Rituals and Meditations for Your Kin
You’ve researched and learned, figured out who your people are, and you’ve even given them their own space with an altar. Great job!
But now what?
Now it’s time to really start working with them. There are endless numbers of ways you can do this, but we’re going to dive right in with meditations, rituals, craft projects, and even meal ideas to celebrate your family’s heritage in a way that does your ancestors honor. With any of the prayers, petitions, or rituals included here, they’re written with the generic and group-encompassing term ancestors, but you can modify them if you want to address a specific person in your badass kin collection. Feel free to call upon individuals rather than the collective whole if it’s more appropriate for your intent and purpose.
Badass Ancestor Protection Ritual
This is a simple protection ritual which invites your ancestors to be your badass security detail for you, your family, and your home. Although they’ll feel a bit protective of you anyway, simply by virtue of your working with them at your altar space, you can directly ask them to step in as metaphysical guardians when you need them. This ritual is a bit martial in nature, so if you feel like you need something a little more gentle and polite—maybe your ancestors are more dignified than mine—feel free to adapt it as needed.
To call upon your ancestors to protect your home, and all that dwell inside it, do this ritual outside your house. You’ll need four iron railroad spikes, one for each corner of the yard, and a beverage to use as an offering. Start at the edge of the property nearest your front door and begin moving clockwise around your home along the perimeter. If you live in an apartment or dormitory, or you think your neighbors will be weirded out, you can always do this inside as needed, but you won’t be able to pound the spikes into the floor; instead, use small iron nails and leave them in the corners of your home. As you walk the edge of your yard, ask your ancestors to watch over the place:
Hail, my kinfolk! Hail, my clan!
Hail, those who came before me!
Protect my home, protect my people, protect my property!
Ancestors, this is your home as well—
guard over me and all those I love!
As you reach each corner of the yard, pound one of the railroad spikes into the soil. Iron is associated with protection in many cultures, and this will help create a metaphysical boundary against troublemakers who might want to cause you harm. When you pound each spike in, remind your ancestors that you belong to them.
Hail, my ancestors, guardians of this home!
Let none enter that would do me harm,
And may this home and family fall under your protection!
Pour the beverage over the soil where you’ve pounded the spike, as an offering, and say, Ancestors, I give you this drink of coffee/whisky/wine to show my gratitude for your watchful eyes. I thank you.
Move to each corner of the yard, repeating the process: pour out a bit of the beverage for your ancestors as you pound the spikes into the ground. When you return to your starting point, offer a final thanks:
Hail, my kinfolk! Hail, my clan!
Hail, those who came before me!
This home and family are under your protection,
Hail, my kinfolk! Hail, my clan!
Hail, those who came before me!
I thank you for standing guard.
Take a small scoop of soil from your front yard, place it in a jar with a lid, and keep it on your ancestor altar to help strengthen your property’s connection to your kin.
Meditation to Call upon Unknown Kinfolk
If you’re trying to connect with ancestors whose names you don’t know, don’t sweat it. There’s no reason you can’t reach out to them. Look at it this way. If there was someone you saw regularly, at school or work or in your community, and you wanted to get to know them, the best way to find out who they are is to just talk to them. This simple meditation can be used to call unknown ancestors into your life.
Begin by lighting your favorite incense and place a series of three plain white candles on your altar. If you normally cast a circle or cleanse your space before meditating, this is the time to do it. Sit comfortably in front of your altar. Close your eyes and clear your mind. Eliminate everything mundane from your thoughts—stop worrying about the dog’s upcoming visit to the vet, or whether you took enough chicken out of the freezer for tomorrow’s dinner. Focus only on your inner light. Imagine a soft glow, forming at your heart, and slowly pulsing, beating with the love of a hundred generations. Imagine that light spreading outward, gradually enveloping your entire body, from your head to your toes, beginning at the crown chakra and shimmering all the way down to your feet.
Imagine this light as a cloak that your ancestors have wrapped you in, sending you their love and power across the centuries. When you’re ready to begin, light the first white candle. Focus on the flame, and say, Hail my people, those unknown, those still nameless, those yet undiscovered. I call to you, inviting you to this sacred space. Reveal to me who you are, in names and actions and words.
Listen carefully as you call them in. Ask for their names—do certain ones come to mind, perhaps Nathaniel or Keziah or Abigail? Can you see their images, maybe an elderly woman in a turban, a man in a soldier’s outfit, or a child standing beside a mountain hut?
