A hotel bar. Tara and Peter at a table. Tom is standing at the bar.
Peter i have to go
Tara don’t go in tonight – stay here with me and have another drink
Peter don’t do this
Tara stay and have another drink
Peter i can’t
Tara you won’t
Peter we agreed
Tara it shuts me out
Peter good – i do what i do – the money’s there – no talk about it
Tara and if that’s not working
Peter it is working – we agreed – didn’t we agree
Tara i need to understand it or be part of it – i don’t know
Peter do you like working in tesco’s at the till day after day for fuck-all
Tara that’s not it
Peter do you
Peter that’s all you need to understand – gathering money – it takes time
Tara stay
Peter this is just about work
Tara is it
Peter yes – i want to stay with you but i can’t because i have to go to work – before i start into that i’m going to smoke a joint – alright – just let me do that
Tara right
Peter cool
Tara yeah – we agreed
Peter i might bring something back in the morning
Tara not a takeaway – don’t want to eat another takeaway for breakfast
Peter there’s no rules about time and food – how many people eat prawn curry for breakfast – very few – that’s what makes it special – all about being special kid
Tara don’t be bringing back prawn curry – nothing special about that just wrong
Peter have to go – you need money
Tara yeah
He hands her money. They kiss.
Peter i’m thinking kentucky fried maybe
He exits.
Tara counts the money. She checks Tom out then approaches him.
Tom sure
Tara busy enough in here – this time of the day
Tom always a good crowd in after work
Tara so this is your local
Tom when i’m working in town yeah
Tara strange – hotel bar as your local
Tom should plumbers not drink in hotel bars
Tara plumbers can drink wherever they like
His phone rings.
Tom sorry
Joan enters the scene.
Joan hello
Tom well
Joan you finished the job
Tom aye – pain in the arse – you at home
Joan yeah – not long in – you heading home now
Tom going to have a few pints first
Joan the ones off the site with you
Tom nah – just standing here on my own
Joan i’ll wait before i put something on then
Tom aye
Joan you want fish
Joan see you later
Tom aye see you later
Joan exits.
Tara was that your wife checking up on you
Tom she wasn’t checking up on me – are you waiting on someone
Tara sorry – sometimes i say things i shouldn’t – no i’m not waiting on anyone – i was sitting in the corner and i saw you standing alone and thought i’d like to buy you a pint – would you like a pint – my name’s tara by the way
Tom tom – it’s ok i have one in front of me
Tara when you’ve finished that one i’ll buy you another
Tom maybe
Tara maybe
Tom i mightn’t want any more after i finish this one
Tara you told your wife you were going to have a few beers
Tom and what
Tara i’ve been watching you – that’s only your first pint
Tom watching me
Tara not in a bad way – i’m not going to leave a bullet wrapped up in my knickers taped to the windscreen of your car
Tom van
Tara right – that changes things then – do you know where i can get some knickers – you looked interesting so i thought i’d buy you a pint that’s all
Tom looked interesting
Tara a working man drinking in a hotel bar – that’s interesting
Tom all i’m doing is having a pint
Tara same here – if your wife phoned back now would you still say you were on your own
Tom i don’t understand – are you at work here
Tara am i a hooker
Tom yes – because i’m not interested
Tara no
Tom right – look – i’ve just finished a hard day’s graft – i’m working in what used to be a beautiful old building but which some shit-head has now converted into poxy little apartments – i’ve been plumbing toilets all day – and because all tilers are dickheads it’s taking me longer than it should – plus my mouth’s full of dust because all the labourers are lazy bastards who won’t sprinkle water over the place – i thought i’d have a few pints on the way home – clear my throat – so i’m standing here on my own …
Tara i bet your wife doesn’t know you drink here does she – she thinks you drink in some male shit-hole with your workmates
Tom sometimes i do – i stand here on my own have a few pints then go home – no one bothers me – it suits me to do that
Tara me talking to you is annoying then
Tom i’ve had a hard day at work and if i’m going to talk to someone i don’t want that someone to be crazy – strange – you know – bullets in the knickers – asking about my wife – knowing how many pints i’ve had
Tara do you want to talk about the weather
Tom no
Tara we could just stand here and drink – not talk – do you want another drink
Tom no – i have enough here
Tara let me buy you one
Tom i’m fine
Tara are you the type of man that doesn’t let women buy him drink
Tom no – i’m a big fan of women buying me drink – but only when i need one
Tara a man of discipline
Tom i don’t see the point in having more than you need
Tara so your wife – would you now say you were with somebody or you were alone
Tom i’d tell her i was alone
Tara good
Tara just better that’s all
Tom right
Tara don’t you think
Tom maybe
Tara ask me something
Tom what do you do
Tara i’m a student – was a student – dropped out – i’m a dropout
Tom my daughter julie’s a student
Tara what’s she do
Tom something to do with business – she moved out – we don’t see her a great deal – i think she likes it though – well she never says she doesn’t – so – finishes next year – her mother’s hoping she’ll move back in – she won’t though – why would she – a young woman wants to be out there on her own
Tara do you want her to move back
Tom don’t know – it’s good having the house to ourselves – the only problem with that is we’ve grown out of the way of being alone with each other – anyway fuck that – why’d you drop out
