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ESTRELLA WOULD BE PROUD.
Wouldn’t matter that I’d caught it with an injury away from its herd. Fact is, I had taken down a full-grown buck all by myself. The first one since my hunt with Jinta. I’d missed more than a few, almost got killed by three others, but I kept the faith, and here I was, eating my fill. She’d have been proud of me for holding onto hope that long. Even prouder for making the kill. The thought stung, but after feeling it for three moons, it didn’t hurt as much as it used to.
At least the forest had decided which season it was in. The snow had finally surrendered and melted for good shortly after Jinta left. The trees made up for lost time, bursting thick bushes of leaves all around. The songbirds were back too, singing even louder the joys of spring. A spring not quite half gone, but it’s the thought that counts.
The mockingbird wasn’t among them. Guess almost getting killed finally drove him away. Strange, really. After wishing I could get rid of him for so long, now that I had, I found my days even emptier than before. My heart sank every morning when I looked for him on top of my den and found him still missing. For some reason, every time I thought about him, my heart was pricked by the same regret attached to the memory of chasing off Martol. As if it were another chance tossed aside.
In the end, it didn’t matter much. I could do nothing about any of it now. Besides, being alone meant fewer reminders. Estrella was still there, but she didn’t get in the way anymore. Nor did the reminders send me cringing when they came. They still stung, but they didn’t keep me from eating my kill. Thinking about how Estrella would react even made it feel warmer. I didn’t care about my blown chances, for I could do nothing about them anyway. Save for the mockingbird, they were all dead. As for Jinta, while I may not have been as gentle as I should have been, I had a hard time seeing a lie in why I turned her away.
When the wind changed, I found a familiar scent I cared about. Rajor was out there, with his pack. My ears perked toward the scent and found quiet growls and the soft padding of playful paws. The fact that I could hear them told me they were very close, which meant closer to my border. Surely he wouldn’t dare... wait... it’s Rajor. Of course he would.
I left my kill to see just how much Rajor was pushing his luck. I neither hid my approach nor rushed to challenge, instead going for a simple trot to check the situation. Turns out, Rajor wasn’t pushing his luck at all. His nose was pressed against a tree I had marked just that morning. Behind him stood more of the pack, including this year’s litter, if one can call two pups a litter. Didn’t keep Lonate from standing guard between them as if any leaf could carry a threat. That wolf was born to watch pups.
The rest watched Rajor when he froze, his ears perking and his eyes searched around. I watched and waited, curious of what he’d do. Lonate, of course, did his own searching while keeping the pups in line.
Rajor lifted his head, tested the air, and looked out into the forest again. My ears turned back in case I’d missed something myself. Rajor ruffed, then turned to lead his pack along, walking the edge of my territory, but never crossing it.
When he stopped to examine another marker, I couldn’t control myself anymore. The chance was too sweet to pass up. I walked toward him very proud and stern, claiming my territory. Lonate saw me first. His eyes and ears locked onto me, concerned about what I’d do, likely because of the fresh blood on my muzzle. He had no reason to fear, as I had no quarrel with any of them. I just wanted to have some fun with my brother.
Rajor was too busy sniffing to notice Lonate’s attention. I didn’t let him get the chance.
“You don’t need to worry,” I said. “You haven’t trespassed yet.”
Rajor’s head and ears snapped toward me. I could see him swallow a growl like a hunk of meat he hadn’t chewed yet. His ears were straight up, but his tail refused to rise. Priceless.
“What do you want, loner?” Rajor said.
Pure distaste, no hint of fear, he sounded pretty good, so I let him keep the credit earned. “Just checking on my borders. You needn’t worry, Rajor. I have no quarrel with you today. Be on your way.”
Rajor glared, and he growled, and he knew better. He turned away without saying anything more.
I tried to leave too, but Lonate’s voice caught me before I could look away.
“Where’s Estrella?”
I couldn’t stop a cringe. Unlike Rajor might have been, Lonate had only been curious, which left no reason to be angry. Didn’t Jinta tell them? The two together almost made it worse, for the wound was still too fresh.
