Sam’s head felt much better after a sleep, and he had no doubt the ministrations of angel hands helped. Nick mixed batter while Richard cooked and Michelle served the guests crushed around the dining table. Great-Aunt Colleen admired the winged lion lying inside the back door, licking his platter and eyeing up the new batch of pancakes. Yonah pecked at the crumbs scattered on the floor around her.
Nugget was sitting on the table while Beatrice smeared maple syrup in her fur.
Every now and then, Nick would look at Wheedle, Spigot, Bladder and the new tiny banshee curled against Wheedle’s chest. She wore one of Beatrice’s onesies and sucked her thumb.
‘How did she end up so adorable? Had I not seen her, I’d’ve been prepared to dislike her immensely,’ Great-Aunt Colleen said.
Wheedle shook his head. ‘Sam’s made her his own way. She’s something new.’
‘She’s a beautiful baby,’ Michelle said.
‘I’m wondering, does that make you a grandmother, do you think?’ Great-Aunt Colleen laughed.
Michelle mock-hit her.
Sam blushed.
Knuckles rapped at the back door and they all looked to see the angel that had arrived.
Michelle gasped. ‘I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this,’ she said.
‘When miracles happen for you, I suspect it’s hard not to see angels everywhere,’ Nick said. ‘I find it easier to see angels than to process my brother coming back to me after all this time.’
‘Oh, my,’ Michelle started. ‘We missed your birthday. It was three weeks ago. You’re thirteen.’
‘It’s all right,’ Sam said. ‘Daniel sorted a cake, and the gargoyles and my shifter friends threw me a party.’
‘Wilfred, Amira and Hazel knew too.’ Michelle teared up.
Bladder chortled. ‘You know, if you’d told me two weeks ago that Sam would be running the kingdom before Christmas and I’d be a real lion, I’d have said you were crazy. It seems we are required to believe at least two unbelievable things a day from now on.’
Sam walked outside, followed by Bladder and Spigot. Wheedle handed Maggie over to Nick and he and Richard came too, with Michelle hurrying at Sam holding a winter coat.
‘Put this on,’ she said.
‘It’s not cold downstairs …’ Sam started. He wanted to say it, then worried that it would sound silly to her. He closed his eyes, took a breath and said it anyway. ‘Mum.’
Michelle pulled him into a hug. ‘I’m always going to worry about you, you know. It’s a mother’s job.’
As he walked to the drain with Daniel and the gargoyles, he heard the Kavanaghs talking.
‘I’ll give the babies a bath.’ Nick said ‘babies’ like it was a question.
‘They eat a lot, these gargoyles. Especially that Bladder, and if they’re staying with you, you might want a bigger house,’ Great-Aunt Colleen said.
‘We will figure it out,’ Richard said. Not Richard, Sam thought. Dad.
‘I think it’s brilliant!’ Nick said. ‘But it’s going to take some time before Uncle Paddy’s used to it.’
Sam liked the new look of The Hole. White light globes in the street lamps, fairy lights everywhere, coloured doors on the burrows. Just ahead, at the mouth of the tunnel they were ambling down, he caught a glimpse of the dais. The new throne upon it was made of wood and painted gold.
Daniel handed Sam a clipboard. ‘So, messages have been sent to the various kingdoms affected by the change in monarchy and, of course, Titania already knows, so she’s sending an envoy. D.I. Kintamani and T.C. Angelina will be present. As requested, the different monster and imp groups have been asked to elect a representative so conversation and debate don’t get out of hand.’
‘That was your idea, not mine,’ Sam said. ‘It was a very good idea.’
‘But as king you must affirm it, and then it becomes a request.’
‘None of these things occurred to me. If you hadn’t told me …’ Sam sighed. ‘I’m going to make a lousy king.’
‘You’re an improvement on the last guy,’ Bladder said.
