*A tug on his sleeve drew Cam’s attention from the parade. “I need to…” She blinked and thumbed toward a nebulous location behind her as she backed away from him.
He frowned and stepped closer again. “Here, let me—”
“No.” She continued to back away, both hands raised, palms facing out, until she bumped into Anna, who’d returned baby Leo to his parents. With a soft excuse me, she turned and threaded her way through the crowd, leaving him bereft and confused once again.
He headed after her, but Anna stopped him with a hand on his bicep. “Wait, Cam. Let her go.”
“But…” He stared at her for a second before looking desperately over his shoulder at Harper disappearing in the crowd that lined the sidewalk. “I need—”
“You need to give her space.” Anna slipped her arm around his waist and pulled him back to the family group.
“You don’t even know her.” He was gripped with disappointment.
Things had gone so well earlier. They’d taken their trees home—first to her apartment, where he left them on the landing per her instructions and then to his house, where he set the Fraser fir up in his spacious living room, placing it by the brick hearth. His parents had always put the Christmas tree in the corner by the fireplace, and Cam had kept the tradition alive after he took over the house he’d grown up in. Harper had been fine putting lights on his tree, fine as they set up the one in the workshop and lighted it. Even fine when he scrounged up lights and two ancient tree stands for her from the boxes and boxes of holiday stuff in his attic.
She’d been surprisingly uncurious about his house, even though he’d offered her a tour. Let’s get your trees up, she’d said and stuck to the living room. Puzzled, he’d gone up to the attic alone to gather what he needed, surprised to find her sitting quietly in the wing chair by the fireplace, hands folded in her lap, staring at the bare tree he’d leaned against the hearth bricks. Most women would’ve been following him through the house like a curious puppy, but Harper Gaines wasn’t most women.
“You barely know her.” Anna’s tone wasn’t accusatory, simply straightforward, and he couldn’t deny the truth in her words.
“But I want—” He stopped as Anna raised one finger.
“It doesn’t matter what you want, Cameron.” She said it gently, as if she were talking to a small child. “If you want her, you have to play on her field, by her rules.”
He sighed as the high school band marched by playing a rousing version of “Jingle Bell Rock.” Anna was right, but oh how he ached to race after Harper, tug her into his arms, and kiss her until she couldn’t even remember her dead husband’s name. The thought sent a spasm of guilt through him. What an awful thing to wish. Of course, his logical mind didn’t want her to forget the guy—that would be so wrong. But if only she could set Drew Gaines to the back of her mind and heart. Let him rest there. Give herself permission to… Oh, God… “Anna, I’m so confused. We’re just friends, but I’m attracted to her, and this is so different from when I was with—”
“She who shall not be named?” Anna grinned as she offered the nickname the family had given to Cameron’s former fiancée, who’d literally left him at the altar five years previously.
Cam nodded. “This is different. I just want to be with her, know everything about her, show her all of this goofy little town, bring her as much happiness as I can.” He yanked off his knit cap and thrust his fingers through his hair. “You think this is just a delayed reaction to Scarlett? Who knows? Maybe I haven’t dealt with that whole mess yet. But my brain is fuzzy, my heart expands damn near out of my chest every time I see her—hell, if even I think about her. This is crazy, I know, but”—heat rose to his cold cheeks, no doubt making them redder—“I think … I think she might be the one.”
He waited for Anna to burst out laughing because truth was, if she’d said the same sappy things to him, he’d probably tease her endlessly. She didn’t laugh, though. Instead she touched his scruffy cheek. “Aw, Cammy, ’bout time you fell in love—real love.”
He pulled his sister into a quick hug. “Figures it’s with someone who’s still in love with her dead husband. Impossible is my middle name.”
She threw her head back and laughed. “You have mastered the art of hopeless relationships, little brother.” She sobered, her expression turning serious and tender. “Go slow. Keep being her friend. Let her come to you when she’s ready. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out.”
Cam blew out a long breath. “I thought you were the go-get-’em girl. How did you become such a fatalist?”
“Turning thirty-eight forces you to reevaluate.” Anna shrugged, her glance sliding away from his. “I’ve decided to stick to whatever-happens-happens mode when it comes to romance.”