Tara got bored
Tom what did you do
Tara maths
Tom sums
Tom you got bored so you just stopped
Tara i’m allowed to do that – we live in a free world
Tom a free world – if everybody that got bored dropped …
Tara i saw a man in a bar i thought i might like to talk to – adult to adult – i’m not your child
Tom you could be
Tara i can’t help that
Tom why’d you get bored
Tara i don’t know
Tom you can’t not know – if you don’t know it’s nonsense
Tara alright
Tom i’m just saying
Tara i was standing in tesco’s buying some fruit – i eat a lot of fruit because i think it’s good for me – makes me a healthier person – i was looking at the checkout girl – she was about the same age as me – i was looking at her working or living or something – i don’t know i just thought what the fuck am i doing – next thing i was at a lecture – sitting there looking at the guy giving the lecture – just watching his mouth open and close – his big mouth flapping – his trousers were an inch too short and his shirt wasn’t ironed – i thought nobody cares about you – no one cares about you and you’re telling me what to do – fuck that – all this pretending – pretending what i was doing was a real thing that mattered – it didn’t – it doesn’t – i didn’t understand why i was there so i just left
Tom just got up and left
Tara i got up from my seat – packed my books away – told the lecturer i was sorry – left the lecture hall – and walked straight into the toilets and masturbated
Tom ok – right
Tara are you embarrassed by that
Tom yes – sort of
Tara sorry
Tom is that what you want
Tara yes sort of – it was brilliant – the masturbating
Tom good – i’m glad
Tara being on your own – totally on your own – forget about what’s expected of you and just do something for yourself – it’s a beautiful feeling – you ever felt that
Tom so you left then
Tara yes
Tom just left and that’s that
Tara just left and that’s that
Tom you’ll go back
Tara i won’t
Tom you feel that way now but …
Tara don’t lecture me
Tom if you want to talk with me you have to let me talk – whenever my daughter said she was going to university i had mixed feelings about it – part of me was glad because you always want your child to have better opportunities than you did – going to university opens doors – another part of me was more apprehensive – apprehensive because you don’t want your own child to end up with their head stuck up their own arse – lose the fucking guff – if i’m interesting it’s because to you i might look as if i might know something not because i’m a plumber standing in a fucking hotel bar
Tara sorry – and your daughter’s head – is it stuck up her own arse
Tom not yet – but i’m sure there’s time
Tara i don’t want to go back – i want to do something different
Tom like what
Tara don’t know – maybe be an assistant to a plumber
Tom you don’t want to spend your time doing that
Tara why not
Tom because i’ve spent my time doing it – and you end up saying why the fuck did i spend my time doing that
Tara you should spend your time doing something else then
Tom it doesn’t work like that
Tara there’s no rules
Tom at my age there is
Tara do you want to fuck me
Tom is that why we’re talking
Tara from the first time i looked at you it was always a possibility – it’s not the only reason though – do you want to fuck me
Tom you don’t have to say that
Tara i know i don’t – i want to
Tom really you don’t have to say it – it’s not expected
Tara i know that – believe me – look i’ll put it another way – if you want to fuck me you can – you don’t have to say now this second
Tom look i’m not sure that …
Tara it doesn’t matter – if you say no it’s alright – i won’t leave with my tail between my legs if you don’t want to put your tail between my legs – you see the way i used humour there to try and get you round to my way of thinking
Tom i like you
Tara is that a yes
Tom part of me wants to trail you into the nearest doorway
Tara what does the other part want to do
Tom trail you into the nearest doorway
Tara and what – say it
Tom fuck you
Tara there must be doorways about here somewhere
Tom there’s another part
Tara there doesn’t have to be another part
Tom there does
Tara alright – look listen – if i say this you’ll believe me right
Tom right
Tara i know what i’m doing – i know what i’m doing and i want to do it – i am not in a bad place at the moment – this is not about me punishing myself by fucking some old man
Tom thank you
Tara you’re welcome – i have no problem with my own father – i won’t call you daddy – i saw you standing on your own and i wanted to meet you – all i’m saying is if you wanted to fuck me that would be a good thing
Tom look i am not …
Tara sorry one more thing – i do not in any way care that you are married – i will not be a problem – as we have already established it’s not a bullet and knickers thing
Tom i don’t care about any of that stuff
Tara what then
Tom i’m not a casual person
Tara can we not just …
Tom are you going to listen to me
Tara yes daddy – that was a joke
Tom i like the way you talk to me – i like the fact that you’re standing here talking to me at all – it feels like something i need
She kisses him.
look we’ll have another drink here then i’ve to go
Tara stay with me longer than one more drink
Tom shall we go somewhere else – go for a walk – have a drink after that
Tara a walk
Tom yeah
Tara a real walk
Tom yeah – it’ll be good – it’s getting dark – the city will be lit up
Tara ok
Tom we can stay here if you want – i’m just saying – you know – a dander about the town and then another few drinks
Tara i’d love to go for a walk around town with you – look for a doorway
The following evening. Joan and Tom at home.
