Chapter One

 

It had happened again.

Was it ever going to end?

Ashlynn Jacobs knew she wasn’t as beautiful as the average woman, but did she really look so much like a guy that strangers had to debate it amongst themselves on the bus? In front of other people, no less, and looking directly at her?

When the bus stopped, she grabbed her backpack and made a mad dash for the door. It didn’t matter that she was a few miles away from her destination. She’d rather walk than subject herself to more of their barbs. Ones that dug deep into her heart, spreading across her psyche.

Ashlynn adjusted her backpack on her back, then pulled on the hood of her sweater. Dark clouds loomed overhead. But she put her sunglasses on anyway, preferring to hide as much of her face as she could. Shuffling her feet as she walked, she ducked her head and stuffed her hands in her pockets, trying to hide her flushed cheeks.

At nineteen, she thought she’d have had this whole identity thing figured out and be comfortable in her own skin. She had wide lineback shoulders, small breasts, and a face that was a cross between a boy’s and a girl’s. If she cut her hair short, she could pass as a boy, which meant all the cute, short haircuts were out of the picture. That thought and more kept her mind a confusing mess.

She didn’t like things that most girls liked—make-up, perfume, dresses. Not that she could rock a dress with her body type anyway, but still, shouldn’t she like those things? She was more interested in martial arts and hockey than anything else. Being out on the ice was the one place she felt free, free to be herself. You couldn’t really see what anyone looked like under all that gear, and it felt like a whole other world. She didn’t have to deal with the jeers of strangers.

Sometimes she wished she could become a hermit and never have to deal with another living soul. But then, she would miss Justin and Jessie Harris, twins she had been friends with since elementary school. They treated her like a sister. And then there was Wesley, their older brother. She’d caught him watching her with curiosity now and then. She couldn’t help but wonder if he thought the same way about her as everyone else seemed to. He never said much, but he gave off a weird aura, and it made her insides antsy.

As she walked by the park, a kid yelled, “Heads up.”

She looked up in time to see a football racing towards her head, and the next thing she knew, she was sprawled on the ground, sporting a nasty headache.

“Are you okay, mister?” the pre-teen boy asked, looking at her with concern as he picked up the ball.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she snapped at him. “Just get out of here.”

“Sorry for hitting you with the ball.”

“Ya, whatever.”

“Come on, Luke, leave the grouch alone,” another boy said, pulling his friend back to the grassy field.

Ashlynn knew she should be grateful for his concern, but she just didn’t have it in her. Not today. Rolling over onto her knees, she gingerly touched her cheek. A lump was already forming. It was beginning to feel like she should have stayed in bed.

Standing up, Ashlynn pulled her phone out of her pocket and messaged Jessie to let her know she wouldn’t be much longer. She was at 144th Street now, and her friends lived on one 142nd. They were heading to the movies, and Wesley was driving because their parents were out of town. He was the only one that had his license.

He had offered to pick her up, and she’d almost taken him up on it, but her stepdad, Carl, would have given him the third degree. They hadn’t met each other yet, and Carl thought everyone was doing the nasty and would have threatened him with his one and only shotgun. And given that Wes was five years older than she was, her stepdad would probably shoot first and ask questions later. She loved that he was so protective of her and her mom, but it drove her crazy.

Ashlynn walked up to the door of her friends’ house and knocked. The door swung open and there stood a blue-eyed, blond-haired Wes with a mouth-watering bare chest. Her eyes followed his perfect abs until a pair of snug blue jeans got in the way.

“Hey, squirt,” he said, his voice echoing through her senses.

She swallowed hard and squeaked a hello before rushing by him and barging into Jessie’s bedroom.

Her friend spun around with a shriek, wearing only a pink bra and matching undies. “Geez, Ash, you almost gave me a heart attack,” she said before turning back to face her closet. “I can’t find anything to wear.”

Ashlynn leaned down and picked through the articles of clothing that were in a heap on the floor, like they’d been plucked off the hangers and dropped in disgust. “They’re all cute. What’s the problem?”

Jessie ran a hand through her long blonde hair. “I don’t want cute. I want sexy. I need sexy.”

“You have looked at yourself in the mirror, right? Besides, it’s not like you’re going on a date.”

Her friend just wanted to look good for the guy working at the ticket booth. But in Ashlynn’s opinion, Jessie didn’t have to work hard to knock the socks off someone she was interested in. Jessie, Justin, and Wes all looked like they could be runway models. A sharp contrast to what Ashlynn herself looked like. She’d always envied Jessie, and even her vagina found her friend attractive. But that was mostly because of the games they’d played with each other throughout their teen years, learning how to orgasm with each other’s help.

