Rafe stood with his mouth open. Jubilee wanted a baby?
Elsa, a bit pink at the subject matter, shrugged once more, glancing at Ivan next to her in the doorway.
“That what she say. She ask first if I happy. If I marry Ivan again. I say yes. But she not happy, but she say yes when I ask her. Then, I say not happy because no baby. She say yes.”
Rafe closed his mouth and swallowed. “Did she say anything else?”
Elsa tilted her head, her lips twisted in a thoughtful pose. “Yes, she say first husband bad.”
Rafe nodded, his mind occupied by the previous topic.
She huffed. “Maybe I no say these things. Maybe Jubilee be angry.”
Rafe rubbed his hand down his bristled cheeks he’d declined to shave this morning in his haste to visit the Larssons.
“No,” he said, “I appreciate your help. She does seem very cross with me lately. I thought you might understand why.”
Bouncing Britta on her hip, Elsa brought up her other hand to point at Rafe. “You talk to her then you know.”
Rafe sighed. Easier said than done. Surely Elsa, with her broken English, had misunderstood. He thanked them, turned to mount his horse, and made his way back to the farm. The weather was sure putting on a cold shoulder early this year, but his mind barely registered this fact. He pulled the coat tighter about him. His thoughts were wrapped around Elsa’s claims. Rafe let the horse meander to give his brain a chance to absorb this startling information.
He chopped more wood when he arrived home, knowing the weather seemed determined to start off with a good cold snap. He glanced toward the cabin and where Jubilee worked in the garden, cutting the pumpkins, the last of the squash, and the rest of the fall produce.
He wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to approach her about this whole ‘baby’ subject. And if this proved to be untrue, man, he’ll have stuck both feet in his mouth and a couple of neighbors’ feet to boot. He twitched his head in aggravation and set off for the barn to put some finishing touches on the jelly cabinet he’d started.
* * *
Jubilee placed the produce in the bushel basket, thankful for the thick cloak that draped her shoulders. Despite exerting herself in the cold weather, she still felt chilled. Perhaps it was a sign of a bad winter ahead. Or plain anxiety. She glanced toward the barn and watched Rafe swing the heavy axe over his head with ease. Her hand went to her throat and gathered the wool material tighter about her neck. Would he wait until spring to dump the bad news on her, or leave her right before the holidays?
She sucked the frosty air into her lungs to clear her mind. Don’t dwell on it. Elsa said she was praying—albeit a bit left of center, but praying, nonetheless.
Yet had she taken the time to pray for herself? Surely the Lord, in all His splendor, knew her true situation and what was best for her. Her eyes moistened, and she determinedly turned back to her chore. It was just too cold to cry.
As Jubilee prepared supper, she dreaded Rafe’s presence, always on edge that he’d tell her their marriage was over. It made it difficult to enjoy the meal. Tonight there was a beef roast, potatoes, carrots and celery in the Dutch oven that had been cooking most of the day on the banked fire in the fireplace. While she busied herself with the gravy on the stove, Rafe’s three knocks sounded before the door swung open. His huge figure swept into the room, and he removed his hat before he approached.
“Jubilee.” He nodded his head at her.
“Hello.” Tension tightened her belly.
He paused a moment, turning the brim of his hat around in his big hands. She ignored him and stirred, noting how difficult it was to keep her roving eyes from him. Surely he wouldn’t break the news while she blended gravy. A blue flash caught her eye and her gaze fell on the sapphire ring on her hand.
From the corner of her eye, she saw him turn and hang his hat on a peg before stepping to the fireplace on the other side of the room. Her gaze flicked to him as he held his hands out to the fire. Jubilee gathered the plates and placed them on the table. With his back to her, she took the opportunity to scan him.
His hair had darkened a bit with the changing of the seasons. The simple work shirt and pants set off his broad shoulders, hardened with labor, which tapered to his slim hips. He rubbed his big calloused hands together, hands that had effortlessly lifted her time and time again onto the wagon seat. Her stomach jumped in response, for his strength and form both lured and fascinated her.