Light the second candle. Call out, Hail my people, those unknown, those still nameless, those yet undiscovered. I call to you, inviting you to this sacred space. Show me the strength you bring to my bloodline.
Now that you’ve called your unknown people in, it’s time to see what they’ve done. Let your mind wander as you associate those names and images with actions and challenges. Can you see someone who is standing up for themselves, or living authentically and bravely? Is there someone that you feel has managed to overcome adversity and oppression? Allow your ancestor guides to lead you down whatever trail they want to take you; they are sharing their story with you.
Finally, light the third candle. Say, Hail my people, those unknown, those still nameless, those yet undiscovered. I call to you, inviting you to this sacred space. Share with me your wisdom and knowledge.
Your guides have revealed to you who they are and what they did, and now it’s time to invite them to show you what they knew. Ask them to contribute to the collective knowledge of the family, sharing insight and wisdom and lessons learned. When they have finished speaking to you, bid them farewell, and thank them for their time.
Simple Gratitude Prayer for the Ancestors
Want to just take a moment to thank your people for the blessings and gifts they’ve bestowed upon you? This simple gratitude prayer can be offered at your altar. Begin by making an offering of clean, fresh water, wine, or whatever beverage your kinfolk seem to prefer. As you place your offering upon the altar, close your eyes, and imagine all of your ancestors surrounding you, watching you with pride, and sharing their strength and wisdom with you. Light a candle for each ancestor or specific family line you wish to thank. Say,
I am wrapped in the knowledge you give me
Empowered by the strength you give me
Surrounded by the love you give me
Blessed by all you give me
My gratitude is beyond measure
Greater than seven waves
Taller than seven mountains
Brighter than seven stars
I owe you a debt of family honor
For all the years past
And all the years present
And all the years future
I will pay this forward
For the generations to come
For the legacy of kin
For our family’s heritage
And I give you thanks
Ancestor Money Paper Ritual
Okay, so you feel a little weird asking your ancestors for money. Lots of us do—it’s always awkward when you have to go to your parents or cousins for some extra cash to tide you over. But you shouldn’t feel bad about asking your ancestors for financial aid, because they want you to be successful. Your good fortune reflects well on the whole family, even those members who have been dead for a while.
This type of ritual is found in magical traditions all over the world, under a number of different names. Some call it simply ancestor money, others spirit money or ghost money. No matter what you call it, it’s a great way to honor your people and encourage them to send financial blessings back to the realm of the living.
For this ritual, you’ll need to figure out which ancestor—or ancestors—you’d like to call upon. Ideally, you’d select someone who might be associated with material blessings. Did you have a rich uncle who died before you were born? Have you traced your genealogy back to a king or wealthy countess in England? Was there a great-grandparent who loved to visit the horse races and always seemed to have extra change in his pockets?
Select the person or people you want to work with and write their name on a paper bill. While you don’t want to go broke doing this ritual—after all, you want money coming to you, not going from you—it’s best to use the largest denomination you can afford to spare. If it’s a ten or twenty, great. If all you can afford is a single dollar, that’s okay too—your ancestors know. In some magical traditions, there is a specific type of paper that’s used for this; in Chinese spirituality, names are written on joss paper. If you can find paper money from the time or place that your ancestors lived, that’s even better, although it may be worth far more than the face value amount.
As you write the person’s name, say, This is for Lady Mary Howland, my 17th great aunt, that she may have bounty and plenty in the afterlife. If you’d rather not work with a specific individual, write your collective ancestry—all of my ancestors—on the bill, saying, This is for my ancestors, known and unknown, that they might have bounty and plenty in the afterlife.
You’ll need a small cast iron cauldron or other fire-safe dish for the next part. Light a corner of the paper and burn the money in the cauldron. As it burns, imagine you are opening a door to find your ancestors behind it. Visualize them receiving the money from your hands. Picture them acknowledge your offering—they may be smiling, nodding, or beaming with pride at your efforts. Once the bill has completely burned away, thank your ancestors and close the door. What goes around will soon come around, and money will come your way.
