They ate burgers and a salad for dinner. Emma had sliced tomato, pickles, and lettuce for toppings. Ed had grilled the meat. The gray sky threatened rain, so they ate at the dining room table. Neither one had yet to mention the incident that occurred in the pre-dawn hours.
Knowing Emma would be home late, Ed showered after work and threw on a clean pair of jeans and a plain yellow T-shirt. Emma arrived half an hour later and excitedly showed him her new phone. Before going to the farm on Sunday, they had spent a good hour searching for her phone. They’d agreed that if she didn’t find it at the garage, she’d stop at the mall on her way home tonight.
She sent out a few text messages before heading upstairs for her shower. He ran out to the grocery store for hamburger buns and toppings. He made note of her attire when they met in the kitchen. Again, she’d chosen to wear one of his oversized T-shirts, a pair of panties, and nothing else. She fed Rufus and began to help prepare the salad.
Clearly, she had no intention of moving out tonight.
Ed had so many questions for her. Had he freaked her out last night? Whose names were tattooed on her leg? Was she going to leave him? Most importantly, was she in love with him?
She’d said as much last night. But he’d been fooled by those words before.
“Liam got back to me.” She indicated the phone in the pink camo case sitting on the counter. “I told him about Gary and Rufus. He wants to meet the dog and catch up. Would it be okay if he came over one night this week?”
Ed liked that she was making plans to extend their current living situation. “Sure. I like Liam.”
“I was thinking he could come for dinner one evening or coffee afterward.”
Ed smiled. “Whatever you’d like.”
She slumped in her seat, making Ed worry. “Also, my mom wants to meet you. I told her I had to check with you first, but she wants us to come for dinner.”
The idea of meeting her mom pleased Ed. He was starting to wonder if he’d been overreacting. He should have listened to Gabe and Kevin. “Sure.”
“Uncle Cain probably knows about us now.” She winced. “I didn’t really think about it. When Mom asked why she hadn’t heard from me in so long, I explained about the new job and the dog. She knew my apartment didn’t allow pets and demanded to know where I was keeping him. Then it sort of slipped out.”
He hadn’t considered Cain. Fleetingly, he wondered if her uncle would be mad. He’d been a pseudo-father. Would he take issue with Ed dating his niece?
Ed shifted that thought to the back burner, choosing not to worry about it right now. He and Emma had more important things to discuss.
She asked him how his day had been, and likewise, he asked about hers. She told him about her phone plan. Eventually, they’d devoured their meals. Silence stretched between them, and neither one wanted to start the heavy topic that was foremost on their minds.
With her plate empty, Emma drained the water in her glass and pushed both dishes away. “I’ll start.”
More nervous than he cared to admit, Ed set his dishes aside as well.
“One day, we were on foot patrol. My unit was attached to the ANA, and you know how underequipped they are.” His experience with the Afghan National Army was similar. Their soldiers were underequipped and underprepared, and many of them lacked any basic education. “Anyway, one of them stepped on a mine. His leg got ripped up pretty bad and had to be amputated at the scene. One of the medics cut it off, but me and a few of the other guys had to hold him down. I can still hear him screaming.” Emma sucked in a breath through her nose.
That explained one of the names on her thigh. Sameer Khan.
“The other name. What’s that one?”
White teeth sunk into her lower lip. “If I tell you about that one, will you answer some questions for me?”
Today, at work, he’d considered his options. He could get help, find a therapist. He could even go through the army for help, but the paperwork would be a bitch. He’d come to the conclusion that he and Emma needed to be honest with one another. He could see a therapist and ride out the relapses, but if he weren’t honest with her, there would always be a gap between them.
His way of coping wasn’t working. He couldn’t have a relationship with a woman for fear they would find out about his nightmares and abandon him. It was the reason why he’d never let a woman stay over. That was until Emma slipped through his defenses.
If he was honest, it was more than that. Emma had come to him for help. Putting on a fake front wouldn’t do her any good, and he really wanted to help her. There had to be a way through this suffering.
Only if she stayed. If she chose to walk away from him, he wasn’t quite sure what he’d do.
“Yes. I want to be honest about everything.”
“Okay then.” Emma nodded. She began drumming her fingers on the table. As a distraction? “Justin Williams. I served with him when I was in Afghanistan. He was older than me and had done a few tours before Operation Attention began, back when it was still combative. He had a hard time adjusting when we came back. I tried to help him, but some of the things he said got to me.” She glanced up at him, her eyes a little cloudy. “Any sense of hope I had started to vanish. Any sense that I could live a normal life just went away. It’s different when you come back; things have changed. It seems like people have moved on without you.”
Ed understood that feeling, too. He noticed so many changes when he came back. Ariel had gone from being a child to being a bratty pre-teen. Romeo had graduated high school and, at that time, had gone to Africa to build schools. Lorenzo hadn’t changed at all. His parents still loved him, although his mother hugged him more. He’d visited throughout his five years in the army, but it wasn’t the same as being home permanently. Everyone seemed a little different—even Jenny.
