Looking at the man standing before me was like staring into my future, if I didn’t cut my hair for a few months, and grew a goatee beard, and even more of a belly.
‘You need to get the hell out of here,’ he said, as he held two children by the hand.
The older one, who could have been about four or five, looked up at his father with big eyes. ‘Daddy,’ he cried. ‘What is it?’
The smaller child stood there rubbing his eyes as if all he wanted was to go back to bed. Mrs Green stepped forwards, bent down and picked up the little one, while the man stooped to pick up the older child, who began crying the second he was in his father’s arms.
‘Hey, buddy,’ the man said and nuzzled the boy’s cheek. ‘Everything’s going to be fine.’ The tone in his voice suggested otherwise. He was worried. Very worried.
‘But you’re shaking,’ the boy said.
‘Shh.’
As soon as I’d put the phone down with Chris I’d dressed and run as fast as I could the few streets over to where I’d last seen him. When I got there, panting, Chris was standing in front of an old, silver people carrier with his hands up, not letting it leave.
The man who had been trying to drive off jumped out and began to remonstrate with him when I turned up.
We both caught sight of each other in the same moment. I was expecting to see someone who could be Robert Green. Instead I was greeted by the man I’d been seeking for months.
‘You need to fucking go,’ he said again, his voice rising in panic. He turned and pushed the children towards the woman who’d opened the door to us a few hours previously. I could hear the children crying as their mother tried to cajole them inside the vehicle. ‘Liz, get them in the car. Quick, honey.’
‘Thomas, it’s me,’ I said. ‘Your wee brother, John.’
‘Why are you doing this?’ He moved closer to me, hands clenched into fists. ‘What did you think was going to happen? Happy fucking families?’
I hadn’t taken much time since I’d started this search to think through what our reunion might look like. I’d thought the chances of it were remote.
‘You are Thomas Docherty?’ Chris asked.
‘Thomas Docherty died a long time ago,’ he said quietly, his gaze dropping to the ground. Then he looked at Chris as if he had managed to steel himself to face whatever was coming. ‘And who the hell are you?’
‘Chris Docherty,’ he replied. ‘I wasn’t born when you disappeared.’
‘Jesus,’ Thomas said, his expression carved through with worry. ‘Look, this is all very nice and shit, but we need to get the hell out of here.’
Chris held his hands out. ‘If you really want to go we can’t stop you. I only delayed you so John could see you before you vanished.’ With that he stepped back onto the kerb. I wanted to scream at him, What the hell are you doing? But his words had the desired effect; Thomas’s anxiety seemed to drop a level.
‘I’m sorry, John,’ Thomas turned to me. ‘You look like you’ve turned out alright. You both do,’ he said as he glanced at Chris. ‘But I’m not the…’ He shook his head. ‘I’m no longer who you think I am.’ Then he looked into my eyes. ‘Thomas died and became Rob Green a long time ago. And that can’t change.’
‘Okay.’ I stepped back, feeling small. ‘I hear you.’
‘Before you go,’ Chris said, and his words and tone again felt like they were calculated to put Thomas more at ease. ‘Can I ask: are you running away from the Marinellos?’
Thomas huffed. He looked into the distance and back to Chris, his expression suggesting to me that Chris had not quite hit the mark, but that he was close.
‘All I’m going to say is I can’t be here.’ Then he looked at me. ‘You both can’t be here, or things will come out that will land me in jail.’ His face was pale under the neon streetlight. ‘It took us long enough to have kids. I can’t not be a dad to them … after what happened to me.’
I let that roll across my mind.
‘Where are you going to go?’ I asked. I’d found my brother only to lose him all over again.
‘I can’t say,’ Thomas said, his eyes heavy with apology. ‘To be honest, I don’t really know yet. I was just going to get in the car and drive. But these people have eyes everywhere. I just need to be gone, I knew it as soon as I’d heard you’d been here. As soon as I knew someone had found me.’
‘I’m really sorry,’ I said, but I was finding myself overwhelmed. We’d found our brother. He was alive. And by the looks of him he’d been thriving. I studied him, seeing myself and Dad in his gestures, the shape his mouth made as he listened, the angle of his shoulders. I had to put a hand on the vehicle to steady myself.
‘You okay, John?’ Chris asked. We exchanged a look and I could see he was every bit as thrown by this development as I was. But he was handling it much better.
I managed a nod while keeping my eyes focussed on Thomas, as if shifting my attention would mean this event would end.
‘You need somewhere to hide, right?’ Chris turned to face Thomas.
‘Well … yeah,’ Thomas replied.
‘You’ve been hiding…’ Chris turned around and with an outstretched arm he indicated the family’s recently departed home ‘… in plain sight for a while now. Why change a perfectly good tactic?’
‘Meaning?’ Thomas asked.
‘I know a place,’ Chris replied.
‘I’m not sure…’ Thomas tailed off as his wife left the car and came to stand by his side.
‘You okay, honey?’ she asked.
He replied with an uncertain nod of his head.
‘What do you know about Elsa Brown?’ I asked.
Chris glared at me and both Thomas and Liz looked alarmed.
‘Please don’t tell me you’ve been to see Elsa?’ Thomas demanded.
‘She died,’ Chris said, after shooting me another look.
They gasped, but they looked more concerned for a friend than scared.
‘How?’ Thomas asked. He and Liz looked at each other and it was clear even in the weak light that her eyes were already heavy with tears.
‘She had a fall in her house,’ Chris replied and gave them the full details.
‘Poor Elsa,’ Liz said, her hand at her throat.
Chris and I looked at each other.
‘She was your friend?’ I asked.
‘Wouldn’t say that exactly, but we wouldn’t have made it back up here without her,’ Thomas replied.
‘What exactly was her part in—’ I began to ask, but Chris interrupted.
‘Not the time or place, John. We need to get these people off the street.’
‘We can trust you?’ Thomas looked from Chris to me, as if my opinion carried more weight. It said to me: You are the family I remember. There’s a connection, you won’t mean me or mine harm. And I was taken aback by the burst of love I felt for this man I’d only ever seen before in a photograph.
‘Yes,’ I replied, emotion clenching my throat. ‘Absolutely.’ I turned to Chris. ‘Where are you taking them?’
‘They can have my room at the hotel. I’ll move back in with you.’
‘Right,’ I said and made to go home for my car. ‘I’ll join you there.’
Chris held a hand up. ‘No, I don’t think that’s wise.’
Chris moved in close, speaking quietly. ‘They’ve have had a bit of a shock, and they are clearly worried about what is happening next. A big family reunion on top of that is just too much stress for anyone to handle.’
‘You’re family too.’
‘Yeah, but…’ he began.
I understood: he’d managed to maintain an emotional distance in all of this so far, and would therefore be less of a drain on everyone. I looked from him to Thomas, hoping he’d ask me to come with them. But Chris put a hand on my chest. ‘At this point, this is not about you, John, or us. Let them settle in, get a night’s sleep and you can come over tomorrow.’
Thomas nodded, his expression harried. ‘You must have so many questions, John,’ he said.
‘Understatement of the year,’ I replied.
‘Chris is right,’ Thomas said. ‘As Chris says, let us settle in and I promise you, when we meet up, I’ll tell you everything you need to know.’