“So, let me get this straight,” Lance said, slipping off his button down and throwing it on the back of the chair. “Your ex-boyfriend, the one who published nude pictures of you—”
“Just one picture.”
“Who posted a nude picture of you, caused you to mess up your spell, and get laid off from work, is the one who has the stone, and you want to call him and ask him for a date?”
Azrael crossed her arms, trying not to be distracted by Lance’s naked chest or the deftness of his hands as he undid his belt. “Um…yeah, I thought I might get him to invite me over. As soon as I find out where it is, I’ll take it.”
“There are several things wrong with your plan. First, what’s to keep him from calling the police when you take it? Second, what if it’s not at his house? What if he has it locked up? Kidnapping is the only option.”
“I just think that’s a little extreme. Why don’t you give me a chance to convince him first before we run in guns blaring?”
Lance cocked his head to the side. “And how exactly do you plan on convincing him?”
Azrael grinned. She stepped forward, closing the distance between them, and ran a finger down his bare chest to the top of his pants. “Oh, I have my ways.”
Lance growled and grabbed her around the waist, slinging her over his shoulder. “We’ll see about that.”
She kicked her feet in the air, giggling, and pounded him on the back. “Put me down.”
“As you wish,” he said, tossing her on the bed and crawling on top of her. “Now, why don’t you show me what you’re not going to do to convince him?”
For the rest of the night, she did just that.
~*~
They got back home around three. Azrael opened the car door, letting Smellicious run around the courtyard before heading inside. Lance leaned against the car beside her, one foot crossed over the other, and ran a hand through his disheveled hair, staring off at the tree line. He’d been distant all day, making her edgy. During the night, he’d thrashed in his sleep again, and this morning she’d started to sneak into the shower with him but changed her mind when she saw him through the crack in the door. He’d was leaned over the sink, hands covering his face, body shuddering.
A part of her wished she could comfort him, to be the kind of person who could help him through this. Instead, she was jealous of the woman who held his heart, jealous of a woman who died for it. At some point, they needed to talk about things, about the future. She wanted sex—hell, nearly broke several times and begged him for it the last two nights. But even without penetration, Lance was far better than any lover she’d ever been with.
It’s not just the physical, she thought, studying his face. Leolacent was right. She was in love with him, or at least halfway there. Did he feel the same about her? Could he move on from his past?
As if he could hear her thoughts, Lance said, “I need to tell you something, and I’m not sure how you will take it. Hell, I’m not even sure if you’ll care.”
Lance was staring at her now instead of the tree line. Purple clouds floated across the orange sky, casting his face in shadows. The wind picked up and the dark plume in the distance hinted of an impending storm.
“Okay,” she answered hesitantly, “go ahead.”
He reached up, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, I, um—these past few days have been great, but I don’t want to give you the wrong impression.”
“The wrong impression,” she mumbled, narrowing her eyes.
“No, that’s not what I mean either. Crap, Azrael, just give me a second to explain.” He uncrossed his legs and came to stand in front of her, taking her hands in his. “Look, I’ve asked a lot from you, I’ve put you through hell, and you’ve accepted me. The last few days have been the best I’ve had in a long time. I just don’t know where this is going. You already know we can’t have sex, no matter how much we both want it. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I care about you, and I think you care about me too. It’s only fair if I’m completely honest with you.”
“If this is about Sarah, it’s okay. I understand, or at least I’m trying to. I don’t expect you to just move on.”
Lance flinched, his face darkening. “How do you know her name?”
“You yell it out in your sleep.” Azrael lowered her head, studying the ground.
“I didn’t realize,” he mumbled.
“It’s okay. I get it. You don’t need to feel bad about it. You loved her. A part of you always will.”
“That’s the problem,” he said. “My nights are full of dreams of her. I wake in agony every morning when I realize she’s not there. My love for her is not something I’ll ever get past. I told you I didn’t think she loved me. That was I lie. I know she didn’t.”
She looked up at him, frowning. “How?”
Lance dropped her hands and paced. “It was a set-up. Blais knew I wanted out. He wanted me to stay. He hired Sarah to convince me to stay. Blais paid Sarah to make me fall in love with her. The night before I’d gone to Blais, swearing my love for Sarah, and told him I was leaving, taking her away from this life. Blais was livid. It wasn’t until later I realized his anger was more toward Sarah than me. She’d failed to convince me to stay. In truth, she’d never asked. I believe she was playing both sides. Sarah hated Blais, tried to convince me my brother was evil, that we weren’t safe when he was around. I was willing to turn in all my assets and take her far away from him. Apparently, Blais decided she was too much of a risk. He killed her to spite me. Now I’m stuck loving someone who never cared for me at all.”