Joan that’s it – no answer – nothing – silence – fuck – why – i need to know – what it is you do – cry – tell a joke – whisper i love you – do you hate me – oh god – is this the – it is isn’t it – it’s the it isn’t you it’s me fucking thing – you poor child – little lost and lonely soul – i want to know why
Tom i don’t know why
Joan you owe me
Tom i owe you fuck all – i’ve been here too – all this time
Joan don’t hide – be a man
Tom be a man
Joan yes – treat me with respect
Tom as a man the answer is – because she was there
Joan i want to know why you need to be with other women
Tom one other woman
Joan how do i know that
Tom why would i lie
Joan because you can – because you have
Tom one other woman
Joan just in case i’ll assume that the reason for fucking one is the same reason for fucking many
Tom what does any of that matter – it’s done
Joan it’s done – that it – it’s done
Tom i met a woman – we had sex – you found out about it – it’s done
Joan we have to talk about this
Tom no we don’t
Joan i want to talk
Tom i don’t
Joan why did you do it
Tom i don’t know why
Joan something must’ve been happening – why didn’t you tell me
Tom because that’s what we do – we don’t tell each other things
Joan why didn’t you try and change that then – do something different – why didn’t you ask me – tell me the situation – see what my reaction might’ve been
Tom don’t be bloody stupid – i know damn well what your reaction would’ve been
Joan no you don’t
Tom what are you saying – i should’ve phoned up – i should’ve said to you – there’s a woman i’ve just met – i didn’t seek her out by the way – i just met her – there’s a woman i’ve just met and she’s said something kind to me
Joan have the conversation with me – say it to me now
Tom no
Tom because it’s bloody stupid
Joan it’s not – it might do some good
Tom what bloody good
Joan have the fucking conversation – right – so we’re on the phone
Tom how’s it goin
Joan alright – alright
Tom you get all your work done
Joan nearly – when will you be home
Tom i’m going to have a few beers first
Joan ok – you on your own – are you on your own
Tom no
Joan who’s there
Tom i’m talking to this women
Joan who is she
Tom i don’t know
Joan you don’t normally talk to women you don’t know
Tom no
Joan what are you talking about
Tom nothing
Joan what
Tom this is what this is about – you don’t care that i fucked someone else – you care that i talked to them
Joan no – believe me i care that you fucked someone else
Tom we’re talking about me
Joan what about you
Tom she said i looked like a man
Joan did she now
Tom i don’t often hear that – it’s good to be told you look like a man
Joan what age is she
Tom what has that got to do with anything
Joan don’t pretend you don’t know that’s important
Tom it’s not about you
Joan you see the way you say something then your nostrils open up – i fucking hate that – and when you come to bed at night – when you’re taking your socks off you make that grunting noise – i fucking hate that too – sometimes i lie in bed at night listening to you breathe – only i haven’t the courage i’d put a pillow over your head and hold it there until your feet stopped kicking – the way you chew your food – rub your nose – pick your ears – it all makes me sick – sometimes when you touch me my skin crawls – you’re stinking breath everywhere – i wouldn’t mind if it was worth it but it’s not – and on top of that you’re now a liar – don’t tell me what’s about me and what’s not about me – what age is she
Tom how do i know what age she is – make-up – all that crack
Joan what fucking age is she
Tom mid-thirties – older woman are all mad
Joan yes – they’ve been around older men too long
Tom that was a deal breaker for me – whether she was mad or not – had to set her a test and everything – she nearly won a washing machine
Joan don’t try and be cute – save that for the barstool – what is it you wanted to ask me
Tom i have this feeling that if this woman keeps talking to me the way she is at the moment i’m going to want to fuck her – what do you think about that – do you think that’s a good idea – what do you think
Joan what’s she like
Tom she has a beard – so what do you think joan – can i fuck her – is it ok
Joan how are you going to fuck her – the back of the van – give her one in the back of the van – never fucked me in the back of the van – oh no
Tom this is stupid
Joan keep fucking going
Tom she says to me do you want to fuck me – i say yes – we finish our drinks and we go outside – the street’s busy – that turns me on – everyone going about their business – and in amongst that there’s this woman who wants me – i kiss her – funny thing about that is she kisses me back – we walk up some alleyway – holding hands – we pass a doorway – i grab her by the hair and pull her into it – i bite her – just enough to draw blood from her lip – she unzips my trousers kneels down and sucks my cock – she makes that noise – the noise women make when they like sucking cock – she stops before i cum – we kiss again – i put my hand up her skirt – i ran my fingers along her thigh then slip them down inside her pants – i finger-fuck her while sucking her nipples – she cums – she takes her pants off and lifts her skirt up – i bend her over kneel down behind her and lick her cunt – while i’m doing that i stick one of my fingers up her ass – she cums again – i stand up and fuck her from the back – just before i cum i pull out and shoot over her ass – she puts her pants back on and i pull my trousers up – we go back out on to the street – we kiss again and then she leaves – hello – hello – are you still there joan – did you get all that
Joan did you only fuck her the once – poor woman
Tom very good
Joan why don’t you do all those things with me – you could’ve said something – we could’ve talked about it – we could’ve gone down that road together – know what i hate about you – you’re fucking stupid – not stupid in that you’re thick – stupid as in you’re fucking scared – all you had to do was talk – how can you look at me and not know i have those thoughts – if you have them i have them – why the fuck didn’t you do this ten years ago – maybe you did
Tom once – right once – and i didn’t choose the timing
Joan yes you did
Tom ten years ago – now – what the hell difference does it make
Joan ten years ago i could’ve done something – i could’ve changed my life – not now – i’m beyond that now – i’ve been left behind – that’s where the cheating part comes in – i feel i’ve been cheated – not cheated on – but cheated of – cheated of time – jesus christ you can’t even fuck-up properly
Tom where are you going
Joan don’t waste your breath
A few hours later. Joan and Peter in a hotel room.
Joan i feel – i feel stupid saying this but i haven’t done this before
Peter that makes two of us
Joan jesus – seriously
Peter no – i’ve done this many times – many many times – don’t worry
Joan worried – i’m not worried – i’m curious – not worried
Peter curious – don’t often hear that from clients – it’s cool though – i can do curious
Joan clients – i’d feel a bit – happier – if we maybe eased our way into this
Peter of course – would you like me to pour you a drink
Joan why not – one more won’t hurt
Peter a gin and tonic
Joan yes a gin and tonic – well remembered – are you going to have one
He goes to the mini-bar.
