Conclusion

THROUGHOUT THIS BOOK, we’ve explored perspectives and practices that can help your family create a thriving family culture. We’re grateful you made the investment and took the time to read these pages, and we trust you’ve been able to take new steps to reflect, connect and act as a family. Congratulations! Know that every step your family takes to live intentionally will be rewarded.

Writing this book has given us a wonderful opportunity to reflect on the best of what we’ve experienced and learned over the past twenty-five years of life together as a family. We trust we’ve written with enough honesty for you to know that, like you, we’ve had our share of hard days, personal challenges and regrets—as well as much to celebrate. If after reading this book you feel even slightly overwhelmed by the gap between the family you are and the family you want to be, remember that pursuing family belonging and becoming is a lifelong process. Small steps and sustained effort, over time, will make a big difference. Regularly practicing and maintaining the three core tools utilized in this book—reflection, family meetings and family activities—can help you keep momentum.

After using the tools and practices in this book, one couple commented, “This process helped us have many important conversations about the family we want to be. The tools have been helpful, and we’re excited about the family purpose agreement we developed. But we’re also a little afraid that we’re going to forget everything and go back to our old patterns.”

To keep momentum in your shared purpose, we encourage you to focus on a few concrete steps and priorities. Here’s an approach we’ve found helpful. Once a year, as a couple we have a “state of the union” conversation about our family, usually around New Year’s Day. We take a long walk along the Marina Green, a beautiful path that leads to the Golden Gate Bridge. As we walk, we reflect on the past year, first by asking, “What can we celebrate? How are we living into our shared family purpose?” Usually one of us takes notes, and we make a list. Here’s our list from a few years ago:

Then we ask each other, “What’s not working? What are the challenges and difficulties our family is facing right now?”

Then we ask each other, “How would you like the next year to feel different?”

And finally, we set some priorities for the coming year by asking, “What are the five most important goals we could pursue in the next year to help us live into our shared purpose?”

  1. Find new ways to partner on projects (such as the book you’re reading) and travel together.

  2. Take intentional steps to lower anxiety, affirm trust and navigate transitions.

  3. Focus on daily practices that will help us have better fitness, health and stamina.

  4. Complete home repairs, and make purchases to be more prepared to offer hospitality.

  5. Make next-step financial decisions, and investigate solar power installation.

Then, as a whole family, we have a similar “state of the union” conversation. In our family meetings, we check in on the priorities we set for the year and make strategic plans for accomplishing those goals.

So, before you set this book down, we encourage you to have a “state of the union” conversation about your family and set concrete priorities for the next year.