Till Death Do Us Part?
I set up an interview to meet Al, the golf partner of a man who had worked part time for me. Al and his wife, Chris, were a middle-aged couple married for more than forty years. They’d had one of those lifelong love affairs you sometimes hear about. Their love had lasted throughout their entire marriage—and went on to survive Chris’s death.
Chris had been a big believer in the afterlife and in ghosts and spirits. The couple had attended a psychic fair once and had been told that they were brother and sister in another incarnation, which caused a lot of hilarity on their more amorous nights.
When Chris’s mother passed away years earlier, Chris believed she’d been sent a sign. That first year after her mom died, Al and Chris stayed up late one night watching a movie and then each fell asleep in their recliners. They awoke to a strange sound coming from somewhere in the house, but they couldn’t determine its location. Finally, they traced the sound to the kitchen, and Chris recognized it. She owned a plate that played “Happy Birthday,” which the family used for their cakes at birthday celebrations.
Chris’s birthday was the following day, and as she dug deep in the cupboard for the plate, knowing it was impossible to turn the plate on without physically doing so, she wondered if her mom might’ve been involved. At the same time, she said aloud, “I might’ve thought Mom was telling me happy birthday if she’d only waited one more day!” Al looked at his watch and said, “Chris! It’s after midnight! It’s your birthday!” Chris just smiled as she realized Al was right! Then she thanked her mom, knowing her mother had somehow turned the plate on to send her birthday wishes. The plate never again played by itself.
Al had his own experiences with the paranormal return of loved ones. Al’s father had clinically died years earlier and was revived, literally brought back to life. After that, he was never afraid to die, stating that it was a wonderful white light. Al’s dad lived many more years after that. Finally, time passed, disease and illness took their toll, and Al’s father neared death again. He had been in a coma for six months before he passed away, and Al’s mother went to visit him every day. One cold winter’s night, Al was home, asleep in bed. Suddenly something woke him up, and as he lay there wondering what it was, a huge blast of ice-cold air blew through the house, almost as though a window had been opened in the wintry weather. That’s Dad! Al thought. A moment later, the telephone rang and it was Al’s mother calling to tell him that his father had just passed away. “I already know, Mom,” Al told her.
More recently, Al’s mother died, and Al believes she too came back to let her children know she was okay. The week before his mother went into her final coma, she told Al’s sisters she’d dreamt of a beautiful banquet with flowers, food, and a table set with the finest silver and china. She said she’d never seen anything so gorgeous and perfect. The hospice nurse told Al’s mom that maybe it meant they were preparing it for her, that maybe soon it was her time to go be with her husband. But Al’s mother said no.
“It’s only for men this time,” she told her daughters and the puzzled nurse. “No women are going.”
Al’s sister grabbed the paper the next day to look at the obituaries, and sure enough, only men had died that day in their large city!
Al’s sisters had been their mother’s primary caregivers along with hospice, and they were all staying at their mother’s house. When the brothers and sisters were kids, they had a rule at home that whenever any of them went anywhere, they were to call home, let it ring once, and hang up, so as not to lose their dime in the pay phone. That was their code that they had arrived safely at their destinations.
Al’s sister walked into their mother’s room just as his other sister told her she thought their mom had just passed away. As they stood there trying to discern if their mother was still breathing, the phone rang once! They knew then that their mom had arrived safely and was letting them know.
Al and his wife, Chris, had been high school sweethearts, and once their children were grown, they began enjoying their midlife years together. Both Al’s and Chris’s favorite activity was a vacation cruise to the Caribbean, where they could snorkel, enjoy the ocean, and savor the fabulous food. Chris felt it was the best holiday any woman could have, and Al went along with her wishes.
The year of Chris’s death was no different. She and Al had been looking forward to escaping the cold weather for the balmy tropics. The trip began uneventfully enough until the third day, when the ship was anchored on the open sea, and Al and Chris went snorkeling. It was a beautiful morning as usual in the region. A large catamaran filled with a group of like-minded cruise-ship guests steered Al and Chris a distance away from the ship. The catamaran was large enough to hold quite a few passengers and even had a bar for the guests’ enjoyment.