Peter i don’t normally
Joan put you off your stroke does it – sorry – that was – after me saying we should ease our way in there – i just – jumped in
Peter don’t worry it’s ok – no not really
Joan what
Peter no not really – it doesn’t put me off my stroke
Joan not really
Peter not at all – i just don’t normally – that’s all
Joan i’d prefer if we did – share something
Peter ok – i’ll have a beer
Joan cheers
Joan i’m going to sound stupid again
Peter i’m sure you won’t – and even if you do it’s fine – you can sound whatever way you want
Joan stop doing that
Peter stop doing what
Joan agreeing with everything i say – being overly pleasant to me – i’m not up here to be pampered – that isn’t what this is about – what i mean is – you can be who you are
Peter you’re going to pay me to be who i am
Joan no – i’m going to pay you to fuck me – but in the run-up to that i’d prefer if you were to be who you are – unless of course who you are is a complete nutter – then i’d prefer if you hid it
Peter i’ll try
Joan the thing i was going to say – the stupid thing – it will just be silly really – oh god i wish i could shut up
Peter look
Joan joan
Peter look – joan
Joan and what’s your name – your real name – not something you use for business – like – long john – or – king – i don’t know king something – king kong – king kong with the massive dong
Joan right – peter
Peter you can say whatever you want to me – you don’t have to apologise about anything ever – anything you want – you can be abusive if you want – don’t worry about that
Joan i need you to know who i am – i don’t want to come over all motherly here – like i’m going to say to you – look son you shouldn’t really be doing this to yourself – ultimately it’s degrading and you should really try and make a better life for yourself – you see you may look at me and think that that’s me and that that’s what i’m doing here – talking to you like this – the point is i don’t care how you ended up here and where you move on to afterwards – all i’m saying is i’d prefer if we talked first – there’s nothing more to it than that – no hidden agenda
Peter sometimes it can be more difficult for clients joan to operate within this situation if they attempt to make the relationship more personal than it actually is – which is why i don’t normally take a drink – i’m only pointing this out to you as a possible risk – we will of course do whatever you want
Joan look if you’re totally against the idea just say so
Peter we have to get this straight here – this is a business deal – a deal which i want to complete – if you want to talk we’ll talk
Joan you sounded very businesslike there – in a good way – a firm handshake type of way – once the deal is struck the deal is struck – i’m not the type of man to go back on my word type of thing
Peter i am a businessman – and i’m not the type of man to go back on his word
Joan do you have a pimp – that sounded funny – a pimp – it felt like i was in an episode of kojak
Peter really
Joan do you know what that is
Peter no
Joan i told you don’t do that – if you’re here to do what i want – stop doing that
Peter i’m part of an escort agency
Joan what are you escorting me to
Peter the end
Joan we’ll see – many a woman has been told that – because you say it doesn’t make it true – so you pay money to this escort agency the same way a taxi driver pays rental to the depot
Peter something like that
Joan my daughter studies business at university – this is her final year
Peter does she enjoy it
Joan i think so – she doesn’t really tell us much – she’s going through that stage where she thinks she’s better than we are – her father’s a plumber and i’m a dinner lady – she thinks we don’t know anything – which is true – we don’t know anything – but she doesn’t know that
Peter what type of business is she interested in
Joan to be honest i don’t know
Peter maybe one day she’ll open up her own escort agency
Joan maybe she will – maybe when she’s doing the monthly accounts she’ll find my name at the bottom of a cheque – that would be funny – assuming i get used to all this – which i won’t – i have the feeling this is a one-off thing
Peter can i say something
Joan yes
Peter i see you as a woman – a woman i don’t know – i don’t care what age you are – i don’t care about your race your religion or your politics – i don’t care that you’re married – that you’re a mother – and that you may see me as a young man that has lost his way – all that i care about is that you have enough money to pay me and that you’re not dissatisfied with the product i’m selling
Joan that’s the most liberating thing a man has ever said to me – it turns me on – i know i’m doing the right thing now – my husband had sex with another woman – he met her in this very hotel – i’m returning to the scene of the crime – do you get that a lot with women my age – revenge fucks
Peter not as much as you’d imagine
Joan do you get many women my age
Peter my fair share
Joan i have a feeling that it was his first time – not that i let him away with that – maybe i only think that because this is my first time – i thought coming here i’d get back at him – we’ve been married a long time – and it’s just – it made me think what was the point of it all – you know – what it feels like – that we had gone through life together – and that maybe we had reached a point or something – we had both reached the same point – and that we were questioning our life together – and that he acted on that and he didn’t tell me – it wasn’t that he did it or felt like that but that he didn’t tell me – you see we could’ve said to each other – look this is a moment where we agree to break free from each other – break free once – and then come back together – fuck him – fuck him – he’s a wee tosspot isn’t he – and by the way this is one of those times when you can ignore what i previously said and agree with me
Peter he’s a wee tosspot
Joan a wise choice
Peter but
Joan but what – no brotherhood nonsense – no all for one and one for all – it’s my money in that purse not his
Peter you wanted me to talk
Joan i did – sorry about the money thing
Peter don’t be – if you felt like that why didn’t you say to him
Joan it was only after i found out about him that i considered that to be an option – maybe that’s it – he didn’t think about me – he said to me – this isn’t about you – i could’ve thought solely about myself – and didn’t – and he did – there’s another thing that’s fucking annoying me – our sex life – is – you know what at this moment i don’t care – does your mother know you do this for a living – that was a joke
Peter i’m not going to tell you who i am and why i’m here
Joan you could lie
Peter i thought you wanted me to be me
Joan we’re still ourselves when we lie – do you like what you do
Peter do you
Joan oh fuck off
Peter there are parts of it i like more than others
Joan like what
Peter i’m not mad keen on giving old men blowjobs
Joan neither am i
Peter do you like slopping out shitty meals to kids
Joan i don’t slop shitty meals out any more – i’m the supervisor – i organise what shitty meals to slop out – but just so you get the image right in your head – so i’ve been told – it’s – nylon pinnies with no skirt on underneath – flip flops – and on cold days a pair of your husband’s socks – is that how you remember the dinner ladies when you were at school
Peter i always brought my own lunch
Joan i thought that was going to lead somewhere
Peter yes – sorry – yes it’s how i remember them – and even though i brought a lunch with me i’d still go round to look at the dinner ladies – they had no knickers on – that’s the way i always thought of them – no knickers – easier to get at
Joan not dinner ladies
Peter i take it supervisors dress differently – a bit more stylish – but still no knickers – still easy to get at
Joan supervisors dress – they wear – they wear – fuck this – i don’t care how supervisors dress – they dress – i’ll tell you how they dress – like people who have passed their fucking sell-by date but haven’t fucking recognised that yet – this is stupid – how much do i owe you
Peter you want me to leave now
Peter we have already discussed prices
Joan how much – i want to hear you say it again – this is a business deal so i want to hear you say the amount
Peter alright – for the amount of time i’ve spent here – i don’t know – give me eighty quid
She does.
that’s us finished then
Joan yes
He gets himself a drink and puts the money for it on the mini-bar. He sits down and takes a drink.
