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“What are you doing here?” I stood in front of Ben, my hands on my hips. I did not want to do this. Why did he even come here?
“I’m here to invite you to dinner.” His hands were resting in his pockets. He looked relaxed and casual. It made me want to poke him.
“No.” I crossed my arms in front of me.
“No?”
“No, thanks?” Even I could hear the questioning sound in my voice. There was no reason to have dinner with him. I didn’t know why I was even contemplating it.
That’s not true.
Loneliness. Masochistic tendencies. Both were accurate. Part of me was still wrapped up in Ben. Like he was my drug of choice. I didn’t love him anymore, but I still wanted to be around him for some reason, as much as I didn’t want to admit it. I admitted to myself that I was using Ben. I was upset and missing Gray, and Ben was my band-aid.
I debated the offer for dinner. Dinners were innocent, right? I’d just have to make it very clear to him that he would never win my heart back. Gray held it in the palm of his hands and probably would for the rest of my life.
“I thought we’d grab some pizza. Nothing special. Nothing fancy. Just pizza.” He was aiming below the belt. I had a weakness for pizza. Especially, good pizza. When I didn’t say no right away, he knew I was a goner. It’s just pizza, I told myself.
“Fine. But, I’m only going for the food.”
We ended up at Lou Malnati’s up on State Street. It was a short walk from the pub. I regretted my decision to go here already, but the pizza had been ordered. Instead of wine, Ben was drinking a beer; I ordered my standard water.
“How is it working with Peter again?” Ben asked.
“The same. Pay some bills, enter some invoices, check emails. Nothing too complicated.” I played with the condensation on my water glass, drawing patterns in it.
“I was just curious. Anya seemed to enjoy it, but she worked longer hours than you ever did.”
“I think she had more responsibilities. I'm just keeping up some basic accounting stuff.” Anya? “Did you know her? I didn’t know that.”
“We met a few times. Nothing special.”
“Nothing special? Like a date?” Ben leaned forward across the small table, putting our faces only a few inches apart.
“Jealous?” Ben whispered the word.
“You wish,” I whispered back to him before I leaned back in my chair. I didn’t know why I said yes to coming, but maybe I could salvage the night and learn a few things. “How did you meet her?”
“Why are you so interested in it? If it’s not jealousy, there must be another motive.” Ben sat back in his chair, too. His back was to the wall, giving him a view of the room and door. I felt completely exposed to the room behind me.
“Why wouldn’t I be interested? The woman who replaced me, who I then replaced at work gets murdered, stabbed in my old office. Or my new office, depending on how you want to look at it. Of course, I am interested.”
“We were friends. Casually. My office isn’t far from O’Kelly’s. If she was closing and I was working late, we’d meet up and walk home together.” Ben picked up his glass and tilted it in my direction. “Like I said. Nothing special.”
My watch tapped my wrist, letting me know I had an incoming call. Peyton. I held up my cell and asked Ben if he minded if I took it since she was pregnant. He nodded a yes.
“What up?” Please tell me you are in labor and I need to rush home. Please.
"I called because I do some of the taxes for the pub employees. Going through their stuff, their numbers are off, too. If you send me a copy of the PNL, I may be able to help find the error." Peyton and I had boundary issues. Whether it was work or family, we if we wanted to know something, anything, we just asked.
"A copy of the PNL? I'll run it by Peter tomorrow.” I glanced at Ben. He was looking down, checking his phone. “You couldn't have texted me?”
"No, pregnancy makes me stupid, so I had to call while I remembered. The girls I did the taxes for last year were making some killer bucks. I mean, way more than you used to. All of them said they worked side jobs, too. I didn’t think much of it at the time," Peyton said.
“The girls? You mean from O’Kelly’s. What kind of ‘killer bucks?’” I turned in my chair and spoke softly into the phone. Not that it mattered, Ben wasn’t paying a lick of attention. Even if he was listening, what would he care about a random conversation with my sister?
Peyton started doing taxes for family members years ago, and it quickly branched out to friends. I started referring some of my artist friends to her who needed help getting organized financially, and they referred others. Somehow, it came back to include some servers and bartenders who worked with me at the pub. Restaurants are like that, we kept everything in the family. It could be like a weird mafia-type family with the right mix of people.
“Yes, from the pub. I’ve been doing most of the employees’ taxes from there. It just kind of spread. I actually have most of their financials since it is tax season now.”
“But can you share that with me? Isn’t there a doctor-client thing, but with accountants?”
“Yes. It doesn’t enter in here. You are listed on my contract as an assistant who may see private information because you have helped me in the past. I never changed my contract after you started traveling because I had forgotten you were on it. Now, I’m glad.”
“Sounds good to me. I’ll send it over tomorrow. Keep me posted.”
“Hey! Wait!” I heard Peyton yell through the phone before I could disconnect the call.
“What?” I asked, exasperated.
“What are you going to say to Gray?” My eyes flicked to Ben.
“I don’t know! But, now is not the time.” I ended the call and turned back to Ben. “Sorry about that.”
“No problem. It sounded important.”
