Standing on the edge of the porch, Anjelica watched as the taillights disappeared. A little boy had been reunited with his dog, and she would even see them again. Happy endings were good. There was no reason for the emptiness in her heart.
She would not cry. There was no reason to cry. Heading back into the house, she went straight to Esperanza’s room. At the threshold she stopped. It wasn’t her daughter’s room anymore. It was a playroom for two children she took care of for someone else.
Garrett rocked Pilar, his voice carrying the words to “I Will Always Love You.” Rio had fallen asleep on the area rug. Selena lay next to him.
Anjelica stood there and made herself breathe. It wasn’t working. Her chest pulled tight, so she bit hard on the inside of her cheek.
Garrett looked up. “So Coco is off with her family.” He kissed the sweet forehead of his little girl, the little girl she might lose.
No, not hers. Pilar was not hers to lose. She belonged to Garrett. Everything she loved belonged to someone else.
A sob broke her steady breathing and she forced it back down. Rule number one, never cry in front of people; it made them feel uncomfortable.
She knew she was just a temporary caregiver of the dog and the little girl. They were never hers to begin with.
Garrett must have put Pilar down, because he was suddenly there. In the door frame with her. His large, strong hand on her arm.
“Are you all right?” He ducked his head down, trying to get her to make eye contact.
She couldn’t. With a nod, she turned. Her room was too far away. She needed to get behind a closed door so she could fall apart in peace. That was how she got over Steve and Esperanza. She’d survive this, too. It was nothing compared to her other losses. God, I’m so tired of just surviving.
He caught her arm and gently turned her to face him.
No. No. No. Don’t be nice to me. Don’t talk to me. “Don’t” was all she managed. She didn’t have the strength to pull away from the comfort he offered.
“Anjelica, it’s okay.” One tug and he had his arms wrapped around her. She was cocooned against his warmth.
That was it—the fight was over. Her right hand went under his arm and flattened against his shirt. Under the material, hard muscles covered his ribs, which protected the heart she could feel beating. Her other hand balled into a fist and pressed against his upper chest. The pain and fear that had been buried for the last few hours boiled up and poured over her well-tended walls. Poor Garrett. She sobbed.
One arm held her close, his hand soothing her hair. The other covered her angry fist and held it close to his chest. He whispered something, but she couldn’t hear it over her own heart breaking.
Her greatest fear had happened. She broke down sobbing and couldn’t stop. Her whole body went numb. Without Garrett holding her up, she’d have been a puddle on the rug.
Her feet went out from under her. Garrett, with one free arm, swept her up and carried her to the giant red overstuffed rocking chair.
Unaware of how long they sat there, Anjelica calmed down to hiccups. She sat up and wiped at his Marines T-shirt. It was so saturated with her tears that she had no chance of getting it dry.
“Sorry.” The single word crawled up her raw throat. Her eyes ached. Her whole body felt beaten and bruised. “Sorry” was all she managed.
“Stop. You have nothing to be sorry for.” His thumb wiped her cheeks. “Truthfully? You held me together as much as I held you.” In the moonlit room, the sharp edges of his profile were highlighted as his head went back. He drove out a long heavy sigh.
“I didn’t want to put Pilar in her bed. I didn’t want to let her out of my arms. The thought that they might take her away...” He closed his eyes. “It’s eating at me. Then Mr. America shows up to take your dog. Rio freaks. If you hadn’t come in, I would’ve stayed in the rocker all night holding her.”
He caressed her hair, his fingers moving in a soothing rhythm. She looked up at him and found his eyes still closed. If it weren’t for the steady movement of his hands, she would have thought he had gone to sleep. Her grief had been so consuming she hadn’t really thought about his worries. He was so fiercely protective that she should have realized he would want to fix her heartaches.
She touched the firm pulse on the base of his neck with the tips of her finger. A soft sorrow of loss burned at the edges of her chest. Would this bring on his nightmares?
Her gaze took in the beautiful outline of his strong features. “I’m really sorry.”
A growl rumbled from his throat. “Don’t say you’re sorry. Then I’d have to say it, and right now I’m too angry for a sincere apology.”
Okay, so maybe it was time to change the topic. “Did you just call Coach Valdez Mr. America?”
His lips pulled into a lopsided smirk. “I guess I could have called him Mr. Football or All-American.”
She sat up, away from his warmth, and pushed her palm against his chest. “Are you jealous?”
“He took your dog and tried to steal my nanny.” He sounded like a three-year-old.
Was he serious? “You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”
“Maybe.” A grin told her she’d been played.
“Well, I am more of the strong-silent-music-man kind of girl.” She settled back down against his shoulder. Here the world felt right.
“He worked hard to get your number. Was all slick about it, too. It’s all about the dogs and kids, really? Did you fall for that?”
A strong hand with long fingers, a musician’s hand, turned her face to him. The pulse in his neck picked up a faster beat. She watched, holding her breath as he lowered his head.
A tentative touch at first. His lips touched hers, asking for permission. Leaning in, she gave it.
The kiss washed over her. Even though his lips stayed on her lips with a gentle pressure, her skin tightened. Sensations buried long ago came back to life.
From her bottom lip to the corner of her mouth, he explored every nuance of a kiss. She missed feeling cherished. But this was wrong. She pulled back. He let her go. Her traitorous heart grumbled that he didn’t even try to stop her. On uncertain legs, she stood.
