For a moment I didn’t think he’d hug me back, but his strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him. We stayed like that, wrapped in a tight embrace, for a long time. I have no idea how much time had passed. He pulled back a little and gazed down into my eyes. All I could feel was the cold fire burning inside of me. The one he’d ignited. It really wasn’t fair that he was so incredibly good looking. I took a sharp breath as his head lowered, his mouth now barely an inch from mine. Something inside of me wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to pull him to me and never let go. But it felt as foreign as it did familiar, and so I stayed there, aware of the rapid shallow breaths lifting my chest.
Then he leaned in closer. His lips grazed my ear as his cold breath caressed my neck. “You’re welcome,” he said and pulled away, letting his hands slide down my arms. He released me and I wanted to protest, but couldn’t. My head felt fuzzy. Was this real? In that moment I wanted him here and no one else. It felt pretty darn real. Cupping my face in his hands, he stared into my eyes. “I won’t kiss you again, Lorelei. Not until you are certain it’s what you want.”
And then he released me and strode outside to the bathing room. A second later I heard running water and saw steam rising from the log tub.
“Your bath, my queen,” he said, straight-faced.
My heart faltered a second before I regained a sense of where I was and who I was with.
“That’s perfect, really. Just what I needed.” I moved quickly past him and drew the vine woven curtain.
“Try not to fall in, because I will come in and save you,” he said from behind the thin wall of sticks separating us.
I laughed, but knew he was totally serious. Saving me from myself. That was what he’d been doing a lot of lately.
****
I picked up the garnet jewel with both hands. “This thing is massive. You actually plucked it from a serpent’s eye?” Just the idea was disgusting.
Zanthiel turned and hollered, “Lorelei, no!”
I dropped the stone as a thin green snake slithered from it. It coiled around my angle and snapped back, pulling me with it.
I screamed.
Zanthiel reached for me, grabbing hold of my arms. I kicked my legs wildly until finally with a yank I broke free. Zanthiel fell backwards, with me landing on top of him.
“Falling for me again,” he said, his mouth painfully close to mine, the cool of his breath coating my lips.
My heart pounded against his chest as I inhaled his herbal scent. Running my tongue over my lower lip I tried to slow my breath. “Guess so.”
He shook his head just barely. “Even the serpent’s eye is protected from a woman’s touch.”
“How biblical. You know, Garden of Eden…” My voice trailed off. “Thank you, Zanthiel. For saving me. Again. Always. For coming here. For helping me. For ticking off your mother to be with me.” I shifted and felt him shift beneath me at the same time.
He stared intently into my eyes. “You are welcome. I will always save you. I will always be there for you. You don’t need to thank me.”
“Yes, I do.”
He lifted his head and it was painfully obvious that if I lowered mine even infinitesimally, we’d be touching. Kissing. I stayed where I was, frozen in place. A cool breeze wafted between us, and I took another breath, then pushed away from him with my hands without another thought.
“We have to get to Mythlandria before nightfall,” I said, turning to hide the color in my face.
Part of me had feelings for Zanthiel. I knew that. But until I was certain about Adrius, I couldn't let things go any further. It wasn’t fair to him or to me. “Uh, I think it’s that way.” I pointed at the door while he still lay on the ground watching me with the same molten look in his steely gaze.
Zanthiel blew out a cool breath and sprang lithely to his feet.
“We will. First, come with me, there’s something I want to show you.”
We wandered outside, across the cracked frozen grounds. He pushed open a high gate. Inside was a garden like none other. Tiny orbs of glowing lights danced around us, filling the night with magic. A winding staircase overrun with flowering vines twisted up into the rafters. “It’s beautiful.” I twirled slowly in place to take it all in. “What is this place?”
“It’s a love garden. Meant to inspire the fealty of those who enter.”
My gaze swung back to his.
“Don’t worry,” he added. “It’s harmless to those who are fey blood. It’s a place my mother created, to win the love of the man she adored. But he chose a mortal woman to be with. And since then she’s been bitter, hating everything to do with mortals, and love, and men.”
“Ah.” That explained a lot. Nothing hardened the soul like love lost.
“Look, over there. Do you recognize that plant?”
I followed the direction he was pointing to see flowers like the heads of large tulips, their blooms closed up tight. “Um, what am I looking at?”
“Wait for but a moment.”
I watched and sucked in a breath as the blossoms sprang open, their centers radiating with glowing filaments, each a different color and hue. Then, almost with a silent sneeze, they blew microscopic sprays of glitter into the air. “That’s amazing. I can’t believe this place exists in a place like the Shadow Courts. It seems so… dead here. Completely devoid of anything resembling love.”
“It is. But it wasn't always,” he said, a far-off look hardening his features.
