Jonathan’s desire to head west was like an itch he couldn’t scratch. He couldn’t begin his search for New Eden until after Dad died. So this nagging, increasingly urgent need to leave filled Jonathan with guilt.
Dad slept most of the time now. He could still get himself to the bathroom and move from his bed to his chair in front of the TV but Jonathan had to operate the reclining mechanism. If Dad stayed up too long, Jonathan had to help him get into bed.
Dad’s memory was failing right along with his body. So Jonathan was now in charge of dispensing meds. Carrie stopped by every morning to check on Dad. She separated the pills into a divided box, making it easier for Jonathan. He flipped the lid marked ‘evening’ and dumped the contents into Dad’s palm. He waited for him to nibble the corners off a saltine cracker then handed him a fresh can of Ensure.
Dad frowned. “What happened to the can I started at lunch?”
“I drank it.” Jonathan had poured it into the kitchen sink, but Dad tended to drink more when it was fresh.
“I didn’t realize you liked it.” Dad smirked at him. “Go get yourself a can and join me.”
“Uh…that’s okay.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“I just finished off the lasagna Sister Allen dropped off yesterday.” Jonathan’s plan to not eat anything he couldn’t get in New Eden fell apart the first time he opened the door and caught a whiff of the home cooked meal packed inside a brown paper sack. That had been over two months ago. He still avoided junk food and soda, but taking care of Dad didn’t leave much time for grocery shopping and cooking.
Jonathan had dumped tonight’s tuna casserole down the disposal in favor of nuking leftover lasagna. “I’m not hungry.”
“Neither am I.” Dad handed the nearly full can of Ensure to Jonathan.
“If I chug a whole can, will you try to drink a little more of this one?” Jonathan wiggled it.
Dad frowned and shook his head.
“There’s a little butterscotch pudding left over.”
“I’m so sorry. But I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep it down. I don’t want to lose my pills.”
“It’s okay.” Jonathan hated it when Dad apologized for not eating. “Maybe later.”
Dad reached for Jonathan’s hand. “I think I need a little nap.”
Jonathan tucked Dad into bed then checked the thermostat again. It read seventy-six degrees, which is where Dad seemed to need it—but it felt like a hundred and six to Jonathan.
He stripped down to his boxers but he was still hot. The pendant with the resin encased feather from Franklin’s funeral felt like it was choking him. The gold chain around his neck wasn’t too tight, and it had never bothered him before, but it was suddenly bugging the hell out of him. Jonathan removed the pendant and put it in the crystal candy dish on the coffee table.
He flopped onto the couch then scanned Netflix to see if anything new had popped up. He needed something to distract him from the relentless urge to head west.
After a couple hours of staring at the TV, Jonathan’s eyes started to burn. And his stomach hurt. It felt like he had a giant fishhook buried in his gut and someone was trying to reel him in. It was probably just food poisoning. He knew better than to eat that meatloaf. He should’ve thrown it out a week ago. What if it wasn’t the meatloaf? What if he was coming down with the flu? Something as simple as the common cold would kill Dad.
Jonathan leaned forward to grab his phone off the coffee table. It was a little late to call Dad’s doctor with a non-emergency question, especially since he had a ‘do not resuscitate’ order on file. But Jonathan didn’t care.
A heart-wrenching howl split the night. Jonathan dropped the phone, jumped off the couch and yanked the sliding glass door open.
A familiar, solid black wolf trotted up the back steps. His nails clicked as he crossed the wooden deck.
Jonathan stepped outside then slid the door shut behind him.
The wolf shoved his nose in the space between Jonathan’s hand and hip.
“Hey, buddy. What are you doing here?” Jonathan squatted and scratched the wolf behind his ears. “You’re a long way from home.”
The wolf whined then gently took Jonathan’s hand in his mouth and tugged him towards the back yard.
Jonathan knew the wolf wouldn’t bite him, but even an accidental scrape from those razor sharp teeth would break the skin. He decided it would be safer to let the wolf lead him around for a little bit. Besides, the cool night air felt good on Jonathan’s feverish, bare skin.
When they got to the back fence, the wolf dropped Jonathan’s hand and whined.
“What’s wrong?” Jonathan dug his fingers into the soft, thick fur on the back of the wolf’s neck. “I know you want me to go with you, but I can’t. Not yet.”
