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TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT. Rainer Barakiel is going to tell me all his secrets. I thought I’d be excited, but I feel like someone shoved a knife into my gut. Fitting, considering I met Rainer because of his expertise in edged weapons. What kind of omen is it, that I met the love of my life because someone found a human spleen in the bushes?
Figures the first murder I investigate would be something so creepy. Probably more than one perpetrator. People crazy enough to cut out a man’s organs and burn them. We’ve got to catch the sick bastards. We’re close now, thanks to Rainer. Those daggers turned out to be our best lead.
I’ll never forget how flabbergasted I was when we met. I pictured some little pasty guy. Someone who spent all his time bent over books about old weapons. When he opened his door I couldn’t talk, I was so stunned. God, how I flirted. Hell of a way for an FBI agent to act. This whole relationship is a hell of a way for an FBI agent to act. I didn’t want to face that he’s hiding things from me.
Still don’t.
What if he has something to do with the murder? What if he’s been using me?
I’m being paranoid. He gave me my best lead. He’s denied being a criminal and I believe him.
What if he’s “fucking me stupid,” as Mel would say?
No way. I don’t see how my instincts could be so wrong. He can’t be bad. He can’t.
Please, Rainer, honey. Please, don’t be a criminal.
He’s hiding things from me, but he loves me. I feel it. Maybe he didn’t expect to fall in love with me, but he did, and now he wants out. He’s going to confess, leave it all behind. For me.
Christ, O’Gara. Get ahold of yourself.
I wonder, after he tells me all his secrets, will this become a wacky story we love to tell? Or a story I tell only to myself, alone in a stale-smelling apartment, stewing in pain? The story of how my heart got damaged beyond repair.