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“COME ON, YOU THORN. No more moping. There has to be something out here.”
I think I miss being injured.
My leg had healed in time for the onset of fall, though it felt more like winter. The cold at times bit through my still thickening fur, and that was without the wind and rain we’d had the last few days. Much of our prey must have had the same problem, for hunting had proven difficult, even for a healed wolf. That said, we would have to keep trying, or we’d have no chance of eating.
I stretched myself loose, then followed Estrella outside into dead quiet. Most of the birds had already migrated, including the mockingbird. Even the wind was still for a change. Leaves covered the ground as if trying to outdo the snow yet to come, yet the trees sported many more waiting for their turn to fall, not one of them green.
“Not a good beginning,” I said.
“Have a little faith,” Estrella said.
I wish I had your optimism.
I led the way along my usual hunting trails, winding through my limited territory. They had always produced enough game to keep me fed before. Today, however, every hole I checked, every bend I scratched at, not one had any sign of a meal. At one point, I stuck my nose inside a hole as if I might will prey to be there. I found it so long abandoned, there wasn’t even an old scent left.
I pulled my head out and shook the dust off while grunting frustration. “Nothing. A whole family of rabbits just gone. That little bit of faith is fading fast.”
Estrella tried to say something. Instead she just sighed.
Someone else spoke for her.
“I’m afraid that’s my fault.”
My ears perked toward a voice I knew all too well. The old wolf came from behind a tree, looking as healthy as ever, though his fur was just as bloodless as ours. Not encouraging.
Didn’t change the swish in my tail to see he had survived. “Carlin. I thought you were dead.”
Carlin tilted his head at me with a flick of his ear. “This matters to you? I thought you wanted to be alone.” He looked past me, focusing on Estrella. “And now I wonder. Earned some forgiveness, have we?”
Estrella just about fell over laughing. “You obviously don’t know him. He didn’t earn forgiveness. I forced it on him.”
“Quite a feat for one so young. You must be Estrella.”
“And you must be Carlin.”
I’m going to be sick.
I rolled my eyes, trying not to snap. Just what I need. Estrella with a reason to talk. I stepped out from between them before I got caught in the middle. For some reason, this killed their conversation on the spot. Estrella returned to my side, making a point of not looking at me. Carlin followed as well, not saying a word in the same way.
Then a sigh sounded from the old wolf. Should have known he wouldn’t stay silent.
“Still carrying that wound, I see. You really going to do this?”
I stayed silent, partly because I wasn’t sure what he meant. Maybe it’d be enough to get them to let me just hunt for a change. Free from distractions, conversations, and “old wounds.” Carlin ran ahead and gave a short growl, forcing me to stop and lift my tail before he assumed a place in my territory that he did not possess.
Carlin only stood and glared. “Are you so intent on being alone you won’t listen to me?”
“I’m not alone,” I said. “Estrella and I run together now. We are as one pack.”
I had to think to keep my tail up. Where did that come from? It felt so natural, I didn’t give it any thought until I’d said it. The words felt good in my mouth. If only I could figure out what it had been, or when things had changed.
Meanwhile, Carlin’s ears had gone straight up. His eyes had grown too. I didn’t dare look at Estrella. I’d never shut her up.
“Well, well,” Carlin said. “Estrella, you’ve managed quite a feat. I expected to find this one curled in his den, brooding about some rat that had bitten his tail.”
My tail managed to go straighter, and my growl spoke of death lest Carlin say another word. “Careful, old one. My patience has limits.”
Carlin stood still, tail level in that frozen look often seen before a charge, but a growl never formed. Instead, his ears and tail fell, though the tail never tucked.
“I’m sorry, Luna,” Carlin said. “You’re right. That was uncalled for.”
I allowed my own tail to fall. I knew that further confrontation would bring me nothing, except a souring of the fact that Carlin had come away from that night much as he’d entered it. For once, I didn’t try to tell myself I didn’t find joy in it.
I stepped closer to say something, though I hadn’t decided what yet. Before I could, I saw movement just past the old wolf. A patch of leaves that had been mud not long ago appeared to shift of its own accord. I moved forward to get a better look, ignoring my companions for the moment.