“No, nothing big at all.” I waved my hand in front of me, emphasizing the unimportance of the idea. “Now what were we talking about?”
“How about your hot date?” I was looking at Ben when the words were said. His lips never moved. Plus, I would know that voice anywhere. Ben’s voice was cultured, smooth. That one was rough, gravelly. I stopped breathing but didn’t turn toward the person. I wished myself to be invisible, but I knew I needed to turn and face him.
Gray.
“This is not what it looks like,” I said. Guilt oozed over me.
“That’s what everyone says.” Gray pulled a chair over from an empty table.
“No, really.” I have such a way with words. Ben hadn’t said anything yet.
“I hope you ordered enough for all of us. I’ve missed pizza. Haven’t you?” Gray asked me.
“Yes. Gray this is Ben. Ben, Gray.” I moved my hand between them.
“Oh, we know each other, Regan,” Gray said.
“How? Why?”
“Didn’t Ben tell you? I thought he’d jump at the chance.” The animosity between them was palpable.
“I didn’t feel it warranted repeating.” Ben’s haughty attitude always emerged when he was nervous. He and Gray locked eyes. The difference between them was striking. Both were tall, but Ben was thinner. Leaner. More the body type of a runner. Gray was slightly taller, but broader, too. He was more physically opposing. Ben’s coloring was light, where Gray’s was dark. Ben sat straight in his chair, legs crossed. Gray was sitting in his backward, arms resting on the back of the chair. Gray might’ve looked relaxed, but tightly bound energy was pouring off him. He reminded me of a tiger preparing to pounce on his unsuspecting prey. I didn’t know whether to worry about myself or Ben.
“Tell me what?” I asked. Gray and Ben shared a look before Gray spoke.
“He came looking for you. We were in Italy at the time.”
“Italy? We were there years ago.” I looked at Ben. His eyes were watching me, probably for my reaction.
“I don’t . . . someone just tell me what is going on?!” In frustration, I slammed my hand on the table. The silverware tinkled as it jumped.
“I came looking for you. I wanted to apologize for what happened. And, maybe—”
“Maybe win you back,” Gray finished for Ben.
“How do you know this?” I asked Gray. He seemed awfully informed for someone who—I thought—had just met Ben.
“My uncle. He told me he was heading our way, so I kept an eye out.” The waitress plunked our pizza down along with a stack of napkins and small plates. Gray scooped up the first piece and slid it on a plate for me. The second slice he kept to himself. He picked it up and took a bite, ignoring Ben.
“I’m going to act like any of that even makes sense.” I picked up the pizza and started eating. If they were fine having this weird dinner together, then I was too. Really it was no competition. I’d take pizza any day of the week.
Ben quietly got his own. He ate it with a knife and fork, pinky raised. Gray and I were using our hands. How pizza should be eaten.
“I did go after you—"
“After two years.” It was a statement, not a question.
“I explained earlier, it took me some time to get my life together. To forge my own path, so to speak. When I got to Italy—”
“How did you know we were there?” My words come out garbled since I had a mouthful of pizza.
“Regan, stop interrupting and listen.” He reprimanded me like a child. I kicked him under the table, but he ignored it. “I own a security firm. You were easy to find.” Ben gave me a ‘duh’ look. He had turned into a jerk once Gray arrived. Well, a bigger one, anyway. “When I arrived in Italy, I found you two in San Marco Square eating McDonald’s. You were sitting on a bench together. He said something to make you laugh. You threw your head back as a laugh exploded from you. That’s the only way to describe it. It exploded from you. The sound even carried across to where I was standing. I realized I never made you laugh like that. Ever. So, I walked away.”
“Then how did you know he was there? You made it sound like you two spoke to each other?” I asked Gray.
“We did. Gray assaulted me outside of my hotel later that evening.” My mouth dropped open at the accusation. Gray doesn’t assault people. He’s a big lumpy teddy bear.
“Assault is a strong word. Don’t ya think?” Gray said. “You got a few good punches in, too.”
“What word would you use?” I asked Gray.
“I persuaded him to leave us alone, you alone. We were happy. He had no right to try and barge back in.”
“I didn’t. I was planning on leaving peacefully. Instead, I still left, only with a black eye,” Ben said.
“I didn’t know that. You show up, out of the blue. She had finally put herself back together, and here you come.” Both men now stood at the table. Facing off like two prizefighters.
“Screw you both.” The moment between them shattered when I spoke. They both finally looked my way. I gathered my purse and stood. I swiveled my hand between them, pointing and jabbing my finger as I spoke. “You,” finger to Ben, “and you,” finger to Gray, “have dragged me into this ridiculous love triangle. How? How did this happen? You,” to Ben, “I don’t want you. I haven’t in a long time. And, I realize how much better off I am without you.” Finger to Gray. “And you! I didn’t realize how much I loved you, how much I needed you until I didn’t have you. But.” Finger jab for emphasis. “But, that doesn’t mean you get to assault old boyfriends.” Now that every pair of eyes in the restaurant was on us, I turned to go. I stepped back to the table, grabbing one more slice for the road. Gray’s eyes met mine.
“Regan, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t still want you.”