Bountiful Blessings Ritual
Maybe burning a bit of spirit money isn’t quite specific enough for you. Perhaps you want to bring abundance your way for a specific purpose. Maybe you want to bring in enough money to pay off your student loans, or to buy a house. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to own your own business but can’t quite get enough capital together. Maybe you just want to get to a point of being debt-free so you can start saving for the future. All of these are perfectly valid reasons for your ancestors to step in—after all, when you achieve your goals and dreams, it reflects well upon the family as a whole.
For this ritual, you’re going to get really specific because you’re going to write a petition to your ancestors. Essentially, you’re going to tell them what you need and why you need it, and then you’re going to wrap up with why they should help you get it. Ideally, it’s a good idea to do this ritual during the waxing moon phase—the period before the full moon—because that’s the time associated with abundance and drawing things towards you.
Although you don’t have to do this on paper money as with the previous working, you should make this special—remember how your ancestor altar should look nice because you’re inviting your people in as guests? The same is true for your petition: don’t write your message on a dirty, crumpled up cocktail napkin you found when cleaning out your car. Take some time with this one. When you were a kid in school, you probably got graded on your penmanship. Do your best work for your ancestors. If you have a specific bill you want to pay off, write your petition on a copy of an invoice or something that represents the thing you need money for—a photo of the house you want to buy, or a copy of the business plan you’ve drawn up.
Here are some ways a petition can be written:
• I need $15,432 to pay off my student loans, and once they’re paid off, I’ll use my degree to do something that helps people.
• I need $1,800 to put a down payment on a rental space so I can open the spiritual shop I’ve always dreamed of, and when I do, I will keep a community altar in place so that others can benefit.
• I need $4,000 so I can travel to Kenya to visit the village my people came from, and when I am there, I will make an offering in your honor.
Once you’ve written your petition, place it on your ancestor altar. Show it to your ancestors, read it aloud to them. Let them know how important it is to you, and offer an invocation:
I call forth my ancestors, kith and kin, and my spirit is open to receive the bounty you might bestow upon me. My heart is open to share the gifts you might send my way. I ask not from greed but from need, and will use this money to fulfill my greater purpose. I will give back what I can by paying it forward, and keeping myself grounded and whole. I will honor all of you by living in a way that celebrates our family and will make you proud of me. I will honor all of you by living authentically and doing the work you ask of me in return. I will honor all of you as you honor me, and will celebrate your bountiful blessings with gratitude.
Leave your petition on your altar for a full moon cycle and keep an eye out for potential financial changes. When you start seeing income trickle in, be sure to go back to your altar and thank your ancestors for what they’ve sent your way.
Ancestor Labyrinth Meditation
One of the best-known symbols of balance is the labyrinth. Unlike a maze, which leads us in twists and turns, to dead ends and false stops, a labyrinth is designed to have a beginning, a center, and an end, much like life itself. The labyrinth often becomes a magical geometric shape that lies somewhere between the mundane and the sacred. In some magical and Pagan belief systems, the labyrinth represents the return of the Goddess from the cold darkness of winter to the fertile season of spring. The labyrinth is also a highly useful meditative tool, and when you invite your ancestors in to join you there, it can be extremely powerful.
Labyrinths and images of them have been found at sites dating back thousands of years; at some point, it’s very likely your kinfolk walked through one. The most typical style is the seven-circuit Cretan labyrinth, named for the legendary labyrinth of King Minos at Crete. In 2005, a pair of Cretan labyrinth carvings were found etched in cliff faces near Tintagel, Cornwall, England. Their origins have not yet been determined, although they may have been carved any time between the Bronze Age and the nineteenth century.
During the period of the Crusades, families often built a labyrinth as a way to represent the pilgrimage to the Holy Land, and the Chartres design—a fourfold design with eleven circuits—saw a rise in popularity as a status symbol for the well-off. Churches often incorporated the unicursal patterns into floors in their chapels as an earthly representation of worshippers’ paths to heaven. This pattern could be walked or crawled, traveled quickly or slowly, and allowed those who were penitent to walk the fine line between the misery of their earthly lives and the joys they believed awaited them in holy salvation.
Later, labyrinths took on a less spiritual and far more playful meaning—wealthy landowners were known to commission labyrinth gardens with high hedges as a place for romantic assignations. Simple unicursal labyrinths were replaced by complex mazes, which forced travelers to make choices and decisions, occasionally pushing them into dead ends from which they were forced to turn back. A labyrinth’s purpose is not to misdirect us or cause us to get lost (which a maze is designed to do) but instead the opposite—to help us find our way. Though we may feel a bit confused because of the turns and winding circuits in a labyrinth—almost as though we are walking between the worlds—we’re always on the path to the center. Once we reach it, we’re always headed towards the exit, and the end of our journey will end with a feeling of harmony and balance.