For the first time I had ever heard of, Lonate forgot the pups, and stepped toward me. He crossed the border, but I didn’t say anything. It wouldn’t have been worth it.
“Luna? Where is she? Where are Martol and Toltan?”
Another pinecone jabbed into my throat. Jinta, why didn’t you tell them? It would hurt so much less. I couldn’t form the words. It hurt too much. I could only stare, my head low and my eyes watering.
Rajor approached as well. My hackles rose, but I waited for him to make the insult before I pinned him for it. Assuming I could find the breath to fuel the charge.
“Luna?” Is he... crying? My ears focused on him. “What happened? Where are they?”
Anger at Rajor, however hollow, broke up the pinecone. I lifted my head and tail lest Rajor push his luck too much. Not that it dried my eyes any.
“I guess Jinta didn’t share what I told her,” I said. “They’re dead. Martol and Toltan died in the winter. So did Carlin. Estrella... she was taken by the humans. I try not to think about what they did to her.”
I waited for it. My legs tensed for the lunge. I saw the spot on Rajor’s neck where I would cut into it again. I wouldn’t tolerate his bullying, not about this. Yet Rajor stood there, silent. He swallowed a few times, seemed ready to speak, but closed his mouth before sound escaped.
Finally, he turned to the pups. “This is the price for being a lone wolf. It is the reason you don’t want to be one or associate with one.”
Was that... reverence? Compassion, even? My tail fell as confusion replaced my anger. Rajor wasn’t saying crimes, just “lone wolf.” His tone held even more respect. A part of me said it was the buildup to the worst insult ever. The rest waited to see what he really had in mind.
A pup asked, “Do you mean he’s responsible for the others’ deaths?”
Rajor said firm and clear, “No.”
What?!
Rajor looked at me, no hate to be found, his tone turning soft... apologetic?! “I only mean he couldn’t provide for them, as the pack can. This is not his fault. Only what he is. That’s why being declared a lone wolf is the worst a wolf can suffer... and the hardest sentence an alpha can ever impose. Remember that.”
I wanted so much to be angry. I was angry at Jinta for forcing this on me, yet I was too confused to act on it. The bully I grew up with was... I couldn’t tell what he was. Rajor had several ways he could sting me jumping down his throat, yet he hadn’t taken any of them. If anything, Rajor had lifted me up in an odd way. Is this my brother?
Before I could decide what to think, fast chirping sounded in the trees. I’d heard that call before. Surely it couldn’t...
“Lone wolf he is not, strong pack Luna has got.”
I forgot everything, almost forgetting Rajor was even there. I followed the sound to my little den bird fluttering onto a low branch. As always, never low enough to reach, but still there. I couldn’t help it. I panted a soft laugh, triggering a sour tension in my chest. I’d wanted him gone, and then when I got my wish, I regretted it. Now he was back, and I couldn’t be happier, or sorrier for how I’d treated him.
“What are you doing back?” I said. “I thought I’d chased you off for good.”
“Like the sun and rain, I shall remain, flying near you, help your pain.”
“I don’t know about that, but I can’t say I’m not glad to see you. Where have you been anyway?”
“Searching, searching, I did go, found, found, yours plus more.”
“Yours plus more?” Rajor said. “What in Wolfor’s name are you talking about?”
“He means me, Rajor.”
My heart stopped while my ears tore toward the sound I couldn’t believe was real. I found two wolves, but I only saw one of them. My body turned to stone, in a permanent perked position, while my eyes took her apart hair by hair. Even then, I could hardly believe it. I stared at her for a thousand years longer, trying to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating.
Estrella, my mate, she stood there proud as ever. From nose to tail, the same as three moons ago, right down to the calm and cool confidence she exuded with every breath. Well, strong, alive, and back within reach.
Then her voice carried across to my heart. “Aren’t you going to say anything, thorn?”