He gazed at her for a moment. His beautiful older sister—bold, smart, funny, kind. He hated that she was leaving her love life up to fate. Sure, she’d had a few bad relationships. Her latest one was with a smarmy architect she’d been involved with ages ago whom Cam truly disliked. She’d even moved to Italy for the son of a bitch, and from the get-go, Cam hadn’t trusted him any further than he could throw him. The guy married someone else not long after Anna discovered she just couldn’t bear living in Italy and came home. But the jerk had turned up out of the blue this past summer. Anna was starry-eyed for a few months, but then things ended again—very abruptly.
She said she’d sworn off men, claiming she was instead focusing on the spec houses for Walker Custom Homes, doing yoga, taking an advanced photography class up at Warner College, and teaching a beginning phone photography class at the Boys & Girls Club. But Cam wondered if maybe she was still seeing the bastard, because she refused to discuss him. He hoped not. The jerk wasn’t near good enough for her. “Oh, sis, I’m saddened and disappointed to hear you say that. You’ve always been my beacon of hope in the dark and stormy sea of love.”
“Find another light, brother,” Anna replied with a wry smile. “I’m out.” She jerked her head toward the cheering crowd in front of them. “Let’s try to get closer. Looks like Santa’s coming.”
Shoulders drooping, he followed her closer to the curb, but his spirits rose as he watched Santa waving from his seat atop the restored antique firetruck. His arrival had heralded the start of the holidays for River’s Edge since long before Cam was born. He couldn’t tell who was dressed up as the jolly old elf, but he was fairly sure it was Mac Mackenzie, who’d played him for the last couple of years. The guy had panache, calling ho ho ho to the crowds, smiling through his very authentic white beard, and pointing to the little kids who shouted on the sidelines. It was Christmas—his very favorite time of year.
This joy, this sense of community, was what he’d hoped to share with Harper when he brought her to the parade. Yet something—he didn’t know what—had taken her back to the darkness again today. He intended to discover what it was and find a way to bring her fully back into the world. But not today, apparently. He’d think about Harper later. Right now, he would simply enjoy the warmth of being with his family and his fellow citizens as they rang Christmas into River’s Edge. Grinning up at the red and green confetti and loopy streamers that were raining down on the firetruck, he clapped and whooped with the rest of his neighbors and friends.
*
Harper ran down to the practically deserted River Walk. She didn’t know where to go to escape the memories. The images flashing through her head—Drew on a ladder placing the star at the top of their Christmas tree, coffee and Irish cream on a blanket by the fireplace, Drew’s warm kisses and expert touches sending shivers through her. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she stood on the snowy walk and watched a barge full of coal chug down the river, wishing she could be on it. Escape. Except how did she escape her own thoughts? Sorting through myriad emotions exhausted her, but didn’t she need to deal with the grief so she could move on?
Right now, she was stuck. Each step she took forward, like accepting Cam Walker’s project or applying for the job at the nursery school or moving into the apartment above Mac’s garage or even cutting down a Christmas tree, seemed like a victory. Until the grief overtook her again and she was drowning in memories and longing to be back in Drew’s arms. She closed her eyes and dropped her head back, inhaling the cold breeze off the river. Maybe she should go talk to the therapist that the aunts had recommended. What could it hurt?
“Hey.” A voice a few feet away gave her a start. She hadn’t even heard footsteps. She turned to see Jazz Walker strolling up the path with her snoozing baby in a stroller.
Harper offered a little wave. “Hi.”
“Little too much Christmas cheer back there?” Jazz ambled closer to join her in the overlook—one of several that dotted the pathway along the river. “This town can get pretty Christmas crazy.” She peered down at snoozing Leo. “It got to be a bit much for my little guy, so we bugged out.”
Harper appreciated her kind understanding. “Yeah, kinda overwhelmed. I thought I was getting better, but sometimes it still creeps up on me, like at yoga the other night. I hope I didn’t upset anyone just leaving like that.”