The blue water was warm, the sun was shining, and the fish were plentiful. There was a lot to see. Al and Chris enjoyed their favorite hobby together on a near-perfect day. Al had an underwater camera that he liked to tinker with each time they went diving. It was a good one that took great pictures both in and out of the water.
After snorkeling a little while, Chris said she was tired, and Al asked if she was ready to quit.
“Yes, I think I’m going back to the catamaran to relax and have a drink,” Chris told her husband.
“All right. I think I’m gonna stay out just a little while longer, and I’ll see you back there soon.” This was unusual because Al had always called it quits once Chris was done snorkeling.
Al watched Chris swim away, heading for the catamaran. On impulse, he began to snap a few pictures of his wife with her mask and vest on as she swam back. It was about 10:00 in the morning.
Al continued to snorkel for a just little while longer and then swam back to the catamaran. As he tried to come onboard, he was told there had been a medical emergency and he would have to wait. So Al went back out to snorkel a bit more. Soon, someone from the crew called out Al’s name, and he swam back and was allowed onboard. There was a major commotion on deck, but all he could see was a group of people gathered around something. Suddenly, he saw that they were gathered around Chris, giving her CPR! The crew told Al that Chris had no sooner climbed back onboard than she’d been felled by a major heart attack. The crew and others worked on Chris for a long time, but were unable to revive her. Apparently she had died instantly.
Of course for Al, this was a nightmare scenario of epic proportions. He spent the rest of the cruise sitting with his wife’s body each night in the ship’s morgue. Although the captain said they would bring a helicopter to pick Al up, Chris’s body would have to be shipped, and Al just didn’t want to be separated from her. It made for some uncomfortable moments with the other guests onboard, but Al didn’t care. He decided to wait, along with his wife’s body, until the cruise was over and he could accompany Chris home. His friends thought it was pretty morbid, but Al thought Chris would’ve wanted him to stay. Little did
Al know that the pictures he’d snapped of his wife that day were her last moments of existence on earth.
Al’s grief was as deep as anyone would expect after the sudden death of a soul mate. And it was bittersweet for it to happen in such an idyllic setting where the couple had shared so much and had so many good times. Al told himself that Chris had died doing what she loved with the person she loved most in the place she loved best. And Al tried to move on as best he could—alone. Six months had passed by the time Al finally got around to giving the film from that fateful day to his son to get developed. One night a while afterward, Al’s son came to him and asked if his father had seen the pictures he’d dropped off at the house. Al hadn’t. He didn’t want to be reminded, so he put them away without looking. His son got them from the drawer.
“Look at this one. What do you see?” Al’s son asked. It was the picture of Chris swimming back to the catamaran, the one Al had taken mere moments before her death. A white opaque shape was rising up out of her body and heading into the blue sky above—with what appeared, almost, to be wings sprouting from it! Al felt that somehow this was Chris’s spirit leaving her body. I explained to Al what many in the paranormal world believe. In some deaths where there is pain involved, such as a heart attack or an accident where someone burns to death, many believe that the soul is taken from the body beforehand, so no pain is felt. The body continues to move and act as it normally would, but the spirit is gone. I told Al he may have caught Chris’s spirit moving on to the light that day she died.
Somehow, Al got through Chris’s death, her funeral, and the aftermath, and he grieved along with family and friends. That fateful cruise and Chris’s subsequent death had been in early November, and Al dreaded the upcoming holidays. But Chris had loved the holiday season, especially Christmas Eve—the night their whole family got together and celebrated, with hors d’oeuvres and a big meal. Chris had always planned the details of their get-together.
Al decided the best way to honor Chris’s memory was to continue the tradition—with one exception. They had always teased Chris mercilessly about the fact that each year, no matter how early she planned to serve the hors d’oeuvres on Christmas Eve, they always ended up being ready at the same time as dinner. This first year without Chris, only six weeks after her death, as the entire family stood around talking after they’d arrived, Al brought up Chris’s traditionally late hors d’oeuvres. This little foible of Chris’s had been the source of much merriment in their family over the years.
