The morning was hot and cloudless. In the garden, Lily was working, her laptop perched on the rickety wooden table, barefoot, wearing sunglasses and David’s battered straw hat against the glare. Being outside made it hard to concentrate, though, and she found her mind wandering. Thoughts of previous summers with Freddy – driving to the Italian lakes, swimming in the pounding surf at Biarritz, shopping in the covered Marché Forville in Cannes, where a sea bass cost more than the national debt. She closed her eyes, let her hands fall from the keyboard. It was too hot to work, too hot to think.
Lily had been looking for somewhere to live. She was still embarrassed by her angry outburst at the twins’ party a week ago – which she had only partially made good with her children – and guilty that she’d allowed them to believe her relationship with Freddy was well and truly over. But maybe it was. Maybe she knew, deep down, and her brain was just refusing to acknowledge the painful truth.
Until she knew for certain, she felt she had to follow up on her assertion that things were under control. She felt like the proverbial rabbit in the headlights, though. The minimum rental in the area was seven hundred a month, for a miserable box of a ‘studio’. Plus there would be a deposit, then the ongoing utilities. She could just about afford it now, with the money she’d saved, but she wouldn’t be able to afford it for more than a couple of months without securing a better job first. And it would surely be grim, basic . . . lonely.
But Helen and David were going away the day after tomorrow for their annual walking holiday in the Salzkammergut. They would be gone for two weeks, staying at the same Gasthof in St Gilgen – on the Wolfgangsee – where they’d summered for the last ten years. So at least there was a short reprieve: she would have the place to herself.
Her sister, with the end of the academic year almost upon her, had been giddy with the prospect of the three-month break – even taking into account departmental meetings, clearing after the A-level results and the new book she intended to research. She had been easier to live with, less combative. Almost, and Lily hesitated to use the word, cheerful, their argument about Lily’s lifestyle not referred to again. But it wouldn’t do to settle back, Lily knew. Helen’s moods could turn on a penny. She had to have something sorted before they got back.
A shadow fell across her face and she opened her eyes, blinked, thinking it was David.
‘Hi, Aunty Lily.’ Kit stood beside her. She could smell the rank whiff of unwashed clothes coming off him.
‘Kit! You startled me.’ She closed her laptop, immediately apprehensive. Silhouetted against the sun, she couldn’t see his face clearly. ‘Sit down. Can I get you some tea? A drink?’
She was ashamed of her nerves. This is Kit, she told herself, but wondered at the same time how she might go inside to make tea, taking her laptop and phone with her, without embarrassing them both in the process.
‘Nah, I’m okay at the moment,’ he said, pulling out a chair on the other side of the table and sitting down. ‘I thought you might be here,’ he added.
‘Did you?’ Had he been watching her?
‘Well, stands to reason. You work from home.’ He glanced at the computer.
‘You got me into a lot of trouble last time,’ she said. He appeared healthier than he had before, she thought. Tanned, maybe a little less gaunt. But his eyes held the same haunted, nervy expression, as if he were constantly prepared for flight. ‘Your mother went ballistic, blamed me for giving you money. And your dad got it in the neck for the key.’ She knew David had taken the key back weeks ago. Had Kit been intending to break in today? It wouldn’t be hard.
He smiled. ‘Yeah? Sorry about that.’
‘Why have you come?’
Kit, playing with a red elastic band he had round his wrist, shrugged, didn’t look at her. ‘Umm . . . I wanted to talk to you, Aunty Lily.’
Kit’s use of ‘Aunty’ felt like a hangover from childhood. The twins had dropped the term with Helen and David years ago.
‘About what?’
Her nephew hesitated, then turned the full charm of his beautiful grey eyes upon her, inclining his head slightly to the side, almost as if he were intending to seduce her.
‘Umm, I know they’re going to Austria on Saturday. Dad told me. And I thought maybe I could crash here while they’re away . . . maybe get some help.’ He offered another appealing smile, which sat uneasily on his ravaged features. ‘You said last time I was here that I could stay if I wanted, and I’ll never get clean if I hang around the squat. People come and go at all hours, use the place to score, shoot up . . . The police don’t come within a mile.’
Lily didn’t know what to say.
‘I wouldn’t be a bother. I could sleep on the sofa . . .’ The boyish pleading was hard to hear.
‘You know I can’t do that, Kit.’
‘But,’ he leaned forward, eyes wide, ‘it’s my only chance, Aunty Lily. I’ll never get away from them otherwise. Please, please, think about it. You won’t know I’m here, I promise. Just until they get back . . . No need to tell them anything.’