The patch of leaves had grown so deep, my paw sank to my ankle before I found ground. The trees above lay bare, save for a nest or two left from spring. I kept moving. I was only getting glimpses of movement, yet my nose could find nothing to account for it.
My ears filled in the gaps. When a leaf jumped in the air, seemingly on its own, my body froze while my ears kept going. They found familiar sounds of skittering and quiet squeaks. I recognized the sound just before I saw the first one sweep across the leaves.
“Field mice!” Estrella said.
I could hear Carlin’s breath deepening beside me. Saw him lick his lips more than once too. I turned my ears back at him while focusing at Estrella.
“Have a little faith,” I said.
“That’s what I keep saying,” she said.
I allowed a quick ruff of amusement. Might get me to believe yet. “All right, Carlin, you want me to stop living my life alone? Here’s your chance. We work together, try to keep the mice between us, and we don’t stop till our legs melt.”
Carlin’s jaws opened to show fangs wet with drool. “Just say when, Luna.”
I allowed an amused ear flick, then licked my jaws dry. “Follow me in. By Wolfor, we’re going to have a meal after all.”
Leaves were cast into the air as we charged in. The first mouse never saw me until he was halfway down my throat. I swung a paw at another, and though I missed, Carlin didn’t. He dug his head ear deep into a leaf pile, then came up with two mice going down in quick snaps. Estrella meanwhile was sending leaves back into the trees digging after her own. She stopped only to catch one mouse that tried to run past her.
More went sprinting toward the trees, and I tore through leaves after them. They tried to retreat under, but I jabbed my muzzle in much like a woodpecker, managing to catch a few. I shook the leaves off my face, then leapt nose first after another sound of more. My catches often came with twig or leaf, but it was worth the meal.
If one could call it a meal. The three of us tore the field apart, catching anything we could. We tried to keep ourselves spaced so the mice would stay between us, but with the chases and muzzle dives, the plan quickly collapsed. Carlin even caught my tail once as it twitched under the leaves while I lied in wait for a pounce. I brushed it off without a word and still caught my target, but the mice were finding holes or escape routes as fast as we were swallowing them. It wasn’t long before the catches dwindled into none. We continued to try until we saw little and heard less. We remained still for a while after, hoping to find a few more. When the silence felt like it was crushing us, a unanimous sigh admitted we’d caught all we were going to.
“Any other ideas?” I said at last.
Estella turned her ears back to admit she had none. Carlin scanned the field once more before growling through a sigh.
“Rest for tomorrow,” he said. “This forest will give us nothing more today.”
“I think we can blame the humans for that,” I said.
Carlin flicked an annoyed ear, which I took as agreement. “Whatever the cause, we’re better off being fresh for our next hunt. Perhaps the three of us can take down a demon doe.”
“Demon doe?” Estrella asked.
“She’s huge for being a female. Has the courage of a buck twice her size.”
“And a pair of hind legs to make up for the lack of antlers.”
“I see you met her.”
Estrella turned her head to show a swatch of fur missing from the back of her neck. My stomach churned when I remembered the day she came back with blood soaking her fur. She’d tried to downplay it, but I’d gotten her to admit that this “demon doe” had just missed a lethal blow. She’d gone on to describe a beast that sounded strong enough to kick down a tree. Between the wound and the tale, my stomach had churned then too. I couldn’t bear the thought of another wolf getting killed trying to care for me
Carlin huffed at the injury. “You’re one lucky wolf.”
Estrella shook herself as if shaking away the comment. “Luck had little to do with it. I saw the kick coming. I just didn’t expect it to be that... effective.”
“Lucky, yet prideful. Interesting mix.”
Oh, please don’t...
“What’s so interesting about it?” Estrella said.
Are the humans back yet?
With them not around to save me, I made my escape before the argument started. I trotted all the way back to my den so they could have it out on their own, half expecting them to go at it all day. Wolfor knows Carlin is stubborn enough, and Estrella talkative. They might go on till spring.