The wolf jumped up and put his paws on Jonathan’s shoulders then licked his face.
Jonathan laughed and tried to push the wolf off. “Cut that out. You have dog breath.”
The wolf hopped down then bowed, sticking his butt in the air. Jonathan never had a dog. Mom wouldn’t allow it. But most of his friends did. He recognized the canine invitation to play.
“I don’t have a frisbee or even a ball.” Jonathan leaned over and picked up a stick to toss.
The wolf backed up then launched himself at Jonathan, bowling him over.
“Hey!” Jonathan’s instincts told him to grab hold of the wolf and not let go. Common sense told him to get his ass back inside the house and call animal control.
Something clicked in Jonathan’s mind. How many times had River told him to follow his instincts?
Jonathan didn’t trust his instincts, but he trusted River. He wrapped his arms and legs around the wolf and pinned him against the ground. The wolf didn’t resist, but his fur puffed up like a dandelion ball.
All the hair on Jonathan’s body stood on end. He remembered this happening the first time he met his wolf. His wolf. He remembered this feeling of kinship too.
A jolt of pure energy shot through Jonathan, flipping him onto his back. He rolled onto his side then tried to stand up, but something was wrong with his sense of balance. He shook his head. His ears flopped. What the hell? He opened his eyes. The world looked different. It smelled different too.
Had a gas line ruptured? He smelled all sorts of things he couldn’t identify but nothing resembled the rotten egg smell of natural gas. Maybe it was a power line. He remembered the static charge in the air right before everything exploded.
Fear froze every fiber of Jonathan’s being. Had he been in another explosion? What did he lose this time? His other hand? His legs? His entire body felt foreign. Jonathan looked down…and screamed.
But it came out as a howl. He scrambled to his feet. All four of them. I’m a wolf. Not just any wolf…the black wolf.
What happened to his wolf? Had they switched bodies? Jonathan sniffed the air. He smelled his human scent. It was behind him. He looked over his shoulder. Something moved. He spun around and snapped at it. He made three complete circles before he realized that his human scent came from his boxers, still clinging to his furry ass. He froze then sat on his haunches. I just chased my tail.
Jonathan rubbed his hind quarters against the fence until he got the boxers off.
Hurry. Escape. Run. Find mates.
Jonathan couldn’t describe the noise in his head. It was like trying to understand a native speaker after one year of high school Spanish. And it was silent, like listening to his own thoughts, but they were not his thoughts. The message was coming from his wolf. His wolf was inside him. Of course it was. That’s what merging meant.
The wolf surged forward, supplanting Jonathan’s will with his own. He jumped over the fence and took off running.
Jonathan didn’t remember who he was until he flew past the western tip of Turquoise Lake. He slowed to a trot then stopped. A sense of guilt washed over him. What if Dad woke up and Jonathan didn’t come when he called? He’d be worried.
Run. Find mates.
Jonathan’s desire for River wasn’t just an urge. It was an endless aching need. And he knew where she was. He could find her. Right now. But what about Dad? He’d already gone through so much. If Jonathan disappeared again, it would literally kill him. At the very least, Dad would search the house. The thought of him tumbling down the basement stairs washed away Jonathan’s guilt and replaced it with panic. I have to go back. But Dad won’t recognize me like this. I need to be human. He spun around. And fell.
Changing back to his human form didn’t hurt as much as shifting into a wolf, but it was just as disorienting. At least he remembered where he was.
Jonathan dropped his chin and groaned. He should have stayed in wolf form until he got back home. It was at least three hours on foot. But that didn’t take into consideration the added miles of trying to avoid being seen. The last thing he needed was to get arrested for indecent exposure.
Jonathan hadn’t even made it around Turquoise Lake before he collapsed. He was burning up with fever. River had told him about merge fever. Why was he just now remembering? If he didn’t mate, he’d die. How much time did he have? If he shifted back into his wolf form, would he reach her in time?
Need to mate now.
Jonathan remembered something else. He’d promised River he’d mate with someone to break his fever. And then he was supposed to do it again with a different woman so he wouldn’t be bound to either of them. He had no desire to be with anyone but River. Even if he managed to find a willing partner—not likely since he was wandering around a deserted campground buck naked—he doubted his body would cooperate.
Jonathan collapsed onto the frozen ground, but his fever continued to climb. “I’m so sorry, River.”