Claire stifled a yawn as they pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house in her car. The sun had set hours ago, and moonlight revealed a dusting of white across the landscape that made the white Christmas lights on the house seem even more lovely. She breathed in deeply the scent of the snow and fresh air as she walked toward the house, while Reid let Sasha out of the car, trying to calm her anxiety, but it did little to help. Because the source of her current restlessness was clear.
Reid.
“It’s beautiful out here, isn’t it?” he said, as Sasha ran around them.
She stopped at the bottom of the porch stairs, soaking in the star-laden sky above them that she never saw in the city. But even the starlight couldn’t compete with the man standing next to her. They’d been working too close for too long. Having him in the room with her at the sheriff’s office while they combed through every piece of evidence they’d collected had kept her distracted. She could smell the familiar scent of his aftershave and see the warmth in his eyes when she managed to sneak a peek at him.
It wasn’t the first time she’d wrestled with telling him the truth about Owen. All her excuses seemed empty and insignificant, except one thing that continued to stop her. He’d broken up with her six years ago because she was ready for marriage and a family and he wasn’t. And apparently nothing had changed in all these years.
Reid, there’s something you need to know about me...about us... We have a son. I have a million and one excuses, but I’m truly sorry I never told you.
No, the reality was that it was better if he never knew the truth. She wasn’t prepared to deal with his reaction or with how his knowing would change everything. He had his own life to live, and saddling him with an instant family wasn’t fair. And neither would she do anything to jeopardize Owen’s well-being.
“It’s been a long day and I’m sure you’re tired,” he said, starting up the stairs ahead of her.
“I am, but it’s so beautiful out here with the snow and the Christmas lights from the house.”
“My mother loves the holidays and uses every excuse to decorate.”
“I don’t blame her.”
He stopped at the top of the stairs. “Are you okay? I know there’s a lot going on, but you seem...I don’t know...distracted.”
“There’s just a lot on my mind.” She glanced at the porch swing. “I think I’m going to sit out here a few minutes. Try and clear my mind so it’s not running all night. Though I’m not sure that’s possible.”
“Need some company? Unless you want to be alone—”
“I don’t mind.” She sat down, wondering why she’d agreed to let him join her. Her plan had been to forget Reid and their past, not let him in. “How’s your wrist?”
“Just a dull pain. The brace seems to be helping some.”
“That’s good. I keep thinking how much worse it could have been.”
“I’ll admit, I do too.”
“You don’t get these kinds of views in the city,” she said, pulling her scarf closer around her neck while staring out across the shadowy landscape.
“Have you ever thought about moving out of the city?” he asked.
“Not really. I don’t think a department in a small town like Timber Falls would be able to hire a full-time arson inspector, and I love what I do. And besides that, my mother’s getting older, and I think it’s important I’m near her.”
“I understand.” The chain of the porch swing creaked as he rocked back and forth, competing with a coyote howling in the distance. “Nights like this keep me here. And I love having my family nearby. I just can’t imagine living anywhere else again.”
“When I’m here, I can understand that. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of the views, or the fresh air.”
Owen would love this.
The thought took her off guard. She pressed her lips together, wishing she had the courage to simply spout out what she was thinking.
“Everything has been so focused on the fires, I’d love to hear what you’ve been doing the past five years.”
His question shifted her train of thought. This was what she’d been wanting to avoid—anything personal between them. Something she’d managed—at least for the most part—so far. Having him around her was doing things to her heart she didn’t want to admit even to herself. She’d closed off her heart to Reid O’Callaghan years ago.
At least she’d thought she had.
“I’m not sure there’s a lot to say. It’s hard to believe we’ve been apart almost six years.” She struggled with what to say. “I had thought for a long time about making the switch from a firefighter to an arson inspector. So I ended up doing the needed additional training for the job, applied and got the position.”
“I’m proud of you. The job seems to fit you.”
“I’ve learned a lot and continue to learn, but I love the entire process of finding the source of a fire. The downside is that too many arsonists end up not getting caught.”
“Then they better watch out now that you’re on the job.”
She laughed, but her smile only served to cover up her real feelings. Her mother had convinced her that she’d done the right thing six years ago, but looking at Reid now, she was beginning to wonder if she’d been wrong. Keeping the truth—and his son—from him wasn’t fair. But she also knew that everything would change once she told him. That was what had always terrified her. She’d seen the consequences. But had fear blinded her? Reid was nothing like her father. And even if he didn’t want a family, should she assume that he was going to react the way her father had?
On top of that, there were other issues she was going to face soon, as well. Owen was five, old enough to start asking questions about where his father was. And if she did tell Reid the truth, she was going to have to deal with having him back in their lives if that was what he decided he wanted. It was going to affect his family and any possible relationship he was involved in. And that scared her, maybe even more than losing him had. She didn’t want their son to be affected by decisions she’d made in the past. She’d just been so set on moving forward after she’d found out she was pregnant.