He turned slightly, as if sensing her gaze, and she spun to gather the rest of the utensils to set the table. She grabbed her potholders to remove the huge Dutch oven from the fireplace but found him next to her, taking it from her hands
She took a quiet breath to steady her nerves before stepping back to the stove for the gravy. Did other women feel so useless and breathy when the man they loved came near? She’d never experienced this with Colvin. Never.
“I’ll get the pan, too.” He approached with the potholders.
She removed her apron as he carried the skillet, and then stepped back to an appropriate distance from him so her equilibrium could return to normal. At least as normal as it could be with him in the same room. Exhaling between pursed lips, she seated herself across from him. As had been their custom, Rafe grasped her hands before bowing to ask God’s blessing on the food. And although Jubilee wanted to gaze on him as he prayed, she dropped her head and closed her eyes.
* * *
He looked at her when he finished and gave a weak smile.
“You have a good day?” He grabbed a biscuit from the basket on the table.
“Uh-huh.”
Rafe stabbed a piece of meat. This was not starting so well. “Get all the garden crops in?”
“Uh-huh.”
That again. Frustration clawed at his gut. Perhaps he’d need a more direct route. He filled his mouth and chewed, keeping his eyes on her.
When he’d swallowed he said, “Talked to Elsa this morning.”
That brought Jubilee’s head up. Her forehead puckered. “Oh?”
He cleared his throat. This wasn’t going to be easy. Jubilee put her fork down and eyed her plate.
“You see, I’ve been concerned about you.”
Her eyes came up and searched his face.
“You’ve been so quiet.” He shrugged and stabbed his fork into a potato but didn’t lift it. “I was wondering if there was something bothering you.”
* * *
She eyed him as he raised a bite of potato to his mouth and chewed, his eyes narrowing and watchful as if he were trying to read her mind. Oh, dear. He’d talked to Elsa. Praying Elsa, who’d mistakenly thought Jubilee craved a baby. She took a quivering breath. The problem was, Elsa wasn’t too far off the mark. She did want a baby, but she wanted Rafe’s love as well.
“No, there’s nothing.” She grabbed for her glass, and it tottered before tumbling over. Water splashed everywhere and both of them jumped up from the table, rubbing water drops from their clothes. The water spread across the table and dripped to the floor. An apology leaped to Jubilee’s lips, but so did an immediate anger. She threw her arms down to her side in a huff, her hands clenched in fists.
“Why? Why are you going behind my back, asking Elsa about me?”
He looked up in confusion and a scowl crossed his handsome features.
“What am I supposed to do, Jubilee? You’ve practically stopped talking to me. How else can I figure out what’s going on?”
Her anger climbed to a higher plane. “You don’t have to know anything about me. We’re just business partners, remember?”
Rafe opened his eyes wide and slung his head as he spoke. “Well, according to Elsa, you want a baby, and that’s more than business in my mind.”
Jubilee gave a gasp and brought her hands to her face. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Elsa. Oh, why had she told him that? Suddenly, the uncharacteristic anger that had exploded from her dissipated and nothing but a horrible sadness rose up. She clenched her fists to her cheeks, vaguely aware that water dripped from the hem of her dress. He grabbed a napkin to wipe the front of his shirt.
“No,” she said quietly, “she misunderstood.”
Rafe’s movements froze.
“So you didn’t tell her…that?”
She hung her head. How could she lie to him? No, she hadn’t told her exactly that, but she did indeed yearn for a child of her own. She took a quivering breath. “Let’s…just drop this.”
She rubbed her right hand wearily across her forehead. He came around the table, picked up her unused napkin and wiped the moisture from her face. A fervor burned in his eyes. From anger? Jubilee wasn’t sure. Then he moved to dab her throat, pausing a split second before moving lower. He continued until he’d wiped her dress down the front, ending at her dripping hem. Then he stood, tossed the napkin to the table, and reached forward to put his hands upon her elbows, pulling her closer.