I ran so fast, it felt like I had burst right out of my fur. Twigs flew, I cut my paw on something, and I didn’t feel any of it. The entire world consisted of one wolf I desperately wanted to jump into. The other wolf retreated just before I plunged into Estrella. I knocked her up and onto her back, licking, rubbing, and whimpering like a pup, all while unable to breathe.
I spent the next lifetime absorbing her back into my soul. Her warmth, her aura, her affection, and especially her ego. She was there, right there, where I could feel her fur and smell her breath. It was real. She was real. By the grace of Wolfor, she’d come back.
It was some time before I stopped whimpering enough to speak. Even then, it barely counted as speech. “Estrella. How? How did... forget it. I don’t care. I just... I... Oh Wolfor!”
Estrella had been rubbing and whimpering as well, though nowhere near as hard. “I missed you too, Luna.”
Tears streamed. My heart felt so warm, I thought summer had come early. I leaned into her with everything I had. I’d been so sure, so certain I’d never see her again. I should have known better. I should have guessed even the humans couldn’t keep her from me.
“Luna,” Estrella said softly. “Luna, I’m happy to see you too, but would you mind if I stood up?”
I ruffed a laugh while stepping off of her. Estrella rolled onto her paws, shook her fur clean, then nuzzled against me again.
A young voice reminded me we weren’t alone. “Doesn’t look so terrible to me.”
One of the pups. It forced the memory of Rajor’s presence to return. There goes that tender moment. Yet when I looked back at him, his ears were just coming up from a cringe. I perked my ears to listen to his response while also preparing for a fang-filled reprimand.
Rajor returned to his pack while Lonate rejoined the pups. Rajor traded a quick nuzzle with one, glanced my way again, then back to the pups.
“Come,” he said. “You’ve seen enough for one day.”
“But we want to hunt,” a pup said.
“Soon, young one. Your time will come soon. Now follow.”
Rajor led them away without a word or so much as another look my way. Estrella and I watched him go long after we couldn’t see him anymore. Was that really Rajor?
Estrella broke her stare first. “Did something happen while I was gone? Rajor was almost... respecting.”
I turned my ears back when I failed to find an answer. “If it did, I missed it too. I’ve never seen him like that. What does it matter? You’re back. We’re a pack again.”
I looked past her to get my first real look at the other wolf, who was standing at a respectful distance. His back was mostly an ashy pelt, but his underside was a crisp and pure white like nothing I had ever seen. He didn’t have a black tail tip either, yet strangest of all were his eyes. They were as brightly blue as his under-fur was white. I had never seen an eye color like that on any animal. Even newborn pups too young to see didn’t have eyes that bright.
“And you brought a friend,” I said. “A... blind friend?”
Estrella panted a quick laugh while tapping her nose against the new wolf’s muzzle. “His name is Tilhack, and he’s not blind. Just different.”
“How do you mean?”
“I’ll tell you later. We’ve had a long journey, and while I see you’ve eaten recently, we haven’t. I’d like to hunt before sitting for a long conversation.”
I drew myself up with pride. Time to repay the gift. “No need for that. I’ve got a fresh kill already. I took a buck down all on my own. Haven’t eaten much of him yet.”
Estrella’s ears perked forward, as did the other wolf’s. “A solo kill of that size?” Estrella said. “Well, Luna, I have to say, I’m rather proud.”
I laughed. Can I call it or what?
––––––––
“HE’S A WHAT?”
I stared at Tilhack, trying to understand what Estrella had just said. Okay, Tilhack’s eyes were a color I’d never seen, and his underside was a purer white than normal, but he still looked wolf. Even his scent spoke more wild than pet.
Yet Tilhack himself barely flinched when he confirmed it. “The proper term is ‘mutt,’ but yes, I am half ‘domestic dog.’ Husky, to be exact.”
I felt my head spin. If I weren’t lying beside Estrella, I would have worried I might fall over. A wolf mating with a human’s pet? What would drive a wolf to such desperation? Then again, I couldn’t see anything other than a wolf lying there. Tilhack had submitted to me while we ate without any direction, so his instincts were intact. His aura had felt just as wild, so the fierceness was likely there as well. I just couldn’t get my mind to accept that half of his blood was the same of those that once hunted with the humans. Though after seeing wolves take their place, the idea of a wolf mating with a pet seemed almost trivial.