Labyrinths may be found all over the world. If you have an opportunity to walk one, you can use this simple technique as a problem-solving meditation. If you don’t have an actual labyrinth to walk, that’s okay—draw or print out an image of one and trace it with your finger while visualizing yourself taking steps through the spirals.
As you enter the labyrinth, walk slowly and evenly. Call your ancestors to you—out loud, or if other people are around, silently. You can enumerate your ancestors individually or invoke them with a simple chant, like Blood of my blood, bone of my bone, I call my kin to me, heart and home.
Imagine them walking beside you, generation after generation, as you make your way along the twisting and winding path to the middle of the labyrinth. As you approach the center, visualize whatever dilemma it is you’d like to resolve, and think about how it has been affecting you. Is it a problem of your own making? Are your issues the results of other people’s actions, or circumstances beyond your control? How does it make you feel? How has it impacted not only your life, but the lives of those you love and interact with on a daily basis? Explain your quandary to your ancestors as you slowly walk. Have a conversation with them just as you would with living relatives you were asking for advice and guidance.
When you reach the center, it’s time to focus on solutions. As you stand in the center of the labyrinth, open yourself up to possible ways of solving your problem, and ask your ancestors what they would do. The center is a location of true balance, a space between the worlds—neither the path of entrance nor the way to the exit—and this, for many people, is a perfect place to find resolution. Figure out what steps would have to be taken to enact a solution to the problem. Will it be a multi-pronged approach, involving other people? Is it a simple quick fix that you never would have thought of on your own?
Finally, as you work your way slowly out of the labyrinth, back to the beginning, think about how things will change for you once you get your solutions in place. What guidance do your ancestors have for you? Can they help you make sure you don’t end up repeating old and unhealthy habits? Consider how your life will be different when your problem has been solved.
Ritual to Appreciate Your People
This ritual is one that serves as a great way to just show your gratitude for your ancestors. Start by tidying up your ancestor altar—you should always keep it clean, but this is a good opportunity to freshen it up a little. Replace or clean the altar cloth, dust all the nooks and crannies and picture frames. Change out the water or other beverage you have as an offering. Add newly cut flowers or other organic items that you might have sitting around your altar. Add a large candle at the center of the altar for this ritual. You’ll also want seven smaller candles, ideally white; tealights or plain votives are perfect for this.
Begin by taking a moment to think about all the things you have to be thankful for. What aspects of your ancestors have you benefited from? Perhaps you’ve been gifted with a family knack for being skilled at crafts, or you’re genetically predisposed to being long-lived and healthy. Maybe you inherited a love of science or math from someone in your family, or you’re actively working to expand your late grandfather’s stamp collection as a labor of love. Did someone amass a fortune that has allowed you to live comfortably? These are just a few things to consider—ask yourself what gifts your ancestors have bestowed upon you over the course of your lifetime.
Light the larger candle and focus on the flame. As you do, call out to the ancestors you wish to thank, and tell them why you appreciate them. Tonight, I celebrate you and honor you, my kin and blood. I honor great-grandmother Lorena, who lived in a dirt-floor cabin and taught me to make the best biscuits I’ve ever had. I honor Cousin Marcus, the first in my family to go to college, who inspired my love of history. I honor my tenth great-grandfather, Nathaniel, who started a printing press and spoke out against tyranny and unjust rulers.
Make an offering to show your appreciation. It should be something you’ve made yourself or that has great sentimental value. As you present it, tell your ancestors how much their legacy means to you. I give you this gift of homemade bread, kneaded by my own hands, so that you may never hunger in the afterlife, and I thank you for the gifts you have given me. Or, I present you with this shawl I knit myself, calling upon you for guidance with my needles, and I am grateful for the skills I have inherited from you.
As you reflect upon your people, allow yourself to open up with gratitude. Send those feelings of thankfulness out into the universe, across the many generations going back in your family tree, sharing it with your people. Begin lighting the seven smaller candles. As you light each of them, say,
One candle to thank my grandmothers.
