“Have you corresponded then?” It was impertinent to ask, but the words came out of Louise’s mouth before she thought them through. “I’m sorry. That is none of my business.” But his every word had hurt. Foolish though it was, she had hoped that he would change his mind and not choose one of the women who had written in response to his advertisement. She had hoped time would rekindle what they once had between them.
“I don’t know her.” He paused. “Yet.”
“I—I hope you suit each other.” That wasn’t true. She hoped nothing of the sort. She hoped he found her offensive, loud and pushy. It was very wrong, but she could not help it.
He nodded curtly. “It will suffice.”
It? Suffice? He sounded like he was selecting a plow horse or a new carriage. At least her outrage throttled any possibility of tears. Perhaps she had been fortunate to escape a relationship with Jesse Hammond if that’s the way he thought of women.
He shuffled his feet, clearly wanting this conversation to end. She would not give him that satisfaction.
“You must know her name at the very least.”
“Ruth. Ruth Pickett.”
Then it was settled. He looked resolute, yet something flashed in his eyes. Longing? Or was she seeing the reflection of her own hopes?
He cleared his throat and looked past her. “Well, if there’s nothing more, I need to get some sleep before the midnight watch.”
“Oh.” She had forgotten that he sometimes worked overnight. “Of course. Good night.”
For the briefest moment, sorrow crossed his expression. Then he gathered himself and left the room.
Only then did the full impact of his announcement sink in. There was no hope. He might feel something for her, but the issue of children had become an impenetrable barrier between them.
Within seconds Jane Blackthorn appeared. For her to get there that quickly, she must have been listening to the conversation.
“My dear.” The woman crossed the room and clasped Louise’s hands. “I am so sorry. If I’d known I would never have sent him to you. What a foolish thing to do. Why, I never thought he would turn down someone as wonderful as you in favor of a mail-order bride. Why, if I had, I would never have suggested it.”
“You suggested he place an advertisement for a wife?”
“It was an offhand remark. I was trying to point out how much better it was to marry someone you know.”
Louise squeezed shut her eyes as the frustration and pain finally summoned the tears.
“Oh, dear,” Jane cried out. “I am so sorry. Is there anything I can get you? A cup of tea, perhaps?”
“No. Nothing at all.” She didn’t want to go over the encounter in fine detail. She didn’t want sympathy. She certainly didn’t want to weep in Jane’s presence. “I am quite all right. We had no understanding. In fact, Jesse already told me that we could never be more than friends.”
Oh, each word hurt! As much as she wanted to blame him, he had tried to give her fair warning. She was the one who had disregarded his cautions. If she had heeded them, she wouldn’t have been surprised or hurt.
“When do you expect her?” Louise whispered.
“I have no idea. This is the first I’ve heard of it. Well, I tell you, she will not be welcome in this house.”
“Of course she will. You must accept her. I insist.” Louise managed a weak smile.
“Oh, my dear, you are so kind. Even in the face of rejection! I wouldn’t be so understanding in your place.”
Louise wouldn’t call herself understanding. She was hurting and wanted to escape to the boardinghouse and her room where she could cry out to God and listen for His comfort. Maybe in familiar verses she could find some purpose to this pain. Lord, reveal it.
“I must go home.”
“Of course.” Jane gave her hands one final squeeze. “Oh, if it’s not too much trouble, could you take some clothes with you to give to the families? I went through the attic and found a sack of old clothing from when the boys were younger. They’re not in the best condition but not entirely worn out either. Since those poor families have nothing, especially with Christmas coming, I thought it best for them to have the clothing.”
“Yes, of course,” Louise said absently.
As she followed Jane to the kitchen, a new thought spun through her mind. Christmas. The homeless families couldn’t afford to give their children anything on that special day, not even the tiniest practical item. How dreary the holiday would be after losing home and belongings. Most of the children didn’t even have a doll or a marble to play with.
Jane pulled a small sack from the back porch. “If it’s too heavy, I can have Jesse bring it into town. Are you still at the boardinghouse?”
“For now.” She lifted the sack, which was very light. “There’s no need to send him. I’m sure I can manage.”
Jane gasped. “Oh, dear. I’m so sorry. What a terrible thing to suggest. I can have one of the boys bring it when they go to school.”
Louise forced a smile. “I can carry it quite easily. Thank you, Jane. I’m sure these will be put to good use.”
