The last week of November had arrived, bringing with it more snow and more excitement for the coming Christmas season. Emmy closed the schoolhouse and called out to Levi and Zeb that it was time to go home. Every morning, Ben walked them to school and helped her bring in enough wood for the day, but in the afternoon, she walked the boys home. Ben had volunteered to fetch them after school, but she insisted it wasn’t necessary. With the twins by her side, and her stance clear about gentlemen callers, most of the men left her alone.
Zeb laughed and ran as Levi tried to get him with a snowball. It sailed over Zeb’s head and hit Emmy’s knee.
Levi stood straight, his eyes growing wide. “I’m sorry, Miss Emmy.”
She secured her books under her arm and smiled. “I’m fine, but it’s time to go.”
The boys ran to her side, trudging through several inches of newly fallen snow. The local citizens claimed they had never seen a winter so early, or so fierce. There had been at least one snowstorm each week, some lasting for several days at a time. Today, the air was colder than usual, pinching Emmy’s exposed skin on her cheeks and nose. She had only been outside for a few minutes, and already her fingers and toes were hurting from the cold.
A man appeared on the other side of the street, walking toward Emmy and the boys. It didn’t take her long to recognize Adam. He waved and sprinted across the street to meet up with her.
“Hello,” he said. “I was hoping to catch you before you left the school.”
“I dismissed the children early, on account of the cold. The temperature has dropped steadily all day and I didn’t want to wait another hour before sending them home.”
“May I walk with you?” he asked.
“Of course.”
Levi and Zeb ran ahead and Emmy didn’t stop them. The sooner they arrived home, the happier she would be. They had been outside longer than her, and though they had been running around, it wasn’t safe for them to be exposed to the cold for much longer.
Adam patted his upper arms with his mitted hands. “I’ve never experienced anything like this weather in my life,” he said. “I came from South Carolina.”
“I remember,” she said with a smile. It seemed every time she saw him, he reminded her that he hadn’t been in Minnesota long and that he wasn’t fond of the weather.
The church was another block away, but Emmy saw Ben step outside the building all bundled up in his knitted cap and mittens. He waved at the boys as they rushed past and then turned his attention to Emmy and Adam.
Adam sighed. “I was hoping for a few moments alone with you.”
“Would you care to come into the parsonage?”
“I’d rather have more privacy than the parsonage can afford.”
Ben came down the steps and started toward them.
Adam scowled. It was the first time she saw him act ungentlemanly. “He seems dead set on preventing me from talking to you.”
Emmy lifted her eyebrows. “Who? Ben?”
“Yes.” There was a hint of irritation in Adam’s voice. “Does he consider himself your beau?”
“Ben?” Emmy stopped. “Of course not.”
“Then why won’t he let me speak to you alone?”
“I don’t think he minds if you speak to me.”
“Oh, no?” Adam indicated Ben’s advance. “There he is again.”
Emmy glanced at Ben, warmth filling her cheeks despite the bitter cold. Was Ben preventing Adam from speaking to her? And, if so, was it because Mr. Samuelson had forbid her to entertain callers? Or was there another reason?
“Hello, Emmy,” Ben said. “Adam.”
“Well,” Adam said with resignation, “if I can’t have a moment alone with you, Miss Wilkes, I’ll have to ask you what I came to ask you with Reverend Lahaye present.”
Ben straightened, his shoulders growing taut.
“What did you need to ask me?” Emmy ignored Ben’s behavior and the accusation Adam had just made.
“The Allens have just announced a Christmas Eve ball that will be held at the Northern Hotel.”
Ben took a step forward, but Adam continued. “Will you allow me the pleasure of escorting you to the ball, Miss Wilkes?”
A ball? Emmy hadn’t been to a ball since William died. She had loved to dance at one time, but now she couldn’t stomach all the attention lavished on her at balls. It didn’t feel right to be in another man’s arms, or to play all the flirting games so many men and women played. If she attended a ball, there would be more of the same trouble she’d had at the Hubbards’ home.
The cold made her thoughts feel sluggish and her lips go numb. She needed to get inside and warm herself by the fire, but she couldn’t go until she gave Adam an answer.
Both men watched her, waiting for her to say something.
“I’m sorry, but I won’t be attending the ball.”
Adam’s disappointment was swift and Ben’s relief was palpable.
“Is there anything I can do to change your mind?” Adam asked hopefully, turning himself as if to exclude Ben from the conversation.
“Emmy, we should get inside.” Ben was taller than Adam and he looked at her from over Adam’s head.
She turned her full attention on Adam, hating to disappoint him. “There is nothing you could do to change my mind.” She smiled, though her lips felt like stones. “I don’t attend balls anymore. Thank you for the invitation, but I must get inside.”
Adam straightened and gave her a curt nod. “Good day, Miss Wilkes.” He turned and strode toward the bank.
“Here.” Ben reached for Emmy’s books. “We need to get inside.” He offered his arm and she accepted his help over the snowbanks.
They entered the parsonage and Emmy quickly took off her mittens to blow warm air onto her frozen hands while Ben closed the door. He placed a rag rug against the bottom to prevent the draft from seeping past the threshold.
Emmy’s hands were red and completely numb. She rubbed them together and continued to blow air onto them, but it didn’t seem to help.
Ben set her books down on the table next to the lantern and took off his own mittens. He reached out and took her hands into his, rubbing them gently.
Emmy’s breath stilled as they stood face-to-face.
He didn’t say anything as he continued to rub her hands, though she sensed he was very aware of her—just as she was of him. His shoulders were so broad and well built, she felt safe and protected standing so close to him. He smelled of soap and wind and books.