“So how did you two find each other?” I said. “And what happened to you while you were gone? Why did it take three moons for you to get back?” Estrella cringed, and her ears fell further back than they’d ever gone. She looked at me with heavy eyes, pleading with me to do something. I couldn’t tell what, which sent my ears perking curiosity. “Was it that bad?”
“It’s best left behind, Luna,” she said, her voice a soft whisper. The calm confidence nowhere to be found. What did the humans do to her?
I wanted to comfort her, but something about her demeanor suggested she’d shy away if I tried. “That’s not what you said when you came looking for me a few years ago.”
“I had no taste of what you’d faced a few years ago. Please, Luna. Leave it be.”
“How can I when it’s clear it hurts you? How can I sit and do nothing?”
“Luna,” Tilhack said, firm to get my attention, though his ears remained soft, respectful of my position. “Leave her be. You have no idea what kind of pain she’s been through.”
Oh, I’ve got a pretty good idea. “All the more reason I should know, so I can help her.”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know. You can help her by letting her lick her wounds in her own way. She gave everything to get back here, to get back to you. Be the wolf she told me about. That will be enough.”
The wolf she told you about wouldn’t hesitate to share her pain.
My insides warred like never before. Here was my mate in obvious pain, and the best way I can help is to let her suffer? I couldn’t accept that because I’d been there. I’d needed comfort. Being without it turned me bitter in the worst way. Now Estrella sat in need, and they expected me to let her be? How could I do that when it went against everything my blood cried out for?
Except every time I tried to do something, Estrella’s eyes stopped me. They still held that plea, much as they did the day I thought I’d lost her. I couldn’t ignore that either. Not after whatever she went through.
In some ways, I wanted the void back. At least that was something I could work with, or at least endure. This... my mate was in pain, and she didn’t want me to help. What do you do with that?
I rose to my paws, latching onto the only lie I had that could help, if only for a short time.
“That carcass won’t be there for long,” I said. “I better see what I can pull off of it before the birds get there. You two rest up. Sounds like you’ve had quite a journey.”
“Thank you, Luna.” Estrella said, still quieter than normal for her.
It only spurred me faster away toward my last kill. I needed to get away, to get my mind realigned with recent changes. Estrella was alive, and back with me. I couldn’t be happier. I had another pack member on top of that, strange though he may be, also great. Yet Estrella also carried scars she wouldn’t share with me. She knew I cared, she had to. So why wouldn’t she let me care for her? What did the humans do to her that would make her reject me? Had they taken her from me after all?
The thought of that stopped me cold. What an idiot! She didn’t want me to press for details, perhaps she wasn’t ready to snuggle quite as much, that’s all fine. I can respect that. I may not understand why, but I don’t have to. As Tilhack said, I need to be the wolf she expects me to be. That’s not a wolf who would run from the confrontation. I’ll respect her wishes, but I won’t abandon her.
I turned around in a huff, now confident I knew what I was doing. I’ll go as far as she’ll let me without forcing it. I’d needed that in my younger days. Now it was my turn to offer the same to her. She’d get me however she wanted me.
When the wind shifted to blow their scent at me, my pace slowed as Estrella’s scent filled my soul. Oh, how I’ve missed that. Tilhack’s scent was there, but I barely noticed it. I was too busy feeling Estrella slipping into me as she only could on the wind. I stopped in the shadows, staying hidden so I could have my moment before giving Estrella hers. The void needed to be filled, and her scent would do that.
Except my ears heard something else.
“We really should tell him,” Tilhack said.
My ears perked, too curious to not hear what might be the cause of all this. I moved like a ghost until I could see them. Tilhack was standing near Estrella, who hadn’t moved. She was too busy getting her ears back up.
I heard even more pain in her reply. “We can’t do that to him. I can’t... I can’t do that to myself.”
“He deserves to know.”
