He missed her.
Joshua opened the door to his hotel suite and stood in the dark in the empty space. He could write a thousand love songs to express how his heart ached for Geneva, but they wouldn’t accurately depict the sentiment. Being away from her was torture. It was as if someone had stuck a knife in his heart and left it there. He was slowly bleeding for her.
Geez. He sounded like one of those men in a sappy romance. Not that he’d ever admit to reading any.
Joshua sauntered into this bedroom and undressed. Sean and Mongoose had wanted him to hang with them, but he had declined. It was nearly midnight and the Thursday before New Year’s Day. He still had six shows before he was done.
“You can’t put fame over your faith, or a female.” Geneva’s words haunted Joshua more than once. He wasn’t doing that. He had an obligation. Joshua believed God understood.
He picked up his cell and scrolled to Geneva’s last message. All she had written was: Matthew 19: 16-23. Read it aloud. Nothing else. He knew from a picture posted online of her dragging her small suitcase into the airport alone that she had gone to Jamaica.
The Internet had come for him. They called him outside his name for not going with her after his very public appeal. Brandon had wanted to post an explanation on his behalf, but Joshua had stopped him. He deserved all that they had to say about him.
Joshua showered and massaged his shoulders. He wished he had visited the spa, but when he wasn’t performing, he rested.
Joshua slid under the covers and opened the Bible. He had avoided the Scripture, instinctively knowing he wouldn’t like what it had to say.
He flipped to the book of Matthew and cleared his throat. “Good master, what good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?” He knew that. You have to follow the commandments. He read on. Jesus told the young man that same thing. Then Joshua read verses19 and 20 where the young man asked if there was more to salvation. Joshua straightened. “Exactly, that’s what I want to know. What else is there besides believing and following the commandments?”
He read verse 21. “Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.” Joshua’s eyebrows furrowed. “Say what? To serve Christ, I’ve got to be poor? That makes no kind of sense.”
He looked around the room, but no one was there to answer him. He continued reading. The young man went away sorrowful because he had great possessions. Joshua frowned. Geneva was wrong for this. He wanted to serve God. He just had his obligations. Joshua’s eyes stood transfixed on verse 22. His voice cracked. “But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions.”
Joshua’s own words came back to him. It was as if they were being recited in his ear. “I worked hard to get here. I can’t give it up with a snap of my fingers. Why can’t I have God and fame?” Goose bumps rose on his arms. Joshua swung his legs off the bed and put his head in his hands. The truth pierced his heart. He was just like that young man. His words said as much.
Joshua reached behind him for the Bible. He had to man up and finish the text. His voice filled the room. “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven.”
Joshua’s heart pumped with such force that he placed a hand over his chest. He had ditched the woman he claimed to love because he was afraid to lose millions. Millions, when Geneva was worth so much more.
And what about God?
Joshua shook his head. He couldn’t calculate a sum for God’s worth.
The restitution he might have paid in a contract hearing wouldn’t have hurt his net worth. Joshua rubbed his head. Dread pranced around his stomach. “Oh God, I made the wrong choice. I made the wrong choice.”
Joshua picked up his cell phone. Maybe it would all be worth it if Brandon came through with that movie script. It was close to one a.m. but Joshua called Brandon anyhow. He swore Brandon was a bat or an owl.
“How’s it going?”
“I’m calling about the movie. Any word on that yet?” Joshua asked.
“Uhm, no. Er, I was… I was going to be, uhm, making that call tomorrow.”
Joshua’s grip on his cell phone tightened. “Don’t jerk me around. You’re hedging.” His left eye ticked. “Brandon, level with me. Is there really a movie deal?”
“No. Not yet. I plan on setting up something—”
“So you lied to me.”
“No. I’m telling you, your chances are pretty good.”
Joshua stood. “Chance? You made me give up going to Jamaica with the woman I love over a chance?”
“No, I didn’t make you do anything. You had a choice.”
“You said I had to come to Vegas or you’d take me to court.”
Brandon snorted. “As if that would’ve stopped you. Who do you think you’re fooling? You wanted to be here. You were running from something or someone. Maybe Geneva said something you didn’t like, I don’t know. But you’re not going to throw blame my way. You’ve been in this business long enough to know the drill. I called your bluff. You gave in. Own up to it and don’t call me at this hour with this nonsense.”
Joshua ground his teeth and bunched his fists. “If you were here right now, I’d—”
“You’d do what?” Brandon taunted.
Joshua hunched his shoulders and emitted a roar that would make the king of the jungle proud.
“Who you mad at?” Brandon shouted through the line. “You’d better keep calm and control yourself.”
“I’ve got to get out of here!” Joshua yelled. “I don’t belong here!”
“Then quit the tantrum,” Brandon bellowed. “There are no chains holding you except for the ones you use to bind yourself. Now if you’re calm, we can have a conversation.”
Some of his anger dissipated. Brandon was a jerk, but he was a right jerk. Joshua took deep breaths. He stomped to the bed and sat down, forcing himself to relax. “I’m calm,” he said in a cool tone.
“Good. Now, what’s with you? Or should I ask, who?”
“Geneva.”
“Then go to her.”
“It’s not that simple,” Joshua groaned. “She wants more than I can give.”
“What on earth could she want that you can’t afford?”
“It’s complicated.”
“I specialize in complicated. Tell me.”
Joshua put the phone on speaker and massaged his temples. “I don’t know how to please God. She wants a man who makes God his priority. Her exact words were, ‘You can’t put fame over your faith or a female.’” Then he explained the parable he had read earlier that night.
“Let me see if I understand what you’re saying. You can’t be with Geneva because she wants someone who will treasure her and God more than anything in the world.”
“Yes.”
“But you’re already that man.”
“I don’t see it.”
“Let me ask you a question. If you had to give up every single dollar you had for Zoya to come back to life. Would you?”
“Yes. In a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even hesitate.”
“Then you are that man. You would if you had to. It didn’t sound like she said that you must. And I’m sure God isn’t saying that either. Look at men like T.D. Jakes and DeVon Franklin. No one doubts those men’s commitment to God. And they get paid. It’s about priorities. As Toby Mac said, ‘you can’t gain the world and lose your soul’.”
Joshua’s tension eased. Priorities. He scrunched his nose. Geneva had mentioned priorities. “I get it. I need to make God my priority, and I’m pretty sure that song is based off a verse.”
“Probably. The point is, I don’t even believe in God and I get that what He wants is to be valued about all else. I grew up around church folks. My memory is fuzzy, but doesn’t God say something about helping you with everything anyways? So what are you worried about?”
“Yes, He promises to carry all our burdens.” Joshua pursed his lips. Brandon’s memory was clear as crystal. “I was overwhelmed. I should’ve given that feeling to God. I feel stupid.”
“I agree. You were an idiot. That girl doesn’t deserve you.”
“No, she doesn’t.”
Brandon sighed. “Consider yourself released from the contract. You’re free to leave. I’ll send Big Wheezy to finish the rest of the shows.”
Joshua perked up. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I see I can’t stand in the way of you and your God and your woman. I overreacted because I know I’m losing one of the best friends I’ll ever have.”
Joshua suddenly felt light. The coil around his heart loosened. He started packing haphazardly. “Now who’s the idiot? You’re not losing me. I’ll help you with whatever you need.”
“Maybe I need to start a gospel label.”
Joshua’s heart soared. “That’d be cool. We’ll talk about that when I get back. Right now, there’s a girl who I hope hasn’t run out of patience.”
“Go get yours,” Brandon said.
“For sure. If she takes me back, she’s stuck with me for life.”