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MY INSIDES WERE TIGHTER than a cramp after a long chase, but it couldn’t be helped. We had to risk being close to the humans’ meeting area during the day. I needed to be sure of their number, and to see if I could find any other weakness we could exploit. That meant watching them when they were most active, and at close range. Unfortunately, I found more reasons for my stomach to turn inside out.
The fourth pet wolf must have recovered from that night with Carlin. He was bounding around with the rest of them, playing with the humans like newborn pups. Simple games over lengths of vine, or a stick, or one game I couldn’t believe or understand. A human would throw a perfectly round pebble the size of two paws, a pet wolf would chase after it, he would carry it back to the human, the human would throw it again, and thus the cycle went on. It had no point, no reason, yet both human and... pet found this fun. That’s when they weren’t begging for simple pats or rubs that seemed to bring them some amount of pleasure. I would have felt sorry for what they’d become if I wasn’t so busy trying not to be sick.
At least they were too busy to notice me and Tilhack hugging tree and shadow to remain hidden. It had allowed us to get a good look at their pack over the last few days.
It seemed they’d brought another human pup besides the one Estrella and I killed. With the two dead, their numbers were back down to six humans, and only four pet wolves. Guess the dogs they used to bring before the wolves died. Their meeting area hadn’t changed either. The same bombardment of strange sights and smells, humans sleeping in their odd dens, and of course at night, they continued to gather around a fire that never spread. No spider webbing for the pets though. Instead, the humans seemed to attach some kind of vine or thick spider thread to the vine around their necks. This kept them from leaving a tree whenever the humans went to sleep in their dens. On things went in the humans’ meeting area, unaware of the two wolves stalking them day by day.
On this day, a low ruff from me told Tilhack we were done. After a third day in a row of seeing the same things, I was confident I had all I needed to know. Tilhack ticked his ears forward, and we slinked our way back to our den.
Folar made a point not to look at me when I arrived. I suppose it’s better than the growls he’s been giving me. Even so, it seemed he still couldn’t let go of the hate. I turned my ears back at him, even as I thought about my distaste for Rajor.
It was Rajor’s fault after all. It was his lie that got me banished, and his lie that caused me so much pain. Didn’t I have the right to still hate him? I thought so, yet I looked at Folar, and couldn’t help wondering. In my own way, I had wounded him as much as Rajor had wounded me. Folar still hated me for it, even though I was nothing like that anymore. I’d even tried to apologize, but he refused to hear me. It had me asking a lot of questions about my own feelings for Rajor. If he were to come to me, ears back and tail tucked, offering an honest apology, would I be any different? Then came the moment where Folar’s hatred had almost cost him his life. Again, I had to ask myself: would my anger obstruct me any less? I tried to tell myself that I’d never let it get that far, but the lie had a hard time surviving.
“About time you got back,” Estrella said.
No question how she makes me feel. A breath of contentment, and a quick flick of my tail, made it clear just how glad I was to see my mate again. She stood over a hunk of fresh meat almost as big as she was, looking more than a little proud of herself.
She wasn’t alone, but that just made it better. Lonate and Jinta were both dragging huge pieces of meat, far more than the pack would ever finish. I had told them to be sure we were well fed. It would appear they tried a little too hard.
I turned my ears back with a quick pant of laughter, then shared a whine and a rub with my mate. Jinta offered the same to hers, though it took a little more prodding to get him to admit he still loved her, despite the choice she’d forced on him.
I tried to ignore it while accepting my share of the kill from Estrella. Lonate settled in to share his meat with Tilhack, while Folar and Jinta ate in silence. Another improvement over the last few days. Everyone had grown tired of their arguing. Even the bird had sung about endless anger, which only seemed to spur them on more. After that, he’d stopped commenting on it. I could only be so lucky. The only reminder was how much the two of them ignored the rest of us unless we involved them.
