Pastor Allen’s message really had me in my thoughts. I turned the TV off and took a nap. I was emotionally drained. Things at the Inn were winding down. The guests from the wedding had checked out. I missed breakfast so I decided to grab a turkey sandwich, chips, mixed fruit, and a bottle of water for a late lunch. Since it was such a beautiful day, I decided to sit poolside. I found a table underneath a tree. Everest was in the pool swimming laps. After thirty minutes or so he jumped out of the pool. He had on a navy-blue speedo. Everest strolled over to his cabana, retrieved his towel, and began to dry off. Body just glistening from the water.
I watched and tried my best not to gawk at him.
Our eyes met and I flashed a half smile at him, and we exchanged a wave.
Just then Althea spotted me and walked toward me with a plate in hand.
"Mind if I sit down?" she asked.
"No, not at all."
"Have you made your mind up yet?"
"No, not yet. I'm still contemplating."
"What's your holdup? If you don't mind me asking."
I shifted in my chair a bit.
"You don't have to answer," she said.
"It's okay. I really would like to accept the job, but I have some things to work out first.” I shook my head. “Well, I don't know if I'm able to work it out."
Althea raised her eyebrows.
"I may be getting a divorce." I heard myself say in almost a whisper.
"You definitely don't want to make any rash decisions. Divorce is like death, a part of you dies," Althea said, lowering her eyes.
"Are you speaking from experience?" I asked.
She nodded, then took a few bites of her pizza. "I have been divorced now for three years. I regret it. I miss my husband and my kids."
"Why don't you go back to him?" I inquired.
"I wish it were that simple. Jerry remarried and has moved on with his life."
"I'm so sorry to hear that.”
"Yeah, me too. You live and you learn. Unfortunately, this lesson cost me my family."
"Althea, what happened?"
"Well—long story short—I thought the grass was greener on the other side when I should have been mowing my own lawn. I got bored in my marriage. Felt neglected. I got fed up and decided to step outside of my marriage and decided to leave, thinking things would be better…" her voice trailed off.
I sat at attention.
"I moved out of my house and moved in with Stephen. He was fun, exciting and a few years younger than me. I was in la-la land. That is until I started talking about us getting married. We had been together for six months. He immediately shut down that idea. He said he wasn't ready. The crazy part about it is that we never talked about marriage. Honestly, all we did was have fun. Stephen didn't know anything about me at all.
“As a result, my twin daughters, Ashley and Amber, no longer talk to me. They blame me for breaking up our family. They are right. It’s my fault. I tried to go back home, but it was too late. Jerry was hurt. He filed for divorce, and I moved here." Tears formed in her eyes and mine too.
I don't know if I was crying for Althea or for myself. I never thought about how me leaving could affect my kids too. This wasn’t just about me, it was about them too.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry." She dabbed at her eyes with a napkin.
"No need to apologize. You’re helping me more than you know," I said.
"I don't want to be in your business, but I will give you this advice. If your marriage is worth saving, save it. I struggle every day with my decisions. I was so caught up in myself that I hurt those who mean the most to me. My daughter Amber just got married and I wasn't invited. I saw pictures on one of my cousin’s social media pages. I'm praying that one day we can mend our relationship. Don't make the same mistake I did."
"Thank you for your advice. I'll keep all of it in mind."
"Right now, I feel lonely in my marriage. Like I'm by myself, and I just don't know what to do." I confessed.
"Feeling lonely and being alone are two different things. I, my dear, am alone. All I have here is me. Do you have a family?"
"Yes, I have a son and daughter who are both still home."
"I'm sure they get on your nerves from time to time, but I'm certain that you love them and can't imagine life without them."
I nodded.
"In your loneliness, find you something to do. Don’t let the enemy play mind games with you, having you thinking you’d be better off without your husband and children. Are you a housewife?"
“Yes, but it's deeper than that. Tommy is always gone. We’re not connected like we used to be."
"Sounds like something counseling can fix. You're probably just feeling burned out. This is certainly not a reason to leave your marriage, in my opinion." She added.
We both ate in silence for a few more minutes.
"Where are you from?" she asked.
"I live in Sweet Lily."
"I have a few family members who live there. Jerry and I had planned to build a home there, but we decided to move to Lancing Springs instead."
"That's not too far from Sweet Lily," I said.
"I have an idea. Have you ever thought about opening a party planning business there?"
"No, I haven't."
"Why not?" she asked.
“Girl, the work you did on short notice for us was amazing. You seemed to really like it. Maybe that's what's missing in your life. Maybe you just need a change within you. I'm not saying that will fix your marriage, but it will help you shift your focus. Think about it. I better get going. It’s almost time to prepare for dinner. Good talking with you."
"Thanks, Althea. For everything."
She got up from the table and headed back inside.
I sat attempting to sort through my thoughts.
Althea was right. Yes, I wanted things to change between Tommy and I, but divorce wasn't the answer.
I need to find me, but amid finding me, I don’t want to lose him or my family.
My phone dinged alerting me of a new text.
Tommy: Babe I miss you and I love you!
Me: I love you too!
This time I decided to text back.