“I’d die to look like you,” Ashlynn said, picking up a cute pair of blue shorts and a tank top that said Beautiful Disaster. “Just wear this.”

Jessie shook her head, but then pointed at her. “I think you’d look perfect in that, though.”

“Uh uh. No way. I’d be the laughingstock of the theatre if I wore that. I’m perfectly happy in my oversized sweater.”

There was no way she’d broadcast her nearly flat chest to the world. It was like every other woman in the world had breasts and she’d drawn the short straw, leaving her somewhere in between a woman and a man. Heck, she even had a few stray strands of hair on her chest, between her breasts. She shaved them, of course, but they drove her nuts.

“Come on, let’s knock the world dead tonight,” Jessie encouraged.

“The only way I’d knock the world dead is by actually killing them, and then where would I be?” Ashlynn answered, smirking.

Jessie walked over to her, in her semi-nakedness, and framed Ashlynn’s face between her palms, giving her a gentle kiss on the lips before resting her forehead against hers. “Don’t do that. Don’t knock yourself down.”

Ashlynn shrugged. “I’m just accepting what is.”

Jessie tugged her towards a full-length mirror. “What do you see?”

Ashlynn’s light brown hair was a straggly mess from having been underneath the hoody, and a purplish-brown bruise was forming on her cheek from where the football had hit her. “I look like I’ve gone three rounds with Mike Tyson.”

“You know what I see?” Jessie said, running her hands down Ashlynn’s arms. “I see a beautiful, gorgeous woman, with eyes as deep and intense as the ocean. Someone that I would die for.”

“I do too, but it’s definitely not me.”

“Say I’m beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“No, you dork.” Jessie laughed. “I want you to tell yourself you’re beautiful. Do it for me, okay?”

“I’m beautiful,” Ashlynn muttered, looking down at the ground.

Jessie slapped her on the butt. “Be good and say it like you believe it.”

Ashlynn’s core tingled at the contact, especially because she hadn’t had a good orgasm in days and her best friend was behind her, almost naked. They’d been so busy lately that they hadn’t played around as much as they used to. But after her experience today, she craved intimacy…needed it. And it meant the world to her that someone wanted her when no one else did.

“Jessie.”

“I know,” her friend whispered, slipping her hand between Ashlynn’s thighs and cupping her mound, pressing lightly.

Ashlynn’s underwear grew damp with anticipation. She turned in her friend’s arms and led her backward towards the bed when a knock sounded at the door.

“You girls ready yet? We’re going to be late,” Justin stated.

They touched foreheads and giggled, then stepped back from each other.

“Boys,” Jessie said, rolling her eyes as she turned to pick an outfit.

They were going to watch a new mutant movie, one that was all the rage in the box office. For as long as Ashlynn could remember, she loved the idea of having superpowers and naturally gravitated towards movies that had mutants. Jessie would rather see a romance, but since the boys were tagging along, it had to be man-friendly too. If they went to a romance movie, they wouldn’t get enough peace to watch it. The boys would spend the whole time joking about how corny it was.

When the girls stepped into the living room, Wes looked up and locked eyes with Ashlynn, as though he were studying her. Then a knowing grin spread across his face, like he knew they’d been up to something naughty in the bedroom. Embarrassment stirred in her as she tore her eyes away from his. Their exchange had her hoping she could sit between Jessie and Justin, away from Wesley. The vibe he gave off made her nervous.

“Just give me a minute, and we’ll be ready to go,” Jessie said as she disappeared down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Not long later, she reappeared with a pink leather jacket to go with her hot pink skirt, and they all piled into Wesley’s big-wheeled four-by-four. She and Jessie slipped into the backseat while the boys sat in the front. Ashlynn didn’t have her license yet, but she often wondered what car she’d buy if she found the courage to do her road test.

Leaning back, she rested her elbow on the armrest and stared out the window. It was nine at night but the sun was still shining, as it was early summer and it didn’t set until later. They had just graduated from high school, and Ashlynn was beyond grateful. She no longer had to endure the stares of her classmates, the whispers behind her back, or the crooked grins from the boys as they dared each other to ask her out.

It was one of the reasons she hadn’t been on a date yet. If someone asked her, she couldn’t tell if they were being genuine or playing a prank on her. Sometimes she wished she could be more like Jessie. She had all the boys falling over her, and you could easily tell that they liked her. Even the acting and modeling world was vying for her. It was why Jessie had her entire future planned out, right until she dropped dead.

And here Ashlynn was, without a clue as to what she wanted to do with her life beyond simply waking up the next day.

“Earth to Ashlynn,” Wes said, glancing at her in the rearview mirror.

“Huh, what?” she asked, dragging her gaze to meet his.

“We’re here.”

“Oh.”