“Chris, this year, I’m in charge, so we are having hors d’oeuvres at 6:00!” Al joked. As soon as Al announced his early hors d’oeuvres time schedule, the lights flashed! Al’s son, daughter-in-law, and everyone else there grew very quiet. And then the lights went completely out. Finally, they came back on.
“I can’t believe that just happened,” said Al’s daughter-in-law.
Al decided to answer Chris right then and there. “Chris, I don’t care, this year I’m in charge, and we’re having hors d’oeuvres at 6:00!” They all laughed, and Al and his family truly felt Chris’s presence there with them at that first Christmas Eve without her.
That first year without Chris was tough on Al. There are always the “firsts” to get through: the first holidays, the first birthdays, and so on. Al had played in a golf league for many years each Thursday evening during summer, and Al and Chris started the tradition that golf night was also pizza night. Somehow, although her timing of the hors d’oeuvres was always off, Chris’s timing on pizza/golf night was impeccable. Nearly every time Al walked into their home at 8:00 p.m. after golfing on Thursday, the oven timer would go off just as he came through the door. And then Al would take out the pizza Chris had made for their supper.
When the first Thursday of golf league started up that spring, Al was sad as he made his way home, remembering pizza night. It brought it all back and made Al think about how badly he missed Chris. When Al opened the door to his house, the oven timer was going off! This was a definitive moment for Al. He knew for sure Chris was telling him she was there, and she missed their pizza night too. Al shut the timer off and spoke aloud to his deceased wife, thanking her and telling her how he missed their lives together. It was an electronic timer that had to be set by hand, and Al lived there alone, so there was no way it could go off by itself.
The oven timer has never gone off since that night when Chris set it for Al. But on that first Thursday evening of the golf league, Chris seemed to know that Al needed a little sign she was okay and that she still watched over him. And that she hadn’t forgotten their pizza night!
Apparently Chris was worried about the man she’d left behind. After all, he’d been the love of her life since their teenage years. Al believes Chris feels the need to check in on him and let him know she’s watching over him. And that’s just what Chris still does.
My artistic cousin Joyce has many like-minded friends. I met Joyce’s friend Rae at an out-of-state event where Joyce exhibited her dolls. Rae is a young artist who also leans toward Halloween art. Of course, she asked about the book I was working on because she’s almost as interested in the paranormal as I am.
“Actually, I’m interviewing friends about their ghost stories right now, Rae. You don’t happen to have one, do you?” It turns out she did.
Rae’s grandparents had been married for sixty-nine years. Her grandpa was in the hospital, sick with cancer, and Rae’s grandma was so upset about his illness and impending death that the stress had recently landed her in the hospital too, just down the hall from her husband.
Rae’s grandpa had gone into a final coma, and her mom and her mother’s sister, Rae’s aunt, were sitting beside his bed. Rae’s mom decided to tell her father it was okay to leave—that they would look after his wife.
“Dad, you can go now, it’s okay. We’ll take care of Mom for you,” Rae’s mother said. As soon as the words left her lips, their comatose father raised his head from the pillow, gave a deep sigh, and left this earthly life. The wrinkles in his face all smoothed out, and he was the picture of peace.
The nurse came in just as this happened, checked the women’s father, and then asked the two sisters if they would please wait to inform their mother that her husband had passed away.
“The doctor would like to be here with her when she’s given the news,” the nurse said.
Rae’s mom and aunt agreed, and they decided to walk down to their mother’s room to check on her while waiting for the doctor. They were shocked to see their mom with one arm raised high in the air, as if someone was holding it. Their mother had been pretty ill, and wasn’t extremely alert at that moment. But she had a story to tell them.
“Daddy was just here—he rubbed my back,” said the old woman. This was something their dad had always done for their mom. “But he’s gone now—he had to go. He just left,” their mother told her daughters. Rae’s young face showed her emotion.
“My mom and her sister just looked at each other. They knew their dad had come to say goodbye to their mom, and rubbed her back while he was at it too.”
I told Rae it was a great story, and we sat in silence for a minute. It is strange how in some families, returns seem to be the norm, yet not at all in others.