Even if worn, Amanda and Mrs. Calloway could patch and repair. The families would appreciate anything, but a grander plan was forming in Louise’s mind. Singapore might not have its Christmas Festival anymore, but it could still celebrate Christmas in a new way. Instead of helping the businesses, the town could help those who had lost so much.
* * *
A week had passed, each day knotting Jesse’s stomach tighter than the last. Rather than look forward to meeting Miss Pickett, he could only see the disappointment etched on Louise’s face. Moreover, the nightmares had grown to the point that the images stayed with him into the day. Jesse couldn’t eat. He couldn’t sleep. He could barely think. More than once Blackthorn had caught him making a mistake. Everything was going wrong.
“You best be going to service this morning,” Mrs. Blackthorn stated when he came down from the tower at daybreak.
“I don’t want you to miss a Sunday in advent.”
“I won’t hear a word of protest,” she insisted. “Samuel’s under the weather and the children are old enough to attend on their own.”
“If Mr. Blackthorn is ill, I can’t leave the lighthouse.”
She waved off that idea. “Who do you think ran the light when he was feelin’ poorly in the past? Besides, it’s a calm, sunny day.” Before he could offer another excuse, she reiterated her insistence. “Not one word of protest, and I’ll be expecting you for Sunday dinner.”
Jesse hadn’t attended a full service in a long time. After the war, he’d stopped attending. Then he attended but didn’t understand what the minister was trying to say. Jesse was educated, but that man used words that only the clergy and scholars understood. Since arriving in Singapore, he’d deferred in favor of the Blackthorn family almost every week.
Today he sat stiffly on the rear bench that served as a pew and watched Mr. and Mrs. Evans go straight to the front with their daughter. Louise followed and joined them, but she did not so much as look his way. He deserved that.
Jesse looked around the room and caught Roland’s attention. The man grinned and nodded. He then pointed to Pearl, who was readying a group of children to apparently sing or recite Scripture.
A rather dilapidated man in a patched coat and mismatched trousers walked up the aisle. One of the homeless, Jesse supposed. Mrs. Blackthorn said she sent every old item of clothing to the church for helping out those who’d been displaced by the fire. Instead of stopping midway, the beggar walked all the way to the front. In fact, he stood at the lectern that served as a pulpit.
“Welcome, friends,” the man said and was rewarded with a hearty response.
“Welcome, Brother John!” the congregation answered with obvious delight.
Brother John? He must be the itinerant preacher that Mrs. Blackthorn mentioned, the one who’d married Roland and Pearl, as well as Garrett and Amanda. Jesse sank a little lower on his pew. He hoped the man wasn’t here expecting to marry Jesse to Miss Pickett. For all Jesse knew, the woman might not show.
“It’s good to be back,” Brother John’s voice boomed, filling the room. “It’s been too long, since last winter. I got slowed down a bunch when I broke my leg.”
The congregation murmured sympathetically.
“Now, now.” He motioned for them to quiet. “It wasn’t bad, and I knew that there was no need to check up on you, seeing as you’d been meeting together as a church for half a decade already.”
“We missed you,” came a cry from the other side of the room.
Brother John chuckled. “I missed you too. Today I’ll be talking about waiting on the Lord, but first Mrs. Smythe has something to ask all of you.”
Louise? Talking in front of the congregation? Jesse’s heart pounded. If she hadn’t spotted him before, she would surely see him now. Their encounter last week had been awkward. Painful. For both of them. He sank a bit lower in order to hide behind the woman in front of him.
Louise stepped to the front amid a host of whispers and the low rumble of possibilities. Jesse couldn’t help but notice that she wasn’t all that much shorter than the pastor. That only reminded him of how wrong he’d been to judge her by her size. She was stronger physically and had greater fortitude than any woman he had ever met.
Her voice was clear and unwavering. “I have spoken to several of you this week about an important matter. I would like to invite every citizen of Singapore to stay after the service for a few minutes to listen to the idea Fiona Evans and I have come up with.”
Mrs. Calloway stood up. “I approve of it wholeheartedly, and any man or woman who says otherwise is not welcome at my boardinghouse.” She nodded emphatically to drive home the point and then sat down.
“Thank you, Mrs. Calloway,” Louise said, though she didn’t look especially thankful.
Jesse suspected she did not want to force people to do anything. Maybe that’s why she had just accepted his breaking off contact with her. Most of the women he’d considered in the past had sobbed and pleaded. Even Clarice had been all tears and pleas when her family insisted she end the courtship. Louise had done neither. In fact, she had wished him well. He didn’t know if he could be that gracious.
