mouth dropped open. “You really mean it, don’t you, Eli?”
Eli nodded emphatically. “I absolutely do. I want you to get some proper medical help.”
“Ja, don’t you worry. We will go first thing after our morning chores,” Linda said. She was looking at her husband with a stern, wifely expression that would tolerate no refusals.
Knowing Linda would make Darrin go to the doctor, Eli felt relieved. He smiled and switched topics to the price of hay. When he reached for his empty glass, he caught Lizzie standing nearby. A disapproving expression drew her eyebrows together, but she hurried to fill his glass.
“Danke,” he said.
“Gaern gscheh.” She seemed both surprised and critical of what he’d told Deacon Albrecht. No doubt she disapproved.
She walked away and Eli longed to call her back. To tell her of the extensive training he’d received in order to become a paramedic and that he knew what he was talking about. But these people would not be impressed. Nor did he want to sound boastful. After all, his training was from the Lord so he could serve others. It wasn’t a matter of pride.
And he was glad he had it—and could use it to help the deacon. Though Eli wasn’t positive Darrin Albrecht had diabetes, he was absolutely certain of one thing. If the man didn’t get quality medical care soon, his wound could fester into gangrene and he’d lose his leg and possibly his life. But how could he tell Lizzie that? How could he explain that he only had the Deacon Albrecht’s best interests at heart?
“Eli, if you’re finished eating, will you help us out?”
Jarred from his thoughts, Eli turned to find Martin Hostetler standing next to him, a wide smile on his face.
“Come play volleyball with us. We need another player to complete two teams and, as I recall, you are good at it.” Martin tossed a white ball high into the air, then caught it.
Deacon Albrecht smiled. “Go on, Eli. You’ll have more fun with your young friends than sitting here with me.”
Eli stood and turned toward the lawn. A net was tied across the grass, affixed to two long poles that had been cemented into old tires. Lizzie stood in front of the net. Seeing her, a feeling of anticipation zipped through Eli. Obviously she’d been recruited too. It had been years since he’d played volleyball...back when he and Lizzie were kids and still crazy in love with each other.
Walking over to the net with Martin, Eli glanced at the other unmarried people surrounding him. They seemed to be paired up on two sides. Some were as young as eleven years, while a few were as old as him and Martin.
Lizzie stood gripping her hands together, looking suddenly shy.
“Which side am I on?” Eli asked.
“You’ll be on this side.” Martin pointed to Lizzie’s team and Eli saw her immediate frown.
She turned away, stepping to the back row, but Martin placed Eli right beside her. From where he stood beneath the shade of a tall elm tree, Bishop Yoder showed a satisfied smile. Eli couldn’t help wondering if the man had rigged this to get him near Lizzie. Everyone knew they’d been engaged once. No doubt some of the congregation was trying to pair them back together. One look at Lizzie’s wary gaze told him it wouldn’t work.
She turned aside, seeming to focus on the other team as they served. She jumped gracefully, her hands fisted together as she struck the ball. From there, Eli knocked it easily over the net, scoring a point for their team.
Several of their teammates clapped their hands and cheered, but Lizzie stood silent. The ball was served again and volleyed back and forth for several minutes, then it zipped directly toward Eli. He hit the ball lightly, offering a layup to Lizzie, just like he’d done when they were teenagers. Instead of spiking the ball over the net, Lizzie jumped back and let the ball hit the ground. It rolled onto the graveled driveway and one of the younger children chased after it.
The other team cheered.
“Tied points,” Martin called from in front of the net. Facing Eli, the redheaded man smiled wide, but there was no malice in his expression. He was merely having fun.
“I thought you would spike the ball, like you used to do,” Eli spoke low for Lizzie’s ears alone.
“I...I didn’t see it soon enough,” she returned, sounding slightly irritated.
Eli didn’t know if she was flustered by his presence, or if dropping the ball was her way of rejecting him. He couldn’t help thinking about what Jakob had said earlier. Did Lizzie still harbor resentment toward him for breaking off their engagement when he left all those years ago?
“Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked her while the other team readjusted their positions so they could serve the ball.
“Of course, why?”
Yes, he definitely caught a note of exasperation in her tone.
He shrugged. “No reason, really. I just noticed that you seemed annoyed when I was speaking with Deacon Albrecht and now again.”
Her slim jaw hardened. “You’re not a doctor, Eli. But I can see you gained plenty of Hochmut from going to college. You seem to think you know what is good for everyone.”
So that was it. Like many of their people, she didn’t approve of higher learning. She thought he was too prideful.
“I don’t think that at all. I only want to help, Lizzie-bee. That’s why I told Deacon Albrecht to go see a doctor as soon as possible...so he can get an accurate diagnosis,” he said.
Releasing a heavy sigh, she turned away and focused on the game. She did an admirable job of ignoring him. No doubt she agreed with Marva Geingerich, that he would leave again. And how could he persuade her that he really wanted to stay in Riverton when he hadn’t yet convinced himself?
They won the game, but Lizzie hurried off to help in the kitchen before a second match began. Karen Hostetler, who was Martin’s eighteen-year-old sister, and Ellen Yoder, the bishop’s daughter, both smiled prettily at him. In between serving the ball, they engaged Eli in conversation. He tried to show interest, but his gaze kept roaming over to the house where he sought some sight of Lizzie. After the second game ended, the teams broke up. Eli was glad. He had no interest in playing volleyball. At least, not without Lizzie.
He didn’t see her again until it was time to drive her and the little girls home that evening. Though he wanted to head back before it got too late, he had to stay a little longer so he could attend the instruction class with the two others who were planning to be baptized in a few months. As Eli listened to the lesson from Bishop Yoder, he liked what he heard, but felt a bit nervous when he considered its importance. Once he was baptized into the Amish faith, his life would change forever. He would not take the vows unless he was absolutely confident that he intended to live them for the rest of his life.
On their way home, Marty and Annie were eager to chat about their day. As the buggy moved along at a rapid pace, Lizzie sat quietly with her hands in her lap. Eli longed to talk with her about his class, to get her opinion on several issues, but whenever he tried to engage her in conversation, her response was rather abrupt. Finally, he gave up trying.
As they pulled into the farmyard, dusk was settling over the western sky with clouds of pink, orange and gray. He looked up at the tall Sangre de Cristo Mountains and thought he’d never seen anything so beautiful in all his life. He had just enough time to milk the cows and head home to his parents before it turned dark.
“Danke for driving us safely,” little Annie said.
“Ja, danke for keeping your promise,” Marty agreed.
The girls both smiled and hugged him, but Lizzie simply nodded, then went inside the house.
Watching her go, a feeling of melancholy blanketed Eli and he wondered what he could do to improve her opinion of him. It seemed that she’d lost all faith in him, and he couldn’t really blame her. But that’s when he made a promise to himself. No matter how long it took, he was determined to regain her trust. He just wasn’t certain how.