Her heart wanted to believe him. How wonderful would it be to help her nephew kick his habit, bring him back into the family? For a second she imagined Helen’s grateful smile. But her head balked at the idea of being responsible for someone who was so volatile and manipulative. So sick.
‘I can’t. It would be betraying my sister. I can’t do it.’
Kit leaned back in his chair. She could see the muscles in his cheek twitching, his eyes blinking double time.
Glancing down the garden, he pointed to the magnolia. ‘Do you remember the camp me and Dill had under the tree? God, I loved that place. It felt so safe, so . . . mine.’
Lily couldn’t help smiling at the memory of her son and his hero cousin, little boys – one blond, the other dark – crouched for hours beneath a construction of blankets and towels balanced on fruit boxes and sticks. Kit had been the master builder, a genius at creating a cosy, secret world from which all adults were firmly excluded. Dillon had wanted never to come out.
‘Those were the days,’ Kit was saying, his eyes never leaving Lily’s face. He’d seen the softening of her features, she was sure, and wanted to drive home his advantage. Or was she being cynical? Did the man really want to change?
‘If you want to come home,’ she said, ‘you’ll have to ask your parents. This isn’t my house.’
‘But you know what Mum’s like. She’ll never let me back in unless I can prove I’m clean. And I can’t get clean unless I get away from those people.’
‘Have you tried methadone?’ she asked.
He shook his head. ‘Won’t work for me. Remember, I’m like you, an asthmatic.’
He may be a drug addict, but he’s not stupid, Lily thought, remembering Helen’s euphoria when her son got his doctorate so young. She had no recollection at all of him being asthmatic.
‘Do you really want to stop, Kit?’ she asked.
His face suddenly became animated. ‘God, yes. Of course I do! Do you think this is any sort of a life? Do you think living in a shithole surrounded by violence and pain – death sometimes – is what I had in mind for myself? What anyone has in mind for themselves? Aunty Lily, we’ve always had a bond, you and me. You got me. Please, please, help. Give me the chance to prove myself.’
There was silence for a moment. Why, if he didn’t want to give up, was he begging this favour of her? It didn’t make sense.
‘You’re asking too much of me, Kit. You need professional help, people who understand how to bring someone down off drugs. You can’t do it on your own, on your parents’ sofa. It would be hell.’
He gave a mirthless snort. ‘More hellish than my current existence? I doubt it.’
She could see he was beginning to fidget, to jiggle his right leg up and down on the patio stones, to scratch his neck so hard that his fair skin turned bright red.
‘I’m not going to one of those fucking prison camps they call rehab. Those people don’t understand a fucking thing about drugs. They’re just making shedloads of money out of freaked-out middle-class parents like mine. It doesn’t work, Aunty Lily. I’ve tried, believe me. It’s a fucking joke.’
His voice had risen a couple of octaves and he was clearly getting agitated. Lily just wanted him to leave.
‘I’ll talk to Helen,’ she said eventually, regretting the words as soon as they were out of her mouth.
Kit burst out of his chair, flinging his arms wide, his head back. ‘That’s no fucking good! She won’t listen. She never listens. She hates me.’
To her horror, Kit came over and threw himself down on the patio, wrapping his arms around her legs and laying his dirty head in her lap. ‘Please, please, Aunty Lily. You’re my last chance.’
Recoiling, Lily pushed him gently away. Kit flopped back on his haunches, hands hanging loosely by his sides, his face dull with despair and, Lily thought, a burning resentment. He got slowly to his feet. ‘’Kay.’ He turned away but still didn’t leave.
His shoulders, poking through his thin, grubby white T-shirt, made his skinny figure look especially vulnerable and Lily’s heart broke for him. She got to her feet, laid a hand on his shoulder. ‘Kit, you know I’ll help you in any way I can . . . But I can’t let you stay here without telling Helen and David.’
He swung round, knocking her hand away. ‘I get it,’ he said, his eyes full of anger. ‘Can you lend me some cash then? As you can see, I’m fucking desperate.’ His voice was cold, withdrawn.
For Christ’s sake, she thought. What do I do now? The prospect of having another strained argument with her nephew was too much for her. She just wanted him to go before he turned on her, let the resentment written so clearly on his face bubble over into something more frightening.
‘Wait here.’
She couldn’t have been inside more than three minutes, but when she came back out into the bright sunlight, clutching three ten-pound notes, her computer and mobile had vanished, along with her nephew.
Stung with disbelief, Lily ran out to the front of the house in her bare feet, painfully negotiating the gravel drive, shouting Kit’s name over and over. The street was empty. There was no sign of him anywhere. Just a quiet, hot midday silence, broken only by a silver Ford purring past, the lady from across the road emptying some bottles into her recycling bin, an orange cat prowling slowly along the brick wall that separated Helen and David’s garden from the pavement, his coat glinting in the sunlight.
