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Philadelphia
THANKS TO BARAKIEL’S MEETING with the commanders after his tour of duty in the Turning, Pellus now had another source for his growing anxiety. The commanders seemed to expect more and more of Barakiel the stronger Lucifer became, as if they viewed the father as the son’s responsibility. This, combined with the need to destroy the false monks, gave Pellus a terrible feeling of dread as he and Barakiel passed out of the rift.
If I did not love this warrior so much I would curse him for destroying my serenity.
Once Barakiel had shaken off his disorientation from the passage, he suggested they sit by the river to discuss the false monks and their followers.
“Have you discovered anything about the identity of the people who rented that house?” he asked when they’d settled in.
“Eh, I am still working on it,” Pellus said. “Of course, the house was rented in the name of a company. The people associated with that company took pains to conceal themselves.”
“Taking a page from our book.”
“Yes. I will keep trying.”
“What about the unsavory task that awaits us in the Camargue? We need to do that sooner rather than later, before anyone else is hurt.”
“All right. We can go tomorrow.” Pellus attempted to keep the worry from his voice.
I wish there was another way.
“If they have left the Camargue, we will have to wait until another time,” Barakiel said. “I need to get back here for the holiday.”
“The what?”
“The holiday. American Independence Day. Zan and I are spending it with her friends. I’ve always loved it.”
“Yes. I remember how much you enjoyed that particular party the first time it happened.”
Barakiel nodded. He looked away then looked back at Pellus, rubbing his forearm.
That mannerism. He is going to tell me something I do not want to hear.
“I should tell you, Pellus. My relationship with Zan has grown quite serious.” Barakiel scrutinized the adept for a moment. “In fact, it has grown so serious I do not see how I can fail to tell her what I am.”
Not this again. What is the matter with him?
“And I have told you that is a terrible idea,” Pellus said. “I am surprised at you, that you would be willing to place her in danger. As I have said before, I am not the only traveler who can come here.”
Pellus watched the conflict play itself out on Barakiel’s face. “We must keep the secret!” the warrior said, his voice rising. “I do not see how even a spy would know I had told her. She will keep my confidence. She must know. She is my mate. I have found my mate.”
The adept’s chest constricted with sorrow. He pushed it aside in favor of his anger.
He is giving himself to her. I must stop this.
“Found your mate? Do not be ridiculous. You cannot mate with a human.”
“Yet I have. The response she has drawn from me is all I need to know.”
“Please. When Covalent mate the ages spent together give the two a deep understanding of each other’s fears and strengths. With your mate, you have the most intimate of relationships, the most steadfast of support. You cannot have that with this woman.”
The warrior rose from his seat. “Her name is Zan. Call her by her name.”
“Very well.” Pellus stood in turn. “I am sure Zan would place her life in your hands without hesitation, but whatever her intentions, she can be of no help to you.” He fell silent for a moment. He had to choose his words carefully so Barakiel would not move beyond reason.
“Sometimes decisions we make with the purest and most beautiful of intentions have unintended consequences,” Pellus continued. “If you were to tell Zan of your nature, there is no guarantee the Council would not discover what you had done. What if she were to become complacent? One day she might forget and be there to greet us as we emerge from a rift. Or the two of you might have a conversation that reveals her knowledge of the Covalent Realm. What if a traveler spy was there to hear it? You have enemies, Barakiel. It would not take much. Zan would be killed and you would not be able to live with yourself.”
A mixture of anger and fear filled Barakiel’s eyes like rising smoke. “Why should they care?” he asked. “They exiled me. In times past the Covalent played god in the Earthly Realm, fucking and fighting, manipulating humans to amuse ourselves. We never worried about what they discovered.”
“Of course we didn’t. Humans were not as they are. The Council has good reason now to keep its secrets. The Covalent number some 25 million. How many humans are there? Seven billion? Think on that.” Pellus wrung his hands. He took a deep breath. “The Council worries over human technology, and rightly so. I am able to detect a rift with my senses. What if the humans detect a rift with their instruments? What happens then?”
Barakiel snorted. “Paranoia does not look good on you, Pellus. I doubt anything of great consequence would occur even if your unlikely scenario were to develop.”
“How can you say that? You know the idiocy of these creatures better than anyone! Would you put it past them to fire a nuclear warhead into a rift? What would happen?” Pellus leaned in, desperate to get the warrior to acknowledge what Pellus saw as a simple truth. “What about their staggering capacity to generate garbage? They could turn the rifts into so many trash heaps. Before long, they are likely to render their own realm uninhabitable. Guardian forbid they look to the rifts to save themselves, to find another place to ruin.”
