The journals were laid out on the ludicrously comfortable guest bed. Holly sat cross-legged in front of them, debating where to start. Her mind had been scrambled ever since she’d seen the suggestive drawing of Victoria.
On the way back, barely a word had been spoken between them. Victoria had asked several times if Holly was okay. Holly had tried to offer assurances that she was fine. Judging from Victoria’s displeased expression, she wasn’t an accomplished liar.
When they got back, Holly had insisted on carrying the boxes herself. She had almost banned Victoria from even coming near them. She had no idea what other surprises they might contain. Holly was terrified that a flimsy box might break open and spill her secrets at Victoria’s feet.
Victoria had skulked off to her office. That left Holly to carry all the boxes to the guestroom and spread out the intriguing journals in front of her. She’d organised them by date order, but nothing more.
She couldn’t have possibly wished for more. She had a complete transcript of all her thoughts, wishes, dreams, desires, sadness, and plans. Written in her own hand.
She’d always suspected that obsessive diary keeping was not just a result of her accident. Now she had proof. She had always compulsively kept diaries.
The first one started when she was eight and received a new pen for Christmas. The last was written about a week before she left for Paris. It seemed she had a habit of writing on scraps of paper and taping them into the main journal, especially when she was travelling. She wondered if she had journaled her time in Paris, that would be a fascinating read.
But she knew she already had enough to get through. She had to decide where to start. Part of her wanted to pick up the most recent journal and work her way backwards. She was desperate to examine the nature of her relationship with her now-former boss.
On the other hand, she didn’t want to ignore the rest of her life. Her parents, childhood, schooling, college and beyond. But then the idea of reading solidly for a week just to get to the part where she could uncover her obvious feelings for Victoria didn’t appeal to her either.
Her emotions were running high. The sudden flash of recalling her parents and grandparents was fresh in her mind. She couldn’t remember everything, just a strong sensation. It was more a feeling of remembering rather than actual recollection. There was still a lot missing, but she felt safer in the knowledge that her memories were in there somewhere.
She let out a deep breath and looked around the guestroom. Victoria was a mystery to her. A delightful one, but a mystery nonetheless. She desperately wanted to know more. She had to know more.
She picked up the journal that fell during the year of her starting at Arrival.
The journal taught her about her girlfriend, Kate. The pair had moved to New York with fantastical dreams of making their fortunes. Kate wanted to be a world-renowned chef. Holly wanted to be a world-renowned writer. They rented an apartment in a bad neighbourhood, with an unwavering belief that they would reach their dreams and quickly escape.
It only took a few pages for Kate to be working a low-paid job in a restaurant. It was a rung on the ladder. Sadly, the same wasn’t true for Holly. She was turned down for every job she applied for. Money was getting tight.
Kate pressed Holly to take any job to cover their mounting bills and debts. It seemed that, although they had both come to New York in search of their dreams, Holly was expected to give up on her ambitions and take whatever job she could get. They fought. A lot.
Holly flipped a few pages on. She couldn’t stand to read the despair from her former self. Suddenly, she saw the word “Arrival” and stopped skimming.
She’d been offered a job working for someone named Victoria Hastings. It was obvious she didn’t want the job, or even the interview. But it was a last resort and at least somewhere near her chosen field.
The interview was horrendous. Victoria made her feel small and useless, but eventually she gave her a trial, simply through utter desperation, as her last second assistant had walked out without notice.
She worked with someone named Louise. Louise was the first assistant and never let Holly forget that. Between Victoria and Louise, she was miserable. There were tales of how awful her job was and how much she hated Victoria.
The entries became less frequent. When she did write, it was to vent her anguish at her job and her relationship.
Eventually, Holly had done something right. She was trusted with the keys to Victoria’s house and the duties of waiting late each night for the Book to be prepared. She’d then deliver the Book to Victoria’s house, hoping that she never bumped into the woman as she did.
The extra hours in the office allowed her more time to write in her journal, but the entries were difficult to stomach. Victoria was a monster to her second assistant and nothing Holly did was good enough.
In a few short weeks, Holly had adapted everything about herself in order to try to fit in. Her clothes, her hair, her makeup, and her attitude all changed in an attempt to appease Victoria. But nothing worked.
Respite came in the form of a new friend, Gideon. He was a lifeline and seemingly the only sane person at Arrival. He helped Holly to change her outfits so that they suited her style and wouldn’t offend Victoria’s delicate sensibilities. He explained the business and soothed her emotions when Victoria had been overly harsh.