Why is this so hard, God?
Had she really thought she’d never have to deal with this again? Never have to deal with Reid?
“Still lost in thought?”
She cleared her throat, still grabbing for answers. For someone who liked to work everything out in to-do lists and spreadsheets, this was proving to be harder than she’d ever imagined.
“Just wondering about the same question you asked me,” she said finally. “What have you been doing since I last saw you?”
“I too love my job. I started a fire prevention training program at the local schools and take Sasha with me sometimes.”
“I bet the students love her.”
“It’s fun and the kids seem to react well to her.”
“She’s sweet,” Claire said. “And I guess we’ve both grown a lot over the past few years.”
“I would hope so. I’ve gotten involved at church, as well.”
She felt herself slowly relaxing as they talked, and was reminded again just how much she’d always enjoyed being with him. “I’m in a small group that has changed my perspective. The people there have made me realize that what I needed was faith.”
“I know exactly what you mean.” Reid’s phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. “Hang on, it’s Griffin. Maybe he’s got something for us.”
Reid put the call on speaker. “What’s up?”
“I’m headed home now, but we just got a hit on the license plate of that truck.”
“That’s great,” Reid said.
“We didn’t find the actual truck, but it belongs to a couple here in town. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help us because the truck was stolen. Elton and his wife flew out of Denver a week ago for Florida with their kids and won’t be back for another three days.”
“So a dead end,” Reid said.
“It’s looking that way. I’m heading out to their place on my way home to see if we can come up with some fingerprints there, but I’m not hopeful. We’ll keep looking for the truck and hope we can pull some prints that way.”
“If you need us at all—”
“I have orders that the two of you are supposed to be laying low right now. And besides, I have a feeling you could both use some sleep. I’ll give you an update if I find anything out.”
Reid hung up and leaned his head back, irritated, she was sure, that they were facing yet another dead end.
“That’s disappointing,” she said.
“It is. Though if we can find the truck, there’s a good chance we can get fingerprints and figure out who was driving it. But in the meantime, we’re going to have to keep looking at other avenues.”
She tried to ignore the frustration that kept rearing its ugly head, but couldn’t shake the feeling that no matter what she decided, someone was going to get hurt.
Reid shared her disappointment, but the case they were working on wasn’t the only thing plaguing him. He’d always wondered what might have happened if he hadn’t panicked when she first brought up marriage. What would have happened if he’d simply told her he needed time? Instead, he’d lost her.
“I admit, I imagined you would have found someone and settled down now that you’re pushing thirty,” he said, not sure why he felt the need to broach the subject.
“Life is busy, and I’d rather wait and find the right person.” He heard a soft sigh escape her lips. “So you’re not dating anyone either?”
“Never anything serious. And I have Sasha to keep me company. I’m living just up the mountain in the Fox house.”
“Wait a minute...you live in their cabin?”
“I do.”
“I remember how incredible that view is. I’d love to see it again. The view, I mean.”
“It is. And I’d love to take you there. Unfortunately, it’s a temporary arrangement. They’re down in Florida and asked me to housesit. My lease was expiring, and I said why not? The location’s perfect. It actually isn’t far from town, but you feel like you’re on the edge of the world. I moved in over a year ago, and they decided not to come back for the summer and stayed with their kids. So I’m there at least until they decide to return.”
“I have to say, I might be a bit jealous. I bought a house a year ago and while I love it, it still has the feel of the city and definitely no view.”
He studied her face in the glow of the string of lights hanging over them, surprised someone hadn’t snatched her up years ago. And relieved.
The thought threw him off. The truth was that it didn’t matter if she was married or engaged. He’d blown it with her, and in a couple of days, she’d be out of his life again and he wouldn’t have to worry about the woman who’d once stolen his heart. That was all in the past.
But if that was true, then why was his heart racing just sitting next to her?
“I’ll be honest. I missed you,” he said. “I tried to call you after I broke up with you.”
“I know, I just... I was hurt and afraid.”
“I never should have walked away.”
He reached forward automatically and brushed an imaginary piece of lint off her shoulder. He’d forgotten how beautiful she was. But his heart hadn’t forgotten. The magnetic pull he’d always felt toward her tugged at him, and suddenly, all he wanted to do was kiss her and prove that his heart hadn’t forgotten.
He leaned forward, unable to resist the impulse.
“I really want to kiss you right now,” he said, hesitating.
Her eyes widened, but she didn’t move away. “And I think I’d really like you to kiss me right now.”
The front door to the house opened as he brushed his lips across hers.
He turned around. “Mom?”
