Chapter 14

Ten minutes before midnight.

Baseball played on the television before Henry’s vacant eyes.

His brain boiled. His mind sizzled.

How could Charley say that?

He’d just risked everything today. Everything. For her, and for Rachel.

Charley had asked if the scholarship was important. Of course it was! The lawsuit was gripping their family tighter and tighter. If he didn’t get the scholarship, everything would just . . .

He felt betrayed.

Stand up for somebody, then they cut you down at the knees from behind.

How else was he supposed to feel?

He knew Charley was sensitive about being pegged as an orphan. He knew it! And he sensed it. He jumped in front of the mud Trevor slung at her. Didn’t that mean he was the one who was sensitive?

Well, he jumped, and look at what that bought him.

She skewered him for it.

Wasn’t loyal.

Changed.

Henry put his hands to head again and rubbed. His thoughts ran in circles, round and round, trudging a ditch in his mind.

He didn’t want to feel this antagonized toward her. But that simple accusation—it electrocuted his defenses like a lightning strike on a downed power line—snapping and sparking already, the new searing bolt overloaded him to high voltage.

He hated when he felt this way, when he felt overcome by the insanity inside him. He wanted to let it go, but there was a deep part of him that soaked in the anger. He used to be able to control it, but could never cure it.

Why did her accusation enrage him so much? It made him sad that he was so unbridled, which further compounded his guilt. Charley was hurting also. The day had been bizarre and confusing. He should be able to talk himself out of his inflamed fit. Do the mature thing. It wasn’t a big deal.

But as much as he wanted to dislodge himself from the anger, he felt bound, given over to an intoxicating fury inside him. The emotions imprisoned his mind, and he felt like a different beast controlled him, drove him forward. He felt duplicitous, like two different men trapped inside the same body, switching between them. He wished he could speak to the monster inside himself, reason with it. Or carve it out. But it was too late for that. The thing had awoken again.

How could he let it go? The ruminations consumed him.

It wasn’t fair.

She was the one who wasn’t being loyal.

How would she feel if he . . . ?

He was going round and round again.

He had let the worries drift away earlier. But Charley’s insistence unearthed all the unpleasant, gnawing thoughts. He had been content enough to forget it.

Now he couldn’t.