Angelica had spent the morning at Crown Heights Elementary School where she would be spending two mornings a week as a classroom assistant, part of her internship program at the university. She had been wakened well after midnight by Carlos’s jovial and rather drunken conversation with someone he had brought home with him. That had started her thinking about old times, worrying about Mom, and all that had kept her tossing and turning. The alarm had gone off only moments—so it seemed—after she’d finally fallen asleep, and she’d been running so late she’d had to get a taxi to be sure she was on time. The budget wouldn’t stretch for a return trip, though, so she hiked from the school to the nearest bus stop, some blocks away.
The playground took up a double block, fenced with high chain link. The next block was a parking lot for rows of school buses, also fenced, with a guarded gate. The other side of the street was lined with small businesses dotted among vacant buildings. The third and fourth blocks ran along one side of the Morningside Project, a multistory housing development and a major source of the students she would be working with.
The cross street in front of the Project was busy, especially around the bus stop. Angelica noticed that at one time a shelter and a bench had stood on the curb, but only the steel stumps remained, along with a couple of battered newspaper vending machines.
Angelica had her purse hung by its strap under her coat, where it didn’t show, with her change in her pocket. The newspaper truck was changing the papers when she arrived at the bus stop, so she bought a late edition and folded it under her arm. She only had five dollars and bus fare in her pocket. Her credit card was at home, well hidden. Last time she’d left it in her purse, Carlos had borrowed it, and it had taken her four months to pay off his bar bill.
The heavy foot traffic of boys and young men made her slightly nervous. There were fluid, eddying groups of three or more, some with very young boys in attendance. A mother with two young children came out of the Project door and turned toward Angelica, running a gauntlet of tomcat calls and all-too-personal comments, culminating in the suggestion that the speaker wouldn’t mind giving her another baby to hatch.
“That was rotten,” Angelica commented when the stony faced woman reached her.
“I pay them no mind,” she said grimly. “You talk back, they get worse, you end up in a mess.”
“They’re obviously selling drugs,” Angelica murmured. “Can’t the police clear them out?”
“We thought we cleared them,” the young woman said, casting a quick glance at the traffic in the street. “Oh, we thought we took care of all that. We went down to the city, almost sixty of us, along with the children. I took Elsha here, she’s three, and William, he’s almost six. The police captain and some of his men was there. We ask the councilmen, please give us that ordinance against loitering. So, they passed it, and the police moved out all these no-goods. We had three, four real nice weeks. Then the city got sued. ACLU helped a man sue for gettin moved along for no cause. Judge put a hold order on the ordinance. Can’t move ’em along for no reason. Got to have probable cause, and that means the police gotta see it. Got to see them in the act. Got to get the drugs in their hands. Got to see money passed.”
“All they have to do is look,” said Angelica, angrily. “Anybody can see it!”
“Police show up, all the drugs disappear, just like magic. Police get here, all those no-goods, they’re just rappin, listenin to music. Police drive on, all those drugs, they just sprout back up outa nowhere.”
“It’s frustrating!” murmured Angelica, turning to watch the bus that was now approaching.
“It’ll get worse,” the woman said, stooping to button the toddler’s jacket. The boy regarded Angelica impassively, then turned his attention back to the youths on the sidewalk. The mother saw him, took him by the hand and turned him away, biting her lip. “When William gets to be seven, eight, those no-goods, they’ll get him holdin’ for them, just like those little boys there now.”
They got onto the bus together, and took a seat side by side, the little girl on her mother’s lap, the boy standing at the window. Angelica bent to look across his shoulder. From the sidewalk, one of the young men flashed her a brilliant smile and an obscene body gesture, a balletic rape, an elegant violation. As she sat down, Angelica heard the young mother murmur, “You be careful comin’ down here. He was watchin’ you before.”
Angelica nodded. Her mouth was dry. To cover her confusion, she opened the paper and let her eyes focus on it.