Peter i’m not a refugee who has crossed the seas in a fucking bathtub to escape a life of misery and deprivation – i don’t live in a squat with nineteen other people all shitting into the same bowl and beating the fuck out of each other to see who gets the last piece of bread – while we all wait for a man in a limo to come each evening and pick the lucky ones – i’m not an addict – i don’t need to swallow pints of spunk to feed my addiction – having to inject myself time and again in order to drift off into oblivion so i don’t have to confront my own guilt – nor sadly to say was i ever abused as a child – deprived of my self-worth – and the only thing i know to do – the only thing that makes me feel that there might be any applause after it’s finished – is to fuck or to be fucked – nor am i putting myself through college to eventually become a lawyer – is there anything i missed out do you think
Joan you could be paying off a gambling debt to the people who run the prostitution racket
Peter nor am i paying off a gambling debt to the people who run the prostitution racket – nor do i live in a gangster movie where all the prostitution rackets are
Joan so there’s no story to tell – there must be something that allows you to give old men blowjobs
Peter there is – a freedom of spirit that allows me to embrace capitalism in any way shape or form
Joan that isn’t a story
Peter do you want to know what happened
Joan yes – i’m going nowhere
Peter i’m an out-of-work actor that was told a year or so ago that my talents may best be suited to either modelling or porn movies – i didn’t make any headway with the modelling – and i can’t understand why – given my delightfully high cheekbones – so i made one – not widely distributed – porn movie – to be honest i felt maybe my heart wasn’t really in it – i felt maybe i needed a more one-to-one atmosphere – and also i wanted to be my own boss – so i took to the streets – and here i am now in a hotel room
Joan why do you want to make a fool of me – go on – fuck off – leave
Peter i was working in a call centre earning fuck-all and having people bitch in my ear all day long – i withdrew into myself – i didn’t go out – so i didn’t meet anyone – i hadn’t had sex in a long time – i paid a prostitute – i got talking to her about how much she earned – she said because i had a big cock i could earn some good money – she put me in contact with someone – and here i am
Joan i don’t want you to go – can i ask you to do specific things
Peter yes
Joan right – right
Peter it’s fine – say it
Joan i want you to fuck me up the ass – hard – fuck me up the ass hard
Peter is that what you like
Joan i don’t know – i’ve never done it before
Peter ok
Joan no wait – i want to abuse you first – verbally – you said that was ok
Peter i did
Joan i don’t know how to start this
Peter just start it – you stupid old cunt
Joan you useless worthless no-dick ugly fucker piece of shit fuckin cunt – stupid fuckin cunt – moron – fucking moron – stupid selfish moron fuckin cunt – fuckin bastard – you think you just need to smile and that’s enough you fuckin cunt – i hate you – blind bastard – cock for brains – one other cock among the many – nameless – faceless – just another man – nothing special – you all eventually fall into fucking line – sheep – all think you’re peacocks strutting your stuff and you’re all just fucking sheep – every fuckin one of you – all full of plans – life plans – stuff – life – fuckin cunts – just waiting all the time for someone to suck your dick – stupid fucker – women should be told – from the very start all of you should say – i’m blind – i know it doesn’t seem like that but i am – it’s a certain type of blindness – i only see what i want to fucking see – should rip your eyes out and make you blind proper you cunt – i know you think that in some way that you’re charming and funny and kind and understanding and a pleasure to be with – the truth is you exhaust me – you just fucking exhaust me
Peter that it
Joan yes – this isn’t easy for me you know – after a certain age you lock your body away – never to be seen by a stranger again
The following morning. Tom has slept in a chair beside the bed. Joan enters.
Tom where have you been
Joan out
Joan i booked into an hotel for the night
Tom an hotel
Joan why – where did you think i was going to sleep – a park bench – maybe i should’ve dossed out in a doorway with the homeless
Tom you could’ve stayed with julie
Joan well i didn’t
Tom have you had anything to eat
Joan no
Tom was there no breakfast at the hotel – hotels normally do breakfasts – they’re known for that type of thing
Joan angry because i was out on my own is that it
Tom no
Joan i booked into an hotel – and no i didn’t eat the breakfast – i didn’t feel like anything to eat
Tom right
Joan yes – right
Tom are you going to go to work
Joan no
Tom right
Joan are you
Tom no
Joan excellent we can spend the day together – any ideas what to do
Tom sit in silence
Joan i don’t think so
Tom i didn’t have sex with her
Joan what
Tom i didn’t have sex with her
Joan what do you mean – you didn’t fuck her – the two of you just fooled around or something
Tom fooled around – i’m not fourteen – we didn’t do anything together – nothing
Joan i don’t understand this – i don’t …
Tom listen …
Joan don’t tell me to listen
Tom i’m going to say – i met this woman in a bar
Joan she does actually exist then
Tom of course she exists – we got to talking – we had a bit of a laugh …
Joan no no no – this is you trying to get out of it – isn’t it – you’ve sat up all night thinking about this – and this was the best plan you could come up with
Tom there is no plan
Joan accept the blame for something – then when the dust settles say you didn’t do it – make yourself the victim – it’s what men do – was i meant to put you through more hell than i did – i was wasn’t i – i was to make this whole situation into a nightmare for you – then you say you didn’t do anything – and you don’t know why you said what you did – and because that is a lesser crime you get away with it – in fact it might even make you seem colourful – then i feel guilty – when in actual fact you did fuck her – i apologise – i’m sorry that last night i didn’t make you feel bad enough – do you want me to do that now – would that make the situation easier for you
Tom stop it – there’s no damn plan
Joan don’t tell me to fucking stop anything – i want to make this situation better for you – tilt the glaring white light that is shining on your bare arse over to me
Tom don’t do this joan – i didn’t sleep with her – that’s the truth
Joan nice try – you lying little cunt – you know what i did last night – after i booked into the hotel i had a bath – shaved my legs – put my best make-up on – i took my time over that – i wanted to look my best – then i went down and sat in the bar and had a few drinks – there were two men standing at the other end of the bar – i went down and talked to them – we all got on well – having a laugh – i didn’t want to be too in their faces about it – i didn’t want to put them under any pressure you know – maybe they had other things to do – more important things – maybe they were businessmen that were going to a late night meeting or something – so i said to them look if you don’t fancy this it’s fine – here’s my room number – i’ll spare you the details – i was going to call you – but then i thought – no – he wouldn’t be into it – you were never much of a sharer – you happy now – that fit into your plan a bit more
Tom i didn’t have sex with her
Joan why would you let me think you did then
Tom i don’t know
Joan i’ve been with you all this time – here – over thirty years – beside you
Tom to annoy you – all that you-owe-me shit – you just jumped straight in there
Joan to annoy me – to fucking annoy me
Tom to hurt you – in order to feel something i had to hurt you – you’re the only one i can hurt – the only one – i don’t know
Joan why does anyone need to be hurt tom
Tom oh fuck off – don’t pretend you don’t know what that might mean
Joan i sat in the hotel room on my own – had a few drinks – then i just lay on top of the bed
Tom it’s just the two of us – here – now
Joan yes
Tom no need to lie
Joan yes
Joan neither did i
Silence.