Sam stepped into the Great Cavern. They had come to the king’s entrance, which followed a red-carpeted path to the dais and the throne. Sam stopped and surveyed his kingdom.
He felt awed by its size. He always had, but somehow realising he was the ruler of the place made him feel smaller.
He watched the inhabitants. A few younger monsters sat in rings chatting and giggling. Pixies chased each other along the outer edges, and brownies and leprechauns played marbles and threw balls at each other. The imp groups mixed. Boggarts danced as goblins sang and trolls looked at a variety of musical instruments, figuring out how to hold them.
As soon as they saw Sam’s small group, the trolls flung the instruments away and the boggarts and goblins stopped their happy-making and hurled themselves to the ground, scraping at his feet. The brownies and leprechauns stood, forming little walls between Sam and the game areas to stop him seeing what they’d been doing, and the pixies ceased chasing each other. Many shied at the glow Daniel cast, and most stared at Sam and trembled. They shuffled back into the shadows of the mounds of beans as Sam’s group passed.
‘Come on, King Sam,’ Bladder said. ‘Let’s get you to your throne. Walk ahead.’
Sam looked at his pack.
‘You need to go first,’ Wheedle said.
Sam led the way. He did not feel even a little bit like a ruler, but sad faces looked to him, and he knew, no matter how much he didn’t want to do this, someone had to.
When he stepped up on the dais, the small audience in front rose. The elf, Edgar, Titania’s representative, was dressed in a formal three-piece suit with an ermine robe over the top for good measure. Milkthistle was with him. Another little person sat next to them. Sam didn’t recognise her, but she looked a lot like Edgar and wore a green outfit with a peaked cap. D.I. Kintamani and T.C. Angelina were in uniform and they gave him friendly waves, and, as ordered, one each of the monster and imp clans stood together in a nervous cluster and stared at him with wide eyes and pursed mouths. Even the two old sirens waited in their barrel at the back.
Only Gouttière the gargoyle stood by himself, looking relaxed. Sam peered around and saw Marée, child of Eulimene, the mermaid, standing on two legs and gawped at her. Her dress was a shimmering blue-green. She smiled and mouthed, ‘Legs aren’t bad.’
‘Hi,’ Sam said. ‘I’m Samuel Kavanagh, er, King Samuel, of The Hole. It’s great to see you all here. You are all very welcome.’
‘Well said, Yer Majesty,’ One-i’-the-Wood replied.
Sam jumped at being called ‘Your Majesty’ and he was sure his greeting was anything but well said.
D.I. Kintamani winked at him, and Sam relaxed, reminded that even the representative for the Shifter Authorities was just Wilfred’s dad. He looked around at Daniel. He had no idea what to do now.
Bladder purred and stepped up beside him. ‘Don’t worry, Highness, we’ve got you covered. Just say what Daniel told you, and we’ll do the rest.’
‘I have asked you all here today to discuss the future of The Hole and of monsterkind itself, where we go from here and how we continue to interact with the various supernatural establishments of Earth. Under my … um … leadership … things are going to change.’
‘You were supposed to say “majestic authority”,’ Daniel said.
Sam had enough trouble saying ‘leadership’. He wasn’t even six months old yet. He bet that Thunderguts was a couple of centuries old before he took over from the Jabberwock. How was he supposed to do this without any knowledge of what it was to be a king?
‘How, Your Majesty?’ A young ogre shuffled forward and a mob of mixed imps and monsters shuffled with him, as if terrified of being separated.
‘It’s Cob,’ Sam heard Bladder say to Wheedle.
‘What do you want to know, Cob?’ Sam said. ‘I really don’t want monsters thinking of kidnapping and eating people any more.’
‘Or fairies,’ Milkthistle shouted.
Sam looked at the fairy. Milkthistle bowed apologetically.
‘No, I agree. Don’t take fairies either, or steal their dust. In fact, let’s not steal anything.’
‘Is you gonna have us killed, Your Majesty?’ a troll asked.