By the time the others rejoined me, the sun was just reaching the mountains. The temperature dropped as usual, though for once, the winds remained calm. Estrella flopped beside me while Carlin eased down next to the old tree where my cache lay.
“All finished?” I said.
Estrella held her head high. “Carlin seems to think I’m dangerous.”
“Only to rivals,” Carlin said. “I pity anyone trying to force themselves on her, or you, Luna.”
“Not much chance of that,” I said.
After all, I was still a “lone wolf.” If it weren’t for Estrella’s odd reasons, I’d still be living the solitary life my banishment intended. The more I thought about that, the stronger my ruffed chuckle grew. How ironic.
“Something you’d like to share, Luna?” Carlin asked.
The chuckle eased, but the warmth didn’t. “Just an odd chain of events. Look at us. Three wolves, living together, hunting together, each of us with a different reason for being out here away from our packs. I was banished for killing my brother, even though I never did. Estrella is here because she intends to be my mate and my mate alone. Carlin... why are you out here? You never did say what happened to you.”
Carlin’s ears flashed back, but the rest of him remained relaxed. “I was banished too. While my crime was real, it was also necessary for the pack's survival. You see, I killed my mother and two of her pups. She had caught the Rage Plague. She attacked everything, even went after humans. It threatened the pack, and my father couldn’t or wouldn’t act. I had no choice. I had to save the pack. When the pups showed the same signs, I killed them before they turned violent. Only Wolfor knows how I didn’t catch it myself.”
For a moment, I watched him like an elder teaching. Carlin looked back, his ears up and alert, no longer in pain. I had seen that look before only once. He was waiting to pass something on. His pain, or a lesson, I couldn’t say, but for the first time, Carlin looked his age.
I only wished I had more to offer him.
“You had to know what it would cost you,” I said.
Carlin turned his ears back again. “Small. My pack meant more. That is how it must be, Luna. The pack must come before the individual. Those with the blood of an alpha know this on instinct. You may find yourself in the same place someday.”
I huffed anger. That’ll be the day. “For a pack that cast me out? I think not.”
“I didn’t mean them, Luna. Though how odd that you did.”
Now he searched me for something. I waited for a snide comment, or some other point yet to be made. Instead, Carlin hummed, then laid his head on his paws. His eyes closed the next moment, entering sleep as only older wolves seemed able to do.
“You make good friends,” Estrella said. I tilted my head at her, a bit unsure. “Just noting how quick an old wolf is to lay his fur beside yours. I see why Rajor fears you.”
“Fears?” I ruffed, shook the weariness from my fur, and headed for the river. Estrella alone followed. “He doesn’t fear me. He hates me. Would probably like nothing better than to see me dead.”
Estrella stood by while I drank from waters cold enough to freeze soon. “Why do you think that is?”
I growled at her. No, not her. I was growling at the thoughts she had conjured up. She and Carlin were trying to take me back to someone I thought I’d left behind: a lone wolf at peace with his fate. In some ways, I preferred that version of myself. Yet in other ways, I was glad to see it gone. While the certainty of my status had brought an odd sense of peace, I couldn’t deny it felt good to have others around.
Even if one of them was an annoying female who, despite her gift of gab, was helping me face a few things.
“Does it matter?” I said. “He’s an alpha now. He has his pack. He doesn’t care about me anymore.”
“I thought you said he hates you. Which is it?”
I thought about pinning her. I knew it wouldn’t work, assuming I even could. “Whichever lets me sleep better.”
I walked past her, hoping to end the conversation. Estrella stayed with me, not bothering to drink. My insides again warred with themselves, trying to decide what they wanted most. I wanted to keep walking, ignore everything she was saying and doing. I wanted to sneak a nuzzle or a lick, as a thank you for the same thing. I wanted to think this was really happening. That somehow, I’d gained what I thought I’d never have. I wanted to believe that it would last.
