Badass Ancestors
of the Heart
Our ancestors of the heart are those individuals who were real people in our lives but were not necessarily genetically related to us. Sometimes they’re adopted family members, and just as often they are people who have come into our world and made such an impact on our lives that even after death, they still have messages of wisdom and power to share with us. If you don’t have familial ancestors to call upon, and you’re not crazy about calling in badass archetypes, you can still work with your heart ancestors in a respectful and loving way.
Working with spiritual or heart ancestors is even more rewarding than working with familial guides, because ancestors of the heart are people you chose, and who chose you in return. Unlike biological ancestors, with whom you’re kind of stuck with the luck of the draw, and archetypal ancestors, who have their own flaws and foibles, a spirit ancestor is one that you can work with and often feel unconditional love. Keep in mind that there can be overlap between those who are ancestors of the heart, and those who are spiritual kinfolk.
Ancestors of the Heart
Your heart ancestors are the people you’ve chosen, for whatever reason, to love—and you’ve allowed them to love you in return. They’re the ones who stick by us even when our so-called “real family” can’t be bothered to offer their support. Our ancestors of the heart can include dear friends who have passed beyond the veil, foster parents, neighbors, or even schoolteachers. If they are someone who loved you, and you loved them back, and they had an influence upon your life, count them as a heart ancestor.
If you’re working with ancestors of the heart, be sure to ask permission before calling them in. In particular, if you’re part of a majority ethnic or cultural group and want to work with heart ancestors from a culture or ethnicity that has been traditionally oppressed, don’t simply claim them as your own. Show the respect they’re due and ask them if it’s okay for you to work with them. Claiming people who don’t belong to you, simply because you’ve decided to work with them, can be a bad idea.
That’s not to say that guides from cultures other than your own can’t or won’t appear to you; they can and will do so if the mood strikes them. If that happens, work with them as much as they allow, but do so respectfully—don’t claim ownership of marginalized ancestors.
Ritual to Honor Heart Ancestors
When it’s time to honor your heart ancestors, it’s important to make it special. You get to call them in just like you do your badass kinfolk. Set up your altar with candles and photos, and include some fresh home-baked bread, a goblet of wine or consecrated water, and a fresh apple or other fruit. Light your candles—one for each heart ancestor—and light your favorite incense. Take a moment to breathe, grounding yourself, and ask them to come knock upon your door: My people, my friends, those who live in my heart, I call you forth and ask that you come to my door.
Visualize yourself opening a door and seeing your heart ancestors standing in front of it. Invite them in: My people, my friends, those who live in my heart, I welcome you to my home, and my world, where you always have a seat at my table. We may not be blood kin, but you are always in my heart. Imagine them walking through your door and surrounding you at the altar.
Raise the goblet of wine and ask your heart ancestors to share it with you. My people, my friends, those who live in my heart, you nurtured me and cared for me. You showed me love unconditionally and you accepted me. You supported me and celebrated with me. You held me when I wept, lifted me up when I fell, and showed me how strong I could be, even once you were gone, and I offer you this wine in tribute. Visualize your people passing the wine, each of them taking a sip, and say, May you never thirst in the afterlife.
Raise the bread and offer it to your heart ancestors: My people, my friends, those who live in my heart, you gave me abundance when I had nothing, you shared your meals with me when I was hungry, you offered me hospitality when I had nowhere to go. You bestowed blessings upon me even when I didn’t know I needed them, and I offer you this bread in tribute. Picture your heart ancestors each taking a bite of the bread, and say, May you never hunger in the afterlife.
Finally, take the apple and raise it in honor of your people: My people, my friends, those who live in my heart, you inspired me when I had nothing to look towards, you pushed me when I faltered, you gave me courage when I needed it the most. Your wisdom and kindness helped shape the person I have become, and I offer you this apple in tribute. Can you see your people passing the apple around, each of them taking a bite? Tell them May you never want in the afterlife.
Close your eyes and visualize all of your people, surrounding you, enjoying your hospitality and feeling welcome in your life. Is there a particular one you’d like to thank for something special? Now is the time to do so. You can say things like:
• Mrs. Knepper, thank you for watching out for me in seventh grade when that mean Becky in your class bullied me.
• Mr. Billy, thank you for teaching me how to fish the summer I stayed with my grandpa.
• Kumiko, thank you for showing me the beauty found in art, and for letting me know my skills have value.
After you have thanked them, take a moment to consider how you can live in a way that will make them proud. When you’re ready, it’s time to tell them farewell. Imagine yourself opening the door once more: My people, my friends, those who live in my heart, it is time for us to say goodbye for now. I thank you for your visit, and you will always be welcome in my home, as you are in my heart. See them walking through the door, and as they leave, know that you’ll see them again soon.
Leave your offerings on the altar for twenty-four hours before disposing of them.
Spiritual Ancestors
Once we recognize that who we are isn’t just about biology or strands on a DNA chain, but also about ideas and thoughts, we can start working with our spiritual ancestors. Our spiritual kinfolk are the ones who have directly shaped our thoughts, beliefs, and ideas to help frame the person we have become. They can be priests or pastors who guided us during times of spiritual crisis, shamanic practitioners, ascended masters, or even the high priestess who first introduced you to your spiritual journey. Even prophets or holy figures such as the Buddha or Jesus, could be spiritual ancestors as long as they are people whose teachings have colored your spiritual belief system.