His mother stepped out onto the porch, stopping momentarily to straighten the wreath hanging on the door. “Sorry, you two. I didn’t know anyone was out here. I was just going to grab my book and turn off the Christmas lights.”
“That’s fine.” Claire stood. “I need to go to bed. It’s been a long day, and I’m starting to feel it.”
“Any progress on the case?” his mom asked, picking up the book.
“Nothing significant, but we’re still working on it.”
“I’m going to assume you ate dinner hours ago, but if you’re hungry, there’s a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies on the kitchen counter.”
“Thanks Mom. I appreciate it.”
“I’ll let you turn off the lights.”
“Of course. Good night.”
“Good night.”
“I really should go to bed,” Claire said. “I need to be able to function tomorrow and it’s already past eleven.”
An awkward vibe settled in between them.
“Claire...about what just happened.”
“Forget it,” she said. “We’ve both been under a lot of strain and now being back together just adds to it. It’s normal that some of the old feelings we had would surface. But this...you and me... I was wrong. I can’t go there again. We can’t go there. This was a mistake.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. You and I have a tendency to act before we think, but I’m not that person anymore, and I don’t think you are either.”
He nodded, but he didn’t want a clinical explanation of what he was feeling. Despite everything she was saying, he wanted to kiss her again and prove to her that she was feeling the same thing he was.
But he also knew deep down that she was right. His emotions were pulling him to a place he didn’t want to go. A place that they both would only regret.
“Good night, Reid.”
“Good night.”
He watched as she went into the house, shutting the door behind her. He wished he knew how to do the same thing with his heart. To close it off from her and those simmering feelings that had never completely died out. Funny how he’d thought he’d finally gotten over her after all these years and now, seeing her again, it almost seemed like she’d never left.
Reid hurried down the stairs of the front porch and along the driveway toward the barn. He needed to clear Claire out of his mind. A car motor caught his attention. The hairs on his neck prickled. They’d decided he and Claire would be safe here. He was planning to stay for a couple of days; his parents were here and Caden and a handful of ranch hands lived on the property. Everyone had been told to keep an eye out for anything suspicious.
He slipped into the shadows and pulled out his phone as he waited for the vehicle to come into sight. Moonlight caught the front of Caden’s car. Reid let out a sharp huff of air. He was getting paranoid.
Reid walked up to his brother’s car as Caden climbed out. “Where have you been?”
“Where do you think? Wedding plans. I tell you, I wish we would have eloped. To her credit, Gwen is doing everything fairly simply, but there are so many details you wouldn’t believe, and now her aunt’s here and wants to change things... If you ever find the right girl, convince her to elope.”
“Seems like sound advice.”
“I thought I’d stop by on the way home and make sure everyone was okay.”
“I’m just out getting some fresh air.”
“Is that all?”
“Claire and I were sitting out on the porch and winding down from a long day and... I don’t know how it happened, but I kissed her.”
“It doesn’t sound like the worst thing that could happen.”
“Mom ended up interrupting, but I don’t think Claire is feeling what I am.”
Caden followed him back toward the house and they sat down on the steps leading up to the front porch. The wind had picked up, but Reid barely felt it. “What are you feeling?”
“Confused, mainly. A part of me still feels so drawn to her.”
“You do remember that you’re the one who broke up with her.”
Reid rested his elbows on his thighs and shook his head. “Of course I remember. And I’ve regretted it ever since.”
“Have you thought about telling her that?” Caden asked.
“I don’t think I should do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I never should have kissed her. No matter what happens, we’re not getting back together. She made that very clear. Tonight was just... I don’t know what tonight was other than a mistake, but it can’t happen again. I can’t let it because it won’t work between us. I’m not going down that road again. And I need to respect her feelings.”
“So you’re just going to walk away. Like the last time.”
“I don’t know. If you would have told me two days ago that I’d be kissing Claire Holiday on my parents’ front porch, I would have laughed you into the next county. But kissing her feels like Pandora’s box has just been opened, and I’m now standing in the middle of this whirlwind, trying to find my balance.”
“Listen...” Caden squeezed Reid’s shoulder. “I know what it’s like to have your heart broken. Cammie canceled our wedding the night before the ceremony because she’d fallen in love with someone else. And she never had the guts to tell me until then. I never imagined myself saying that in two weeks I’m getting married to the most beautiful, Godly woman I’ve ever met. Sometimes God gives you second chances. Sometimes He brings someone completely new into your life and rearranges it.”
“I’m happy for you and Gwen. I really am.” Reid tried unsuccessfully to shake off the frustration entangling him. “Something tells me Claire and I will never have that happy-ever-after ending.”
Besides, what really mattered right now was finding out who was behind the threats on their lives. And after that, she’d be out of his life again for good.