DRIVE-BY DEATHS REACH NEW HIGH IN CALIFORNIA
GOVERNOR SAYS DEATH OF TODDLERS IS “LAST STRAW”
BOMBING IN JERUSALEM CLAIMS FORTY LIVES
RETALIATION PLANNED AGAINST SITES IN LEBANON
SERBIAN UNDERGROUND CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY FOR BUS BOMBINGS
TERRORISTS TARGETED SCHOOL CHILDREN
JUDGE RULES MEGAN’S LAW UNCONSTITUTIONAL
PEDOPHILE HAS PAID DEBT TO SOCIETY
“I don’t look at the papers,” said the woman at her side. “I used to read them all the time. Now it’s just all, more and more of the same, you know?”
“I know,” said Angelica.
The mother and her children got off first. From Angelica’s stop it was a six-block walk to the apartment, their apartment, the one she and Carlos shared, and she found herself slogging, trudging, so tired she ached.
The door to Carlos’s room was ajar, and he was still in bed. She stood in the doorway, staring at him. His schedule said he had English Composition this morning, and art classes this afternoon. His bed looked like a dog’s nest. His laundry was piled in the corner where it had been for two weeks. She went in and shook him, not gently.
“Hey,” he said. “Let go.”
“It’s noon!” she said loudly. “You’ve got art classes this afternoon.”
“Yeah. Well, I had a headache. It’s better now. I’ll get up in a few minutes.”
“Carlos!” She stood looking at him wearily. “Mom’s going to call at eight, tonight. Remember. I told her you’d be here.”
“I know, I know. Stop yelling.”
She left him there and went angrily into the tiny kitchen. She’d had to run without breakfast this morning, but Carlos had evidently fixed food for himself when he came in last night. Not only for himself. There were several pans, one of them burned, plus several dishes and glasses scattered in the tiny room. She put them in the sink, ran hot water on them and added soap. The sliced meat she’d intended to make a sandwich of was gone. The eggs were gone. The only thing left in the cupboard was a can of soup.
While it was heating she decided to take her own laundry to the basement, but halfway down the basement stairs she sagged against the wall and slid down onto a step, face buried in the dirty laundry.
“Hey,” said someone. “You all right?”
She looked up into the sympathetic face of the apartment manager, Mrs. Gaines, a round-faced, crop-haired plain-talking woman whose apartment was at the back on the so-called garden level.
“I’m so tired,” Angelica blurted. “He leaves it all on me. And I’m just so tired!”
The woman sat down on the step beside her. “Tell you what, Angel. There’s a little efficiency apartment upstairs, just big enough for you. Lots cheaper than the one you have now. I’ll let you off your lease if you want to move up there and let Carlos find himself some other place.”
Angelica regarded her blankly, mouth slightly open.
The woman reached over and pressed her jaw up. “Don’t think it’s kindness. It’d help me out. We get complaints about noise and drunks, you know, people get unhappy, they move out. Your mama must’ve got him off the tit, now you’ve got to let him grow up. Here, I’ll start that load for you. You look like you need a nice hot cup of something.”
And she was up, with the laundry load, trotting down the stairs while Angelica was still trying to think of something to say. Back upstairs she ate her soup, made a strong cup of instant coffee, and cleaned up the kitchen. At two she had to leave for her own classes, and Carlos was still asleep when she left.
When she returned home at seven, bearing a pizza, Carlos wasn’t there. The phone call was scheduled for eight, but the phone didn’t ring until nine, just as Carlos walked in. She grabbed the phone, glaring at him.
“Hello, Mother? Hey, Carlos is here. I’m going to put this on speaker phone. You’re late.”
“I know. Some very nice people invited me to dinner and it went on longer than expected. They dropped me off, but they had to make a kind of…detour, so there was no polite way I could hurry things up.”
“New friends, that’s good.”
“They’re just acquaintances, but they know I’m new in town and they’re being kind.”
Angelica asked, “So, tell us, are you looking for a new job?”
“I have a new job. The arrangements were all made this morning. It’s very much like the one I had in Albuquerque, but the pay is better than it was there.”
Carlos leaned forward, lips pursed, eyebrows raised importantly. “Mom, this afternoon I got a call from Dad. He’s wondering where you are.”
A moment’s silence. “Carlito, I left him a note saying I was going away. I’m sure Angelica told you why I was calling. I’m not coming back, and as I told Angelica, I don’t want your father to know where I am.”
Carlos frowned. “Where’s Sasquatch?”