“He deserves to have his mate back. You don’t know him like I do. Telling him will only damage him. Like it damaged me.”
Damaged her? What did the humans do to her? And how could it possibly damage me?
Estrella remained withdrawn. That is, until Tilhack rubbed his head against her, not in submission, but affection. She perked almost at once, soaking in his rub as she did mine.
“I wish there was something I could do,” Tilhack said. “I feel like I owe you.”
Estrella still didn’t push him away. “You owe me nothing. You did more than enough.”
“I still don’t like seeing you like this.”
She sat up, and my insides sank to the ground when she gave him a deep rub all her own. “Thank you. It’s not possible, but thank you.”
What in Wolfor’s name is going on here? Has she replaced me? But she... she fought to get back to me... she escaped... and she defied Raj... but yet she... she’s back... but she’s... and him... and him! My mind went in so many directions, I couldn’t find one long enough to follow it.
A ruffed chuckle from Tilhack drew my attention once more. Enough that I found anger growing, directed at them both, but mostly him.
“I wonder if I’ll ever find someone like you for me,” Tilhack said.
“You will,” Estrella said, the comforting, soft voice I had heard so many times before. “As I said before, I’d chase you if things were different. I’m sure another female will feel the same.”
“Are you sure they aren’t?”
That was it. I couldn’t allow it. I left my position to walk hard and fast toward them as my hackles bristled. Tilhack was treading on my territory, on my mate. That does not go unchallenged.
“No, they’re not,” I said, not quite a growl, but still glaring.
Both heads snapped toward me. Estrella’s ears were straight up, shock, surprise, and worry all in one. So were Tilhack’s, until he had a chance to see me in all my fury. After that, he sank into the ground, ears gone and tail merging with his underside. He whimpered surrender, enough that I almost let it be enough.
Estrella, however, barely flinched beyond her initial surprise.
“Luna, calm down. There’s no harm here.”
“Not yet,” I said, though further from a growl than I had been. Estrella dropped all shock and met my challenge with one of her own. As usual, I knew better than to ignore it. I stopped my approach, dropped my hackles, and let my ears tick forward in approval. “Now there’s the wolf I know.”
“I haven’t changed, Luna,” Estrella said. “Nor have my feelings for you. You are still my mate.”
“Am I? Looked like something different from my point of view.”
“Your point of view is wrong! Luna, why do you think I came back? You are the only wolf worth the effort.”
“And him?”
“He saved my life. He helped me get past human territory alive.”
“And that matters because I wasn’t there to do the same?”
Estrella backed down for the first time. Her ears softened ever so slightly, though her glare didn’t. It went further as she cringed in pain, the same pain she’d returned with.
Tilhack stepped forward before she could come out of it. “Give her time, Luna. It can’t all be shared at once. You can’t understand what she went through.”
Try me! “Oh no? Yesterday, I was convinced she was dead. I only felt the void of where she’d been. Then a moment ago, the void was gone. I didn’t feel anything except her presence, and yours too. I felt the warmth of a pack.”
“And now? What do you feel now?”
My mind went blank. Utterly, totally empty. A thought would last a few seconds before being swallowed by the new void within. She is there, my mate and... she was dead yesterday, but... I have a pack now, what... I couldn’t hold onto anything. Even my anger couldn’t survive. Panic alone survived, spreading into an ever-growing void of nothing within. I have to... something... but I... she... I... he... pain... her...
I turned and ran. I didn’t have a chosen path, I didn’t even know what direction I’d turned. My body just... started running. I didn’t see anything around me. My mind was still so blank, so empty, the only thing there was panic. Pure, terrified fear coursed through me. As I was sprinting away from so many things, I couldn’t find one to settle on.
Estrella. My mate. She’s not dead after all. She’d eaten her fill of my kill, expressed her approval of my skills... Tilhack. A new member. Strange, perhaps, but bearing something in him I’m sure will add value to the pack... The two together... Have they replaced me? Estrella said she didn’t, but what I saw... And what about her pain? Why won’t she share it with me? I’m her mate! It’s my duty to—
My paw caught on something, drawing a yip of surprise. Not again. The thought lasted but a second, until my body thumped into the ground. The rest happened as it did before, as if time had taken me back to relive it once more.