“This is ridiculous speculation.” Barakiel’s face had grown splotchy and red. “I am more interested in your veiled threat.”
“I made no veiled threat.”
“No? You try to control me with warnings about travelers spying for the Council.” Barakiel took a step toward Pellus. “Perhaps you are the spy. Would you tell them? Would you betray me?”
“Of course not.” Pellus felt the weight of hurt in his chest, placed there by Barakiel’s words as well as his threatening stance. “But I fear that Zan may betray you unwittingly. What if her friends in the FBI were to become suspicious of you? They might investigate you, discover that your background is false.”
“As if anything anyone ever does comes with a guarantee.” Barakiel’s voice spat venom. “How can you say Jeduthan will not reveal that you killed the false monk, an act against Covalent Law?”
“Jeduthan would never do such a thing.”
“She wouldn’t? Jeduthan is a scholar and a scribe to the Council who has never let her voice be heard among them. She is subservient. She has only ever done exactly as she is told. If they were to question her, she would tell them everything.”
“How dare you insult Jeduthan? How dare you compare her to your speck of a human?” Pellus hissed. He paused to calm himself. Barakiel had never been so disrespectful.
He has forgotten his place.
“Perhaps in a way you are right about my paranoia,” Pellus added, his face turned in a chilling smile. “Your human’s life is so short, she will be dead before there is time for unintended consequences. I need only wait for the problem to solve itself. The love you share will dry and crumble like so many autumn leaves.”
Barakiel turned his head. He made a strangled sound, his eyes unfocused. Pellus’ anger evaporated like drops of water off a hot skillet.
What have I done?
“I am sorry, Barakiel. I was wrong to say that. Please forgive me.”
The warrior did not look at him. He no longer seemed aware of his presence. He walked off, got in his car and drove away.
Hours after Barakiel left, Pellus considered calling Zan to find out if he had gone to her, but he had no idea if Barakiel was even supposed to be in town.
Where else would he go?
All night, Pellus paced through Barakiel’s home, waiting for him to return. He came through the door shortly after dawn.
“Why are you still here?” he asked.
“I thought we were going to France.”
“That will have to wait. I am not going anywhere with you. You need to go now and secure me an audience with the Council. I will request a new traveler, solely for transportation. I will not let this traveler into my life. This traveler will not pass my threshold.”
“Barakiel, please, I did not mean—”
“Shut the fuck up,” Barakiel said evenly. “I will no longer treat you with respect, as you evidently have none for me. You treat me as if I do not know my own mind. I am not playing a game. I am not using Zan to assuage my loneliness. I love her. She is my mate.” His eyes dared Pellus to protest.
“I have sacrificed a great deal in my life,” he continued, “but not anymore. Go ahead and tell the Council I am in love with a human. If they want my help, they will have nothing to say. If any harm befalls Zan, you will see how quickly I reveal the existence of the Covalent Realm.”
Pellus knew better than to say anything.
“From now on, I am going to do whatever the fuck I want,” Barakiel said, his voice growing louder. “That is the challenge you can bring to them. See if they can stop me. See if you can. I may not grow old with Zan, but I will never leave her. I will love her until she turns to dust in my hands. Do you hear me?”
I have lost him. I have treated him like a child. I am a fool.
Zan arrived at Barakiel’s place a few hours before they were due at a Fourth of July barbeque hosted by the bass player in her band. She held a brown box. He crinkled his nose at the odor.
It smells foul. Like suffering.
“Sorry about the meat, honey.” She kept the box behind her as she reached up for her kiss, then put it in the refrigerator. “Fresh-made sausages with fennel from the Italian Market. The carnivores will love them.”
“It’s all right,” Barakiel said. “For the barbeque.”
“Yes, and truth be told, I think they’re delicious.”
Barakiel opened a drawer and took out a book of matches. He lit a candle on the counter and the scent of cinnamon wafted through the kitchen.
“I guess I need to perform the sun ritual,” Zan said, washing her hands in the sink before she pulled a tube of sunscreen from her bag. “It’s a pain in the ass, but if I’m going to sit in Scott’s backyard all day, it’s necessary. Would you like to help me?” Zan held up the tube, the look in her eye revealing that her question was not really about sunscreen. He didn’t answer.
“What’s wrong?” Zan asked.
“Nothing.”
“Come on now, Rainer. Don’t turn into one of those guys on me. You seem upset. Talk to me.”
“I’ve had a terrible fight with Pellus.”
“Oh no. What happened? You’re so close.”
“It was about you.”
“About me?” Zan’s forehead wrinkled. “I had the feeling he disapproved of me.”
“Pellus is cautious to a ridiculous degree.”