“I have him.”
“And who’s this old lady who left you money? I didn’t know you had any cousins I didn’t know.”
“Not anyone you knew. She was my mother’s cousin.”
Carlos cocked his head, as though trying to see through the phone. “Dad could use some help with bail money. I mean, if you’ve got some extra cash.”
Angelica turned on him angrily, but the chill of the disembodied voice that came through the phone stopped her. “Bail money? For what?”
Carlos gave Angelica the look of superiority she’d grown to hate, the one that said, “See, I’m managing the family, thinking of everything.” He spoke into the phone, “He had a little accident. He says…well, he totaled his car.”
After a considerable pause Benita said sadly, “My car.”
Carlos had the grace to look slightly embarrassed as he said, “I just thought you’d want him out of jail!”
Long pause. “No. Not particularly.”
Actual surprise. “Well, sheesh, Mom!”
No response.
He took a deep breath and asked, all too casually, “What time is it there, Mom? You sound tired.”
There was another pause before their mother answered. “I feel like it’s four in the morning, but it’s only a little after ten. I am tired. The long bus ride, mostly. A good night’s sleep and I’ll be rested.”
Carlos leaned forward, brow knitted in concentration, opened his mouth only to have Angelica interrupt, “I haven’t told you about my jobs, Mom. Two mornings a week I’m working as a classroom assistant, plus I’m putting in a supper shift in the kitchen at the Union.”
“Angel, do you have time for that and your school?”
“The teacher’s aide work is required as part of a theory of education course I’m taking, plus they pay me for it. I have to write it up and do a critique. Besides, I really like the teacher I’m working with. She reminds me of you.”
A little laugh at the other end. “That’s sweet of you to say.”
Carlos said, “Mom—”
She cut him off crisply. “Another time, Carlos. I’m really tired, so I’ll hang up. I’ll call again, when I have some news. Goodnight, dears. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Angelica leaned forward to cut off the dial tone, regarding her brother with dislike. “You had to bring up Dad and talk about bail money? When did Dad call you?”
“I said, this afternoon. Phone woke me about four.”
“You slept through your afternoon classes? Honestly, Carlos! You’ve already had one warning from the foundation. Did you tell Dad that Mom inherited some money?”
“He was in a state, you know, so I may have mentioned it.”
She angrily tore the crust off her cold pizza and drowned it in a half glass of milk beside her, vividly remembering Mrs. Gaines’s words on the stairs.
He said, in a falsely casual voice, “I think we ought to find out where she is.”
Angelica opened the oven and felt the pizza she’d saved for him. It was no warmer than her face, which felt fiery. “You already tried that. She heard what you were doing, asking her what time it was.”
He gave her a condescending look, saying loftily, “I think I’ll get caller ID. I don’t like the idea of her off by herself where nobody can get in touch with her or help her or anything.”
“Dad never wanted Mom off somewhere either. He wanted her right there, where he could help himself, like to her paycheck.”
“Boy, that’s really loyal!”
She bit her tongue. “Carlos, this isn’t working. I can’t live with you. I had my doubts about this sharing bit…”
“I shared last year.”
“So why not with the same people this year?”
He stared sulkily at his feet. “They had other plans.”
She took a deep breath. “See, that’s the mistake I made. I figured you knew how to do it, but my guess is you never learned and they didn’t want you back.”
“That’s my business.”
“That’s what I’m saying. It’s totally your business. Providing late-night suppers for people you invite in is totally your business. Drinking beer until midnight and not going to class is totally your business. Mrs. Gaines has someone who wants a two-bedroom, and she told me she’ll let me off the lease to this apartment if I switch to an efficiency upstairs. I’m going to take it.”
“We won’t fit into an efficiency. It’s only one room!”
“Exactly. I’m moving upstairs and you’ll have to make other arrangements.”
“Aww, Angel!”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“You can’t just move out on me. I’ll keep this place.”
“My name is the only one on the lease. From now on, I’ll take care of my business, you take care of yours.”
She went into her bedroom and closed the door, refusing to come out even to the sound of breaking crockery. When he left, twenty minutes later, she called Mrs. Gaines and told her she’d be moving as soon as possible.