A part of me knew why, and it triggered another thorn in my belly. They’d set out to start their own pack after all. I couldn’t expect them to merge with mine beyond the coming hunt. No matter how hard I wished otherwise, they were still their own pack. The moment this hunt was over, they would set out to establish that pack, which meant their instincts made it hard for them to be “one” with mine. As it should be, I thought, as much as I wanted to think otherwise.
“Learn anything?” Estrella said through her meal.
I turned my ears back while swallowing the first of mine. “Nothing new. Same numbers, thunder sticks, dens, unnatural behavior, still can’t remember which pet wolf held which name beside the female Marron. I think we’re ready.”
“Ready for what is the question.”
“We could still call it off, you know,” Tilhack said. I gave him a gentle glare more as a test than true reprimand. “Someone needed to say it, Luna. We still have a choice.”
The point was valid, which silenced any hint of anger. Yes, we did have a choice. One I still rejected, but Toltan used to say how important it was to consider all options whenever possible. Because of that, my glare softened, just not my position.
“Yes, we do,” I said. “But I’m not changing mine. I’m still going to do this.”
Tilhack snorted with a forward ear tick. “Then all I need to know is if you have a plan yet.”
“What’s there to plan? We treat this as if we’re driving off another pack of wolves that poses a threat to us. We go in, we show them our fangs, if we have to, we add a few inspiring bites to get them moving.”
Tilhack seemed to choke on his last bite. He ruffed his throat clear before turning toward me, ears up and challenging. “That will only get us killed. You don’t know humans like I do. They scare easily, but are the most dangerous when in panic. More so than any creature you’ve ever seen.”
I ignored his challenge once I realized it wasn’t me Tilhack was challenging, but the plan itself. Even then, it was to make the point, not to disrespect. However, it kept me from laughing at his description of humans, especially compared to the tales I’d heard of Martol and the mountain lion.
“I’ve faced humans before,” I said. “They have no claws or fangs.”
“They have thunder sticks, Luna,” Lonate said.
“Hasn’t stopped me yet.”
Estrella now glared her own resolve. “No, Luna, he’s right. You’ve faced individuals, never a pack. We can’t go in as we would wolves. They’re too clever and too dangerous.”
I growled in frustration. I’d thought they were committed. Now it sounded like they’d rather tuck their tails and run. I couldn’t allow that, not with what was at stake. Even if we got away clean, Rajor’s pack wouldn’t. There’s also the near certainty the humans would come after us sooner or later anyway. Then what? Would we run again? I had done enough of that already. I refused to do it anymore.
“So what do you suggest?” I asked. “You seem to know so much. What would you have us do?”
Estrella’s ears fell first. “We can’t ignore their power. Their pets, wolf or not, are plenty fierce. Their thunder sticks can kill us, or worse, weaken us until we faint. We can’t forget it. If it weren’t for Tilhack, I never would have navigated their magic alive.”
“Yet here he lays without a shred of wisdom to offer when we need it most.”
Estrella snarled at me with every hair standing on end. Her sudden reprimand surprised me more than scared me, but I still flinched onto my side, my ears back in apology.
“I thought you’d grown out of that,” she said.
She stared at me for some time. Long enough for me to wonder if she was going to bite me to further make her point. I would have let her too, because she was right. I’d left my sarcastic days behind me a long time ago, or at least I thought I had. I lowered my head and ears further to accept the just reprimand she had for me. She eventually dropped her snarl, though her glare remained.
Lonate broke the silence with a sigh. “We can’t ignore their power.”
Tilhack quickly added, “But we can’t ignore their weakness either. Luna’s right about one thing: they have no power of their own. Without thunder sticks and stone fangs, they’re nothing to us. If we’re going to scare them properly, we have to deny them those things.”
I rolled back onto my paws, then flinched again at Estrella. Even though she hadn’t moved a hair, I didn’t want to test her temper again.
“How do you suggest we do that?” I asked slowly, eyes flashing between her and Tilhack.
