Julie lost track of time as she contemplated her misery. How could she explain her heart to Sam without hurting him? She loved him so much, yet she felt torn.
She looked around the room that had been hers for a little over a month. Everything here spoke of Sam; the large walnut dresser, the huge four-poster bed, and even the lamps on the nightstands looked masculine and powerful. The room smelled like the heady cologne Sam liked to wear.
“Father,” Julie prayed, “I wanted to serve You.” Before she could continue, it came to Julie’s mind that if she truly wanted to serve God, she’d open her heart and skills to whatever job He gave her. Perhaps the job God wanted Julie to do now involved being a good wife and homemaker. Maybe she was trained as a nurse simply to help during the epidemic.
“I need to understand, Lord. Please teach me what it is I’m to do,” Julie begged. “I can’t bear to hurt Sam, and I can’t bear the way I’m feeling.”
Julie reached to the nightstand and picked up her Bible. She flipped aimlessly through the pages, wondering what God might show her there. When she reached Ephesians, Julie began to read through the verses. “Teach me, Lord,” she prayed. “I came home to serve You, and now I have a husband to serve and work with as well.”
Just then, Julie’s eyes fell upon Ephesians 5:22: “‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.’” It seemed a clear answer.
“All right, Father,” Julie said in earnest, “I trust You to guide me. Sam loves You and seeks Your guidance, and because of this, I believe, without fear, that You will control this situation.”
Julie got up and dried her eyes. What should she do? Sam was out there somewhere, and no doubt he was feeling just as confused and troubled as she was. Julie debated trying to find him but chose to wait until he returned. She was determined to make her concerns clear. If Sam insisted she give up nursing, then she’d trust God to give her the grace to do just that.
Julie didn’t have long to wait. Within the hour, she heard Sam stomping around through the rooms downstairs. Julie brushed her hair and made her way to the top of the stairs just as Sam was starting up.
“We should talk,” Julie said softly.
Sam nodded. The anger was gone and in his eyes shone the love that Julie had come to count on.
Julie made her way down the stairs and took Sam’s extended hand. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. I know you deserve a lot better, and I feel bad about it.”
“If I’ve done something wrong, you should tell me,” Sam said as he led Julie to the couch.
“You haven’t done anything wrong, Sam. That’s what makes this so frustrating to me. I’ve always been able to speak my mind, but something about you makes me forget myself. I suppose it has a great deal to do with my love for you,” Julie said softly. She looked down at her hands, avoiding Sam’s face.
“You make your love for me sound like something oppressive,” he replied.
“Not oppressive,” Julie answered. “Maybe restrictive.”
“Restrictive?” Sam questioned. “How so?”
“I’m not sure that restrictive is even the right word. I never expected you to come into my life. I don’t know why, but I never considered marrying and having a family. At least not until much later in my life.”
“And?”
“And,” Julie said with deliberation, “I doubt I would have become a public health nurse if I’d known I would be married so soon into my career.”
“I still don’t understand,” Sam said softly.
Julie looked up at him. “I love my job, but I’m ready to give it up if that’s what you tell me to do.” There! She’d finally managed to get the words out.
“What in the world are you talking about?” Sam asked, confusion spreading across his face. “Why would I ever ask you to quit nursing?”
“Because it takes me away from you. I have to be on the village routes for most of the year, and those absences would keep us separated for long, long spells. I’m not sure I could bear it myself.”
“What makes you think that you’ll be separated from me?” Sam asked with a grin. “I know what’s required of you on your job. I knew it before I ever married you. I even talked with Dr. Welch at length about it.”
“You did?” Julie’s surprised voice amused Sam.
“I certainly did. You didn’t think I’d walk into something like marriage without knowing exactly what I was doing, did you?”
“I guess I never thought about it,” Julie replied. “I was too caught up in the epidemic. What did Dr. Welch tell you?”
“He explained your duties and the schedule you’d be keeping as a public health nurse. He told me you’d go by dogsled in the winter months and horseback in the summer. He also told me that the idea of a woman alone on the trails bothered him. I asked him why someone couldn’t accompany you.”
“And what did he say?”
“He told me there wasn’t funding to support two people on the route. It had been hard enough to get support for one. I told him my idea was to accompany you on the trails without being paid.”
“What?” Julie’s mouth dropped open. “You’d be willing to go with me?”
“I’d insist. I can’t imagine anything more enjoyable than long hours in the wilderness with a beautiful woman who just happens to be my wife. I’ve had it planned from the beginning.”
“I never considered such a thing,” Julie said in disbelief. “You’d actually go with me? What a wonderful idea! We wouldn’t have to be separated, and you wouldn’t want me to quit my job.” Julie squealed with delight as she threw herself into Sam’s arms.
“Is that what your moodiness has been all about?” Sam asked, holding Julie at arm’s length. “Did you think I was going to force you to give up your dream?”
Julie nodded. “I wanted to talk to you about my job before we got married. But then, the epidemic came up, and you nearly got yourself killed, and I just let it go. I was afraid to bring it up after that.”
“Never be afraid of me, Julie,” Sam said softly. “And please don’t ever turn away from me again.”
“I’m sorry, Sam, it’s just that you being the kind of guy you are, I thought—”
Sam couldn’t resist chuckling as he interrupted. “You mean to tell me you honestly thought I’d expect you to give up something as important as your nursing? I can’t believe you’d think so little of me. I mean, I know I can be a little demanding and—”
“A little?” Julie interrupted. “A little?”
Sam shook his head and pulled Julie into his arms. “Okay, so I can be very demanding, but I certainly wouldn’t make a decision like that for you. I married you knowing you had a job to do. I admired you for it. I think helping the villages is an important task, and I believe strongly in spreading the Word of God to those who have never heard it before. I kind of figured I might help you.”
“Honestly?”
“Honestly,” Sam said firmly.
“I’m so sorry for misjudging you,” Julie said as she reached a hand up to Sam’s bearded face. “I love you so much, and I love my nursing. I didn’t want to have to choose between the two.”
“I would never have asked you to,” Sam said as he kissed Julie tenderly.
Julie felt a burden was lifted from her shoulders. She thought of her willingness to accept whatever Sam had instructed her to do and knew that her peace came in being willing to be obedient to God.
As Sam pulled away from her, she nestled her face against his chest and thanked God for the husband He’d given her. Almost as an afterthought, Julie raised one last question.
“Sam, there are bound to be times when you’ll be needed here or when you can’t go with me. How will you feel about that?”
“Nothing will keep me from your side,” Sam declared.
“But what if something happens and it does? I can’t stay home and forget the people in the villages. We should be in agreement about what we’ll do if that happens,” Julie said earnestly.
“If that happens, and I don’t believe it will,” Sam replied, “then I’ll simply wait here with a light in the window until you come home safely to me. Good enough?” Sam’s eyes were filled with love.
Julie nodded. She no longer had any doubts about being married to Sam. “I love you, Sam, and I love God for giving me the wisdom to marry you. It will be the light of your love that leads me home and keeps me strong.”
“Oh my beautiful Jewel,” Sam said as he leaned back and pulled Julie against him. “That’s a light that will never burn out. For as long as I live, it will burn only for you.”