I wanted to want it too. Except I had so many old wounds, the worst being Martol’s eyes that night, I couldn’t help wondering if I really did. I had grown to like my solitary life. I had all the amusement I needed watching the humans, and things were certainly simpler when I only had to worry about myself. Yet it had always come with a constant ache, like an itch I had no way to scratch. The memory of the void where my mother had been made it that much harder. After doing that to her, and after how I’d treated Estrella the first time, I had to wonder if I had a right to silence that “itch.”
I looked at Estrella, walking beside me, absolutely refusing to leave my side. Feeling that certainty, that fire radiating from her soul, began to melt away the doubt. I still couldn’t decide if I deserved it or not, but I was slowly warming to the idea of finding out.
I had almost decided on whether or not to thank her when Estrella stopped with her ears straight up. Without question, I knew she’d heard something, and I perked my ears the same way to try and catch it. I found heavy rustling nearby, too much for some random creature running through the leaves. Even if it were, it could lead to a kill.
When Estrella looked to me for permission, I answered by trotting toward the sound. She followed as we returned to the leaf mounds of before, mouths watering at the idea of a real kill. When we got there, we instead found other wolves digging in the same leaf pile we had picked clean. The majority of the commotion was the pups bettering their skills. I couldn’t recognize the distant adults, except for one who stood watch like only one wolf could.
Lonate had heard us long before we’d seen the pack. As far as I could tell, he hadn’t said anything, but when I saw Rajor among the leaves, I felt my hackles ruffle. His adult fur hadn’t changed much. Aside from a small amount of gray touching his body like a thin layer of ash, mostly on his back and underside, his fur was entirely black.
“Go get Carlin,” I said. “I’ll handle the rest.”
“Luna—”
“I’ll be fine. Go.”
Estrella snuck in a lick before dashing off toward my den. I watched her go for a minute, feeling her lick dig into my heart. Guess she’s not so bad after all.
I tried to imagine what Toltan might have looked like in such a situation. More than his death stance, there was no doubt he’d have the same stone glare I now cast toward Rajor. From there, I put every hair on end, forcing my body to turn stiff, sharp, and unwavering. When I stepped forward, my movements were smooth and exact, more like flowing than walking. I wasn’t just claiming my space, I was announcing myself. I didn’t try to stay hidden, for the whole point was to be seen as strong, as proud...
As owner.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I said.
Though Rajor looked up at me, he couldn’t stop his ears from reevaluating his position. I held my ground, refusing to be scared from my territory.
“Well,” Rajor said, “what have we here? Come to kill another pup, dear brother?”
I stared him down, not making a sound. I didn’t have to, as a rise in my hackles was more than enough to catch the attention of the pack. The moment they noticed, they began gathering the pups at a safe distance.
With them out of the way, I rose my tail with a firm step forward. “This is my territory. You will leave.”
Rajor chuckled, though his tail still hadn’t risen. “Says who? You are but one wolf. I have a pack.”
“Changes nothing. These grounds are mine to hunt in. You will find no prey here.”
“And if I say that I will?”
I glanced back when I heard Estrella and Carlin arrive. I traded a quick rub with Estrella, while Carlin ducked his head. Far from surrender, Carlin was examining the situation with the experience gained from his scars. His nose worked hard, and his ears were fully perked, watching the pack. Or so I thought, until I realized he was focused entirely on Rajor.
“Is this the brother you’ve told me so much about?” Carlin said.
I returned my own focus to the wolf in question before replying. “Yes. This is Rajor.”
“How did a whelp like that ever make alpha?”
Rajor growled for the first time as his fur started to rise. “Careful what you say, old fool. My patience has limits.”
Funny, I told him the same thing a little while ago.
Carlin must have remembered too, because he looked at me before turning his ears back, almost laughing. I ignored it while matching Rajor’s growl.
“As does mine,” I said. “You will not hunt here. Take your pack and leave. Do not violate my territory again.”
Rajor’s tail finally found some height, just not all of it. “Speaking of violations, do your companions know about your sentence? What you did?”
“Yes, we do,” Estrella said.
“And we don’t care about lies,” Carlin added.
