JEALOUS SIBLING
KEVIN is the kid who never gets in trouble. Why does he have to be so considerate of his brother, the family screw-up?
Why are you mad at me? I’m the good one, remember? Since when am I responsible for my older brother? I don’t know where he went. He doesn’t tell me anything. He’s probably out with his friends drinking and injecting heroin or something. Why are you mad at me? I’m sitting at home doing my homework.
So I’m not supposed to say anything bad about Paul. I’m, what? Suppose to pretend he’s a really swell kid? I just don’t get it. You’re always mad at me. And I’m always trying to be good! I can’t help it if Paul is constantly screwing up! Why am I supposed to pretend like I don’t notice? God forbid I ever say anything bad about precious Paul. I’m just telling the truth! You taught me to tell the truth. You’re a real hypocrite, you know that?
See, you’re mad again. Whatever. I’m going to go do my homework. I guess you’ll have to sit around on pins and needles ’til the good son gets home.
AUTUMN is afraid that her best friend would rather hang out with her cool, pretty, perfect sister. After all, that’s how everyone else feels.
I didn’t tell you about my sister because I don’t have a sister. At least I don’t think of her as my sister. We’re just … biologically attached. That’s all. She’s no sister to me. Look, she comes across cool at first, but she’s really a huge bitch.
Fine. Go ahead. Be her best friend now. That’s how it always goes. People meet my sister, and I disappear.
Yeah, her hair is dyed. She tells people it’s not, but she’s got a Clairol bottle under her desk in her room. You would not believe the stories I could tell you.
So you don’t like her better? You’re not just saying that? She is pretty vain. And we don’t go to the same school because she’s not as smart as me. Yeah, she’s a complete loser.
Know what, Jenny? You’re the best friend I ever had.