Captain Hardesty pulled into a parking space without guidance from a crew chief since the mechanics were not allowed to be on the ramp with lightning on the field. She shut down the engines and they sat in the jet with the canopy closed waiting for the storm to pass. The air inside the jet was close and humid as the loud rain continued to pelt them. The rain brought the outside air temperature down to ninety degrees, which was cool for Arizona in June, but it was still hot. Casey thought she should say something but wasn’t sure where to start. She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time because they had just cheated death. Why isn’t she quizzing me or debriefing me? Did I screw something up?
“Um, Captain Hardesty, I just wanted to say, that was amazing flying you did to get us on the ground.”
“Not now, Casey.”
“Ma’am?”
“It was not amazing flying. It was complete stupidity. We are both lucky to be alive. Don’t EVER do what I just did.”
“I don’t understand, ma’am. We got back to Willie and the plane’s okay.”
“I’ll discuss this with you when we get inside.” Her tone meant business, and Casey didn’t utter another word.
*****
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! I still can’t believe we are not both dead in a smoking hole right now. Shit. How did I let this happen? Calm down, Kath. Don’t take your screw-up out on Casey.
Kathryn made herself breathe deeply to exhale her anger and bring her heart rate back to normal. Once her shaking stopped and the adrenaline subsided, she tried to reconstruct how they got into such a dangerous situation in the first place. Casey had been doing well on the low-level mission. She was finding her turn points, keeping the airplane trimmed, and making good course corrections. She was expecting Casey to notice the deteriorating weather and was waiting for her to decide what to do about it. It was a classic case of overconfidence in a student pilot’s ability. It was a rookie IP mistake, and Kathryn was kicking herself for it.
Why had she overestimated Casey’s flying judgment in the first place? She knew the answer before she even asked herself the question. She just didn’t want to acknowledge the truth.
It was because Casey was special.
Crap. She couldn’t allow herself to think of Casey as special. None of them were. They were all the same—student pilots who tried to kill her three times a day on every mission. Still, Kathryn had taught enough students to fly in her career to be able to recognize the truly exceptional ones when they came along, and they were very rare. She made a point of flying with as many students in the different flights, in all the phases of training, as she could, and Casey was far above most of them. She was smart, hardworking, prepared, and paid attention to every critique. Casey didn’t have the usual arrogance of the male students, but she had the hunger—the hunger to fly as well as she possibly could. Kathryn had allowed herself to think of Casey as more than just another student pilot. Kathryn wanted Casey to be more, but where was this coming from? Kathryn had no idea, but it bothered her just the same.
Casey could be washed out of this program at any time if she busted three rides in a row. She could kill herself, like Mike Harris did, on a solo flight. She might fail at formation flying or never be able to keep up with the supersonic T-38 jet. There was no reason to think of Casey as special, and yet, she was.
Kathryn would get a grip on her feelings and explain during the debrief, in a calm manner, what had gone wrong on this flight. Hopefully, this would be a valuable learning experience for both of them that they would never have to repeat.
Their shoulders touched as they sat in the compact jet waiting for the rain to subside. The air around them was warm as their breath mingled. Kathryn took off her helmet and oxygen mask and Casey followed suit. Kathryn was calm and in control once again. They sat in awkward silence as the rain pounded the canopy. Kathryn knew her tone with Casey had been sharp and uncalled for. She prided herself at never yelling at a student because she had hated it so much when she was a student pilot. Guilt and shame made her squirm in her seat. She glanced sideways to look at Casey’s face. She was quiet and stoic, but looked like a hurt puppy. Her chest tightened with compassion for having hurt Casey.
She turned in her seat to look directly into Casey’s eyes. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, Casey. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just angry over the situation we got into.”
“It’s okay, ma’am,” she answered with relief in her voice.
“I think this rain is starting to let up. Put everything into your helmet bag so it doesn’t get wet and let’s head back to the flight room.”
When Casey opened the canopy, they both got pretty wet, but at least the torrential rain had stopped and now it was just a steady rain. The pungent smell of mesquite was heavy in the freshly washed desert air. It was a rare treat from the normally dusty, dry air. Kathryn inhaled deeply of the intoxicating, spicy scent. Even being somewhat soggy in her wet flight suit, she was glad they both were back on terra firma.
They were greeted with the smell of pizza as they entered the flight room. Kathryn was surprised to see Barb Arnau already there talking to her student. No other IPs or students were in the room.
“Did you land ahead of me, Barb?”