Then one night, Holly was waiting for the Book alone in the office. It was the anniversary of her parents’ death, a date that always cast a long shadow over her day. Victoria glided into the office, returning from dinner with one of the lead advertisers. She stopped in front of Holly’s desk and said in an impossibly quiet voice, “I know it’s none of my business, but I am truly sorry for your loss.” And then she sent Holly home early.
She had no idea how Victoria knew, she wondered if Gideon had given her a heads-up. It heralded the first time that Victoria had been a human being to her. The event truly affected Holly, and she started to analyse Victoria’s words and behaviours in more detail. Now that she suspected that Victoria had a heart underneath the ice, she looked more critically at her boss’ actions. With a little detective work, she realised that Victoria’s dragon persona was mainly an act.
Holly began to see why Victoria acted the way she did. She understood that Victoria wasn’t demanding a schedule change just to be awkward, she was trying to get home to Alexia who was sick. She didn’t fire the wardrobe manager on a whim, he’d been harassing a model who was too frightened to make an official complaint. She didn’t want the latest must-have Apple accessory to prove she could get it before release, she wanted it to apologise to Hugo for being so absent during his exams.
The mask remained. To everyone else, Victoria was being her usual self. But Holly knew better. The one act of kindness had caused her to understand Victoria had a good heart and she was determined to not let Victoria push her away. She’d be the best assistant she could be.
By the end of the journal it was very clear that Holly’s opinion of Victoria had fundamentally changed, even if Victoria was as rude as ever. Journal Holly waited for the day when she would finally break through the dragon’s thick skin.
In the here and now, she picked up the next journal. She knew how this one ended and was fascinated to know how she got there. A few pages in, it seemed that Kate’s career wasn’t going as well as she’d hoped. She wasn’t progressing, and she was miserable. Now she wanted to go back to culinary school. Moreover, she wanted Holly to get a better job so she could support the both of them while Kate trained.
Holly refused to leave Victoria. She never referred to her job as working at Arrival, it was always working for Victoria. Kate pushed hard for Holly to leave. They fought constantly. Her home life was in turmoil, but every morning she’d go into work and feel relieved that Victoria was there, being herself. A stabilising force in her life.
Victoria may have been mean, but she was driven, focused, wise, and strong. There were moments when she would turn to Holly and tell her that she needed to be more assertive, or hand her responsibility for a meeting. In her own strange way, she was telling Holly that she trusted her. She was helping Holly to become more.
Holly smiled as she read about herself coming to a realisation. She’d seen it coming. But it hit her former self like a brick wall. She was in love. Or, at the very least, in lust. In… something with her terrifying boss.
The diary entry that made the proclamation rambled on for four long pages. She seemed to wrestle with the idea. At one point, she wondered if she was suffering from Stockholm syndrome, or simply in awe of the power that the editor held. But no, by the end of the declaration, she had decided that it was love.
Holly closed her eyes to take it all in. Condensing so much of her life into such a short amount of time was a lot to take in one sitting.
The Victoria in the book and the woman she knew now seemed like completely different people. Her former self would have been euphoric to see her boss as Holly had been introduced to her. In many ways, Holly realised that her former self was right. There was a whole other person behind the mask. And now she was lucky enough to see that other person, the real Victoria Hastings. She wished she could go back in time and tell herself that she’d been right all along.
“Holly?”
Her eyes snapped open. Victoria stood by the door. Holly clapped the journal shut.
“H-hi, sorry, I didn’t hear you,” Holly said.
“Well, I practically shouted myself hoarse,” Victoria muttered.
Holly smiled. She knew that Victoria had probably only called her a couple of times in her soft voice.
“Sorry,” she repeated.
“I have spoken with Gideon. He would like to come for brunch tomorrow. If that is suitable?”
“Absolutely, I’m looking forward to meeting him.”
Victoria glanced with hesitation at the diaries. Holly knew that she must be dying of curiosity, but she didn’t want to get into that conversation. There was too much damning evidence inside the leather-bound tomes.
“And my children will be home tomorrow afternoon. They are aware of the situation and they understand. Well, as much as a fourteen- and eight-year-old can understand.”
“I look forward to meeting them, too,” Holly said. It was true. She was very curious to know more about the children.
“Very well, I’ll leave you to it.” Victoria left the room.
Holly waited until she heard Victoria get to the top of the stairs before picking up the journal again. She was eager to read more. She needed to find out exactly what she had said and done, if anything, about her growing feelings for Victoria.
In the back of her mind she wondered if anything had ever happened. There was a slim chance that something had, and now Victoria was pretending it hadn’t. But Holly didn’t think that was something Victoria would do.
She took a slow, deep breath before reopening the journal. She had a lot of catching up to do.