Louise thanked everyone in advance and made her way to sit next to the Evans family.
How pretty she was in that deep russet gown. He had never seen her wear anything but the nondescript beige print that did nothing for her complexion or features. This gown brought out the red highlights in her hair and warmed her pale complexion. Rather than small and insignificant, she commanded attention.
He was glad when the opening hymn gave him an excuse to bow his head in order to look at the hymnal. Staring at Louise Smythe was neither proper nor helpful. Ruth Pickett was to be his new bride. The thought made his stomach clench again.
After prayers and several songs, Brother John returned to the pulpit. The humble man who had spoken earlier turned into the most eloquent speaker Jesse had ever heard when preaching the Word. He drove straight to the point, and he might as well have been pointing a finger at Jesse. The gist of the message was impossible to miss. Man makes a mess of things when he doesn’t wait on God’s answer.
Jesse had waited plenty, but not on the Lord. No, he’d dragged his feet for various reasons, and he’d even posed the question to God, asking Him to bring the right woman into his life, but he had not sought God’s answer. He had not waited. When circumstances made a decision necessary, he’d hurried ahead with his own plans. Was that why his stomach had knotted ever since sending that letter?
He closed his eyes right then and there and humbled himself before God, pleading forgiveness for racing on ahead instead of waiting. When he opened his eyes, the congregation was standing and singing the closing hymn. Jesse hastily stood until the hymn was over.
“Could all the children come with me, please? The older ones too,” Pearl said. “We are going to do something special outside before you go home.”
Once she, Amanda Decker and the children had left, the preacher resumed. First, he asked all the visitors to leave. After they were gone, he turned to Louise.
“Now, Mrs. Smythe.” Brother John stepped aside as Louise approached.
She took his place behind the lectern and smiled at the congregation. “Friends, as you know, the businesses in town planned a festival before Christmas that was necessarily canceled.”
Her voice was firm and confident. She radiated peace and a joy that amazed him. How could she know peace when he was a mess? Whatever it was, he wanted it too. All his peace had vanished on the river north of Memphis. The guilt that he hadn’t done enough to stop the situation wouldn’t go away. She seemed to carry no guilt or pain, yet he knew from her brief moments of personal revelation that her marriage had been painful. Even so, she had found peace.
“...so I’m asking for your help,” Louise said.
Jesse shook himself from his thoughts. He’d missed the bulk of her speech.
“We need toys for the children, so they can have something new and filled with love for their Christmas. Amanda, Mrs. Calloway and I will sew dolls for the girls. Anyone willing to help can join us at the boardinghouse on Tuesday night. We will have a pattern there that you can follow.”
A few women eagerly volunteered and asked questions, each of which Louise said she would answer on Tuesday.
“For the boys,” she continued, “I’m looking for small wooden toys. Sailboats, blocks, whistles, anything that can be made in time for Christmas.”
Garrett Decker stood. “I’ll lead the men’s crew. We’ll meet tonight at the mercantile.”
Several men volunteered to make boats and blocks.
Jesse stood. This was something he could do, something that would take his mind off the mess in his life. “I’ll make whistles. I can whittle a dozen by Christmas. They won’t be perfect, but they’ll work.”
Louise beamed at him.
He drank it in, and an unfamiliar feeling of joy welled up from deep inside. Doing something for others. That was it. Helping the needy was the answer, not running away to an island. He could have shouted praises, because in that moment he saw with clarity what had been shrouded in shadow for so very long.
“Thank you,” Louise said.
Two simple words, but they soaked and nourished his soul like nothing had in a very long time. He longed for the friendship they’d once had, for her smile that brightened the gloomiest day, for the gentle understanding that washed away the nightmares. If only...
“Excuse me?” An unfamiliar female voice pierced the air like the sawmill’s steam whistle.
Jesse turned toward the doorway along with the rest.
A woman he’d never seen before stood just inside the door. She was tall and robust. Her features were pleasant and her honey-gold hair shone in the sunlight streaming through the windows.
She smiled back at the congregation. “Howdy, folks! I’m lookin’ fer a Mr. Jesse Hammond.”
She held up a letter. His letter.
His stomach clenched. He wanted to hide, to deny his very name, but he couldn’t.
“Miss Pickett?” he managed to squeak out.
“Why, yes I am. Miss Ruth Pickett. Are you Mr. Hammond?”
Why Lord, when everything had just become clear?
There was no avoiding this. He nodded.
She walked to him and stuck out her gloved hand. “I’m plumb tickled ta meet my fiancé.”