Tom look – i – i don’t know what the hell is happening to me – i don’t know how to be – and i’m not even sure what that fucking means – in my head i’m fighting with everything – all the time – can’t relax – can’t read a paper – can’t watch the news – the tv’s a lot of fuckin nonsense – don’t know why i’m going to work – resent the money i get – don’t want to talk to anyone – can’t fuckin sleep – i have this feeling that every minute of the day i’m hounded – all the time – everything – i went into this shop to buy a sandwich for lunch the other day – there must have been about twenty types – couldn’t pick one – even that was beyond me – just stood there looking at all these fucking sandwiches – i didn’t care and because i didn’t care i couldn’t pick one – i’m standing looking at these fuckin sandwiches and on top of that – i know – i am aware – that there’s people starving in the world – and on top of that i know that i can’t really do anything about that so i should just buy a sandwich – and on top of that i know there are people starving in the world – and on and on – every time i see an old photograph or watch a clip from an old movie all that i can think of is that all those people are dead – every one of them fucking dead – i read this thing in a magazine about the earth’s magnetic force or core or something flipping over and it wiping everything out – no trace of us – no fucking trace of us – nothing – nothing – not a fucking trace – all fucking day i spent looking at a piece of copper pipe and thinking that – all that wasted time – all time wasted – and fucking on and on and on – and then there’s you – what are we doing – i don’t know what the fuck we are doing – it used to be that we just existed or something – and that seemed alright – and now i don’t know if that’s enough – or there should be more – or fucking less – is this a natural thing i’m going through – we’re going through – is this the way it is for everyone – and all those things you said about me i think about you – and even if i don’t really believe them they’re floating about there somewhere – you see – this – this is what this is all about – you and i have been together all this time – side by side breathing each other’s air – is this it – is this fucking it
Joan you’re such a dickhead
Joan grabs Tom by the hair and pulls his face towards hers. She kisses him
fuck me
The same morning. Tara and Peter’s flat.
Peter enters. He has a takeaway. Tara is just off the phone. She hasn’t slept.
Tara hi
They kiss.
Peter who was on the phone
Tara no one
Peter no one
Tara my mother
Peter how is she
Tara same – usual
Peter was she asking for me
Tara not really
Peter nice – did you tell her
Tara no – she wanted to know when i was going over to see her
Peter you should tell her
Tara don’t be stupid – i’ll maybe take the bus over on monday evening
Peter do you want me to go with you – i could take the night off
Tara no i don’t want you to go with me
Peter i’m not marked – she’ll not know just by looking at me
Tara we both know you’d find a way of showing her your badge – it’s not important
Peter whatever – you’re right it’s not important – i’m wrecked
Tara you shouldn’t work so hard
Peter i’m the best child in the class – i do who i’m told
He hands her money.
you lodge that later today
Tara yeah
Peter take some if you need it
Tara i don’t need any
Peter we always need money – i brought breakfast
Tara i’m not hungry
Peter your favourite – king prawn thai yellow curry
Tara i like it in the evening when normal people eat it
Peter not this again – and by the way whenever we first met did i not now and again eat takeaway shit in the morning
Tara hungover – back to front is alright when you’re hungover
Peter i’m tired – alright we’ll eat later – closer to lunchtime – less chance of us getting raided by the food police then – what time’s your shift at
Tara i’m not going in today
Peter have you phoned in or do you want me to do it
Tara no it’s ok i’ll do it later – i was thinking i might need a change anyway – i was standing behind the counter the other day – wednesday – the queue at my till was a mile long – all the queues were a mile long – sometimes it feels like it’s never going to end – normally i try and talk to each customer – passes the time – i kept looking at the queue and thinking it’s never going to end – then all i could see was the groceries – each individual thing – thousands of them – all making that bleeping noise – bleep bleep bleep – that’s the only thing i could hear – but not just from my till but from every till – meaningless fucking noise – didn’t know what i was doing there – i told that weasel of a supervisor i was ill – got changed – walked about the town – then went and had a drink on my own – i’m not happy there
Peter leave – get another job – move on
Tara i might go to night school or something
Peter why
Tara do something different – i don’t know – i was watching this documentary the other day – it was about maths – and how maths influences nearly every aspect of our lives – and i sort of understood it – i didn’t understand it all – i thought maybe i should try and understand more of it – so i might go back to school – try and get to university maybe
Peter you’d be better off doing something like business studies or something – better chance of getting a job out of it
Tara business studies – i work as a checkout in a supermarket – and i’m going to leave to do business studies – so i can end up back at the supermarket but this time as a supervisor – i don’t think so
Peter you could end up running your own business – start up your own escort agency – employ me
Tara that would be a move up from the supermarket alright
Peter that would be a good laugh wouldn’t it – you on the phone to me – hey peter – pick up this oul doll down in the hotel bar – you probably don’t remember her – she says she’s been with you before and she wants you again – because you’re that good – by the way when you’re finished could you pick something up for dinner on the way home – whatever – do what you want to do darlin – whatever makes you happy
Tara i’ll maybe find out what courses there are
Peter you do that – if you’re not going to work today i’ll maybe take the night off – the two of us can just sit here all day and get stoned
Tara there’s no blow left – i couldn’t sleep so i smoked it
Peter i’m not going out to get any – i’m knackered – you go
Tara why don’t we just go to bed