Ed knew he’d changed, but he was positive Jenny had also. Sure, she’d waited for him, but she had no patience to deal with him. Some nights, she’d wanted to go out, and he’d wanted to stay in.
She claimed he wasn’t fun anymore.
She’d seemed abrasive and cold.
Thank God his friends hadn’t abandoned him. Nick, Kevin, and Gabe had all stuck by his side and knew him well enough to let him simmer in his bad moods. They hadn’t butted into his business, but they’d been there for him, providing a distraction when he needed it most.
“Just when things started to feel bleak, Justin hung himself.” Emma’s harsh words brought Ed back to the present. She sucked in a shuddering breath.
He took her hand. “I’m sorry.”
“The idea that Justin couldn’t turn it around, that he only saw the one way out, was hard for me to handle. Like, what if that is the only solution?” It was a rhetorical question. “Then I had to sit through the funeral and watch his wife cry. His son was only four, and while he was sad, he didn’t understand what was going on. But seeing her and knowing the pain she was in made me think about how my mom would react if I’d done the same.”
Ed hated hearing her talk about killing herself. But the reality was that the thought had occasionally crossed his mind.
“Seeing the grief made me understand I could never do it, but then that just means I’m stuck.” She took a moment, calming her breathing. She didn’t cry. Certainly, she got a little misty, but she was stoic. Anger hardened the lines of her face, and fury flashed in her eyes. “I mean, what the fuck are we supposed to do?”
He figured that was as good a time as any. “I didn’t lie to you that first night when I told you I work hard to distract myself.”
She released a long breath. “I know.”
“I do, you know. I work long hours. Once I learn one craft, I start training in a new trade. I keep my mind distracted, and most of the time, it works.”
“But obviously not all the time.”
He glanced away. He felt her stroke his hand. “No, not all the time. I’ll admit, it has lessened. Sometimes, I go unscathed for long stretches of time, but it always comes back. I get horrible nightmares. They keep me up and force me back to those days.”
“The school?”
“Yeah.” Absently, he nodded. “The school is a big one. But also the killing. The constant fear. Once you go over the wire, you’re exposed—at risk. You could die any day.” He knew her experience had been different. It was still dangerous, but not to the same degree. Regardless of the threat level, seeing humanity at its worst had a way of unraveling a person.
At length, they sat, their hands intertwined in support, each one silently remembering.
Finally, Emma asked, “What do we do?”
“There is help available.”
He liked that Emma didn’t ask why he hadn’t gotten help before now. “Uncle Cain keeps trying to get me to see a therapist.”
“It might be a good idea for both of us.” Upon release from the military, they had to go to JPSU, the Joint Personnel Support Unit, to help them transition from army to civilian life. However, there were other therapy and support centers provided by the military. It would be a long process but already, the idea of having Emma by his side while they pursued this avenue had soothed Ed.
“Getting a job was helpful,” Emma confided. “The distraction is nice. Feeling needed at work helps, and knowing I’m expected to be there makes a difference. And I like everything I’m learning from Gary and the other guys.”
Ed lifted her hand to his lips. “I like that you haven’t left.”
“Like Jenny did?”
He froze. “How do you know about Jenny?”
She shrugged. “Brooke mentioned an old girlfriend.”
“And…” he prompted.
A blush spread across her cheeks. “And I grilled Nick about it.”
He knew he would have to tell her about Jenny eventually. He hadn’t thought it would be so soon. “What did he tell you?”
“That she lived with you in this house. But after you came back from Afghanistan, she left. He said he didn’t know why, but he thinks it had something to do with the military.”
“Nightmares and flashbacks kept me up. At first, she tried to understand it, but she lost patience. I should have gotten help then, but I was stubborn. She wanted me to open up, but when I told her some of the things that had happened and some of the things I’d done, she was horrified. Then, one day, I came home from work, and she told me she was leaving me. She’d moved all her stuff out during the day. I haven’t seen her since.”
“What a bitch,” Emma spoke with venom.
He shrugged. “I get it. I wouldn’t get help. She said she couldn’t wait around forever for me to get better.”
Still, Emma scoffed. “It’s not like it’s just going to go away!”
“No. It’s not.”
“On top of everything else, she went and left you.” The pieces must have fallen into place. “That’s why you don’t spend the night. Because you’re afraid they’ll see you during one of these relapses.”
“I’m not afraid.” He so was.
Typical Emma, she waved that away, letting him keep his illusion. “Whatever.”
“So.” Although he was terrified of the answer, he forced himself to ask, “Are you going to leave?”
Emma flashed him a grin before crawling from her seat and into his lap. “I’m not going anywhere. Even if you try to force me out. I thought I proved that last night. I care about you.”
“You love me?”
Firmly, she nodded. “Yeah, I do. You’re stuck with me now.”