Ritual to Honor Spiritual Ancestors
Our spiritual ancestors want us to continue their traditions. They hope that the lessons imparted on us will be carried forward. In thanking them for their wisdom and philosophies, we let them know that their efforts weren’t wasted. For this ritual, decorate your altar with three candles in colors that speak to you, as well as a pot of live flowers. Light your incense, and say My spiritual ancestors, I have received your wisdom and I am grateful for it. I send an offering of thanks to you, rising upon this smoke and across the veil to you.
Light your first candle, and say I am filled with light and love and spiritual growth because of you, and I thank you. When you light the second candle, say I am filled with wisdom and knowledge and a sense of purpose because of you, and I thank you. Finally, light the third candle, saying I am spiritually whole and healthy, and will share the bounty of your favors with those who need it, for the greater good, and I thank you.
Take the flowers in your hands, and inhale deeply. Take in their fresh, heady scent. Close your eyes, and say My spiritual ancestors, may I always hear your voice when you speak to me. May I always call you when I know you are listening. May I always find courage in the darkness when you provide me with light. May I always move forward from pain when you send me healing. May I always feel enlightened when you guide me with your wisdom. May I always find my true calling when you send me a test. May I always feel reborn and renewed, when you send me hope and inspiration. My spiritual ancestors, I thank you for your gifts.
Extinguish the candles and repeat this petition for three consecutive nights. After the third night, take the pot of flowers and place them in a sunny spot; each time you water them, remember the gifts that your spiritual kinfolk have bestowed upon you.
Ritual to Honor the Forgotten Dead
Those of us who follow the various magical belief systems are pretty good about honoring our dead. If you’re doing ancestor work, you’re probably better at it than most people. However, there’s one group that often gets overlooked; if you want to include them in your rituals, it’s perfectly okay to do so. They may or may not be related to you, but sometimes calling them in and simply honoring them can be of benefit to you. These are the people we consider the Forgotten Dead, the ones who died somewhere alone or unwanted or unloved, with no one to mourn them or sing their names with honor as they crossed through the veil. They’re the people who vanish from the records and end up in a transient camp somewhere. They’re the ones buried with no headstone because no one cared enough or could afford to pay for a marker. They’re the ones who died in nursing homes, under bridges, or in remote fields somewhere, with no one to even remember who they were.
They’re the men, women, and children who have crossed over and whose spirits are lost to memory. However, by speaking for them and giving them a voice, you can not only empower them, but also open things up so that if they want to thank you, you might just benefit from their gratitude.
You will need white candles for this ritual, one each to represent a group of forgotten people, whether it’s men, women, children, people from a certain geographic area, victims of crime, and so on; group people in any way that works for you. If there’s someone specific you know of that died alone, you can designate a single candle to represent that person as well. Do this ritual at your ancestor altar. Light your incense, but don’t light the candles just yet.
Take a moment to reflect on what your ancestors have left you as well as the memories and stories you have of them. Think about what memories and stories you’ll leave behind for your descendants when you’re gone. Now imagine how it would feel if no one was left to mourn you. Think about the idea that future generations might have nothing left to remember you by. It’s a pretty sobering thought, isn’t it? That’s why it can be healing to call forth the forgotten dead. Just because you don’t want to call any random dangerous beings into your life, be sure to include a petition to your ancestors to watch over you and protect you as you work with the forgotten—you only want benevolent beings to come join you at your altar:
I am blessed by my memories of my ancestors, thankful that I remember the stories of my dead, of those who have fallen and crossed over the veil from this world to the next. I ask my known and unknown people to watch over me, protecting me from harm or danger, as I honor another group, the forgotten dead. Tonight, I honor them and pay tribute. Tonight, I remember those who were forgotten. Tonight, I memorialize you, the unknown, the unloved, the unwanted of our world. Whoever you may have been in life, tonight, now, in death, you are mine as you watch from the other side, and I honor you, if you may be called benevolent and kind.
Light the first of your candles—let’s assume it’s assigned to the forgotten women: Women who were lost to us, how did you pass? Were you old and alone, crossing over with no one but your own ghosts to keep you company? Were you young and healthy, taken from us unexpectedly, your crossing as much a surprise to you as to anyone else? Forgotten women, those who shine a light in the darkness, your spirits are with me. I remember you and want you to know you are honored. You are remembered.
Light the next candle, and call the forgotten men: Men who were lost to us, how did you pass? Did you die in a strange place, far from family and friends? Were you in your prime, taken away too soon, and unexpectedly? Forgotten men, those who shine a light in the darkness, your spirits are with me. I remember you and want you to know you are honored. You are remembered.
Work your way through whatever groups you have chosen to call; light a candle for each one and make sure they know they are honored and remembered. When you have lit all your candles, say All of you, those unknown, you may have left this world unnoticed, but for now, you are unforgotten. I remember you. Know that you are with me in memory and in spirit. If you are kind and benevolent, we may someday speak again.
Extinguish the candles and say I have honored you and now you must move on. Go back to the places from which you came, go back knowing that you were remembered. Go back across the veil and remain in that world. Farewell, rest easy, and may the coming parts of your journey be worthy of you. Hail the traveler.
When you know they have left, purify and cleanse your altar space in the way that you see fit.