“Were you dreaming about anyone in particular?” Wes asked, with that dreamy ass grin of his.

Ashlynn rolled her eyes. “As if anyone has given me anything to dream about.”

“Come on, guys,” Justin said. “We’re going to be late.”

They had about fifteen minutes left before the actual movie started, but they knew Justin didn’t want to miss the movie trailers. Wesley jumped out of the car, and Ashlynn opened her door to climb down. He held out his hand, and she took it. She swallowed hard as electricity sizzled between their fingers, like when you rub your feet on the carpet and then touch the person closest to you.

“Thanks,” she muttered, as she snatched her hand away the minute she could. It was pointless to feel like this about a boy. They never returned the feeling, so it was best never to start and to ignore it. Ashlynn took a step back and created some distance between them. The less contact the better.

The only one she trusted was Jessie, but even then, she knew there was no future with her either. They were just friends. And that was okay. But she knew that when the time came to let her go, like if Jessie ever got married, her world would be a lonely place.

She trailed after her friends as they walked towards the theatre, watching them interact with each other. Wes and Justin flanked Jessie protectively, and it brought a smile to Ashlynn’s face. They loved their sister and would do anything to protect her, and she them. Sadly, Ashlynn had no siblings and was in awe of their close relationship with each other.

She only had her mom and stepdad, but they went out of town a few days ago for work, so it was just her at the moment. It was kind of lonely, but she liked the freedom of doing what she wanted when she wanted, like being out later than her usual curfew.

“Are we going dutch?” Ashlynn asked when they reached the ticket booth.

Wes pulled out four tickets from his pocket. “I got us covered.”

After stopping by the concession stand and getting popcorn, they climbed into their seats with only seconds to spare as the final trailer ended. Because of the rush and not wanting to miss anything, Ashlynn found herself sitting between Justin and Wesley. Joy. She was stuck between two testosterone-filled males. She brought her straw to her lips and took a sip, trying to ignore that specific fact.

Wes leaned over, his lips awfully close to her ear. “I guess you’re my date tonight.”

The drink went down the wrong pipe, and Ashlynn started hacking up a storm. Leaning over, she tried to get her breath back.

“Is she okay?” Jessie asked, peering around Justin to look at her.

“I’ll be f-fine.” Ashlynn said, continuing to cough as she hit her chest a few times, casting a side glance at Wesley, who had settled back in his seat with a grin. Oh, she wanted to smack him so badly. In fact, she was going to do just that. Turning, she slugged him in the shoulder, making him laugh.

“Hey, can you guys keep it down?” someone said from a few rows back. “The movie is starting.”

“Ya, keep it down,” Wes whispered to her.

“Shut up,” Ashlynn grumbled, hitting his shoulder again for good measure.

This time, he grabbed her hand and brought it down to the armrest, not letting it go. She tried to pull out of his grip, but he just tightened it more.

“You hit me, so this is your punishment.”

Rather than fight and draw attention to herself, Ash stuck her tongue out at him and slid further down in her seat. Her hand tingled as his thumb caressed the sensitive spot between her thumb and index finger, making her shiver with awareness. Did he notice? She didn’t dare look at him in case he did. She wasn’t ready for whatever look would be in his eyes, whether mockery or heat.

There was a tap on Ashlynn’s shoulder, and she looked over to see Jessie gesturing at their conjoined hands, a wide grin on her face. “You go, girl,” she mouthed.

Ashlynn shook her head. She had no plans on going anywhere with Wesley, even if her body was revving its engine below. All it would lead to was embarrassment, because he was probably only teasing her. Men had shown her time and time again that she wasn’t worth it.

But Jessie cared, and Ashlynn felt safe with her, and that was where she planned to stay until her friend found someone. She wasn’t naïve enough to think that their intimate relationship would last forever. It just allowed them to scratch an itch they both had, an itch that was now creating a completely different image in her head—one of her and Wesley naked.

As Ash’s mind spun in circles, Wesley’s thumb brushed her heated skin again, sending a shockwave between her legs.

“Stop doing that,” she hissed.

“What?” he asked, his eyes wide and all innocent-like, as the corners of his lips twitched.

“You know what.”

“Shut up,” a man demanded from behind them.

Wes looked back at him. “Sorry about my girl, dude.”

Ashlynn tried to pull her hand away. “I’m not your girl.”

“Geez, will you two be quiet? You’re like an old married couple,” Justin complained. “I’m trying to listen.”

“Fine,” Ashlynn grumbled, wishing like heck she could wipe the smirk off Wesley’s face. But instead she had to settle for sitting back and watching the movie, trying to ignore his fingers doing spicy things against her skin and Jessie’s look of approval across the way.

Oh, Lord, kill me now!