Bella placed a bucket under the leak. Why did it have to rain tonight? Philip wasn’t going to be happy when he awoke to a leaking roof. That was one of the many things she couldn’t fix in this house. Well, she probably could, but climbing on the roof with just the two little boys home wasn’t safe or smart.
She glanced to where the boys were playing by the fire. Downstairs had been much too cold to sleep at night. Bella marveled that Philip hadn’t emerged yet, freezing.
Thankfully the rain had stopped for the moment. She glanced out the window to see that the sun was almost down and it was time to put the boys down for the night.
“Boys, it’s time for bed.”
“Already?” Caleb asked with a frown. “But we never got to see, Philip.”
“I know. Philip is extremely tired. Riding for the Pony Express is hard work. He’ll be awake in the morning when you get up.”
Mark looked up. “Aunt Bella, I’m hungry.”
Bella shook her head. The boy couldn’t be hungry. For supper they’d eaten ham, canned new potatoes, fresh bread with butter and canned apples. Hazel had stopped by before dark and brought both the boys gingersnap cookies. “No, you are looking for an excuse to stay up. Now, stop making excuses. Put your toys away and we’ll go to the outhouse before we go to bed.”
They put the toys in the box she’d supplied and went to get their coats from the hooks by the door. Bella grinned. She’d worked hard to bend the nails into hooks and hammer them low so the boys could reach them. Bella intended to leave the nails there and just add new ones above those as they grew. It would be fun in later years to see how small the boys were when they’d moved here.
Mark looked at her. “Aren’t you coming, too?” He pulled his gloves out of the coat pockets and began putting them on.
Bella giggled. “Yes, I was just woolgathering.” She walked to the hooks and pulled down her own coat. Bella put her gloves on, too.
This was their routine. Put away toys, go to the outhouse, come in, get drinks of water, then settle down for a story, prayers and sleep. For the first time since she’d taken custody of the boys, Bella felt as if she was doing the right thing.
She handed Caleb the candle to hold while she raised the bar from the door. As soon as it was open, he handed it back and then raced Mark across the yard to the outhouse. They jumped over the many puddles that had accumulated with the afternoon rain.
While Mark was inside, Caleb said, “I wanted to see Philip tonight.”
She placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know you did, sweetie, but he is very tired. Riding a horse for several days is hard work. We need to let him rest.”
Mark flung the door open and announced, “I’m going to ride horses on Uncle Thomas’s ranch someday.”
Caleb hurried inside the dark latrine. “I don’t want to ride horses all day.”
“I do. Uncle Thomas said we were going to raise cows and that I’d get to help round up the babies.”
“Calves,” Caleb called from inside.
Mark nodded. “Yeah, calves.” His small voice always filled with wonder when he spoke of the ranch that Thomas and Josephine hoped to own someday.
Bella enjoyed this time with the boys. Caleb came out of the outhouse with a little more dignity than Mark had. “What do you want to do?” she asked him.
“I don’t know for sure, but whatever it is, I’ll have fun, too.” He looked at his little brother. “I’ll race you back!”
And away they went.
“Don’t get my floors muddy. Wipe your feet!” she called after them.
Bella followed, carrying the light. While they were outside the sun had sunk even farther and it was beginning to sprinkle again. She looked up into the heavens and allowed several drops to land on her face. “Thank You, Lord, for holding the rain back so the boys could come outside.”
Her gaze returned to the porch, where the boys were wiping their feet. “Wait for me,” she called, wanting to make sure that their boots were clean of mud before they entered the house.
Just as she stepped onto the porch, the rain began to fall steadily. “Let me see the bottoms of your boots, boys.” Just as she suspected, they were covered in mud. “Take them off and set them beside the door.
Bella pulled off her gloves and began to unlace her own boots. The boys pulled theirs off quickly, but she had to work the buttons on hers.
“Can we go in, Aunt Bella? It’s cold out here.” Caleb rubbed his stocking feet one on top of the other.
“Yes, but don’t run or make any noise. Remember Philip is trying to sleep downstairs.”
Caleb nodded. “We’ll be quiet.” He pushed the door open and then yelled, “Philip!”
“Yay! Philip is awake!” Mark ran into the house behind his brother.
The sound of Philip’s laughter floated out onto the porch. Bella smiled. She’d missed his laughter. Her fingers trembled as she continued unbuttoning her boots. Cold quickly seeped into her fingers and caused them to work slower.
“Where’s Bella?” Philip asked.