A second candle to thank my grandfathers.
Three candles to thank my aunts.
Four candles to thank my uncles.
A fifth candle to thank my cousins.
This sixth candle to thank all of my ancestors,
and the seventh to let you know someday I will join you
and I will take my place beside you,
and I will thank you for the honor.
Continue sending out your gratitude to your ancestors and allow the candles to burn out on their own. Leave your offering in place for twenty-four hours before moving it or disposing of it.
Ancestor Healing Ritual
This is a short ritual you can do to ask your ancestors to step in and aid with healing and wellness. After all, if you’re healthy and whole, physically and emotionally and mentally, you’re far better able to do credit to your family line—again, your ancestors want to help you. If you’ve been suffering from illness, a chronic medical condition, an injury that just won’t heal, or even mental and emotional exhaustion, this ritual is one that allows you to open yourself up to the badass healing powers of your family tree.
Keep in mind that any healing ritual, ancestral or not, should not be used as a substitute for proper medical care—get thee to a trained health-care professional in addition to performing healing rituals.
To do this ritual, it’s important to indulge in a bit of self-care. After all, wellness includes feeling healthy and clean in mind, body, and spirit. Start by running yourself a bath at whatever temperature you prefer. Add to your bathwater healing herbs like chamomile, ginseng, echinacea, or feverfew. The best way to do this is to add the fresh or dried herbs into a cloth sachet and place it in the water. If herbs and flowers are left to float about loose, you’ll be picking soggy pieces of chamomile out of your deepest nooks and crannies for a while after your bath.
Light a white candle, place it beside the tub, and climb into your bath. As you soak, close your eyes and imagine your ancestors gently surrounding you with healing energy, enveloping you like you’re covered in a warm, comforting blanket of love. Whether they’re wrapping you in one of Grandma Sadie’s frontier quilts, the bright sari cloth of your grandfather’s home country, or the silk parachute that a great-uncle smuggled home after a war overseas, picture them encircling you with the warmth of generations of love and well-being.
Call your people as you immerse yourself in the bath, and say, I call upon you, my people, my kith and kin, in a time of need. I ask your assistance and blessing, and that you bring me health and wellness. I am ill and uneasy, anxious and unwell, and I need your healing light. I ask you to watch over me, giving me the strength to heal. Keep me safe from further illness, and make me healthy and whole, body and soul. I ask you, my ancestors, to heal me in this time of sickness.
Once the bathwater has cooled, it is time to move to your altar. Bring your white candle with you and place it in the center. Use it to light your favorite incense blend, and as the smoke begins to rise, envision your illness wafting away with the smoke. Again, speak to your people: Ancestors, I ask you to take away my illness, carrying it out to the four winds, never to return. On the winds of the north, send this illness away, and in return bring me health. On the winds of the east, send this illness away, and in return bring me strength. On the winds of the south, send this illness away, and in return bring me vitality. On the winds of the west, send this illness away, and in return bring me life. Carry disease and pain, suffering and fear, so that they will go far away from me, scattering, and troubling me no more.
Finally, it’s time to make an offering of thanks. Your offering can be something small and simple—flowers you’ve picked, a glass of wine—or it can be more complex, like a painting you created or a piece of jewelry you made yourself. Place it on the altar, beside your white candle, so that all of your ancestors can see what you’ve brought them. Say, Hail to you, my powerful people, I pay you tribute. I honor you and ask this one small gift. May your healing light and strength wash over me, bringing me wellness in this time of great need. Guide me and heal me, and ease my suffering.
Take a few moments to meditate on what you will do when you’re feeling better. How will you honor your people after you’re no longer ill or anxious? Once you have finished, allow the candle to burn out on its own if possible. Leave the offering in place for seven days before disposing of it.
Power Ritual with Your Badass Kin
When we honor our ancestors, no matter how many generations we go back, it is mutually beneficial for both us and them. After all, who is as vested in our success and well-being as our family? If one of us accomplishes something great, it reflects positively on everyone in the bloodline, creating a shared and valuable legacy.
This power ritual calls upon both your maternal line and your paternal ancestors, separately, so you’ll want to have a written list of names to call out as you’re doing this working. Obviously, if you only want to work with one side of the family—for instance, your mother’s people were full of drama and trauma and you’re not ready to work with them—then simply skip over the line you wish to avoid.
