Chapter Ten
once a time when I thought coming home smelling like fried plantains every other day would be a perk.
After sitting on the bus stuck in prom season’s daily “rush to the mall” traffic jam for over an hour on my way back from my closing shift, I’m so exhausted that I don’t even notice the living room lights are on.
It’s not until I’m wrapped in just a towel, making my way to the bathroom down the hall, that I realize someone else is in the house. Somewhere in the living room, I can hear light footsteps padding over the carpet. Breath hitching, I reach for the closest weapon I can find—a decorative vase holding a fake lotus flower—and slowly approach the intruder. I halt at the end of the hallway, holding the vase against my chest as I wait for any sign of where they might be, when someone suddenly comes around the corner.
“It’s about time you—”
Mami’s greeting is completely swallowed by the sound of my scream. For all my planning, I don’t actually do anything with the vase, just hold it against my body and shout bloody murder until I open my eyes and realize the intruder is just my mom.
“Jesus, you almost gave me a heart attack.” Mami yanks the vase out of my hand.
“Sorry,” I mumble, resting a hand over my racing heart. No point in telling her I was quicker to believe someone had broken into our house than that she was home. “I thought you were working tonight?”
She groans after setting the vase aside on a nearby end table. “I had an awful migraine when I woke up, so I called in sick.” That explains the sweatpants and messy bun. Even when she’s wearing scrubs, Mami insists on mascara, lipstick, and hoops. “Come into the living room when you’re done showering. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”
The feeling is mutual.
Hope blooms in my chest as I give her a nod and a smile before heading into the bathroom. It’s been over a month since we’ve had a night in together, but I don’t let myself jump to conclusions. Lest we forget, last time I thought we’d be hanging out she bailed on me. After my shower, I half expect to find the living room empty and yet another frozen meal or take-out container on the dining table with a note to not wait up. Maybe a lipstick kiss on the note if she’s feeling generous. Another night alone. Another night of silence.
But she’s still there, wrapped in a throw blanket on the couch with Nurse Oatmeal, who’s gotten ahold of poor Otis the Otter. Before Mami can notice me, I pinch the inside of my elbow just to be safe. Sure enough, it’s not a dream.
“These two need to just call it quits already,” Mami says, gesturing to the couple on the TV once she’s clocked my presence. “They’re so toxic.”
Most of the couples on our latest guilty pleasure, Married to My Ex’s Ex, would be considered toxic, but there’s a special place in hell reserved for Mariana and David, who left their fiancé and fiancée, respectively, at the altar for each other.
“They do in the next episode,” I tell her as I sit down beside her, Nurse Oatmeal giving up on Otis and coming over to sit on my lap instead. “Sorry, spoilers.”
Mami gives me a tight-lipped smile. Was I supposed to wait for her to keep watching? Because if I did, we’d be weeks behind, and social media is spoiler central. No way I was getting spoiled.
We sit in silence as Mariana kicks David out of their apartment for texting an ex behind her back, on the edge of our seats as she sets fire to his clothes after throwing them out on the front lawn. Mami pulls me closer and runs her fingers through my damp hair, weaving it into a loose braid I can wear to bed for perfect natural curls in the morning. In between gasps, we pass a container of dumplings back and forth like popcorn.
“Work been okay?” Mami asks during the commercial break, reaching for a carton of lo mein. An incoming notification lights up her phone—a new message on one of her various dating apps. Several messages, based on the number of stacked notifications she has on her home screen. My heart clenches, ready for her to focus on them instead, but she locks her phone and turns back to me. The tension quickly melts away. She still chose me. “Tony’s not driving you crazy?”
Tío Tony may have a foot in height and a hundred pounds of muscle on Mami, but I have no doubt she’d put her baby brother in his place if she needed to.
“It’s been good.” I can see her visibly relax at the reassurance. “And he only has one other waitress, so he can’t get rid of me that easy.” Without me, he’d have to wait tables himself.
Mami grins, pulling me in by the shoulder to press a kiss to my temple. “Think you’ll make enough for both of us to retire soon? These overnight shifts are killing me.”