“Outside. She’s taking her boots off,” Caleb answered.
It was nice that he’d thought to ask about her, Bella thought, pulling off the first boot. She bent down and began to work on the other boot. The sound of Philip and the boys talking drifted out the open door.
Bella focused on the buttons. Her fingers now felt as if sharp needles were going into them. She pressed on.
“Here, let me help.” Philip’s warm hand covered hers.
She looked up into his blue eyes. “Thank you.” Bella moved her hands away, missing his warmth immediately.
Philip made quick work of the buttons. He slipped the boot from her foot. “If you walk on this wet porch, your stockings will get wet.” Not giving her time to protest, he swept her up into his arms and carried her over the threshold.
Bella felt her face flush with embarrassment. He gently set her down and smiled. She looked to the boys, who had their nightclothes on and were sitting on their pallets.
Mark held his favorite book, The Remarkable Story of Chicken Little. His head was tilted sideways as if he was contemplating something important.
“Go hold your hands to the heat and I’ll get you a cup of coffee to help warm you up,” Philip instructed.
Bella walked to the fire and sat down on the quilt beside Mark. “How about we start your story while I wait for my drink?” she asked, trying to act as if everything was normal, even though her heart was pounding in her chest.
Both boys nodded their heads. Caleb laid back and put his arms under his head. Mark imitated his older brother.
Bella read the story aloud, pleased her voice didn’t betray her inner emotions. Why did she feel so shaky inside? Philip carrying her inside shouldn’t have caused these feelings. Mentally Bella tried to push them away. She was not going to fall in love with her husband. He didn’t want anything except her friendship and she didn’t want to be hurt again by giving her heart to a man.
* * *
Philip took his time getting the coffee. He listened to the sweet sound of Bella’s voice as she read the story to the little boys. She knew when to read excitedly and when to lower her voice. Memories of his mother reading to him filled his mind. Philip missed his mother and father. Even though his father would rather have died than to stay with him and live, Philip loved the man he remembered before he’d seen him die.
He handed Bella her coffee. Philip nodded to the boys. “Good night, boys.” He turned on his heels and headed back down to the cold bedroom.
There he sat in the middle of the bed with the quilt wrapped tightly around him. He forced himself to remember the whispers of the women at the orphanage. They said his dad had gone insane after his mother died. That his heart had broken so badly that he died, too. Philip refused to love that deeply. He and Bella were friends, only friends. That was what they’d agreed on. That was what he planned to stick with. He couldn’t love so deeply that it would drive him insane if she died.
Several hours later, Philip crept back up the stairs. The house was quiet. Bella and the boys were sleeping beside the fireplace. They looked like a pile of puppies. He grinned, then tiptoed to the kitchen area.
His stomach growled loudly. Philip knew that Bella always had bread around. He searched the countertop and found a plate of food sitting there. His gaze moved back to Bella. She’d made sure that when he was ready there would be food for him to eat.
He carried the plate to the table and uncovered it. Bread, sliced ham and three small pickles were on the plate and a small bowl rested in the center. Philip picked up the bowl and sniffed. Apples and cinnamon greeted his nose.
His gaze moved to the pail Bella was using to catch rainwater. As he ate, his gaze moved around the house. He noticed several other pails that had caught rainwater. That meant the roof needed repairing. He thanked the Lord that Bella hadn’t tried to climb up and fix it.
After eating, he quietly emptied each bucket of rainwater out the back door. The cold rain continued to fall, causing him to shiver. Philip went back downstairs and grabbed the quilt and pillow off the bed. He hurried back up and closed the door to the lower part of the house.
He folded the quilt to make a cushioned bed for himself. Philip used the final fold as a cover. He snuggled down into his warm bed. For several long minutes Philip listened to the steady breathing of his new family. The responsibility of three people weighed heavily upon him. Would he be able to provide for them? Care for their basic needs and not grow to love them?
In a way, he knew it was silly to cling to old fears. People died every day. He’d even heard of several who had taken their own lives, like his father had. Philip didn’t want to believe he’d be weak should he fall in love with his family, but still… It was crazy, but he didn’t know how not to feel this way.
Angry, Philip turned his face to the fireplace and punched the pillow several times in frustration. Knowing something was silly and not knowing how to deal with it was enough to drive a sane man insane.
For the first time in many years, Philip wished he had someone to talk to about his fears and emotions. He closed his eyes and willed sleep to overtake him so that he could start tomorrow pretending that nothing bothered him. That he was perfectly normal and was leading a normal life.