The way he catches my eye, it's magnificent. If I even glance in his direction, I meet his gaze. It’s always there—he’s always there.

His honey eyes hold so much passion, making me want to get lost in them, to unravel all of the stories behind every speck of gold that shimmers in the iridescent light. There’s a deep history. There always has been.

He’s a man of few words these days and I can’t blame him. The moment he looks away from me, his eyes always come back cold. Sometimes angered. He doesn't give this look to anyone else, but it’s a safe bet to say he also talks to everyone else as if they’re relevant. He doesn't really talk to me. Not anymore. Well, to be fair, I don't really make efforts to talk to him either.

We occasionally exchange the “Hey, can I borrow a pencil," and “Did you do the homework?” Everything is always short and without much thought. We used to be friends. There was a time when our friendship crossed the line of more. A time that I would give up everything just to have it back and redo. With us these days, there is an unspoken word of alliance. An alliance formed from poor reasons. An alliance that slightly reunited the once-was dynamic duo.

Last semester I lost my best friend, Lauren. She didn’t die. Sometimes I wish she would have, but that’s beside the point.

Lauren hit me deep in a place she knew would hurt the most when she didn’t get her way with our shared friend Kameron, better known as Matty Edward’s best friend. She blamed me for a rivalry that didn’t even exist by standing up in front of the entire school as Kameron asked me to homecoming like he does every year, despite that Matty and I haven’t spoken since eighth grade, and shouted “why would you date a cow? Mya’s own family thinks she’s disgusting. Is this because you feel sorry for her? God knows I do.”

Shortly after, rumors spread that I spread my legs to all the willing football players every Friday night in the locker-room after their games. In return, I’m liked for my personality considering I’m so hideous that no one would ever like my face or tolerate me at my unflattering weight. Humane, right?

It was not hard to guess who started the rumors. Matty went against all of them and revived my reputation with a single presence of just being himself. After that, people have left me alone. I’m not part of the in-crowd, but I have my own in-crowd.

Matty hates Lauren almost as much as I do now. Like I said, he and I were once inseparable. We were two peas in a pod. We were the true definition of best friends. Even after we stopped speaking, I knew he’d have my back the moment he got wind of what went down with Lauren. I wasn’t wrong. The day he found out, the entire school thought they were going to see him hit a girl out of pure anger. He pushed her against the wall of lockers and told her if she even spoke my name again, he would ruin her. I guess she took it too literal considering all she does now is try to spread her own legs. It’s cringe-worthy to watch. Seeing the disgust on his face is almost as sweet as watching her try to hide the embarrassment of rejection. She’s forgotten her crush on Kameron and lives to find a way into Matty’s heart.

Since that disturbance, Matty’s had my back, literally. There actually has never been a time where he didn’t. However, nowadays anywhere I turn, he’s never too far behind. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t enjoy it. Matty is the most respected boy at our school. He’s the jack of all trades; intelligent, athletic, charming, incredibly attractive. The guy every girl wishes would notice her.

He makes my day on most days. He’s not just another guy in this world. He’s a boy who has protected me even though I didn’t ask to be protected. He means something to me despite whatever he could possibly think of me since I’m the one who dropped him out of thin air. He’s Matty and I’m Mya and we’re two completely different humans in every way possible, however, we have some sort of secret bond. A bond I was afraid I broke because I didn’t have the confidence I wished I had. A bond that may be broken beyond repair.

"Pathogens invade every little thing that you wouldn't expect them to invade," Mr. Grove says as he points to the neon green slides shown on the whiteboard. "Our body is constantly fighting them."

Yeah... My pathogens are mental roadblocks that keep me daydreaming of fictional worlds and creating made up scenarios in my head. Such as kissing Matty.

Did I just think that? Oh, God…

But in theory, I can’t help but think of what it would feel like to have his lips collide with mine again. To run my fingers through his dense curls. It’s a feeling that never goes away even though we’re no longer as close as we used to be. Even when we were friends, Matty would’ve never thought to date me, but I can’t resist questioning if he was the one I would’ve experience all of my firsts with if things would’ve gone differently.

"And the answer is, Mya?" I hear a voice from the distance call out. I reassemble my focus to realize that Mr. Grove is talking to me. Oh, come on...

I look at him with wide eyes and attempt to get myself out of the situation.

"That is a very good question," I say, confused with an iffy smile plastered on my face, indicating that my mind was clearly out of this room and not focused on whatever he seems to be lecturing on.

"In the problem, what is clearly the answer?" he repeats.

Damn.

"Viruses," Rory whispers from behind me as she grabs a strand of my hair that rests on her desk.

"Uh- viruses," I answer, hoping that she’s correct.

"Very good, Rory. Next time be paying attention, Ms. Jackson."

I look down, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. Everyone looks at me, including Matty. I’m not an idiot. My mind was just… elsewhere. Particularly on the latter.

A loud ringing fills the room as the bell to go to seventh period echoes the hallways. Thank God.

I shuffle all my papers in my folder and shove them in my bag.