He could live with that, but he still wasn’t sure he trusted it. Even the day she left him, Jenny said she loved him.
“I know I’ve been a brat lately. My mom thinks I’ve been a pain in the butt.” Ashamed, she glanced away. “What with the drinking and then the incident with the police, but—”
Based on the stories she’d told him about her teenage years, he assumed she had always been trouble.
He laughed. “I can’t believe you flashed in a bar.”
“Hush!” She punched him in the shoulder. “I’m trying to tell you how important the last few weeks have been. While I still want to drink, more than I probably should—” Ed hadn’t realized that “—spending time with you has made me want to try harder. In all things. Work, relationships, health, both mental and physical. You make me want to be better.”
He wrapped his arms around her. “I already think you’re pretty great.”
Maybe that was why Cain had suggested they spend time together. Emma was fun and easy-going. Ed was hardworking and determined. Together, they helped to balance one another.
“That’s because I’ve been on my best behavior.”
“This is you on good behavior?” Ed joked.
Emma took a swing at him. He caught her wrists and pulled her forward for a kiss.
“You know what else I like?”
The way her voice had dropped, going all husky, fired his blood.
He released her. “What?”
“Your idea of using distraction.” She walked her fingers up his chest.
He ran his hand along her thigh, brushing back the hem of his shirt to reveal the tattoo on her hip. “You don’t like to wear pants all that much, do you?”
“I figured you couldn’t throw me out if I didn’t have pants on.” She grinned devilishly, took his hand, and redirected it over her crotch.
“I have no intention of throwing you out.” He rubbed his finger over her panties.
Scraping his chair backward, he urged her to bend over the table. With her legs on either side of his, she was spread open and on display with her ass in the air. He cupped her ass cheeks in his hands, molding and squeezing them until she groaned for more.
On the other side of the room, Rufus scratched at the sliding door—a sign he wanted to go outside.
“We should let Rufus out.” Making no move to stop him, her suggestion lost its validity.
Ed pushed aside her panties and thrust a finger inside her wet passage. She pushed her hips back, impaling herself more completely. Still, she objected. “But what about Rufus?”
“Rufus can wait.”
“What if he can’t hold it that long?” Despite her protests, Emma braced her forearms on the table and began rocking. He pushed a second digit inside. “You’ll have to clean up after him if he piddles on the floor.”
Ed grinned, loving how preoccupied she was. “Oh, so you get to have a screaming orgasm, and then I have to clean up dog piss?”
“Um…” Emma’s objection was so thin that Ed chuckled. She wasn’t thinking coherently.
Withdrawing his fingers, Ed dragged them over her outer lips and drove them along her engorged clitoris. It wouldn’t be long before she peaked. “This won’t take long. I promise Rufus will be fine.” He continued stroking her. “In fact, I think we should test out the strength of the table. See how well we put it back together.”
“No!” Emma twisted away from him. Around a giggle, she said, “Let’s give Rufus a few minutes outside, then we can go upstairs.”
Reluctantly, he agreed. Emma straightened her panties, crossed the room, and opened the door for Rufus. In a rush, he charged outside. They both laughed as sniffing everything in the backyard took precedence over his bladder’s needs.
Ed tucked in their chairs and took their dishes to the sink. Joining her at the back door, he wrapped his arms around her. “Thank you for not leaving last night.”
Where it rested on her stomach, she rubbed his forearm. “Thanks for letting me stay here for so long.” She turned in his arms. Looking up at him, she seemed embarrassed. “I know I’ve overstayed my welcome.”
“Actually, I was thinking you should cancel your lease and move in permanently.”
“Really?” She gaped.
“I think we should try it.” He shrugged. “See how it goes.”
“If you’re sure.”
“You know what else I’m sure of?”
Her eyes were wild with uncertainty as she stared up at him. The idea of sharing his feelings still left him uneasy, but she needed to know. For long moments, he watched her. He whisked his thumb over her tempting lower lip. He stroked the pads of his fingers over her cheeks. Finally, he whispered, “I love you.”
That plush lower lip pouted a bit. Her eyes became a little misty. “Really?”
Cupping her nape, he coaxed her closer and briefly kissed her lips. “Yes, really. There’s nobody quite like you in this world. Tough and capable, yet still sweet and caring. I love that you keep me on my toes and add flavor to my boring life. I love you.”
She smiled wickedly. “Should I call Jason and make you an appointment?”
He shook his head. “Don’t push it.”
Laughing, Emma let the dog back in. For the first time, Ed wondered if maybe Cain had an ulterior motive when he’d asked Ed to look in on his niece. Had he somehow known Ed was also struggling? That they were the perfect fix, the perfect salve for each other’s wounds?
“I’ve been thinking.” Emma shook the kitchen table. “Maybe we should test out our handiwork.” Then she teased, “or do you think that’s a mistake?”
Grinning, Ed reached for her. “There’s only one way to find out.”