‘What’s your name?’ Sam asked.
‘I’m Underbridge,’ the troll replied.
‘Don’t forget to call ’im “Your Majesty” every time,’ a small voice said. ‘Or Highness, or Big Guy.’
‘Your Majesty,’ Underbridge added.
‘Well, Underbridge. My plan isn’t to kill any monsters either. Maybe if they try to eat someone, we can lock them up in the dungeons, but I’d hate even doing that.’
‘The Old Ones say you’ll kill us off the way you kilt so many of them, all explosions and the like,’ a troll said. ‘An’ you dusted Maggie down.’ A pixie tugged his arm. ‘Your Majesty,’ he added, then went on. ‘We seen them souls t’other day en we dint know if they might get us deaded, but they was scary, and the old trolls say they kilt off nearly all the old guard when you let them loose last time.’
Sam gazed at the gathering. There were small groups of ogres, trolls, goblins, boggarts and bogies, but none of them were old and the space wasn’t crowded.
‘Where are the old monsters?’
‘They went down lower, into the caves, Your Majesty,’ Underbridge said.
‘Is this all the younger ones? I’m sure there were more of you during the battle.’
The tiny group of monsters and imps maintained its huddle. They all shook their heads.
‘They stayed in the sub-caverns, Your Majesty,’ Cob answered.
‘Then why did you come?’ Bladder asked.
‘His Majesty ordered us, an th’uthers fought you might come down to the caverns with an army of souls if we din’t send someone, Your Majesty.’ Cob bowed at Sam.
‘No, I won’t be doing that,’ Sam said.
Imps in the shadows stepped closer to the dais. ‘Really?’ a pixie voice asked. It squeaked and Sam watched its little shape dash back towards a hill of nuggets, toppling a few more to the ground as it raced.
‘An’ I came just for meself … Your Highness,’ Cob started. He winced. ‘When King Funderguts died we dint know what to do, we just wanted to play, an’ Her Maggisty came and tol’ us we were meant to run around upstairs an’ make the humans miserable, and we thunk “well, she’d know”, but we still wanted to play, an’ the big ogres said we no’ sposed ta play, we is silly for wanting to play, so I sneaks off and plays with trolls and goblins and we hide when we do it.’
‘Pixies gets to play all the time,’ the elected little troll said.
‘Except when they is tol’ to do errands for the ogres and trolls,’ a pixie replied.
‘Which is lots,’ said another, ‘and then they might feed us to the witches anyway.’
‘They doan like that,’ Cob said.
As Cob talked, bigger creatures began edging forward.
‘So, why did you come?’ Bladder asked.
‘Cos you’re His Majesty’s friend,’ Cob said, the last word whispered.
‘Because I’m his friend?’ Bladder asked. The gargoyles looked at each other. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘We met. At the talk, remember?’ Cob asked.
‘Yes, I remember,’ Bladder said.
‘An’, I know it was a short time you was there, but we was friends for that time, wern we?’
‘Yeah, I think we were,’ Bladder replied. ‘We can still be, if you like.’
‘Oh, that would be ever so nice,’ Cob said in a rush. ‘Anyway, I fought, if you can be friends with us, and with the new king, maybe you can tell ’im not to kill us?’
Sam smiled. ‘I wouldn’t kill you anyway, but being friends with Bladder does … What’s the word, Daniel?’
‘Entitle, Your Majesty.’
It sounded weird when Daniel called him that.
‘Entitle the friend to privileges.’
‘Above his station,’ Daniel added.
‘I’m not saying that,’ Sam replied.
‘Majesty?’ Cob edged towards the dais.
‘You are entitled to friendship privileges, Cob.’
‘What’s that mean?’ asked the elected pixie.
‘Games, parties, sharing food, family films,’ Bladder said. ‘Stuff like that.’
‘Oooooh,’ the elected monsters said.
