They say children don’t just love their parents; they fall in love with them. They listen to their advice, heed their warnings, and trust them to create a safe and happy home, sheltered from harm.
It used to be that way for me. Once. I had a mother who doted on me. A father I adored. And a home filled with music. My father was the rising sun and the shooting stars. One of the earliest memories I had of him was a heated conversation between my father and a man I didn’t know, speaking words I couldn’t understand. When they caught me listening, the man had frightened me, and my father made him disappear. He was more than a superhero in my eyes; he was a deity, larger than life and death.
He was my world.
And then one day… he wasn’t.
The day the officer came to my door, he ripped that reality from my tiny hands. The corners of my mouth had trembled as my mother stared at me through vacant, weepy eyes. “Your father is gone, Lorelei. And he will never be coming back,” she’d said.
Without understanding why, I knew even then that she blamed me. Shortly after, Gran came to collect me and my belongings and moved us to her cottage by the water. She’d said it was to save her from loneliness, but I knew it was to save me from my mother. My mother, who’d buried herself in her career and refused to spend any time with me, because my eyes were a constant reminder of what had been taken from us.
I lost more than my father that day.
I lost my family. For as long as I can remember, I wanted it back, more than anything.
Now? I just wanted him to pay.
I turned from the window of the small cabin Zanthiel had found for us to stay in. The ceremony in Mythlandria would be held this evening, and while it was customary for nobles to stay at court, I didn’t want to spend any more time in the Citadel than necessary.
Zanthiel watched me pace like a wild animal, not sure what to say, if anything, given my mood. Finally I stopped and turned toward him.
He braced himself.
“You can relax. I’m not going to do anything.”
He didn’t look convinced. “You’re not angry?”
“Not anymore.”
“Then why are you looking at me like you want to launch a full body assault right now?”
“Hmmm. Interesting proposition. Let me give it some thought.” Actually, an attack was exactly what I felt like doing, and it was just what he deserved after everything he’d done to keep me from Adrius. But this was about more than that now. He was here trying to help me, or so he claimed. My shoulders slumped. “No. No attack. You’re safe here with me.” I narrowed my gaze. “For now.”
“You don’t frighten me, Lorelei. I would just prefer to know in advance if this is going to get ugly.” He handed me a steaming lemon tea in a broken coconut shell.
I exhaled a long sigh. “Zanthiel, I don’t see where discussing any of this is going to get us. Let’s just drop it okay? I took a shot. It blew up in my face. I’ll deal.” I tugged off my mud-covered boots and tossed them on the floor. “Your mother will no doubt have some of her charming flesh-eating minions after me by morning. I’m tired and I’m going to bed.” Her condition was if I could receive all three crowns of Faery, she would let me live. So far I only had two.
The fight had drained out of me. I didn’t even have the energy to spark a verbal sparring match. Something Zanthiel brought out in me in any state. But this was different. I’d already lost. The one thing I was betting on, my father’s help, was a bust. My next move? No idea. I was trapped here like the proverbial sitting duck. And any move I made only made things worse. Either I would die, or people I cared about would die. Or, most likely, both.
I was cold and dirty and desperately in need of a bath to wash away the stench of yet another horrific day in the Shadowlands. We’d been gone from the Winter Court for days with no sign of civilization, or what passed for it in this realm. All of it was taking its toll on me. I stepped out into the buttery yellow sunlight. At least Mythlandria was warm. I’d forgotten what that felt like. Cold had been a part of me for far too long. I turned my face up to the sun, letting the heat penetrate my skin and bring life back to my veins.
The door opened and Zanthiel stepped out, wearing a cautious expression.
“Before you snap my head off again, I have something to tell you. I’ve arranged a meeting.” He handed me a metal cup filled with hot tea.
I smelled it and pulled a face. “With who?” I replied, feeling extra wary of anything he’d arranged personally.
“Your father.”
I set the cup down. “My what?”
“You heard me. Why do you pretend you didn’t?” He was back to his usual annoyed and annoying self.
“Sorry. It’s just… why would you do that? Remember when he tried to kill us yesterday?”
“I remember. He has also agreed to discuss giving you his crown.”
I’d been fighting to find him for so long that I hadn’t given much thought to what finding him actually meant. My father. The man who’d given me life and then disappeared from it. Meeting him again for the first time in over 15 years had turned out to be more painful than losing him the first time. Part of me began to ache. With loss, with joy, with relief. One thing had finally gone our way. A tear welled up in the corner of my eye and rolled down my cheek. It caught us both by surprise.
Zanthiel straddled the crooked bench and faced me. “Lorelei. Do you realize you are crying?”
Half-laughing, I covered my face with my hands as my laughter dissolved into tears. I sniffled pitifully. “I just really hate lemon tea,” I said through my hands, then lowered them when I realized how crazy I was acting.
He cupped my face between his palms and used both thumbs to wipe the tears from my cheeks. His lips pulled into a tight line. “I don’t like to see you cry.”
He sounded so genuine, so real. I wanted to turn away, but I couldn’t. He was holding my face and I couldn’t look away. It was disorienting being like this with him, the cold of his touch seeping into my skin. Everything tingled, then went comfortably numb. I breathed in the cold and the lemon and the herbs and let them soothe me as he pulled his hands away.
“But how did you get to him? How did you get him to agree?” I could barely get the words out without choking back another sob.
“I just required a different kind of deal. Nothing you need concern yourself with.”
I looked up at him through watery eyes and smiled. “Thank you.“
“You don’t need to thank me.”
“Yes.” I shifted so my whole body faced him. “Yes I do. You did this for me. You’ve given up so much to help me. And I don’t know how to thank you.”
His silvery eyes glinted in the morning light. Waves of thyme scented cold wafted from him, covering my skin in tiny bumps. I shivered and moved closer to the source of my chill.
Zanthiel tensed. His hand pressed into my back, squeezing me into his chest. He was breathing heavily and as my breath matched his, I had to try not to hyperventilate.
“It’s my sworn oath to protect you, Lorelei,” he murmured.
Was there anything not sexy about him? The way he spoke, the way he held me, the way he smelled… it wasn’t fair. I could feel myself getting dizzier the longer I was in his embrace. But instead of letting go, I held on tighter.