She didn’t pull away, though everything in her warned her not to let him get so close. Slowly, life returned to her hands, and her fingers began to tingle—but the feeling in her fingertips was nothing compared to the feeling coursing through every nerve in her body. Her senses were on fire.
“Is that better?” he asked quietly, his voice deeper than usual.
“Yes,” she said, just as quietly. “Thank you.”
His hands stilled over hers, and she looked up into his beautiful eyes. Longing kindled in the depth of his gaze, frightening her because it mirrored her own heart.
She stepped away quickly, pulling her hands from his grasp.
He took a step toward her, an apology in his eyes. “Emmy—”
“Mr. Ben!” Levi raced out of the kitchen, his eyes bright. “Mrs. Carver said we can make taffy, if you don’t mind wasting sugar.”
Ben didn’t take his eyes off Emmy, but he nodded. “That’s fine.”
“Yes!” Levi spun on his heels and ran back toward the kitchen. “Mr. Ben said yes!”
Emmy swallowed and took a step around Ben to go upstairs. She needed some space to collect her thoughts and still the erratic beating of her traitorous heart.
“Emmy.” Ben reached out and put his hand on her arm to stop her.
She did stop, but she couldn’t look at him. “It’s fine,” she said, though her trembling voice betrayed her wayward emotions. “I’m going upstairs to change so I can help Mrs. Carver.”
“It’s not fine.” He dipped his head to get her to look at him. “I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I didn’t intend—”
“Really.” She tried to laugh it off as if nothing had passed between them. “I’m fine.” She stepped away from him and moved into the sanctuary of the stairway. She forced her feet to climb the steps and cross the hall to her bedroom, but as soon as she entered her room, she closed the door and leaned against it, breathing hard.
What was happening to her and her resolve to protect her heart? She had told herself that she would never be vulnerable again to love. It wasn’t worth all the pain. Losing William was the most difficult experience in her life. The weeks and months after his death were darker and harder than she had ever imagined possible. She couldn’t live through another heartache like that. It would surely destroy her.
Yet—she couldn’t deny that she longed to fall in love again, to experience the beauty and joy of joining her heart to another. The thought of being close to Ben, of looking into his eyes and feeling his touch, sent a thrill of excitement through her. She loved to hear his laughter and watch him with the twins. She enjoyed his appreciation for Mrs. Carver’s food and the way he lit up when he preached. He was kind, good, handsome and selfless. A woman would be blind not to fall for his charms—yet, she wasn’t foolish enough to believe it would last forever. Life was temporary. Death was permanent. The fleeting days of love were not worth the lifetime of pain after.
She wrapped her arms around her middle and closed her eyes, nibbling her bottom lip and willing herself not to cry. She had to force herself to deny the feelings growing inside. It was her only hope of survival.
* * *
Ben ran his hands over his face, frustrated at his actions. He had no right to take such liberties with Emmy. He had overstepped his bounds and he feared it would change everything between them.
He walked into the front room and stood by the fireplace. Mrs. Carver had kept it roaring all day, but it barely touched the cold air seeping into the house.
Emmy’s footsteps echoed above and Ben glanced at the ceiling.
He had watched her with the other men. She was guarded and cautious. He had loved that she felt comfortable around him and had a place to relax in his home. If she suspected his true feelings, she would be just as rigid and wary with him. What must she think of him now, holding her hands longer than necessary, about to tell her things she didn’t want to hear?
He wanted to go upstairs and apologize again—but what would it matter? His actions spoke for themselves. At first, he had simply intended to warm her hands, but then the feel of her soft skin and the floral scent of her perfume had made him lose all common sense and he had wanted to pull her close and revel in her presence.
If Levi hadn’t interrupted, there’s no telling what foolish thing he would have said or done.
“Reverend.” Mrs. Carver stepped out of the kitchen. “I could use some help with the taffy pulling when it comes time. Is Emmy close at hand? The boys don’t want to begin without her.”
Ben nodded, though he didn’t want her to suspect something was wrong. “She’s upstairs changing. I’m sure she’ll be down soon.”
Mrs. Carver studied him for a moment. Very little went unnoticed by her, and no doubt she sensed something was amiss, but thankfully she didn’t pry. “I’ll get everything ready as we wait.”
She went back into the kitchen and Ben stayed by the fire. With the bitter cold, there was little he could do outside. He could go back to the church and prepare his sermon, but he didn’t think he could concentrate, even if he tried. That left him in the house, with Emmy. The only place he could go to stay out of her way was his bedroom, but there was very little heat in there.
He picked up a copy of Uncle Tom’s Cabin, by Harriet Beecher Stowe and took a seat near the fireplace. He had read the story many times, but he needed something to keep his hands busy.
After a few minutes, Emmy’s footsteps crossed the room overhead and fell on the stairs.
Ben’s stomach clenched at the idea of facing her again. No matter what, he needed to act as if nothing had happened. He wanted her to trust him and his intentions again. The last thing he wanted was for her to look at him the way she looked at other men.
She stopped at the bottom of the steps, but he didn’t look up.
Should he acknowledge her? Should he ignore her?
She started across the front room and he couldn’t help but look up at her. She glanced in his direction and he forced himself to smile.
“The boys don’t want to start until you are there to help them.” He closed his book. “Mrs. Carver asked for me to help pull the taffy when it’s ready.”
Emmy stopped on her way to the kitchen and nodded. “I’ll let you know when the time comes.”
It was all she said before leaving him alone with his book.
He shook his head at his foolishness and stared into the flames. Emmy would never open her heart to him. He had known it from the start, yet he continued to do things that threatened the boundaries she had established.
It was vital that he keep his distance from her. It was the only way to keep her close.