The creatures at the sides of the cavern moved closer, and from the burrows and tunnels nervous faces appeared.
‘An’ you’re definitely sure no one has to get kilt, Your Honour?’ Underbridge asked.
‘Majesty,’ a pixie corrected.
‘Definitely sure,’ Sam replied.
It was only a small crowd, but it was a great cheer.
The group of elected monsters moved forward, less huddled, until they were at the edge of the dais. A troll picked up a pixie and put it on the platform so it could see Sam and Sam could see it.
‘What does you want us to do then, Your Majesty?’ the pixie asked. ‘Does we do chores, cleaning and the like?’
‘You can do that, if you like,’ Sam replied.
‘If we … like?’ the pixie asked, and turned to the group. ‘Do we like that?’
‘Sometimes,’ said the elected brownie.
‘I like hopscotch, Your Honesty,’ said a young puck, and clamped its hand over its mouth and stared wide-eyed at Sam.
‘Well, play hopscotch then,’ Sam said.
‘Can I, can I, can I … ?’ The troll shook its head. ‘No, it’s all right. I won’t offend Your Majesty’s ears.’
‘Does it involve hurting or eating anyone?’ Sam asked.
‘No, not at all. I wants to play in the snow.’
The little cluster shrieked together. This time, the puck clamped its hand over the troll’s mouth.
‘Well, then play in the snow,’ Sam replied.
The puck dropped its hand.
‘Really?’ asked the troll.
Sam laughed. ‘It sounds like a wonderful thing to do. Go and do it. I hear there’s lots of places where it’s snowing right now.’
‘Can we bake?’ asked a voice.
‘And ride bicycles?’ asked another.
‘And play marbles?’
‘Arts and crafts?’ yelled the elected brownie.
The groups of pixies and brownies and young monsters that had been hanging back in the shadows came rushing forward and threw all sorts of other suggestions at Sam.
‘An’ what about dancing and parties?’ Cob asked. ‘Is we allowed them too?’
‘Yes, of course.’
Daniel coughed.
‘Ooh, but you must clean up after yourself and try not to disturb people who are sleeping,’ Sam added.
‘We will clean up ever so well, and we won’t be too noisy. Not ever ever ever,’ Cob agreed.
Sam wondered about that, but smiled anyway. He looked over to where Daniel pointed at the non-monsters in the cavern. ‘Now, why don’t you sit down quiet for a while as I attend to my guests.’
‘Yes, Your Majesty,’ Cob said, and motioned the monsters down.
A peace filled the Great Cavern. Not silence – the monsters shuffled like eager toddlers and more than a few pulled out knuckle bones and marbles and played in the dirt whispering rules to each other and giggling behind hands – but it was quieter and calmer than Sam had ever seen it.
One-i’-the-Wood watched the happy faces about him. He lifted his leaf cap and smiled with blueberry lips. ‘Well done, Yer Majesty. See what happens when you give a little bit of “yes”? I bet it feels nice too.’
‘It really does.’
‘Don’t think you can’t say “no” occasionally. I’m learning that with my own brood,’ One said, but he beamed and winked at Sam.
Daniel coughed very loudly.
Sam remembered his assembly representatives, and turned back to them. ‘Many apologies to my guests. I probably should have talked to you first.’
Edgar rose with a grumpy expression, but D.I. Kintamani spoke before the elf could say anything. ‘I expect it’s hard to know where to start, and your own people often need reassurances first, so no need to apologise.’
Edgar grimaced, opened his mouth, but shut it again.
‘How can I help you, Edgar?’ Sam asked.
Edgar bowed low and flourished a hand so his ermine robe swung over his shoulder. ‘Her Imperial Majesty Titania, Empress of Fae, Sovereign of the Sunfilled Seas, Monarch of the Magic Skies and Queen of Faeryland greets you with all honours and dignities accorded to your crown. She recognises your royal status as king of monsters and ruler of The Hole and hopes there will be peace between our peoples.’
