I get out of the shower and look at my bed. The urge to sleep in the guest room is huge, but who knows how long Noah will be in town. I can’t live my life around what he might or might not hear.
I sit on the bed, wincing as it squeaks. My gaze immediately goes to the wall and I hold my breath. I don’t hear anything and I slowly begin to breathe again.
I shouldn’t have kissed Noah today. I really shouldn’t have. I can still taste him on my lips and that’s bad. I didn’t plan on it… for the most part I hated him. But, when he began talking about his son, and I saw the tortured look on his face something inside of me melted. I know that look. I know it because it was full of pain and I’ve lived that pain. I didn’t like seeing it on his beautiful face so I kissed him, hoping to ease it.
It was probably stupid, but I couldn’t help it.
He left soon after. He didn’t want to, but I told him I had to get to work and honestly, I didn’t want it to go farther than a kiss… and he had that look in his eye. The look that told me I’d soon lose control and he’d take over. The look that told me he’d own my body soon if I didn’t make a move to stop it.
So, I did.
I can’t even say I did it because I wanted to. I think I did it out of self-preservation. I want Noah. At first, I thought it was just my body that wanted him. I’ve been alone a while and even when I wasn’t… being with a man wasn’t good. I want good. I want that experience with a man that what few friends I’ve had always bragged about. I have a feeling—a really good feeling—that Noah would definitely deliver that and more.
But today, after seeing a glimpse of the real man, the bigger problem is that I want him and I might have told him that I didn’t want to fix him, but I do. I want to erase that pain I saw on his face. I want to do it for him… as bad as I always wanted someone do it for me.
No one saved me from my pain. I had to save myself. But, I want to save Noah. That’s dangerous thinking and I should know better… but I don’t. I really want to fix him.
Because I’m an idiot.
I go through my nightly routine, putting on my lotion and brushing my hair. I should blow dry it, but I’m too tired. It will be poofed up to the heavens by morning and completely unmanageable, but even that thought doesn’t make me get back up. Instead, I drop my bath towel and slide between the sheets. I even find myself sliding up against the wall as if trying to get closer to Noah—like that makes any sense.
“Good to have you back, Gorgeous.”
I hear the words, not well…they’re faint, but I hear them and they instantly make me warm all over.
“Goodnight, Noah,” I answer. He doesn’t respond. I don’t know if he heard me, because I more or less whispered the words. I close my eyes and slowly drift off and I do it while reliving the kiss I shared with Noah, admitting that I really liked that kiss; that I liked being in his arms and admitting that when he calls me gorgeous… my heart skips a beat.
My last thought before I crash is that I probably am an idiot because I do want to fix him… and even if it means I’ll probably get my heart broken into a million pieces, I’m going to try.