Peter ok we’ll get the blow later – if we’re going to have a fuck i need to take a pill – you know the score – there’s time involved there – do you want me to take the pill
Tara no peter i don’t want you to take a fucking pill – twenty-eight years of age and you have to take a fucking pill because you’re stressed out because of all the other hard-ons
Peter i’m not stressed out
Tara are you not
Peter no i’m not
Tara well you should be
Peter i can’t just perform all the time – that’s all – the pills are handy now and again – there’s nothing new in that – it’s for your benefit not mine
Tara i don’t want bits of you
Peter alright we’ll leave it for a while and i’ll not have to take it
Tara it’s not that
Peter what
Tara i don’t know
Peter if you don’t know why are you giving me all this fucking shit
Tara i tried to be you for a moment but it didn’t work
Peter what
Tara i nearly had sex with someone else
Peter who
Tara just someone – no one
Tara what
Peter do you love him
Tara no
Peter keep it to yourself then
Tara is that how you think we should deal with this
Peter i just said
Tara this isn’t like one of your clients
Peter you’re still here – i’m still here – that says something
Tara i want to tell you
Peter why
Tara i don’t know
Peter what then
Tara what then what
Peter tell me
Tara i was sitting having a drink – in the hotel bar you work from – looking at this man – an older man
Peter how old
Tara is that important
Peter no
Tara in his fifties
Peter that is old
Tara that’s part of it – i was watching him – i sort of picked him out – randomly nearly – i asked him did he want a drink – we talked for a while – i flirted with him and told him he could fuck me if he wanted to – we talked
Peter what do you mean – we talked
Tara we spoke to each other
Peter in a way we don’t
Tara no not really
Peter not really
Tara i could talk to anybody you know – i wouldn’t have to fuck them
Peter we talk
Tara it wasn’t like that anyway – once i made my mind up i was going on the journey i just said what needed to be said whenever i needed to say it
Peter so you nearly fucked someone
Tara he’s a good man
Peter so now i have to care about him
Tara i used him – and it didn’t work – it didn’t make a difference
Peter people get used
Tara shut up – shut up – eventually i talked him round to having sex – he thought it was his decision but it wasn’t – he wanted to fuck outside – near a busy street – said he wanted the noise of the street around him – walking there i was excited – it felt like – living life on the edge – a bit – not mad but risky – alive – picking up someone i wouldn’t normally and just fucking them – someone married – i thought it would all be different – but it wasn’t – i was standing in this doorway kissing some old man – his mouth was dry – kissing some old man in a doorway that smelt of piss – it was pathetic – i thought it was going to make a difference – i thought it was going to make my life better – i was waiting on him putting his hand up my skirt but he didn’t – he just kissed me again with his dry mouth – that’s all he wanted
Peter i’m sorry
Tara why are you sorry
Peter it’s sad when that happens
Tara that’s your reaction
Peter we’re mature people
Tara no we’re not
Peter i choose to believe we are – there are different ways to lead your life – other people can’t force you to live the way they do – i answer to no one – i don’t clock in and clock out for fuck-all money – and i don’t bring a fucking lunch box to work – people are like fucking sheep – told what to do all the time and they just do it – told what to think – told how to fucking feel – you live the life i’ve led you make up your own fucking rules
Tara what life
Tara tell me
Peter no – you want to fuck some old geezer to live life on the edge – you live life on the edge now if only you’d wake up and fucking see that – there are different types of life that are worth living – you don’t always have to see the fucked-up side of things
Tara that’s it is it – that’s you being an adult – feeling sad for me
Peter it’s me caring about you
Tara no it isn’t – it’s a fucking lie – you think that’s the same thing as saying i love you don’t you – you think that’s like saying i love you so much i forgive you for hurting me – and also – by the way – i see your sadness – wanker – i didn’t hurt you because you didn’t feel hurt – you don’t give a fuck about me – you don’t love me
Tara exits.
Peter go on fuck off – i’ll do what i want – i’ve always done what i want – tara come back – please tara come back
Tara enters.
don’t leave
Tara this isn’t right
Peter what can i do
Tara tell me the truth – fucking say it
Peter i need you
Peter i have to earn money – i ignore what’s happening to me in order to do that
Tara what’s happening to you
Peter fuck off – everybody does that – i’m no different – working in tesco’s – yeah very good – you know what i mean
Tara it’s different
Peter different – fucking different – how the fuck can you not know that telling me you nearly fucked some old man because you were bored or fucking confused or something isn’t going to hurt me
Tara because of the way we live i don’t know it
Peter i fuck people for money not sport
Tara there’s two lives being lived out here not one
Peter i know that
Tara do you – since you started working as a whore you haven’t told me you love me
Peter if i tell you that i’m going to have to stop – and what the fuck are we going to do then – live normal shit fuckin lives – and nothing happens – how the fuck is that enough
Tara tell me you love me
Peter i was with this woman – middle-aged woman – hadn’t paid for sex before – it’s stupid like but there’s something sweet about that – people like that need to talk – talk things through – what they’re doing is painting a picture – i have to try and fit in with the picture – you need to have stories in your head – different stories – different pictures of who you are – some of them when you say them out loud you like and you think i could’ve been that – i could live with that – others are just shit you make up using whatever colours there are around you – some are dark and full of pain – some are light and fluffy – the way this woman was talking i knew she wanted the stories mixed up – so she could spot i was making stuff up and eventually get to the real me – it’s difficult to be real and make shit up – one gets in the way of the other
Tara tell me you love me
Peter i love you
She kisses him.