“Hell no. We didn’t even get off the ground. We were about thirty minutes behind you guys. We had a mechanical. By the time we got it fixed, the gust front from that massive storm rolled a giant haboob dust storm right across the runways. We barely got inside. Did you just land in that?”
“Yes, by the skin of my teeth.”
“I’m amazed you got in. Everybody else diverted. I’ve got two jets at D-M, three at Fort Huachuca, and that idiot Carter landed at the emergency field in Gila Bend. So Parker and I ordered a large pizza from Cosmo’s. Help yourselves.”
“Thanks, Barb.”
They both grabbed a large slice and sat down to debrief the ride. Somehow the near-death experience in the airplane made them both ravenously hungry.
“You started out really well on your low-level leg. You found your turn points and you were making good course corrections. Did you see the clouds start to build up south of us?”
“No, ma’am, I didn’t. I guess I was so focused on being that close to the ground and looking for my turn points that I didn’t notice the weather around us changing. I’m really sorry.”
Kathryn reached across the table, took Casey’s hand in hers, and looked her straight in the eyes. “Casey, this was not your fault. It was mine. I should have pointed out the weather to you a lot earlier so you could have figured out how to exit the low-level route and divert to a safe airport. You’re the student pilot. You’re not expected to know what to do with thunderstorms like that. I’m the IP and I let you down. I waited too long to let you notice the weather was deteriorating, and I let us get into a very dangerous situation, not you. I’m very sorry, Casey. I endangered your life and I should have known better.”
Casey couldn’t believe what she was hearing—an instructor pilot apologizing to a student. She was stunned and relieved. “You didn’t endanger my life, ma’am. I knew I was safe with you. It was just really scary.”
Kathryn squeezed Casey’s hand slightly, then withdrew her own. “Yes, Casey, I was scared too.”
Casey knew the moment of connection with Kathryn was over and took out her notepad to start writing.
“I wasn’t trying to harass you by asking you questions when we were in the air fighting those storms. In actual instrument conditions, you have to be able to figure out where you are, where you want to be going, where the terrain is relative to your position, and then come up with a plan. You have to be able to apply the instrument flight rules and airplane operating limits in real time while you’re flying—all at the same time. That’s why we have to know those numbers and procedures down cold. You don’t have time to look stuff up in the book when you need to get on the ground right now. You have to know what to do from memory and make the right decision.”
“Yes, ma’am, I can certainly see that.” Casey wasn’t writing down notes; she was only able to look into Kathryn’s eyes.
“You did a good job as copilot on the approach. You kept your wits about you and you did your job calling out the altitudes. That was a no-shit emergency situation. You can never allow yourself to panic or give up. You have to keep fighting and flying to the very end, until you’re safely on the ground.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I also need to tell you I violated some very serious flight rules when I was flying that approach. The last wind reading we got from the tower was sixty degrees off the runway at sixty knots. That’s a direct crosswind of thirty knots, four knots greater than the operating limit of the plane. We were lucky the landing gear didn’t collapse from the side loads. I also descended below the decision height without the runway in sight. I went fifty feet below the decision height altitude to try to see the runway lights. I’m going to have to write myself up in a safety report. I’m telling you this, Casey, because I don’t want you to ever do what I just did. It was wrong and dangerous.”
“But you got us on the ground, ma’am.”
“I know, but it was still wrong. Every aviation rule we have is literally written in blood. Every single regulation is because someone died in a plane crash. Don’t ever forget that. Go home, have a few drinks, and just be glad that our number wasn’t up tonight. You’re dismissed, Casey.” Kathryn stood up without looking at Casey, walked out of the flight room, and went directly into the flight commander’s office, closing the door behind her.
Casey sat by herself for a long moment looking down at her blank notebook page. Her classmate Parker came over and sat in the seat next to her.
“Casey, I heard your debrief. What the hell happened out there tonight?”
“I guess I used up the second of my nine lives. I’m just really glad I had Captain Hardesty with me tonight. Her flying was amazing. Thanks for the pizza. See you tomorrow.”
Casey got into her car, but her mind and body were a complete jumble of emotions. She was elated she wasn’t dead, excited by the flying demonstration she’d seen, humbled by what she didn’t know yet about real flying, and she was warm all over from the electricity of Kathryn’s touch. Sitting in the jet with the rain pounding, their shoulders touching, their breath intermingled, she couldn’t tell if the fear she’d felt was just from the bad weather or from the stirring in her belly being next to Kathryn.