“I’m so sorry.” Azrael reached out and touched his face. When she ran her fingers over his lips, they trembled.
“I wanted you to know this, to understand that no matter how much I wish I could give you more, there’s a large part of me you can never have. I don’t know if that matters, but it would be wrong not to tell you. I fought so hard to stay away from you, but I wasn’t strong enough. So, if you want to stop doing what we’re doing, I will understand. I don’t want you to get hurt over my selfishness.”
Azrael wiped a tear away. Lance lifted his hand as if to touch her but then dropped it to his side.
“And if I don’t want to stop, what then?”
“Then I will give you what I can.”
She nodded. “I guess that will have to be enough.”
His eyes widened. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“Because it’s too late to do anything else.”
“Don’t say—”
Azrael cut him off. “Don’t say what? How I feel? How about you let me feel what I feel and not try to judge me for it or ignore that it’s there? Isn’t that what you are asking me to do? Accept how you feel, or the lack thereof, for a better explanation?”
“Azrael, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Lance said, laying a hand on her shoulder.
“I know you didn’t. I’m glad you told me. I am. Just give me some time to process.”
“Okay,” he whispered, his expression that of an abashed child. “Just please don’t think this means I’m not trying. I’ll do my best to make you happy.”
“That’s all I ask for then.”
Azrael stood on her tippy toes to kiss him on the cheek. Lance turned his head, meeting her mouth. This kiss was different. There was a passion to it, but it was more caring, more loving.
He broke the kiss off and pulled her into his chest. “Come on, let’s get inside before this storm blows in.”
~*~
“So, let me get this straight,” Caleb said, pouring them a drink. “You and demon boy are getting each other’s rocks off, and you’re calling this what, exactly?”
“Complicated is the first thing that comes to mind,” Azrael replied, leaning back in the hot tub as Caleb handed her a glass. Lance had needed to go into town to drop off deposits and grocery shop, giving her and Caleb some much-needed alone time.
“People who are in complicated relationships rarely walk around with silly grins on their faces. The two of you have been acting like you’re on cloud nine since you came back. The loving can’t possibly be that good.”
Azrael rolled her head toward him and grinned.
“Okay, that’s it. Spill it. I bet he’s huge. Plus, he’s had so many lovers—he’s got to be a pro with that tongue.”
The grin slipped off Azrael’s face. Somehow she’d managed to forget he was pretty much a whore in his past. She guzzled the last of her drink and set it down.
“Crap, baby girl. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up.”
“It’s fine. I’m getting used to all the crap that comes with being with Lance.”
“I hate to ask this, but is he worth it? I mean, I’ll take your word for it that the foreplay is fantastic, but his murdering brother is after you, you two can’t have sex, and he’s admitted that he can’t get past his ex. You know me, Az, I’m all for relationships with no strings attached, but you’re not that kind of girl.”
“I can handle it,” she said, filling up her glass. “The way things are going, I may not even survive the rest of this week. Right now, I’m just going to take what I get and enjoy it.”
Caleb filled his own glass and raised it in the air. “To taking what you want.”
Azrael smiled and tipped her own glass against his. For a while, they drank in silence, enjoying the heavy jets massaging their bodies. Tomorrow she would meet with her ex. To her surprise, Garrin not only answered her call but practically purred when she asked him if they could get together at his place. Of course, she didn’t mention she’d be bringing an extra guest. According to Lance, there was no way in hell she was going alone.
For the first time since they’d broken up, she felt nothing but pity for Garrin. Although he was a shallow ass, he didn’t deserve to be dragged into this situation. Maybe her lack of rage had to do with the fact Lance was keeping her very satisfied.
“I need to get laid,” Caleb said, looking up at the ceiling. “Your boyfriend—”
“Lover.”
“Your lover has a lot of rules about his home. One is no guests. If we continue staying here, Az, I might die from need.”
“Well, maybe celibacy is the one thing that will work to help you get over your agoraphobia,” she teased.
“Did I ever tell you you’re kind of mean?”
“All the time.”
Caleb threw his arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “Just try to keep yourself from getting hurt. If you can’t, I’m always here to pick up the pieces.”
“Thanks, Caleb,” she said. “Keep a trash bag ready because I get the feeling this will end up in one hell of a mess.”