“Jubilee.” His voice thickened and her head came up. “We can do whatever you want.”
His hands slid up to her upper arms, moving up and down in a gentle caress. Jubilee swallowed a lump, warmth cascading from his touch, mesmerized by the bright flecks of yellow around the pupil of his startling jade eyes. His words grew deep and hushed. “If a child will make you happy, I’m willing to do my part.”
Jubilee barely heard the words he’d crooned as his face came closer. Softly, so softly, he touched his lips to hers, and Jubilee drew nearer to him until their bodies met. All the love she possessed for him seemed to blossom as she sighed against him, bringing her arms up to encircle his neck. Rafe’s embrace tightened at her response and the kiss deepened, awakening a shadowed fear in Jubilee. Suddenly, with all her might, she pushed him away and stumbled backwards several steps. They were both breathing heavily, eyeing each other with yearning and wonder.
“Jubilee?”
She took a shaky breath.
“I…just need a couple of minutes.” Her voice warbled with emotion. When he didn’t move, she whispered, “Please, could you go to the barn for a few moments?”
Confusion clouded Rafe’s eyes but failed to mask the light of desire. He shook his head before backing toward the door. “Okay.”
After the door shut she closed her eyes and raised her face to the ceiling. What in the world was she thinking? She needed a couple of minutes for what? She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t…oh, I love that man. The power of the emotion snatched her breath away. She moved to sit on the edge of her bed, putting her hand to her breast. She ached with love for him. Absolutely ached.
She had no thought of Rosemary’s letter at this point. Her only thoughts were of him and how wonderful it was to have his arms around her. And his kiss had been sweeter than the finest honey. Holy gracious, what was she going to do when he returned?
Oh God, I love this man. What am I to do? Like a whisper through her brain came Esther’s wise words, ‘show him all the love in your heart.’
Suddenly her chin lifted. She knew exactly what to do when he came back, come drought or high water. She was going to fight for her husband with all her being. Taking deep breaths, she rose and began removing her dress.
At last she stood trembling in her thin cotton shift, a puddle of clothing encircling her ankles. Why is it so hard to breathe? Quickly she pulled the band from her hair and unbraided it with shaking fingers. She shook it free and it tumbled about her waist with thickness and shine.
Oh, Lord. Of all the times to pray, but she couldn’t stop herself. I love Rafe so much. So very, very, much. Oh, Lord, how I so desire to have a normal, loving family with him. Please let the love he had for Rosemary be completely wiped from his memory and let him learn to love me, oh, Lord, please!
Tears dropped to her cheeks and she quickly kicked the dress from around her feet and underneath the bed. She wobbled as she drew back the blankets on her mattress. Perhaps, if nothing more, she’d have his child to hold when he left. A baby to ease her broken heart.
She walked across the cold floor and blew out the lantern on the table, throwing the room into shadows. With a tremulous smile, she noticed dinner still on the table.
Thankful for late fall’s early darkness, she went to the door to wait for his signature knock, trying to keep her courage up. Surely if she survived life with Colvin and his abuse, she’d survive this night with the man she loved with all her heart.
When the knocks came, she opened the door with quaking fingers. Rafe stood there, his eyes widening as he scanned her figure down to her bare ankles. When his gaze returned to her face, the light of desire burned brighter and he groaned her name. He stepped in, wrapping his arms around her trembling form. After exhaling a husky sigh, Rafe picked up her slight body, swung the door shut, and carried her to the bed to gently lay her down.
“Are you sure about this, Jubilee?” he murmured in her thick hair, laying a sweet kiss against her neck.
His warm breath on her neck sent tingles of desire through her and she arched to meet his body. “Yes.”
With a moan he joined her on the bed and the two strangers, who’d been impartial business partners, became a true married couple indeed.