“My mother once gave me a pet. A wolf. Meant to accompany me when I went hunting. She told me to train it to be ruthless, cunning, a fighter. She wanted me to make it like her. She wanted me to teach it to destroy. Instead I taught it compassion. To love. I played with it. Taught it games and how to bring back objects. The wolf became my friend. My guardian. I loved that animal and it me.” His gaze snapped back to the present and his jaw tightened. “Which is why my mother, pragmatist that she is, cut off its head the day she found it sleeping next to me in my bed. I understood that day how dangerous it was to love anything.”
I blinked in recoil, scanning his face for signs of emotion. What I found had nothing to do with his long lost pet. The longing inside him was palpable, pulsing from his heart into mine, reminding me exactly where his love resided. And then it was gone, the sensation replaced by his cool detached self.
I climbed down a step and lost my footing, slipping down two more before Zanthiel caught me on the last step. His cool arms around my waist, he held me, our bodies pressed together for the second time that day. I was hyper aware of the air rushing in and out of my lungs, yet I couldn't tell if I was breathing dangerously fast or terrifyingly slow. His lips moved closer to mine.
“I said I would never again kiss you until I was certain that you wanted me too,” he murmured.
“And are you certain?” I whispered. My eyes fluttered closed as I waited. When nothing happened, I opened them.
He was studying me with a mix of emotions on his face. His gaze dropped to my lips and he frowned. “I don’t know,” he said, then he took my hand. We climbed down the last step and, once again, fate lurched me into his arms via my uncoordinated feet. It had to be the faerie shoes.
This time, when his arms snaked around me, he didn’t stop. He pulled me into him, pausing only a brief second before pressing his lips to mine. Before the cold had a chance to spread through me, he’d pulled away. I stood breathless and confused. How could something that felt so good be so wrong?
But it was. Zanthiel and I… we were wrong all over the place.
I trailed my hand over a blossom as we made our way back to the gate. A sharp sting bit into my finger. I looked down to see a bead of blood on the tip. “Thought you said the love garden was completely harmless.” I held up my finger before popping it in my mouth.
“Not completely harmless.” Zanthiel took my hand and pressed my finger to his lips. “Love makes you vulnerable and weak,” he said. “My mother told me I’d destroyed the animal already and she was merely putting it out of its misery. I learned a great lesson that day. It’s a dangerous thing, giving your heart away. I vowed never to make that mistake again.”
I shook my head sadly. His mother was a cruel, spiteful woman. Of course she believed love made you weak; she’d never experienced the good it could bring. “How can falling in love ever be a mistake?” I said, lifting my gaze to his.
He frowned, but his eyes softened. “How can it be anything but?”
I wanted to argue, but he was right on so many levels. I felt broken inside because of falling in love.
He led me out of the garden, just as a gentle snow began to fall. Before long, howling winds kicked up and numbed my face.
Zanthiel turned to me suddenly and held both of my shoulders. “When will you see yourself for who you really are? You are the girl who inspires people to think for themselves, to speak their truth, to discover their passion and pursue it, no matter the cost. You are not now, nor have you ever been, broken.” His grip tightened. “You live fearlessly in spite of your many fears, and you will leave your world and mine for the better, just for having been in it.”
I blinked, unsure what to say to that. They were beautiful words, but I was momentarily gripped by two thoughts. First, what if he was wrong? And the second, more terrifying than the first… what if he was right? I tilted my head back to look at him more closely. “I don’t know if I can live up to that girl, Zanthiel. I’ve never been her. And I may never become her.” I folded my arms in front of me. Part of me wanted to believe what he was saying, but I was resistant to. As if letting it in meant owning it and then proving it.
He shook his head as he released me, but my body stayed frozen in place.
“You’re wrong. I’ve known this truth since the moment I laid eyes upon you. Stop listening to that voice in your head insisting that you’re not good enough. Stop worrying that you’re going to fail and let people down. And stop letting others draw boundaries and limits around your life. Start living the life you truly want on your own terms. This day.”
His hand held my chin and he forced me to meet his gaze. “You are a magical being of magnitude, with powers beyond measure, Lorelei. You can have it all exactly the way you’ve imagined. Just get clear and brutally honest about what—and who—it is you want.”
This time when his hand fell away, I staggered back a step. Had I not been brutally honest with him? With myself? Or had I spent my entire time in this realm on a rescue mission for someone whose heart no longer belonged to me?
“I wanted to say that to you, before I presented you with this.”
He stretched out his hands. I looked down at the blinding jewel-encrusted crown, laden with emeralds, sapphires, amber and some blazing stones I’d never seen before.
My gaze shot back to his. “Is that what I think it is?”
“If you think it is your father’s crown, then the answer is yes.”
“But how, when?”
“He gave it to me before he released us. I told you your father was concerned for your safety. You should have believed me.”
I sucked in a deep breath, staring at the golden branches forming the base of the crown. “So that means—”
“Your life will be spared in the eyes of those who matter, and we can now be wed.”