I snort, leaning into her warmth and resting my head on her shoulder. The comforting smell of Chanel NO5 and Fabuloso makes my limbs heavy with an exhaustion I haven’t let myself feel in weeks. “No dice. I’ll be lucky if I can afford a used car this century.”
Mami clucks her tongue as she waves off my concerns. “We’ll find you something,” she insists, and for once, car ownership doesn’t feel like a pipe dream. If there’s one thing Mami’s proven after more than a decade as a single mother, it’s that she can get shit done, money or no money.
“Speaking of which…” Mami leaps off the couch with a knowing smile and rushes to her room. She returns with a large white shopping bag filled with red tissue paper, setting it down in front of me. “I got you a little something.”
I tear through the paper like a kid on Christmas Day, Nurse Oatmeal happily taking the scraps into a corner to tear apart. Beneath the paper is a carefully folded scarlet hoodie, my stomach dropping as I realize what it is before I’ve even pulled it out of the bag.
“I forgot that you didn’t have one yet,” Mami says with a squeal as I hold up the Rutgers hoodie. “And I got this one for me!” She pulls another hoodie out from behind her back, the same scarlet shade. Rutgers Mom is written across the chest in white cursive font. “We can match on move-in day!”
Flashes of my epic Marco’s celebration come rushing back, the pure elation I’d felt as Joaquin and I reread my Sarah Lawrence letter out loud to Jenny and the line cooks. I’d considered texting Mami then, telling her about my acceptance. But with her heart so set on me going to Rutgers, I knew it was the type of conversation that’d be easier to have in person. But I didn’t expect three days to go by without seeing her.
I also didn’t expect her to buy us matching Rutgers hoodies.
My mouth hangs open in surprise, the truth threatening to tumble out of me at any second. I can see Mami’s smile and the elated glimmer in her eyes. For the first time since I visited the campus, I wonder if Sarah Lawrence is actually worth it—if making my mom this excited is worth more than a gut feeling. The pure joy I’d felt on Friday sours, dreams of sitting on the lawn discussing Tennessee Williams with friends in between classes morphing into nightmares where I’m somehow even more alone there than I feel here, without either of my best friends or my family to fall back on.
Suddenly, Sarah Lawrence doesn’t seem so perfect.
I press my lips into a tight line, urging my confession to go right back to where it came from. This is the first normal night we’ve had together in over a month. Obviously, I’ve missed spending time with Mami, but I didn’t realize just how much until I had her here, sharing dumplings and braiding my hair while watching reality TV. I can’t just ruin the one night I’ve actually felt comfortable in my own house in weeks by telling her I might move to New York instead of staying close by like she and every other member of our family did before her. Bronxville isn’t that far, but it’s a whole hell of a lot farther than any of my tías, tíos, and cousins have gone.
Like that afternoon at Marco’s, I’m pushed by an uncontrollable force. A desperate need to grip this moment before it slips away from me. I still have another two weeks until I have to send in the registration deposit to confirm my spot, I tell myself as I hold the hoodie up against my chest. Plenty of time to figure out what I want to do with my future. And when I do, I’ll be honest with Mami. I’ll leave the future for another day to focus on the present.
“Can’t wait,” I reply.
Mami squeals in delight. She pulls on her own hoodie before gesturing for me to try mine on. It’s a perfect fit. She claps her hands as she joins me on the couch again, running a hand along the arm of my sweater. “We’ve gotta send a picture to your abuela.”
We pose for a selfie, making sure the Rutgers signature R logo is front and center. My face feels wooden, but the filter Mami applies to the photo makes me into a perfect, dewy angel. She presses a wet kiss to my cheek after sending the photo off to Abuela with the caption New Scarlet Knight in the family!!!!
“I’m so proud of you, mama,” she whispers, handing me the last dumpling as Mariana and David take over the screen again.
All I can do is smile and shove the dumpling into my mouth before I can ruin the moment. The pork and fried dough feel heavy as bricks in my stomach.
The only thing she should be proud of is what a good liar I’ve become.