Rajor’s hackles started to rise at last. “The only lies are the ones he’s apparently told you. He killed his own brother as a pup. For his crime, he was made a lone wolf. He is destined to live alone, to never know the company of another wolf. You risk—”
“Shut up, pup,” Carlin said. “We’re not listening. Now I suggest you heed Luna’s command before you feel our fangs.”
Rajor now cast a glare close to Toltan’s death stance, if not as intimidating. “Do not underestimate me. My position is mine by virtue of my strength. I go where I wish. I hunt where I wish. No murderer will dictate what I can or cannot do.”
I allowed an amused ruff with a sideways glance at Estrella. I couldn’t leave that there. I just couldn’t.
“This... murderer... has chosen what mate you won’t have. Why couldn’t he also say the same about your territory?”
Lonate tried to remind him he had pups, but Rajor never heard him. He charged at me, ears forward and blood on his fangs. I rushed to meet him, but though my jaws were open, I kept my growl low. Rajor was sprinting, whereas I held myself to a fast run, preserving my maximum speed, waiting for the moment to use it.
When Rajor went for the side of my neck, I used that extra burst to catch the bottom of his neck before he got close. I had him up and falling on his back before he knew what hit him. Rajor sank ankle deep in the leaves, and I held him there in my jaws. He snarled fury, but no amount of pawing or turning found freedom. I let my fangs cut into Rajor’s neck. Fresh blood touched my lips as I let my jaws close his windpipe.
I didn’t let myself end it.
My body shook with fury of my own, my growl shaking both of us. It built into a fire within that grew hotter with each additional note. He was a bully to all of us. He lied to get me banished. He denied me the life I was born to. Now he violates my territory. Lone wolf or not, this is my right. I’m defending my territory from an intruder. I’m killing a rival to my pack.
Rajor managed to whine through a gasp. Then, his tail tucked and his ears fell back in submission. The two of us froze as if time itself were holding its breath. I breathed my snarl into him, while my fangs sat embedded in his neck.
So easy...
So right...
So unable.
With a great sigh, I released my hold, allowing Rajor to cough as he regained his breath. My jaws closed, though nothing about my display had lessened. I stood over my brother, fur and tail high, and with a glare that could split the world in two daring him to try something. When Rajor looked at me again, our eyes met, and we both held our breath.
His eyes, they feared me. More than any wolf had ever feared me before. Rajor’s body shook like a leaf in the wind. He shrank into himself, his posture taking on that of a wolf half his size. It was everything I had ever wanted, and I couldn’t stand it.
“You will not hunt here,” I said. “Leave. Let your pack retain their alpha. Let mine live free of you.”
I left him there without so much as a growl. As Rajor finally rose, I turned an ear back just in case he tried to attack again. I only heard the rustle of the leaves, followed by the paws of the pack heading the other way. I thought I heard him exchange words with Lonate, but they were Rajor’s problem. I didn’t care anymore.
When I returned to my own pack, I found Carlin frozen, stunned by something he’d seen, but his gaze wasn’t for me. He was looking past me, past Rajor even, to something farther on. I slowed for a moment, wondering what held his attention while trying to decide how to ask.
Estrella stepped forward before I could. “That would be why he hates you.”
I turned my ears back, trying not to laugh. “You’re not going to let me forget this, are you?”
“Nope, because Rajor won’t. You just beat him in front of his pups. That means something.”
“Might not be over yet either,” Carlin said. He sounded more distant than normal, probably the remains of his trance.
I looked back, expecting to see Rajor at the head of the pack.
Instead, I found Toltan and Martol approaching, alone. Neither held themselves very high, and both showed tattered fur not quite cared for. Were it not for the thick state of their ribs, one might think them soul dead.
Martol’s eyes found me first. They hadn’t changed since the day I took Folar to the pack. They watched me, as did Toltan’s, for something they expected me to say or do.
I couldn’t do or say much of anything. Toltan, I wanted to drive away, bite a notch in his ear if I had to. Martol, I wanted... I didn’t know what I wanted. I was trapped in that night I saw her die within. The memory took hold as I remembered wishing so hard to get another chance, only to have it turn to hate the next day. The emotions couldn’t sort themselves out. By the time they got close, the best I could manage was a harsh glare.