*
She didn’t know whether to be angry with Kit or sad for him. But she was absolutely furious with herself. ‘Gullible idiot.’ She spoke out loud to the empty back garden, the empty table to which she’d returned, hoping somehow she’d made a mistake and he would still be there. How could she have been so stupid when she absolutely knew that he would take them if he could?
It was a disaster on so many levels. First, she would have to spend money she didn’t have on a new laptop and phone – she wasn’t insured, having defaulted on the direct debit payments back in April. Second, she would have to explain to Seth Kramer that the confidential information contained in the files she’d been transcribing was now in the hands of a manipulative drug addict. He’d been so clear that the personal details should be guarded with her life – it had made her laugh at the time. Third, she would have to face Helen and tell her how she had been conned, giving her sister further proof of her gullibility, her general uselessness. And fourth, suppose Freddy were trying to call her and she didn’t have her phone?
Not knowing what to do, she stood there, shivering, cold even in the heat, as if she had been assaulted. I’ve been mugged, she told herself, by my own nephew. Was the conversation just an elaborate ruse to get money off her again, or better, a laptop and mobile phone? Could he really be so manipulative? Had he planned the whole thing, knowing his aunt would be a total pushover?
She snatched up her sunglasses and went inside, locking the garden door firmly, then slung her bag over her shoulder, pushed her feet into some canvas shoes and set off for Seth Kramer’s boat. She had to tell him about the files.
*
Seth raised his eyebrows as Lily, out of breath from the walk, red-faced and sweating, blurted out the sorry tale of the lost data.
‘Sit, please. I’ll get you some water.’
Lily waited in trepidation for him to comment.
He perched opposite her on the desk chair, handing her the glass. It was baking on the boat, the sun beating on the roof, the open portholes inadequate, even with the long doors pinned back at the entrance – she didn’t know how he stood it. Seth looked tired as he took off his tortoiseshell specs and gave both lenses a rub with the bottom of his faded navy polo shirt.
‘I don’t imagine the files will be seen as valuable. There’s nobody famous. And they weren’t actual therapy sessions, just interviews . . .’ He stopped, took a breath. ‘But I used their full names. I’ll have to inform them.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Your nephew will probably just pawn the computer as quickly as he can, won’t he? It’s the cash he’s after.’ Seth looked away, didn’t speak for a while, considering the implications. ‘Have you told the police?’
‘No,’ she said quickly. ‘I can’t, he’s my nephew.’
The doctor raised his eyebrows. ‘He’s stolen from you, Lily.’ He gave her a searching look. ‘What does your sister say?’
‘I haven’t spoken to her yet.’ She squirmed at the thought of Helen’s inevitable anger and the blame that would no doubt land square on Lily’s shoulders.
‘It won’t help anyone to turn a blind eye, you know. And if he’s arrested, he’ll be able to tell them where he fenced the computer. You might get it back.’
Lily didn’t reply, the ramifications churning through her mind.
‘You’re just enabling him, Lily,’ Seth was saying. ‘Kit will expect you to do nothing. You’re his aunt, of course you won’t tell on him. So his actions have no consequences. And in a day, a week, however long it takes to shoot up the drugs he bought with the laptop cash, he’ll be back at the house, pestering you for more. Are you prepared for that?’
She started to protest, but she knew Seth was right.
‘I don’t want him to be arrested.’
Seth sighed. ‘I know. It seems harsh. And Kit is very vulnerable. But you can’t let him ride roughshod over you.’
There was silence. Lily could feel a tickling trickle of sweat slide down her back beneath her T-shirt. ‘Do you think the whole thing about him staying at the house in order to get clean was a ruse to get me onside?’
Seth shrugged. ‘I think it’s odd that he didn’t wait to drop in till after his parents had left. Then there might have been a legitimate reason for not telling them.’
Lily thought about this. ‘Maybe he does want to quit. Maybe I should have said he could stay.’
Seth cocked his head, gave her a disbelieving smile. ‘Where did you get such a soft heart, Lily?’
*
David shook his head. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said.
Lily was at the house when her brother-in-law came home, ahead of her sister, thank goodness. She had been waiting since returning from the boat, stomach in knots, head aching from the heat, for several hours now. She was no longer worried about the computer and phone – although she felt naked without her mobile: it was Helen’s reaction that terrified her.
‘It was my fault, David,’ she said, as they both sat down at the garden table in the hot evening sun. ‘I should never have left him alone with my stuff. I knew it was a risk, but I didn’t want to embarrass us both. And, to be honest, I didn’t think he would do that to me.’
