CLASS CLOWN
ERIN’s friend wants to explore a rumored haunted house. Erin can’t resist making a joke out of it.
I don’t know about this. What if it’s true? This place creeps me out. It’s abandoned for a reason.
No, I don’t believe it’s haunted! Don’t be stupid. It’s just that it doesn’t seem safe. I’m not superstitious, you know. I don’t believe that crap.
Stop making those noises! You’re an idiot. Be quiet! If we get caught, we could probably get arrested for trespassing or something. If we’re going to do this, let’s hurry up about it. Let’s go upstairs, prove there are no ghosts, and go home. It’s getting cold.
Do you hear that? Oh my god. A voice. Shhh! Do you hear that? It’s the sound of … nothing at all! OK? Satisfied? Let’s go, dimwit.
CLARK KENT is used to jokes about being Superman. He’s decided to go with it and try to use his parents’ perverse name choice to try to pick up girls.
Um, yeah. I’m Clark Kent. You know, Superman? Secret’s out! I swear! So, want to go out Saturday? I promise not to use my x-ray vision on you. Not that I wouldn’t want to—I mean that in a good way! There’s a slight possibility I might have to go solve some crimes in the middle of dinner, but, you know, I’d be right back if that happened.
Yeah, it is pretty dangerous. The bad guys never rest. But I manage.
The tights? Well, I tried it without them, but it looked wrong. Hairy legs really distract from the image. Somehow the look doesn’t have the same power without the tights. And jeans—well, they’re just too restrictive. We superheroes actually wear tights for a reason. They’re practical.
So, should I pick you up at six?
DONNA made the decision to wear a polyester mini-dress that she bought at a thrift shop without really thinking it through.
Why didn’t anyone tell me that wearing polyester is like sticking your entire body in a furnace? Man, I thought this retro dress was cool, but I am sweating like a pig in July. Do I smell? Smell my pits. Is it bad? Come on, be a friend. Come on, Kara! I’d do it for you. OK, I wouldn’t. But you’re a better person than me.
Aw, I’m getting hives. I itch all over. Man, I need some calamine lotion. Where’s my mom when I need her?
Hey! There’s Colin Riley. I love him. Do you think Colin Riley would rub calamine lotion on me? I swear, I dream about him. He looks really good tonight. Really good.
Now I’m hotter than ever! Damn you, Colin Riley! I gotta get rid of this dress! I’ll trade my clothes for yours. Come on! It’s really not that bad. I was kidding. I’d do it for you, Kara!
CALEB is that guy who always accepts a dare. He wants to amuse and please his friends and often does crazy things for attention.
I’m twenty-one! I’ve been twenty-one for months now. I just forgot my ID at home. I walked here. Trust me. Why would I lie? It’s just a six-pack. It’s not like I’m going to go get drunk on this. It’s actually for my dad. He loves beer. I don’t actually like it very much. Weird, huh? But it’s true. I don’t like alcohol at all. He’s going to be very upset with me if I don’t get this. Look, I’m really sorry I forgot my ID. Next time I’ll be sure to bring it with me. I promise.
I didn’t want to tell you this, but my dad gets really mad when I don’t do what he says. Know what I mean? Do you really want to send me home without this six-pack? Do you? God, what a jerk!
Sorry, guys, he wouldn’t go for it.