“Can I help you with something?” I said.
Toltan’s ears never came all the way up. Martol’s didn’t move at all. Toltan spoke for them both.
“We were with the pups when you came out. We saw everything.”
I ruffed pained amusement. “Really? How ironic. Not like you haven’t missed things before. No, that’s wrong. You have. Now all of a sudden, you see everything? Oh, I’m touched. From the deepest parts of my heart.”
“Luna. Don’t be like that.”
“Why not? You weren’t there to teach me better. You gave me other lessons, and I intend to use them.”
I turned to leave, ready to be done with them. I might regret it the next day, but right here, right now, I wanted nothing more to do with the conflict their presence was causing within me.
“Luna!” Toltan again. “We deserve more than that.”
I stopped cold. Pain lasted but a moment before it was replaced by rage. I felt everything within me tense for a kill as my fur bristled another wolf’s worth. Deserve? He dares use that word?
I whipped around and cast a glare that would put Toltan’s death stance to shame. “You deserve more? What about me? Did I deserve to get driven out by my own father? Did I deserve to live out here alone, shunned by any pack I met? Did I deserve to lose everything I had because you failed to listen to me?”
Toltan gained some years in his eyes, and his fur started to rise as well. “Do you think it was easy?”
“Seemed easy enough to me.”
“Do you know the pain I suffered that day?! I lost one pup and was forced to drive out another.”
“You didn’t have to drive me out. You took the word of a known bully.”
“He swore in Wolfor’s name.”
“You never listened to a word I said.”
“You never said a word!”
I almost killed him. I wouldn’t have stopped this time. My insides were so tight, I could barely growl, much less speak.
“What do you mean I never said a word? You didn’t bother to listen.”
Toltan’s fur fell hair by hair. His growl faded even faster. He breathed so hard, I thought he might hack his lungs out. While I waited for a reply, I heard Carlin lead Martol and Estrella away. There were words there, but my ears never heard them.
Toltan had lost all aggression by the time we were alone. “Yes, I did. I listened with all I had. I searched for anything, the smallest whimper I could use. Why do you think I told you to talk to me? Luna, I had no choice. The only words you said were ones of rage. It was that against a solemn swear by Rajor. Before the pack, I... I couldn’t protect you. Not without endangering myself, my mate, and my remaining pups.”
Now he’s just making excuses. “Endangering them how? You and Martol were strong enough. As for the pups, Wolfor’s law—”
“Is a lie!”
Time froze. No, that’s too much movement. Everything stopped. Even my rage ended for half a heartbeat that lasted a thousand years. I stared at my father, hurt beyond feeling, confused beyond thought, unable to be or feel anything.
“It’s a lie, Luna,” Toltan said. “The pack knew that. Even Rajor knows that now.”
When time resumed, so did my rage. It took much of my returning breath with its fire. “You banished me over a lie?!”
Toltan tried to be angry. He even started to slip into his death stance. He never got there.
“I banished you because a pup that kills fellow pups is a danger to the pack. That’s what the law is for. To keep pups from killing each other. To keep you and Rajor from killing each other. But if an alpha loses his position, his pups become a threat to the new alpha. That alpha then has the right to decide the fate of those pups. It happened in my last pack, Luna. The new alpha refused to risk it. He killed the previous litter to make way for his own within the pack. I couldn’t let the same happen to mine. If I hadn’t acted, I could have lost the pack then and there. I had to make a choice.”
Oh, that makes it so much better.
“You chose them over me. What gives you the right to sacrifice me in the name of others?”
“My blood. Your blood. The blood of all wolves. The blood of an alpha. I couldn’t save you. I could save them.”
“You declared me a pup killer.”
“I never believed you were!”
I stood frozen, not a hair moving, not a sound made. For a moment, I was pretty sure my heart stopped. Toltan, meanwhile, continued to grow more shaky the more he spoke.