Perform this ritual at your ancestor altar with an offering ready to present, but don’t put it on the altar just yet. If you typically cast a circle or smudge a sacred space before ritual, do so. Put your favorite incense blend on your altar along with a glass of wine or water. Finally, place a tealight or votive candles on the altar to represent the various family members you’re about to name—count them out ahead of time—as well as a large candle in the center. Take a few minutes to ground yourself, centering, and focusing on calling your ancestors to you. When you are ready, light your incense and the large candle, and place your offering on the altar, and call your people:
Ancestors, kin of my kin, blood of my blood, my people! I call out to you and invite you to join me in this sacred space, this place between my world and yours. I present these offerings, of fire, wine (or water), and bread, that you may always see in the darkness, that you may never thirst, that you may never hunger. Today, I call to you and welcome your strength, your power, your will, and your guidance.
Start by calling in your matrilineal line, beginning with the first deceased woman in your mother’s ancestry. If your mother or grandmother is still living, don’t include her. Begin by calling your people out by their full maiden names, and as you welcome each one, light the tealight that represents her. Invite at least three generations to join you, if you know their names, but try not to get too crazy—it will take you forever to call upon thirty or forty generations. Try to keep it to fewer than ten if possible.
I call now upon my mother’s mother’s line. I welcome my grandmother, Margaret Chapman, and her mother, Emily Weiss, and her mother, Caroline Emily Dieter, and her mother, Caroline Charlotte Grossberg, and her mother … etc.
All women, mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers, all whose blood runs through mine. All women, mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers, all who raised the next generation of female power in my family. All women, mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers, who are daughters themselves. Come to this altar and accept my offerings.
Come to this altar, and share with me your strength, your power, your energy, your drive, your ambition, your will. Come to this altar, and accept my gratitude and love, mothers of my mother.
Next, call upon your patrilineal line. Again, light a candle for each individual you name, and try to keep the list of badass men in your direct line down to between three and ten generations. Remember, start with the most recently deceased generation. If that’s your father, begin with him.
I call now upon my father’s father’s line. I welcome my father, Jackson Cole, and his father, Edward Cole, and his father, Albert Koehle, and his father, Karl Albert Koehlevesky, and his father … and so on.
All men, fathers and grandfathers and great-grandfathers, all whose blood runs through mine. All men, fathers and grandfathers and great-grandfathers, all who raised the next generation of male power in my family. All men, fathers and grandfathers and great-grandfathers, who are sons themselves.
Come to this altar and accept my offerings. Come to this altar, and share with me your strength, your power, your energy, your drive, your ambition, your will. Come to this altar, and accept my love and gratitude, fathers of my father.
Finally, call upon the extended family. This will include people not in your direct matrilineal or paternal line of ancestry, but everyone connected to you via blood or marriage or adoption.
I call now upon my extended family, my beloved dead, my ancestors of the blood and the heart. I call now upon aunts and uncles, cousins and kin, all you relatives with whom I share spirit.
Come to this altar and accept my offerings. Come to this altar, and share with me your strength, your power, your energy, your drive, your ambition, your will. Come to this altar, and accept my gratitude and love, people of my people.
Spend as much time as you like calling out to your ancestors, drawing upon their strength and energy. Work with them, speak to them, and most importantly, listen to them. What are they telling you? What power can you gain from them? What success and accomplishment will they push you towards?
When you are ready, conclude your ritual by thanking your people.
Ancestors, kin of my kin, blood of my blood, my people! I call out to you and thank you for joining me in this sacred space, this place between my world and yours. Thank you to my mother’s mothers, to my father’s fathers, and all the relatives who have shared their strength with me. I ask that you continue to aid me in my endeavors, and I thank you for blessing me with your strength, your power, your will, and your guidance.
Extinguish the candle and leave the offerings on your altar for twenty-four hours before disposing of them.
Silent Supper with the Ancestors
In many modern magical traditions, especially among those of us who do spirit work, a silent supper is a great way to connect with those who came before us. You may have heard this referred to as a dumb supper, which originates from the Old English terminology in which the word dumb was used as a synonym for mute.
Today, holding a silent supper is a wonderful ritual that can be done with the entire family to honor your ancestors, but it does require some pre-planning if a group of people will be present. Although these are often held at Samhain, the time when the veil between our world and the spirit realm is thinning, you can have a silent supper any time of the year. Ultimately, there is no one right or wrong way to have a silent supper; the best way to do it is the way that works best for your family and your needs.