My legs kicked out to stop me, but I bounced off the push and kept going. I hit the ground hard, flattening my lungs in one last pained yip. My legs flopped over, continuing my momentum from the sprint, forcing my body to continue rolling. I sent my paws out to try and stop me, and again, they only served to keep me rolling. My head glanced off a rock, almost knocking me out. I went limp as I tumbled over an embankment, into the last of the flood-made lagoon. Just enough water to not be mud, but not enough to drown in.
My legs flopped over my side, propelling my head out of the water onto a sandy shore. Then it was over. I came to rest on my side, laying half in the lagoon, fur covered in dirt, water soaking the side I lay on, my paw still stinging from whatever it had hit, and my body aching from the tumble. I hurt in more ways than I could count, though my mind remained blank, which only gave the physical pain more space to occupy. Nothing else was there. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t feel, I didn’t even understand where I was. It was as if I was floating alone somewhere. My thoughts couldn’t last long enough to find a comparison.
All I could do was lay in my torment. Half a day? Several days? I couldn’t think enough to keep track. My body hurt too much to try, and my mind was still too empty to settle on any single thought. My eyes closed as I tried to find sense in the chaos within, yet all I found was more of the same.
I heard a soft splash first, but before I could tell for sure, something appeared beside me. A body. A warmth that coursed through my blood, lying beside me, its head leaning in to rub against mine. Then, a soft whine all at once drained my mind of everything but one thought.
“Estrella.”
“Shhhh,” she continued to rub, even as I couldn’t find the will to return it. “Just rest. Let yourself feel the pain. It’s the only way you can shed it.”
“But... but Est—”
“Hush! Hush, my thorn. I’m here now. You’re not alone. You never were.”
I pushed my muzzle to meet hers. She licked mine in return.
There we lay. Half a day? Several days? We would never know or care. Her fur was against mine, soft, a little wet, but still warm. I could feel her presence, smell her, wet fur and all. Her soul merged with mine, and I lost my pain in her, even as I let myself feel it. I didn’t move, but Estrella busied herself with cleaning my fur. How could I have thought for a second she’d replaced me?
At last, I pulled myself upright. I rolled onto my paws, shook myself dry, and returned to rubbing against Estrella.
“Thank you,” I said.
Estrella only returned the rub, not yet standing. “I’m always here for you, Luna. Anytime you need me, I’m here.”
“Yet you won’t let me do the same. Estrella, we’re mates. We share the joys and the burdens. How can I do nothing while it’s obvious you’re in pain?” Her ears fell, and she cringed again. I cursed myself for even saying it, then laid beside her again so I could rub my head against hers. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have asked.”
Estrella sighed, then snorted as if angry. I halted my affection in case it was me. She instead stared at me, deep in thought. “You deserve to know.”
A ruffed laugh escaped me. That word. Used so often, never without sting. I had used it myself to announce my anger. Others used it when I’d mistreated them. To hear it from her with such pain behind it... it only made it worse.
“I deserve to have my mate back,” I said. “If that means letting you heal on your own, then I will, but I can’t not care. Not about this. I can’t not be here, as you have been for me.”
Estrella looked at me, ears up and eyes searching. Just like Jinta, she was asking permission. “Then you don’t want to know?”
I rubbed against her again. “Only what you wish to share.”
She returned it, and I felt nothing else. “Thank you. Come on, thorn. I told Tilhack to stay at the den. He’s no doubt worried about us.”
We rose together, both shaking ourselves loose. I leapt up first, then traded playful nips when Estrella was more graceful doing the same. She bumped into me as we walked back home, still play-nipping at times.
“You need to hear what happened,” Estrella said.
“Only if you need to tell it,” I said.