“Of course not,” Jazz assured her. “I totally get it. The first Christmas I spent with Eli was hard. He still had Amy in his heart, and I had to give him space to deal with missing her.” She pressed her lips in a straight line for a few seconds as she stared out at the barge disappearing in the frosty air. “Actually, he still has Amy in a corner of his heart, and I’m glad for that. He loved her so very much; it showed me how much love he’s capable of giving to me.” She turned and leaned against the stone wall to face Harper. “Grief doesn’t go away. It subsides. Then sometimes, when you least expect it, when everything seems perfect, it hits you again like a freight train. I’ve learned to give Eli space in the freight-train times, the dark days—like on the anniversary of Amy’s death or on her birthday. It’s okay. Amy’s a part of who he is and I love her for helping him become the husband and father he is.”
Harper blinked back the tears burning against her eyelids. “I’m not sure I’m ready for a future without Drew.”
“What other choice do you have?”
The blunt question, asked gently but with Jazz’s intense gaze burning into her, took Harper’s breath away. “I-I…” She swiped at her eyes with her mittened hands and swallowed hard. “I don’t know.”
Jazz brushed snow off the surface of the wall, put her palms flat against it, and heaved herself up to sit on the edge. “I have a proposal for you.”
Intrigued, but wary, Harper paused a moment. “Okay.”
“I’ve been thinking of hiring an assistant at the arts center, but I need someone who’s organized, strong, friendly. Plus, I want an artist who can teach because I want to start having classes in the space upstairs. I’d thought about letting it out for meetings, but I’d rather use it for art classes. Now, I can hire an assistant and I can hire an artist and I can hire a teacher, but that’s three employees and my budget won’t stretch that far.”
Harper’s heart sped up as Jazz continued with a smile. “Or I can hire you—an artist and a teacher. I figure you have all the qualities I just named—after all, you were an elementary teacher. Friendly, strong, and organized are givens.”
The job sounded big and maybe even a little scary, but also perfect. She could paint and she could teach—her two passions, plus she’d be out in the world, yet still in a safe space. She’d loved the gallery the first time she’d stopped by and had wanted to go back, but between Cam’s dower chest and moving into the apartment, she simply hadn’t made the time. “I think I’d like that.”
Jazz held up one finger. “Full-time? Forty hours a week? We’re closed on Mondays, so it would be Tuesday through Saturday?”
Excitement surged through Harper and she smiled. “Sure.”
Jazz nodded. “Okay, let’s give it a try. You can start this coming Tuesday if you want or you can wait until after the holidays. Start January third.”
“I need to finish a project for Cam. It’s nearly there.” Harper took a deep breath. “How ’bout I come on Tuesday morning, and you can show me what you want me to do? But I won’t start full-time until I finish Cam’s job.”
“Perfect. I’ll work up an offer for you—I’m a nonprofit, so you won’t get rich. But you’ll be doing something you love and getting paid for it.” Jazz hopped down and stuck out her hand. “Welcome aboard.”
They shook and then Jazz said, “You want to come back with me? We’re all going to Holly’s for hot chocolate and tea and probably a bunch of sweets.”
The offer was tempting, but Harper wasn’t up to seeing Cam again. His unrelenting Christmas cheer was more than she could handle at that moment. She suspected he’d come by the apartment to help her set up her trees later. That would be soon enough. “Thanks, but I think I’ll head over to the quilt shop and see if I can help out with the sale.”
“See you on Tuesday.” Jazz left with a wave and a smile, leaving Harper filled with anticipation.
She hustled back up Pearl Street and walked up to Seams Pieceful, where the sale was winding down. Only a few customers were still sorting through baskets of fat quarters, bolts of fabric, and packages of batting, but there was a line at the cutting table.
Waving hello to Aunt Mary who was manning the register, she scooted behind the table with Aunt Dot, and asked, “Who’s next?”
*
It was well after dark before Harper finally got back to the apartment, only to discover her Christmas trees missing from the landing when she climbed the stairs. Her heart sank. What could’ve happened to them? Who would steal her trees? As she started to punch in the key code, she noticed a sticky note in unfamiliar handwriting attached to the window of the door. Come to the garage.