“Catch them sleeping,” Tilhack said. “The longer into it the better. Once they’re in it, humans tend to sleep through anything. They’ll be separate from their pets too. We have to get them in such a panic they can’t find their thunder sticks. Their pets shouldn’t be a problem for us from there. Especially if they’re stuck to that tree.”
“I thought you just said they’re the most dangerous panicked animals out there.”
“Because they seem able to think more when terrified. A scared deer has only one thought: run. A scared bird has only one thought: fly. Humans will think any number of things. We catch them when sleeping, they won’t be able to think at all, and they’ll be further away from their thunder sticks when they are.”
“You sure it will work?” Estrella asked, finally forgetting me to stare at Tilhack.
“As much as any plan will,” Tilhack said. “It’s our best chance.”
“And if they use their thunder sticks?” Lonate asked.
“Then we defend ourselves. One bite that breaks the skin should send any individual running. If that happens, the pets need to be a secondary focus. Otherwise, they’ll delay us enough to let the humans get their thunder sticks. If that happens, we’re dead.”
Estrella snorted as if rejecting the idea, though she turned back to me with only concern in her ears. “You still sure about this?”
I drew myself up with all the pride I’d ever felt, then I let it soften into a teasing nip on her cheek. “Have a little faith.”
Estrella ruffed a chuckle, then gave me a gentle nip of her own. Tilhack just flicked an ear before cleaning the scraps of his meal.
As the sun set behind the mountains, I suggested the pack get what rest they could. Display or fight, we’d need to be at our best. Unfortunately, they fared better than I did. Jinta and Folar were out cold almost immediately. Tilhack wasn’t far behind, though Lonate stood vigil until I threatened to pin him until he fell asleep. Once he put his head down, he too found sleep.
I never did. I laid beside Estrella, even closed my eyes for a while, but I never slept. The last of the sunset faded, and I remained aware. Night came, complete with an almost full moon. Still I couldn’t sleep.
After a while, I stood as carefully as I could and stalked my way to the river. Maybe some water in my belly will remind it how full it is. Instead, the thought made me think how full my mind was. The most I managed was to find a comfortable place on the bank to lie and pray.
“Would you like an ear?”
Estrella. Guess I didn’t sneak carefully enough.
I flicked an ear forward, and she lay down next to me. For a while, I stared at the moonlight reflecting off the river water, and at my hackles, my “silver sheen,” glowing in the same light. I listened to crickets and an owl or two. All the while, Estrella only looked and waited, ears ever attentive. She still knew how to wait me out. Not that I was resisting, really. I just couldn’t figure out what to say.
I finally looked up at the stars and said, “You know, I remember when I was named. I was looking up in the night sky, just staring at the moon. My parents saw me and instantly knew that my name was Luna. Martol said something about me developing a silver sheen to reflect the light of Wolfor’s home, which made it all the more fitting. Rajor always made some mocking comment about it. Now their little pup is the only thing that stands between the pack and their deaths. Now he is a full-grown wolf who is mature and strong, at least I hope he is. Yet, I am asking myself: is this a good idea? Even if it is, how much will it cost? Tilhack’s right. We could leave. Find a new place to live where humans never tread. Am I wrong to force this confrontation? I can’t be sure, and I can’t stop asking.”
Estrella ruffed a chuckle, then looked upward herself. “You know what I remember? I remember when you were willing to kill me before you let me live in your ‘lonely world.’ Now I’m about to go into battle by your side. You know what this means, don't you?"
That you’re not going to answer my question? “Not really. It seems like nothing around me is the same. Nothing is safe or familiar anymore.”
“It isn't the world that’s changed, Luna. It's you. You are very different now. It’s a change for the better, and no matter what anyone else says, I say that you are an honorable wolf. A wolf who knows the answer even if he won’t let himself admit it.”
Not exactly what I was looking for.