“Not once did I think you were guilty. But, Luna, the pack would have never accepted the instinct of a parent over what they’d seen. They saw you try to attack Rajor. They heard him swear you killed Calon. Our traditions forced me to shun one of my own pups... and I have never slept well since.”
A tree grew in my throat. Its roots silenced any hint of a growl left waiting for the chance to come out. I could see the tears rolling from Toltan’s eyes. With each word, he aged decades, while the void behind his eyes grew until it swallowed him whole.
I never knew. I never understood. Martol always said, as alpha, Toltan had to make hard choices. Now for the first time, I could see just how hard some of them were. To think... I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to remember all the things I’d wished on my own father. It would only lead to a place of deep regret I didn’t want to go to.
I had to fight that tree down before I could breathe again. It took even more to find words. “How did Rajor become alpha?”
Toltan’s ears found a new low point. “I couldn’t fight him anymore. I tried for a while, even managed to raise a second litter, but I didn’t have the will. Not after seeing you bring a packless pup to... he’s grown strong, you know. Folar, I mean. Even caught Jinta’s eye. Too bad Rajor probably won’t let them have pups.”
The last of my rage ceased to be. Nothing had changed. Despite the bitterness, the anger, the betrayal, everything was as it had been the day we first touched noses in the darkness of the den. Seeing Toltan’s pain, I couldn’t deny it anymore. He was still my father. His blood was still mine.
“She’ll find a way,” I said. “She never did let obstacles stop her.” When Toltan didn’t so much as raise his head, I rubbed mine against his. I forced his head to rise before I spoke again. “Follow.”
I turned and went after Estrella and the others. I found them just out of listening distance, all lounging in the dirt. All except for Carlin, who had been working with Martol’s fur, despite a very disgruntled look from her. A pair of snaps didn’t stop him from making her fur look a little less messy. I’ll have to thank him for that sometime.
They all rose when they saw me approach. Three sets of ears turned to face me. When I looked back, I found Toltan’s ears were the exception, frozen in a lowered position.
I allowed my ears to ease forward. So easy now.
“My den’s not far from here. It’s not much but... you’re both welcome to join me.”
Martol left her pain behind. The wolf that began rubbing and licking me to death was whimpering like a pup herself. The moment her fur touched me, my heart shattered in joy. After so long of dreaming, of wishing I could feel her love again, I now had it several times over. I was her pup again, embraced by her protective aura. Her scent bled into my soul, reminding me of all the love I’d longed for. I couldn’t feel a thing because all I could feel was her.
While I liked the emotion, I couldn’t stand the act. Mostly because I was too old for it. Further still, because somewhere deep, there was guilt over how I’d treated her before. It started turning her rubs painful, for with each one, I imagined how much she had longed for it. It took me back to that night when my first howl was one of pain. The ache, combined with feeling too old for this, became too much to bear, despite the warmth filling my skin.
I pushed her off with a gentle growl. “Enough. I’m not a pup anymore. I’d prefer to be treated like the adult I am now. Please?”
Martol panted a laugh with a forward tick of her ears. “Fair enough. Thank you, Luna. You don’t know what this means to me.”
“Actually, I think I do. Come on.” I rubbed against Estrella, then stopped at Carlin. “What about you, old one? Think you could handle running with wolves half your age?”
Carlin feigned insult. “Half? Why, I’m old enough to be your parents’ great-great-grandfather. The wisdom of those years—”
“Is as rickety as your tired old bones.”
The others stifled laughs while Carlin looked positively furious. Anyone could tell it was fake, though, given that his hackles hadn’t even ruffled.
“Well,” he said, “I guess I’ll have to run with you. Show you just how not tired my old bones are. Think you can handle that, pup?”
I flicked an ear, looked at him as if thinking, then perked my ears in challenge.
“I have a better question. Think you can beat me to my den?”
I took off before he could answer. Carlin yelled something about not being fair, but I didn’t care. I enjoyed the chase too much. More importantly, I enjoyed the idea of having a pack of my own again, complete with my parents.
I enjoyed it so much, I failed to notice the snow falling moons ahead of the norm.