Set your dining table with a fancy cloth, white or black; if you’ve got black or white dishware, bring that out too. Do you have access to black cutlery? This is the time to get it out of the box in the cupboard. Add fresh flowers in vases, and some candles—again, use black or white if possible. Make your table look as special as you can. Imagine your grandmother walking in, looking around, and saying, Oh, I like what you’ve done with the place, dear.
Be sure to make your dining area sacred, either by casting a circle (if that’s part of your normal tradition), smudging, asperging, or some other method. Turn off phones and televisions, eliminating outside distractions.
Your menu choices are up to you but try to focus on foods that would fit into an ancestral menu—there are several recipes in chapter Ten to get you started. You can also make traditional soul cakes, which are baked for the spirits of the dead in many European countries. Use seasonally appropriate foods, serving dishes with apples, late fall vegetables, and game if it’s fall, or light greens, eggs, and dairy items for spring.
Set a place at your table for each guest you’ve invited; use place cards to avoid confusion regarding who gets to sit where. The spot at the head of the table should be reserved for the place of the ancestors. Although it’s nice to have a place setting for every single person in your family you wish to honor, that can be impractical; instead, use a single candle at the ancestor seat to represent the ancestral collective. Shroud the ancestor chair in black or white cloth. Give them a plate, a cup, knives and forks, and a napkin, just like all of the other place settings. After all, this is their meal.
Remember that this is a noiseless occasion, not a carnival; if you or your guests have younger children who might become restless when they have to stay quiet, you may wish to leave them out of the silent supper. Ask each adult guest to bring a note to the dinner. The note’s contents will be kept private and should contain messages they want to pass along to the ancestors.
When hosting a silent supper, the idea (obviously) is that no one can speak, which can make a host’s job tricky. You’ll be responsible for anticipating each guest’s needs without them communicating verbally to you. Depending on the size of your table, make sure each end has its own salt and pepper shakers, butter, water pitchers, and so on. Also, watch your guests carefully to see if anyone needs a fresh napkin, a drink refill, or an extra fork to replace the one they just dropped on the floor.
No one should speak from the time they enter the dining area. Instruct your guests in advance that as they enter the room, they should take a moment to stop at the ancestor chair to offer a silent prayer to the dead. Once everyone has been seated, join hands, and take a moment to silently bless the meal and thank the ancestors for joining you. As the host or hostess, seat yourself directly across from the ancestor chair, and serve the meal by passing each dish around the table clockwise to your guests. Be sure to put someone responsible beside the ancestor chair; that individual is in charge of putting food on the ancestor plate. No one should eat until all guests—including the ancestors—have been served.
When everyone has finished their meal, each guest should get out the note they brought for the ancestors. Approach the head of the table where the ancestors sit, focus on the note, and then burn it in the candle’s flame—have a plate or small cauldron on hand to catch burning bits of paper—and then quietly return to your seat. Your guests, again moving in a clockwise direction, should each follow suit, one at a time. When everyone has had their turn, join hands once again, and offer a silent farewell prayer to the ancestors, bidding them a safe journey and thanking them for their company.
Everyone should leave the room in silence. Stop at the ancestor chair on your way out of the room and say goodbye one more time. After your guests have gone for the night, place the ancestor plate on your altar, and leave it there for twenty-four hours before disposing of it.
Simple Prayer for Guidance
Are you stuck finding the solution to a problem? Have you asked all of your friends for input but nothing quite seems to work for you or even make sense? This is when it’s time to reach out to your ancestral tribe and ask your people for their guidance. After all, they’ve seen a lot more than you have, so why haven’t you asked them for advice? This is a simple prayer you can do when you’re sitting at your altar, and you need some insight from your badass kinfolk. It’s a lot less reverent than some people might prefer and is pretty straightforward, but if your kin are the kind of people who appreciate that sort of thing, give it a shot. If not, modify it to make it more formal, as needed.
I call my people, all of you!
I need to know, what should I do?
Guide me, steer me, offer advice,
A solution to my problem would be nice.
Share your wisdom, share your insight,
Help me choose what’s most right.
Grandfathers and grandmothers,
Uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers,
I call my people, all of you!
I need to know, show me what to do.