‘Of course there will, Edgar, you know …’
Edgar glared.
‘Let him finish, Sam,’ Daniel said. ‘And pay attention – you might learn a thing or two.’
‘If there is to be an alliance between the fae and monsters, the whole of monsterkind, impkind and all of their ilk must cease and desist from hunting and hurting fairykind.’
‘Yes, of course,’ Sam said.
‘An ambassador of your people is requested and will be offered protection within our realms and accommodation for themselves and a full staff will be provided, to make this possible.’
‘Well, yes … I don’t know if anyone will want to go. Let me ask.’
Edgar bowed low. ‘May I approach Your Royal Personage?’
‘OK.’
Edgar trotted closer, followed by Milkthistle. He motioned Sam over. Sam got on his hands and knees so he could talk to the Fairy Envoy.
‘OK, King Samuel, first off, try to sound a bit more formal,’ Edgar whispered. ‘Let’s not “OK” and “all right” our way through a royal audience. Remember, you’re in charge. You need to be in charge, or it’ll be chaos. You tell whoever you want to go where you want them to go, and they’ve got to go. Then you’ll sound kinglier. Although we’d much prefer a happy ambassador, that’s true too. So, you didn’t hear it from me, but we’ve had many a puck and pixie defect from The Hole and come to live with us. I’m sure more would have tried. Again, you didn’t hear it from me.’
‘Got it!’
‘Got it, Lord Edgar,’ Edgar said. ‘I’m Lord Edgar in formal company.’
‘Got it, Lord Edgar,’ Sam repeated.
‘Your Majesty, although you have not requested a fairy ambassador, can I suggest you tell us you need one so we can send someone to help you get all your etiquette right?’
Sam looked up at Daniel. The angel shook his head.
‘Not yet, Lord Edgar, but I will keep it in mind. Thank you.’
For the first time, Edgar smiled at Sam. It did make his face look merry.
Edgar shooed Sam back to his throne and went back to his spot.
‘So, one more time, Your Majesty,’ Edgar continued at a louder volume that carried throughout the cavern, ‘an ambassador from your people is requested. What say you?’
‘Yes, I think that sounds good, Lord Edgar. I will consider who to send, and who will attend them. You will have my decision by the end of the day.’
‘Nice reply,’ Daniel said.
The pixies all seemed very attentive now. Sam looked to the elected pixie official and nodded. The pixies understood straight away and squealed in excitement.
Wheedle watched too. He still had a stony exterior, but he could feel his heartbeat, and he had made sure he didn’t eat as much curry the night before because Bladder had described indigestion, yet he’d been hungry for it, a real empty gutter gurgle feeling. He was excited for wings. Bladder had shown him how well his worked and Wheedle couldn’t wait to soar up in the sky. And he was starting to feel weather changes. Just a little – not the way he realised Nugget felt them, not yet. He understood now that’s what made her cry so much. The poor thing had been cold and hungry. She’d be playing on the floor with Beatrice now, Michelle giving her the occasional cuddle and pieces of fruit. She might have only looked part monkey in the face, but she was all monkey in personality.
Spigot itched. His feathers, the real feathers growing under his marble skin, pushed up. A few barbs poked out, but he shuffled around to cover them. The worst were the ones in his ruff. They drove him crazy. He looked up, trying to concentrate on what Sam was saying, but it was so hard. He looked over at Yonah perched on Daniel’s shoulder. Ah, Yonah. Would she still like him if he had feathers? Maybe she’d like him more. Were they friends only, or would she … ? No, she flew so much higher than he could; she probably only liked him because he was part of Sam’s pack and Daniel’s ward. Spigot sighed.
Yonah peered back at Spigot, who stopped fidgeting. Keep still, keep still, he told himself. Look cool. Yonah cooed at him, and his new heart melted like a sucked toffee. She turned back to the audience of monsters.
‘Yonah,’ he whispered.