“I do.” She stopped, bit an itch, sighed, and nuzzled my muzzle before continuing on. “The humans never really hurt me. I was taken to what Tilhack called a ‘zoo.’ Not sure what it is, but I was trapped in a small space. I think they wanted me to think it was like home. For a time, I couldn’t get out. I spent my days being fed old kills and watching humans as they stared at me, as if I were a stick to play with. At first, it was torture. Then I... after so long... I... I started to adapt.”
There was more there. Something painful, or shameful, she didn’t want to share. I also knew she kept it hidden for a reason. I wanted to know what and why, but I’d promised to let her tell only what she wanted to. I couldn’t go back on that now, so I kept silent as we approached the den.
“Then your bird came in,” she said. “He reminded me of who I was. I... I found... I found a way to escape. I made my way out of the ‘zoo’ into a large area full of massive human dens. Dens as tall as the shorter trees, paths full of those huge rock beasts you told me about. I have to admit, I’ve never been so afraid before. I had no idea where I was, or what I was looking at. Somewhere in my escape, I’d lost your bird too. That’s when I found him.”
We arrived in time for her to indicate Tilhack, who was cracking into a bone in search of any remaining marrow. He stopped when he saw us. His ears perked up, again asking for permission.
I ticked my own ears forward. “It’s all right, I ate my fill. You can have it.” I settled in nearby, with Estrella lying down beside me. “Estrella tells me she met you right after her escape.”
Tilhack ruffed in amusement while abandoning his bone. “More like I found her. I saw her streak across the paths where the rock beasts run. I thought for sure she’d get run over. Instead she slipped into the space between human dens. She looked hurt, and alone, so I risked contact. Thank Wolfor she didn’t snap me in half.”
I turned to Estrella first. “How did you get hurt and still manage to escape?”
Her ears fell in a cringe. I prepared to withdraw the question, but she answered it anyway... mostly.
“It happened... just... just as I escaped. The injury was minor, nothing life threatening.”
I flicked a curious ear, but said nothing. Again, she had permission to share only what she wanted. A stare from Estrella at Tilhack made it clear he knew, but was being told to keep it quiet. I thought about asking him later, and rejected it almost at once. It is Estrella’s tale to tell, not his.
And yet, Tilhack took over the telling. “Once I learned where she’d come from, I jumped at the chance to get away from the humans into the wild. My mother, my wolf side, had told me about it, and I’d wanted it more than anything. Especially after she was killed by a rock beast.”
“What about your father?” I asked.
“He was a pet whose owners left one day and never came back. He managed to escape the den before he ran out of food and water. After a while, he turned wild, met my mother, they mated, I was born, and then he left for a hunt and never returned. Probably killed by another rock beast, by the humans, or by Hitlark.”
“Hitlark?”
“A pure wolf that also lived in the area. He did not care for pets, and cared even less for mutts. Another reason I left. Anyway, I helped Estrella get away from the human dens and helped her navigate through more human territory on the way.”
“How did you know which way to go?”
Chirping announced the answer before either of them could. “I search, I find, I lead, I save, to meet the promise that I gave!”
I found the bird where he’d always been, right in the middle of the rock pile, too far to reach as usual. I thought about trying anyway, but after almost succeeding, I decided not to do that to him, or his apparent mate sitting beside him.
Tilhack, meanwhile, growled annoyance I knew all too well. “He’s right about that. He helped Estrella get out, then helped us get away from more humans after that. Took us a long time to get here, but he kept us moving in the right direction.”
“As in, he kept you on course?” I asked. “Or he kept you going in the hopes he’d shut up?”
“Both,” Estrella and Tilhack said.
I panted laughter. I can imagine. After a few moons straight spent listening to him, I’d become Rajor’s omega if it meant a few days of silence. Instead, my mockingbird had used that charm to lead Estrella and Tilhack back to me. I never knew he cared that much. It made me regret some of the rather violent dreams I’d had about him over the years.
I shook them from my mind while addressing the bird directly. “I owe you more than I can ever repay, yet all I have to give is my thanks.”
“Luna thanks like worm and seed, Luna thanks is all I need.”