Or was it? We lay in silence for some time. Half a day? Just a moment? I couldn’t tell, for time seemed to stand still. Long enough for my thoughts to drift through the years. All the things I’d seen and done came one by one. The day I was named, my first kill, my banishment, Folar, Estrella...
Carlin.
Somewhere along the way, I settled on the wise old wolf I had grown to admire. He’d offered a lot of himself during the short time I knew him, and I suddenly wished I could go back and listen again. Maybe this time, I’d ask questions, learn a few life lessons then that could help me now. Instead, all I had was that one conversation during the winter. I remembered Carlin’s words, then my words, then out of the blue, I started laughing. If only he knew.
Estrella tilted her head at me, looking like I’d grown wings. “Luna? What are you laughing at?”
“A memory,” I said. “Remember Carlin? While you and my parents were playing ‘kill the wolf moose,’ he and I did some talking. He said I had a lot of potential, I just had to let myself see it.”
“This is funny to you?”
“What’s funny is my response. I got sarcastic with him, as usual. I said, ‘Potential? Potential to lead wolves to insanity, maybe.’ Now here I am, on the eve of battle against a lethal enemy, with five insane wolves joining me in the fight.”
Estrella looked toward the den where the others slept. “Looks like you were both right. You do drive wolves to insanity, but you also have potential you don’t see. You’ve done great things already. Who knows what else you’ll accomplish.”
“‘Even a lone wolf can do good things,’” I said. Estrella tilted her head again. “Something else Carlin told me. I brushed it off then. Now I wish I’d spent more time trying to understand it.”
Estrella’s ears turned soft, almost as if she were laughing. “You don’t have to understand it. You just have to believe it.”
“That I can do ‘great things?’”
“Not great things. Good things. Anyone can be great. Even Rajor, in his own way, has done great things. The difference between you and him is that you do good things. Noble things. Things that make others see how great they can be. Things that make their lives better than they were. That’s what Carlin meant. Even as a lone wolf, you’ve done a lot of good things... for all of us.”
Good things. I could almost feel the words rolling around in my ears. The idea that I had the ability to do something special, “noble” as Estrella put it, filled me with a lightness I’d never felt before. Yet as I looked up at the moon, I realized, it wasn’t because of me. It was because of them. The orphaned pup I led to a pack. The stubborn female I allowed into my life. The old wolf that... that gave so much of himself. Even as I tried to push them away, there was a mark left behind that somehow made them better. In an odd way, it made the scars I carried seem worthwhile. Though some hurt more than others, mostly because a few of those marks weren’t there when I needed them most.
“I... I guess,” I said at last. “I still wish he were here. I could use his wisdom right about now.”
“He’s still with you, Luna,” Estrella said. “Just as you left a mark on him, he left a mark on you. I think you got more from him than you realize.”
But is it enough?
I sighed. I feared so much, it hurt. All I could think about was how many of my pack I might lose this time. Losing my parents had almost broken me. As my gaze fell on Estrella, my heart melted at the thought of losing her. To say nothing of Jinta, Folar, Lonate, even Tilhack, whom I barely knew. What would I do if I lost any of them?
Estrella had avoided the question before, but now more than ever, I needed to hear her answer. If nothing else than to make the fear seem worth it. I stared at her, hoping she understood how much I needed to know.
“Estrella... do you think we can we do it? Drive the humans off for good?”
She didn’t hesitate. “I do. With all my heart, I believe we’ll see the humans running scared before us.”
Now it was my turn to look toward the den. After that, I looked past it to the humans just beyond. Could we do it? Possibly, but how many of my new pack would I lose?
I didn’t let my mind think about it anymore. I couldn’t afford to worry about things I could not control. Carlin had told me to stay close to Wolfor’s fur. So far, he hadn’t led me wrong yet. I had no reason to doubt him now.
After more thinking and remembering, I turned back to Estrella. “You realize neither of us is going to sleep tonight.”
"Not a wink,” Estrella agreed with a ruffed chuckle.