David gave a long sigh. His frayed striped cotton shirt – one of his work shirts – was stained with sweat, his craggy face flushed, the usual wood dust dulling his unruly hair. Lily had made them both tea, and he had gulped half the contents of the mug almost before she had put it on the table.
‘You assume, because he’s family and clearly fond of you, that he’ll behave like the rest of us. But Kit is capable of anything when it comes to getting a fix.’
‘He asked if he could stay here when you and Helen are on holiday. He said he needed a safe place if he was ever to get off the drugs.’
David nodded wearily. ‘That’s familiar.’
‘He’s said that to you too?’ Lily, shocked, felt betrayed all over again. ‘But why? If he doesn’t mean it, what does he have to gain?’
Her brother-in-law looked at her askance. ‘What did he gain from you?’
‘So he played me till my guard was down?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. Maybe as he says it he believes it. Don’t forget this is one smart boy. Even with the drugs he’s ahead of most of us in the IQ department.’
They sat in silence.
‘What will Helen say about the police?’
David considered her question. ‘Don’t know. She’ll be upset, of course, angry.’
‘With me, no doubt.’
He looked surprised. ‘With you? Why? You haven’t done anything, Lily. You’re the victim here.’
‘I was gullible and now he’s got his hands on enough cash to kill himself.’ Putting words to her fear did not seem to help. But ever since Kit had vanished with her computer, the image of his dead body, white and still and so young, had haunted her.
David did not reply, his gaze directed towards the rose bushes that grew along the fence. The creamy-gold blooms were thick and plentiful, glowing richly in the evening light.
‘David, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.’
He gave her a sad smile. ‘Don’t apologize. You’re only saying what we all know, Lily. Kit’s life has hung in the balance for years now.’ He started to say something then stopped.
Lily leaned forward. ‘Kit said his life was hell and he hated it, David. I know you’ll say I’m a fool, but I honestly believe he wants to quit.’
‘Well . . .’ David didn’t go on, and Lily realized he didn’t want to burst her bubble. Maybe he needed, just for a minute, to believe it again himself.
‘Hi, I’m home!’ They heard Helen calling from the house. Then she burst onto the patio, ripping off her grey suit jacket and waving it in the air. ‘Woo-hoo, I’ve finished! I’m free!’
She threw herself onto a garden chair and beamed at Lily and David. ‘Such a great feeling. The whole summer ahead and not a single spotty student in sight.’ She laughed. ‘Not that they have as many spots as they used to, with all those smoothies.’
Lily’s heart contracted as David grinned and reached over to give her hand a squeeze. But Helen had already sensed something was up. Her gaze shot from David to Lily and back again. ‘What’s going on?’
‘It’s Kit,’ David said after a moment, and Lily watched her sister’s face fall.
‘He came here when Lily was working in the garden. She went inside for a minute and he ran off with her phone and computer.’
Eyes on Lily, Helen frowned. ‘Tell me exactly what happened.’
Lily obliged, watching her sister’s face darkening with every word. ‘I had to tell Seth Kramer,’ Lily finished, ‘because obviously there’s confidential data from his patient interviews on my computer.’ She took a breath. ‘He said I should inform the police.’
Helen raised her eyebrows. ‘And did you?’
‘No, no, of course not.’
‘There’s no “of course not” about it, Lily. He stole from you. You should call the police.’
Both she and David must have registered shock, because Helen went on, ‘Don’t look at me like that. He’s a thief. He should be punished.’
‘What good will that do, Helen?’ David asked after a moment. ‘They won’t pay any attention. He’s a known addict. It was only family he stole from.’
Turning in her chair, Helen’s eyes were fierce. ‘“Only family”?’ She sighed with frustration. ‘Do I really have to repeat myself, David? Do you still not get it? After all this time?’ Her mouth twitched angrily before she added, her words deliberately slow and loud, as if her husband were hard of hearing, ‘Your mollycoddling is helping Kit take drugs. You’re keeping him addicted.’
Before either of them had a chance to respond, Helen had turned her ire on Lily. ‘And you’re the same. Your ridiculous naïveté. After all I’ve said to you about addiction, about Kit’s behaviour, you still chose to believe him? It literally takes my breath away. And now you’re living here, he thinks he has carte blanche to pop in whenever he needs another sub.’ She dropped her head into her hands for a second, then raised it again. She had not finished. ‘What do I have to say to make you both understand?’ she shouted across the table in the still summer evening. ‘Until you start treating Kit like the addict he is, he will never, ever get off heroin.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Lily said softly.
David said nothing.
Tears in her eyes, Helen glared at her sister. ‘Ring the police. Report the theft. Stop meddling, Lily. And for God’s sake, stop pandering to our son.’