Tilhack again growled while cringing as if he might squeeze something out of his head. “Bird sang so much about you two, I’d give a lot to never hear either one of your names for a while. Uh, no offense, Luna.”
I again chuckled. Bird hasn’t lost his touch. “None taken, Tilhack. Believe me, I understand. That reminds me, though. Now that you’re here, what do you plan to do? This forest is not what it used to be, and I don’t know how your mixed blood will be received by the other wolves.”
“Why do you think he’s with us?” Estrella said. “We won’t care. We’ll take him in, give him a place. His heart is as strong as ours, even if his eyes aren’t ‘normal.’ He’ll make us stronger.”
I cast her a reprimanding glare. It softened some as fast as it came, yet the message remained. Though my mind tried to go blank again, I wouldn’t let it this time. I had no intentions of tumbling a third time.
That did not silence my anger however. Estrella had made an important decision without asking me how I felt. As much as I cared about the emotions she was dealing with, I couldn’t ignore that she’d stepped out of line. She’d made a hard choice without even letting me voice my thoughts on it. Mate or not, neither of us could do that. That’s how pups get banished over false swears.
Estrella let her ears soften, though she also returned a confused stare of her own. She won’t understand if you don’t tell her, thorn.
I let my glare fade further. What came out was as much plea as reprimand. “Don’t forget your place.”
“I didn’t think I did,” Estrella said “I thought I was your mate.”
I took a breath to settle myself. Fair point, however... “Mate, yes. Alpha, no. We can’t make snap decisions without the other being involved. That’s how I ended up out here. Toltan made the decision alone. We can’t make that mistake.”
Estrella’s ears flashed back for a moment. I thought it a no until her ears ticked forward immediately after. She’d had her eyes closed in stress or pain, which sent me again cursing myself for acting like... like a stupid thorn-in-the-paw.
Tilhack rose before Estrella came out of her cringe. “Don’t let me come between you. If you don’t want me, then so be it. You deserve to have her more than I deserve a pack.”
I growled, then had to ruff at Tilhack before he could finish a turn to leave. Yet again, others say what I do or don’t deserve. I had to have been cursed to always hear it, or maybe Wolfor liked to use it to get my attention. I preferred the former, for the latter scared me in several ways.
Tilhack didn’t move. His eyes and ears were locked on me, waiting for me to attack or something. I breathed deep for a moment to be sure my mind was clear before addressing him again.
“Let me decide what I do or don’t deserve,” I said. “Can you do that?”
“If that’s the way you want it,” Tilhack said carefully.
“Then sit your tail down, and go back to your bone. I worked hard for that kill. I deserve to see my pack enjoying it.”
Tilhack panted a quick chuckle while his ears ticked forward. He took my advice and cracked the bone wider in search of more marrow.
Estrella flicked an amused ear at him before returning to me. “I’m sorry, Luna, for all of it. I didn’t mean to disrespect you like that.”
“You make it sound as if you broke my tail,” I said.
“Didn’t I?”
I rubbed against her to make sure she believed me. “No, but you have to understand, yesterday I thought you were dead. I had begun to move on. Now here you are, alive and well, carrying scars of your own, as well as a new member I know nothing about. You can’t expect me to adapt to all that in such a short amount of time.”
Estrella sighed, but didn’t stop rubbing against me. “You’re right, but you also can’t expect me to just know. As you said, we’re mates. We share the joys and the burdens. I can share mine with you if you’ll share yours with me.”
“I think I can do that, so long as you remember your place. You’re my other half. Your place is beside me, defending me from harm, and allowing me to do the same. We can’t do that if we won’t talk about big decisions with each other.”
“I don’t remember you asking to add Carlin to our pack. Is this so different?”
I cringed more at the sharpness of her point than his memory. “Fair enough. Although I don’t remember you resisting the idea either. But that doesn’t matter. From now on, we check with each other. Agreed?”
Estrella rubbed her head against mine again. “Agreed. Can Tilhack stay?”
“No.”
“Luna!”
“Just keeping your ears sharp.”