Wheedle turned, grinned and winked at him.
He felt his beak get hot.
* * *
Sam listened to the requests of all the visitors. It ended with the little person in green who’d been sitting next to Edgar approaching the throne and unrolling a scroll.
‘“I, Nicholas – High Regent of the North Pole, overseer of the Magic Manufacture Corporation, servant of Christ’s mass, in the line of Balthasar, Melchior and Gaspar, also known as Weihnachtsmann, Kanakaloka, Grandfather Frost, the priest who bears gifts, Joulupukki, Old Man Christmas, the Christmas Gnome, the Christmas Brownie, St Nicholas and Santa Claus, and a hundred other titles, recognised by millions of children the world over – present to you my emissary, Holly. Greetings to you, King Samuel of The Hole.”’
Sam exhaled. This Nicholas sounded very important.
Holly the elf continued reading. ‘“Many apologies for not attending your coronation in person. Unfortunately, you have caught me during my busiest season and though I will be able to visit you on December the twenty-fourth, please be aware I won’t have time to stay. Your rise to succession as king of monsters comes as a surprise, for it is an unprecedented event when the monster king is also amongst those on my ‘Nice’ list. Ogre kings and most of their subjects have only ever been on my ‘Naughty’ list till now. Congratulations.
‘“To make up for the offence of missing this most auspicious of occasions, I send an invitation for you and a small party of friends and attendants to have dinner in the North Pole towards the end of January.”’
Wheedle gasped. Bladder woo-hooed and Spigot squawked.
‘Tell him you are grateful for the invitation and will happily attend,’ Daniel said. He added, ‘You will have a wonderful time.’
‘Ooh, he’ll be happy to hear that, Holy Attendant,’ Holly said to the angel.
‘It is important Sam says it too,’ Daniel said. ‘Most individuals here can’t hear me.’
‘Completely understand.’
Sam repeated what Daniel had told him to say.
Holly darted forward. ‘Your Majesty, do you mind if I ask a question?’
Sam scurried from his throne again and leaned over to talk to Holly.
‘Father Christmas says you might want to bring a brownie or two. We know they like to make things and he’s always on the lookout for extra staff. There’s never enough.’ Holly dropped her voice. ‘He pays in toys and sweeties. You might like to get the elected troll to come along too. We have a lot of snow.’
Bladder rested contentedly on his forepaws. Who knew everything would turn out so well? White Wings had a self-satisfied look on his face, but it didn’t upset him the way it used to. They all deserved to feel good about this.
Then the angel leaned in to Sam’s ear. He spoke so softly even Bladder could have missed the words if he hadn’t been straining. ‘Now, Sam, repeat after me …’ and Sam did.
The strange thing was that, soon, Bladder stopped hearing Daniel at all and the words seemed to be Sam’s own. But he guessed that’s what happens when an angel whispers in your ear.
‘I, King Samuel of The Hole, welcome all my people and the friends of monsterkind to this kingdom. Together we will make changes. Together we will change. There will be no more killing. It will be replaced with playing. No more stealing; we will make our own things. We will replace despair with hope, and regret with relief.’ Sam smiled at them all, and they smiled back. Bladder noticed the crowd had grown and still more imps and monsters sidled out of the shadows. ‘Yet, I am young, very young, and it is fit for me to grow and learn some more before I can always be with you, so I am appointing regents to rule in my stead. Members of my pack, Bladder, Wheedle and Spigot, will watch over you until I am old enough to take on this role completely, although I will always be your king.’
Sam looked up at Daniel. ‘Really? I don’t have to do it now?’
Daniel nodded.
Bladder laughed. Sam was doing a great job. He could tell by the boy’s face that he wasn’t feeling confident, but the glowing gazes of the monsters and imps rested on him, and Bladder knew they adored their new king. Not as much as Bladder himself did, but well enough.
Bladder thought the heart inside him would break apart again, it felt so huge and full.