"Daydreaming again, Jackson?" Rory asks as she stands by my desk, waiting for me. I roll my eyes at her and get up. Matty comes striding past us from two seats behind. His eyes cut to me, causing me to quickly look away. I wait for him to pass by and then stand to shuffle out. Not a moment goes by without the weight of his presence on me. Even as he exits, I know he’s close by. Especially since Lauren is in every class with us following fifth period.

I throw my bag over my shoulder and walk out in front of her. Matty is leaning against the lockers outside of the classroom. His eyes are glued on his phone, but the moment Lauren walks out behind us, he’s in step behind us. Some probably think this is creepy, or weird, but I know that I only have this semester left and odds are I will never see either one of them again. I take pride in knowing he’s there. It’s a nice feeling.

Rory begins telling me of a new species of spider that was discovered today. A chill runs down my spine as I shake her off. We both hate spiders, so I don’t even know why she’s so intrigued. I hate to admit it, but I tune her out as we make our way to English. My mind is gone for the day. I haven’t been focusing a lot lately and it’s clear why. I’m vicariously living in a fantasy that I’ve formed inside of my mind. A hallucination that I don’t want to wake up from.

Upon entering the musty classroom, we take our seats in the front and instantly dive into the next chapter of The Scarlet Letter. Oh, what I would do to be Hester Prynne. Her confidence and loyalty are everything to me. It’s such a shame that Dimmesdale had to die. He would’ve loved her with all of his heart if they would’ve gotten their fresh start in a new town. In a world full of Chillingworths, I would faint for the slightest touch of a Dimmesdale. Even if it would cost me a lifetime of being shamed and alienated from the rest of my town. Love is love and I will always stay true to that.

Guys at this school never look my way. I’ve never been on a date, attended a school dance or held hands with anyone aside from Matty. That is partially my own fault though. Kam has literally asked me to every school dance since sixth grade, but my friendship with Matty has always put me in a weird position, so therefore, I always decline. Then when we stopped being friends, I felt as if it would be too awkward if I showed up on the arm of his best friend. Not that Kam likes me like that. He does it out of the kindness of his heart. I know this. Regardless, I wouldn’t have had my first kiss if it wasn’t for Matty, if I can even count it as a first kiss. I make friends easily, but beyond that, no one even considers me an option. I could probably blow the entire football team, but that still wouldn’t put me on the radar. I am average, but I am completely content with being average.

Before I know it, the bell rings, signaling dismissal and class is over. I wish every class was as alluring as English. I sit and wait for all the people to pass by and leave the room before I get up. I glance around noting that Rory, Matty, and I are the only ones left in the room.

Strange...

Normally he's the first person out the door during last period. Especially on days he has practice directly after. Lauren would never mess with me upon that final bell specifically because she has grander plans awaiting her in the parking lot.

I zip my bag and sling it over my shoulder.

"I'll text you later," I say to Rory and turn to make my way out of the door. Matty follows behind me and chills trace down my spine. When he’s close, my body reacts. I can’t contain it.

I turn the corner and stop, waiting for my other friend, Anna, to give her a ride home. Instead of going straight down the hallway like normal, Matty turns sharp and plows right into me with a sudden rush.

I step back, almost losing my balance, but steady myself. Two large hands grip onto my arms, pulling me towards him in response.

“Sorry,” I instantly hash out, but he doesn’t acknowledge it. He looks down into my eyes and everything goes quiet. A quiet I’m not familiar with.

Quiet is peaceful…

The crowd of students that pass by become nonexistent. Time stands still. His eyes are bright again, alive with color. The gold specks circle his irises like confetti falling. I feel his entirety as it sweeps through every fiber in my body.

It all stops as a kid bumps into my backpack, breaking our hold.

“Watch it!” Matty yells to him before taking a step back and letting me go. He blinks a few times and draws his eyebrows together, realizing his place in this scenario.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says to me, replying to my muffled apology from just moments ago. He shakes his head and turns to go in the direction he should’ve gone the first time. I turn slightly on my heel and watch him a little surprised. He’s in a haze and I’m not sure what that exactly means.

As he starts down the stairs, he cuts his eyes back to me. A small grin raises on his lips. I look away, but not before I find a large smile spreading across my face.

"Earth to Mya?" Anna says, snapping her finger in front of my face. I jump at the sudden movement.

"Sorry," I say, wiping the smile from my face and look at her. Her dark brown eyes are glowing in happiness. I shake my head and start walking toward the staircase. She laughs at me. Anna finds amusement in everything. Literally, everything.

Before I get another word out, she asks me if Rory told me about the new species they found of spiders, and I nod. Spiders are Anna’s thing. She’s super big on insects. I’m honestly not sure why we are friends. I cannot stand them. Of course, Rory would have to mention this new discovery to her. Now that’s all I’m going to hear about for the rest of the day.

As we make our way to my car, I reply with the usual “Uh huh" and “Yeah," even though I’m barely listening. Truthfully, I’m not that interested, especially because of the topic. All that's currently on my mind is him… With each passing day, it’s getting worse. I might have my latest read to blame, but I have to admit, he consumes my mind and haunts my dreams… And quite frankly, I like it.