“It’s been a rough day. It’s also been a long time since I was kissed and I...I just...” She what? Didn’t remember it being so all-consuming? That didn’t seem fair to Steve’s memory. Her skin tightened with goose bumps. Shivering, she wrapped her arms around her waist. Arms that had just been around Garrett.
He was not her type. She put more distance between them.
He stood and ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re right. I need to get to work and put this day behind me. We need to focus on the children.”
She nodded.
“I think it would be better for the kids to stay in their room tonight.”
Another nod was all she could manage.
He gathered the children and Selena, and paused in the kitchen.
“Night, Anjelica.”
She followed him to the door and watched as he went up the stairs. Was Garrett right in his opinion that the new coach had been trying to get a real date with her? If she was smart, she would call Dane Valdez, but now the thought of going out with another man seemed wrong.
Garrett was a lawman. One day he might not come home. There would be no saving her heart again.
Being alone was not a new feeling, but tonight, after being in Garrett’s arms, it left her empty. Like those nights after she lost Steve and Esperanza. She’d been so empty with no one to hold.
Her phone vibrated. Looking at the screen, she saw it was Jewel. She had missed three calls already. She needed the distraction.
“Hi, Jewel. Sorry I missed your calls. What’s up?”
“You just need to say thank you. I sent the most gorgeous guy your way. He’s new in town, so you don’t have to worry that we’re related to him.” Her closest sister laughed. “He also lost his wife, so you don’t have to worry about the awkward dead-spouse talk.”
Anjelica shook her head and grinned. One of the things she always loved about Jewel: she didn’t tiptoe around the elephant in the room. Some people thought she was too blunt, but it was nice being with someone who just said what she was thinking.
“Yes, I met him. He came over tonight to pick up Bum... Coco.”
“Oh no! He said he would drive over on Sunday! How did you look? Isn’t he yummy and so sweet? He has already volunteered to work with the Christian Athletic Fellowship. And that boy of his is too cute. Did you hit it off? Did you trade numbers? I was hoping to give you a heads-up so you’d make sure to look good, not that you could ever look bad. I mean, on your worst days, you still outshine the rest of us. He said he needed someone to watch his son after school.”
“Breathe, girl.” As much as all the matchmaking upset her, she couldn’t help but smile. Her sister had the best intentions, like everyone else in her life.
“Oh, sorry. So, did it go well?”
“He just came to pick up the dog. His son wouldn’t let up until they stopped by. Rio got upset and hid, but we worked it out and plan on setting up a playdate so we can visit Coco.”
“Wow, one meeting and you already have a date. I knew y’all would be perfect for each other.”
“It’s not a date.”
“Um...let me see. Prearranged time and place to meet with a man. Sounds like a date to me. I’d take it.”
“Then take it. Listen, I’m not sure about a man who waited so long to find his dog. I mean, it’s been over a month. They just now started looking for her?” She put the phone on speaker and started braiding her hair. It was nice talking to someone she didn’t have to overanalyze every feeling with.
Jewel continued. “They were down here looking for property to buy. You know, he’s a new athletic director for next year. They thought Bumper, or Coco, was asleep in her crate.”
One quick breath and she was still talking. “They thought they had lost her for good. But when they actually got down here, he did some more digging. Being a single dad and relocating can’t be easy. And you know that dog is crazy. So, I would say it’s not his fault.”
“Garrett didn’t even know he had kids a month ago and he still remembered to get their dog.”
“Oh, so that’s how it is. Garrett’s a better dad. I thought you were never going to date another man in uniform with a gun strapped to him, no matter how good-looking. And I quote.”
“That’s not how quotes work and I’m pretty sure I didn’t even say that.” Now she was starting to get a headache. “Anyway, I’m not interested in Garrett that way. His kids need full-time attention, and that’s all I have time for right now.”
“You might officially be a lost cause. You’re surrounded by great-looking men that love their children and you don’t have the time. I give up. You’re the one that says trust God’s will. Not sure you really believe that.”
Anjelica flopped back on her pillow. “You might be right, but I won’t rush anything.”
“I’m not saying to start planning a wedding or even kissing—I’m saying you could go on a date. No kids or dogs or any other animal, just you and an adult male.”
Anjelica groaned, thinking of the kiss she should not have been thinking about.
“Anjelica Ortega-Garza! You’ve been kissing someone. It has to be that gorgeous state trooper.”
“It was an accident. We both agreed not to go there again.”
“Accidental kiss? How does that happen? You fell and your lips landed on his? I know you. The only man you had ever locked lips with was Steve. So what happened, when and how was it?”
“All that matters is that it’s never happening again. I’m not strong enough to live with the uncertainty of his job.”
“He kissed you tonight? After you met the hot new coach? What a man thing to do.”
Anjelica closed her eyes and sighed. “I tell you what I’m worried about and all you heard was your theory of why he kissed me? I’ve got to get some sleep. I’ll see you Sunday.”
“I’m sorry, sis. You know we all love you, right?”
“Yeah, I do. Love you. Night.”
Anjelica put her phone on the nightstand and pulled the comforter down. No one got it. They all thought she was strong. They didn’t see her real self. She was one small heartbreak away from a total meltdown.
What she didn’t know was whether it would come from Garrett or his kids.