Tara it’ll be alright
Peter i know
The same morning. Joan and Tom have just had sex.
Joan my lip’s bleeding – could you get me a hanky
He does.
Tom sorry
Joan no it’s fine
Tom do you want a cup of tea or something
Tom right
Joan are you ok
Tom yeah sure
Joan really
Tom joan i’m fine
Joan that was different
Tom yeah
Joan different in a good way
Tom joan stop – look i’m fine – it’s not – y’know – jesus – it’s fine – it’s cool
Joan what then
Tom i was ashamed – ashamed that i hadn’t been unfaithful
Joan let’s just leave it
Tom listen to me – i’m going to tell you this – you said why didn’t you tell me – well i’m going to tell you – i wanted – i wanted to fuck this girl …
Joan girl – i thought you said she was in her mid-thirties – you said mid-thirties
Tom are you really going to go into one about this now – she was younger
Joan how young
Tom joan for christ sake – this is not a moment for you to get all fucked-up – you understand – not an opportunity for you to create a drama after the fact – the incident’s over – this is the aftermath – right
Joan right – but i know you understand or you wouldn’t have lied about her age
Tom are you going to let me do this
Joan yes
Tom i wanted to fuck her but couldn’t
Joan you couldn’t get a hard-on
Tom why do you keep using those words
Joan i don’t know – i like it – i like saying the words hard-on – i’ll stop though – you couldn’t physically you mean
Tom no – i couldn’t let myself
Joan but you wanted to
Tom of course i did
Joan there’s no of course about it
Tom yes there is
Joan you could love me without question – maybe then the of course mightn’t have entered your head
Tom why do i have to keep telling you that’s not what it’s like
Joan because i don’t believe you
Tom i was looking at this person
Joan say it – young – say it
Tom i was looking at this young girl – she was looking into my face – she was asking me to be alive – to do something that would make me hear my own heartbeat – i’m a fifty-seven-year-old man that’s afraid of living – i thought maybe you noticed that about me so i stood in silence hoping for a moment that you thought i was the type of man that lived life – that’s a harder thing to say than whether you’ve fucked someone else or not – i was in work a few days before this – sitting on my own having a cup of tea – i thought to myself – throughout my life i should’ve fucked more women – nothing to do with a numbers thing – i don’t want to be one of those men that sit on barstools and say i’m a great fella because i fucked seventeen women – i just mean i should’ve made contact with more people in that way – just like saying to them hello i know you’re alive – hello – i don’t know – what was it you said last night – if you feel it why do you assume i don’t – well – is that the way you feel
Joan and if the answer’s yes what should i do about it – that’s not something you pretend to cure with a rubber dress and talc
Tom a decision has to be made
Joan yes
Tom are we going to leave each other
Joan no i don’t think so – do you think we are
Tom no – it’s too late
Joan i’m sure there’s a better way of putting that tom
Tom we’re too far into the journey to stop now
Joan that’s it then – just this
Tom maybe
Silence.
Joan do you remember when we first started going out with each other – if you don’t say you don’t – it’s a long time ago – you don’t have to remember
Tom why would i not remember
Joan i don’t know – you just mightn’t – our first date you brought me to the pictures – that night – there was something – you know – something between us – we didn’t set the world on fire – but you know what i mean
Tom i vaguely remember there being some tiny tiny tiny spark between us – not a flash of lightning that would blind you – but definitely a spark that might make you blink
Joan very good – the day you met me was the best day of your life
Tom that’s what this is about – you telling me that
Joan no – true and all as it is – i’ve never told you this before
Tom why
Joan because i’d forgotten actually – at the time of our first date i was going out with another boy as well
Tom who
Joan you wouldn’t know him
Tom i might – who
Joan a fella called tommy doyle
Tom squarehead doyle – he had a big head on him the size of a tv screen
Joan he didn’t have a square head – lovely lookin fella he was
Tom no square head what – i played football with him a few times – useless at headers – off the corner of his head like a bullet every time – squarehead doyle – if i had’ve known you were going out with him there’s no way we would’ve been at the pictures – squarehead doyle – you better not tell me you had sex with him
Joan we both know i didn’t
Tom i only have your word for that – having sex with squarehead doyle is something you’d bring to the grave with you
Joan you’re full of shit you know that
Tom so from squarehead to me – you moved up a right few divisions there – did he not have a turn in his eye as well
Joan don’t start me
Tom and what
Joan i can’t remember her name
Tom who
Joan some girl you used to go out with – what was her name
Tom don’t know
Joan you do know you liar – not – no – it was m – something m – maureen – that’s it – absolute scrubber
Tom lovely girl – very kind and generous
Joan a dirty scrubber from the top of her head …
Tom her normal shaped head
Joan if there was a school for scrubbers she would’ve been the headmistress
Tom there was a school for scrubbers and you went to it – never mind her anyway – squarehead – what about him
Joan after you walked me home i went round to his house – we kissed and i let him grope me – it wasn’t the same though – it was less – it wasn’t nothing – it was just less than it was before – that was because i had already kissed you
He kisses her.
Tom i know – do you fancy going out – we’ll go out and have a drink somewhere
Joan stay here – we’ll have a drink here – in bed
Tom fair enough – what do you want a gin and tonic
Joan yeah
Tom exits. Joan sits up in bed, puts lipstick on and looks at herself in a hand mirror.
Tom (offstage) where’s the tonic
Joan beside the fridge
Tom you know what i was thinking
Tom we haven’t seen our julie for a while – i’ll open up a new bottle of tonic this one’s flat – we should invite julia over some night
Joan yeah sure – what about monday
Tom monday’s fine
Joan be good to see her
Tom yeah be good to see her
Lights fade to dark.