GEEK

LIFE ON MARS

JAY is a huge fan of science and science fiction. Other kids think he’s a bit odd. He is very passionate and serious about his beliefs.

What is so funny? I believe in aliens. Life on other planets. What’s so hilarious about that? It statistically makes sense. Why should we be the only living beings in the universe? You believe in evolution, right? So, why wouldn’t there be being that adapted to hotter or colder environments than ours? And who knows what lies beyond the world we’re aware of.

This is not funny. You’re so ignorant. What do you believe about life on other planets then? You’re not being logical. It makes sense.

No, I don’t believe in, like, Star Trek and that kind of thing. On those shows, they have to use human actors so basically all of the aliens look like people. Why would that be true? No, I don’t think aliens will look like blobs. I don’t know what they’d look like. They’d look like nothing we’ve ever seen, dummy! They live in a completely different environment!

You guys are dorks.

 

THE VIDEO

AUSTIN has been a video junkie, wannabe filmmaker his whole life. But one of his past creations from his youth has returned to haunt him.

Why is everyone laughing when I walk down the hall? What’s going on? Do I have a booger on my face or something?

What? A video? I didn’t make a video. When I was a kid? What are you talking about?

No. No! Tell me you’re kidding. I made those lip-sync videos when I was, like, ten. How did—Jeff! Oh my god, I’m going to kill him. Well, I was in front of the camera, but he was into being the director. Everything I did was his idea. He used to tell me I was a really good rapper, so I believed him. I was ten! Wait, so how did this get to everyone?

It was on TV?!!? That is not fair. He should have to get my permission. He won money? I deserve that money. That is cruel. How could he do this at my expense? Everyone’s laughing at me. And not even just in school, I guess. I can’t go in public at all now! I am going to sue Jeff. I can’t believe he’d do this to me!

 

PUZZLE #87

ELLEN loves to challenge her mind with games and puzzles. Lately, she’s become consumed with Sodoku.

You go on. I have to finish this. I can’t help it; I’m addicted! Besides, you know me. Once I start something I have to finish it. I’m compulsive.

Have you ever tried these things? It’s this Japanese game, where …

If this makes me a loser, then I guess I’m a loser. But I can’t stop. It’s like my drug. I see these squares in my sleep, I swear. I wake up trying to work out puzzles that I’ve made up in my head. How surreal is that? But I’m getting really good at it! I finished a few “diabolical” puzzles! Not all of them, and there are a few easier ones I can’t get—

Just go shopping then! I have to finish this. I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can stop. I’ll just see you later then. Oh, could you … you turned that pillow upside-down. Could you fix it on your way out? Thanks!

 

BLIND DATE

HOWIE is strong academically, but awkward socially. He’s about to meet a girl he’s been talking to online for the first time. He brought along his best friend, Jeff, just in case things don’t go well.

I’m so nervous. What if she’s ugly? What if she has a really annoying voice? What if she never shows up? What if she thinks I’m ugly?

It’s just that I’ve never seen this girl before. We’ve only e-mailed each other. This seemed like such a good idea. Meeting each other. Maybe this is a big mistake. Let’s go. This was a bad idea. She’s probably insane. She’s probably a psycho killer. She’s probably—

Hi! Are you … Inge? Hi! Oh my god. You look … great. And you seem so … normal. Oh, him? He’s no one. He’s going. He’s just my friend, Jeff. He hates everything you like. I swear. And he’s leaving! He has to go to … Sardinia. Bye, Jeff. Have a great trip. I said BYE, Jeff. Stop staring at each other! I’m the one who’s been writing to you instead of studying or sleeping. I’m the one who keeps getting in trouble for blocking the phone lines! Hello? Anyone listening? I can’t believe this!