Baffled and disappointed at losing her Christmas trees, she sighed and went back down the stairs. The overhead door was shut, but lights were on inside, so she tapped on the walk-in door before opening it. Inside Mac, Carly, Annabelle Walker, and Cam stood in a line, all of them wearing huge smiles.
She furrowed her brow. “What’s going on?”
The group parted in the middle with Annabelle and Cam each holding an arm out. “Merry Christmas, Harper,” Cam said, his eyes sparkling in the fluorescent lights hanging from the garage ceiling. Behind them were her trees, fully lighted and decorated with glass balls, silver and gold beads, red gingham bows, and pinecones, and on the larger one, even tiny teddy bears. Each one had a topper—the large one a star and the small one an angel. The larger one had multicolor lights while the small one, meant for her bedroom, gleamed with white twinkle lights.
Harper’s throat swelled and she clasped her hands together as she blinked back tears—happy tears for the first time in a long time. It was a new and wonderful sensation.
When she could finally speak, she said, “You guys are amazing. Thank you. Thank you. This is so kind. How did you know I was excited about the trees, but kind of dreading trying to find something to put on them?” Starting with Mac, she hugged each one of her new friends, ending with Cam, putting her arms around his neck and kissing him heartily on his scruff of a beard. “I’m sorry I bailed on the parade,” she whispered for his ears only.
“It’s okay, Harp.” He hugged her a second or two longer than the others had, and she had to admit that it felt good to be in his arms.
She basked for a moment, enjoying being held against his strong muscled chest. It really did feel good. Too good. She stepped back, marveling at the trees. “These are gorgeous.”
Mac rubbed his hands together. “Let’s get them upstairs so you can enjoy them.” He unplugged two cords and inclined his head toward the trees. “You grab one, Cam, and I’ll take the other. Harper, run up and unlock your door for us.”
She scooted through the walk-in door, but stopped as she suddenly overheard a whispered conversation.
“Just say goodnight and head out, Anna. I’ve got this.” The words, clearly murmured through gritted teeth were Cam’s, followed by a higher voice saying something she couldn’t make out. Then Carly said something, also intelligible, before Mac’s voice boomed, “You grab that one, Cam.”
She heard them moving, so she scurried up the stairs, calling down as she punched in the key code on the front door, “Hey, y’all want to come up for coffee or hot chocolate or a glass of wine?”
Cam side-eyed Annabelle, who returned a wide-eyed look, but she shook her blonde head, making the pom-pom on her blue knit hat tremble. “Thanks for the offer, Harp, but I’ve got to head out—um, got some work to finish up before Monday.”
From the bottom of the stairs, Carly spoke up, too. “Graham and I need to go back to the diner to clean the, um, the range hoods tonight, but thanks for the offer.”
Harper held the door for Cam and Mac as they trooped past carrying her decorated Christmas trees. She hurried to clear the round table in the corner by the windows, so he could set the larger tree down, while Cam went into her bedroom to place the one he carried.
Mac’s grin and eye roll made her giggle. “That woman sure knows how to have a good time,” he said as he set the tree on the table and plugged it in. “You might want put something under that when you fill the stand.” He turned the tree this way and that for a second, then he backed away to eyeball it. “No skimpy side on this one. Nice.” He headed for the door. “Oh, add a couple tablespoons of sugar to the water. Helps preserve the tree.”
“Thank you, Mac.” Harper gave him another hug. “You and Carly are the best.”
He winked and threw up a hand to Cam, wandering out of the bedroom. “We try. See ya, Cam.”
Still in his coat and gloves, Cam gave her a smile. “See you, Harper,” he said, his voice unusually low-key as he headed for the door.
Harper’s heart dropped. He was leaving, too? Impulsively, she put a hand on his forearm, feeling the strong muscles there even through his winter jacket. “You want some coffee? Hot chocolate?”
His gray eyes widened and his smile grew bigger. “Do you have marshmallows?”
This time her heart soared and the sensation was such a surprise, she set her hand against her chest for a second before returning his smile. “Wouldn’t be surprised. Carly stocked my beverage cupboard.”
He unzipped his jacket. “Hot chocolate would be nice.”