“He thinks I’m a gold digger, doesn’t he?”
Barakiel smiled weakly. “Something like that.”
“He’s just protective of you. He’ll come around when he knows me better.”
“I don’t think so.”
It’s not me he’s protecting, my love.
Zan put her hand over her mouth and looked down for a few seconds. “I’m so sorry, honey. I feel terrible. He’s like family and I’ve come between you.”
“Fuck him. I don’t care if I ever see him again.”
“You never curse. He must have made you really angry.”
“Yes. I mean it. Fuck him. I’m only worried because now I don’t have a business manager. I don’t know enough to handle my affairs. Not well, anyway.”
“You should hire someone.”
“I don’t even know where to begin.” He closed his eyes. “Balance help me,” he mumbled.
“What?” Zan looked at him curiously. Barakiel realized he’d spoken in his own language.
“Right now, I want to touch you.” He grabbed her, placed his fingertips on the back of her neck and kissed her softly. Pulling her tight, he ran his lips along her jawline. Wave upon wave of energy, serene and strong, welled up within him. With every surge, he clamped her to him as his hands caressed her back.
This power. It must be greater than time.
“Can you feel it, my love?” he whispered. “Can you feel how much I need you?”
“Yes. I feel like I’m going crazy, but in the best possible way.”
Barakiel chuckled and kissed her again, greedy now. He was about to perch her on the counter to take off her pants when she stopped him.
“Wait a minute. You have to tell me more about this fight. It was about me after all. What did he say?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Not good enough, Rainer. I don’t want to hassle you when you’re already upset, but you can’t say that. Not after telling me I was the subject of the argument.”
“Pellus thinks I should—” He stopped to consider his words. “Um, he thinks I should keep you at arm’s length. He doesn’t want me to be too open with you.”
Lying with vagueness again. Demon take this nonsense.
Zan frowned and nodded. “Ah, that explains it.”
“What do you mean?”
“The arm’s length thing. I have to admit, it’s been confusing me. You act like you want to be close to me, but there’s this huge part of your life you tell me absolutely nothing about.”
Barakiel let her go and lowered his eyes.
“I’ve tried to tell myself it’s none of my business,” Zan continued. “But the longer we’re involved, the more it bothers me. You go on these trips. You never call. Your texts and emails seem impersonal.” Zan slipped past him. She leaned against the kitchen table. “I want to trust you, but I can’t shake the feeling that you’re keeping secrets.”
A pile of bricks materialized in Barakiel’s gut.
I cannot tell her what I am. Not now. Not before I learn to handle my new traveler.
“I’m sorry to distress you, my love. It wasn’t all Pellus. You know I don’t like to talk on the telephone. I suppose I get into a mindset when I travel on business that bleeds into my texts and emails. I find it hard to relax.”
“It’s not just that.” Zan crossed her arms, half scowling at him. “When you come back from a trip, you never tell me anything. No funny stories about some asshole you met. No mention of any problems. I’m your girlfriend. I want to help you, support you.” Zan uncrossed her arms with abnormal force and stared at the floor. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s stupid. Maybe I want too much.”
He blinked his eyes and pushed his hair out of his face in a vain attempt to his disguise his reaction.
She thinks she wants too much when all I have done is lie to her.
“Honey, please don’t get upset,” Zan said. “I told you because I feel suspicious and I hate it, but I understand now. It was Pellus.”
“Yes, Pellus.” Barakiel had no doubt his guilt was plain on his face. “It’s true his approach to things has had an enormous influence on me. He keeps things close to the vest. He always has, his emotions as well as practical things. In most ways, I’m nothing like him, but in business, I emulate him. I never tell anyone anything. Not even you.”
“If he knew I was saying all this to you, he’d be even more convinced that I’m a gold digger.” Zan walked back to him. She pressed her hands against his stomach.
She wants to love me. Why can’t I bring myself to tell her?
“You know,” Zan said, “there will be plenty of times I won’t be able to tell you a thing about my job. The only reason I can talk to you about the spleen case is because you signed that consulting agreement.” She stroked his face. “How do I bring you back to the point when you were just about to take off my clothes?”
Barakiel kissed her, soft and sweet. He hugged her close, breathing relief into her ear. “Perhaps a change of venue will shift our mood,” he said. “I’ve added a new solar panel to the array on the roof. Let me show you.”
“What? You have a solar array?”
“Yes. The whole apparatus came from Germany.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugged. “It never came up.”
“That is so cool. That is so you. And yeah, let’s go up. I’d love to check it out.” Zan rubbed her hands together like a little kid about to get on an amusement ride. Barakiel’s anxiety began to fade.
Zan will enjoy having sex on the roof.