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Jae Young
As soon as I step out of the car, a brisk wind greets my face. I inhale deeply, adjusting my scarf, while the taxi driver retrieves my luggage from the trunk. This time, Lee Hye Ji didn’t interfere. I express my gratitude to the driver, an elderly man with kind eyes and a nearly bald head. I quickly make my way into the departure hall and check the flight status: British Airways to London from Incheon International Airport at 10:35 pm. Confirmed.
Suddenly, my feet refuse to move, and it feels like my lungs follow suit. I'm flooded with doubt. Is this truly the right decision? Is there no other way to help Jae Wook?
Clutching my passport tightly, I try to steady my breathing.
The airline agent at the counter beckons, pulling me from my daze. With sweaty palms, I approach him, feeling as if each step requires an immense effort. I hand over my passport and check in my luggage.
After completing the necessary formalities and procedures at the immigration desk, I head towards the boarding gate, carrying only my backpack.
As the minutes tick away and the boarding announcement looms, the airline starts announcing pre-boarding preparations. I pull out my phone, hesitating as I scroll to the contact. A part of me whispers, You can still back out, Jae Young. No! I can’t keep running away. Jae Wook needs me! It’s time to face the consequences of my choices, no matter the cost.
I tap the screen, and the call starts ringing through. It's late over there, but he’s probably still awake. Just as I’m about to hang up, he picks up.
“Hyung!”
“Jae Wook, did I disturb you?”
“No, don't worry. I'm busy editing pictures from today’s photo shoot.” I take a moment to gather my thoughts before continuing. In the background, a female voice echoes through the boarding hall, announcing another flight. “Sounds like you're at the airport. Where are you off to now?”
Jae Wook's straightforwardness is unmistakable, a trait he definitely got from Mrs. Lee Hye Ji.
“I'm at Incheon. My flight boards in ten minutes, so I don’t have much time. Just listen.”
“Alright. You're making me both curious and anxious with that tone. What’s going on?” There’s a hint of exaggerated concern in his voice.
“Yesterday, after coming back from Germany, I found out about the troubles at the agency and about Ana, all from Harmeoni. I can’t believe you kept all this from me, Park Jae Wook! With our parents gone, it’s my responsibility to look out for you. We’re all each other has. Plus, I’m the majority shareholder in the company.”
“It’s not exactly like that...”
“Don’t interrupt me.”
I can hear his heavy breathing over the phone, and I can just picture him biting his lip and clenching his fists in frustration. It's tough talking to him this way, especially now that he's grown up, but sometimes he just doesn’t act like it.
“I’m aware of how you feel about Ana, and that’s why I’m so disappointed. Even though we might not see eye to eye, I recognize my duty to her, as my father’s wife and for all the care and support she’s given us over the years. I’d never neglect my responsibilities.”
“I never doubted your sense of duty, Hyung.”
“But you didn’t confide in me, despite my best efforts to take care of you and keep the promises I made to you and Mom.”
“I didn’t want to add to your burden. Harmeoni mentioned how overwhelmed you are with your own responsibilities. I’m sorry if I’ve let you down.”
“Your actions don’t align with your words.” My eyes sting—a sensation I’ve been experiencing more often lately. Maybe with age comes a decreased ability to control emotions, though I always thought it should be the opposite. I acknowledge the exhaustion and the struggle to manage certain feelings that seem to intensify each day. “I’ve learned to cope with solitude, even became accustomed to it, thinking it was temporary. I never imagined it would last a lifetime.”
“Could you clarify what you mean?”
“No matter how you feel about me, I’m coming back, Jae Wook. Tomorrow, I’ll announce my retirement from modeling. I’m taking over the agency and our family responsibilities.”
“You don’t have to come back, Park Jae Young! I’m not a child anymore. I’ve been managing the agency without you, and it’s grown under my leadership. Do you still think I’m not up to the task?” I can hear the frustration in his voice and the sound of his feet pacing. Jae Wook still exhibits his spoiled side; if things don’t go his way, he quickly becomes upset.
“Growth? I’ve seen the agency’s reports. We’ve lost fifty percent of our clientele. We’ve been operating at a loss for the past six months!”
“You know the global economic situation is tough right now.”
I run my free hand through my hair, exasperated. “Economic situation! Cancelling photo shoots at the last minute, missing appointments without explanation, refusing to honor contracts due to a ‘lack of inspiration,’ not hiring other photographers. Are these your ideas of coping with the economic situation and managing the business, Park Jae Wook?”
“That’s not the whole truth...”
“It’s pointless to argue. My mind is made up. I’ll be in Brazil tomorrow.”
“You promised you wouldn’t come back. You know how things are with Elleanor and me.”
I pull the phone slightly away from my ear. “Her being there isn’t the reason for my return. I haven’t been a part of her life since that day. I stepped back when you told me about your feelings for her and how involved you two were.”
“Elle might be thrown off by seeing you...”
“Why should she be? Don’t you two love each other? That’s what you always said.” Wook is silent for a moment, and my heart races.
Did they break up? That could explain his behavior. This mere thought rekindles a long-dormant feeling inside me.
“If that’s true, then your priority should be Ana's well-being.” Wook remains quiet. “We’ll talk more when I arrive. I’ll be staying at the Palácio Tangará until I find my own place. Visit me there when you’re ready.”
The attendant’s gentle voice starts announcing the boarding process, first in Korean, then in English. I stand, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. As I prepare to board, an image of myself as a ten-year-old boy landing on this very soil flashes in my mind. Back then, I was full of shattered hopes, driven only by the desire to survive and maybe, someday, have the freedom to make my own choices... And if she hadn’t forgotten me, I would have kept my promise. Yet, even now as an adult, I realize I'm not truly free.
Perhaps now, I can finally fulfill my promises to the two women who hold a special place in my heart. I'll be there for Elleanor—not in the way I wish, but I'll protect her and do everything I can to ensure her happiness. In some way, this will bring me solace, and maybe even joy... I'll also look after Jae Wook, in our parents' stead.
My footsteps resonate in the hall, sounding lonely amidst the silence. I find myself standing behind a family engaged in lively conversation.
Family... I never truly had one, and perhaps I never will...
“Hyung!” Jae Wook’s voice snaps me out of my reverie. “Don’t hang up. Sorry, I'm just really worn out and wasn’t thinking clearly. You don’t need to stay at a hotel. Come home.”
“I don’t want to impose. Ana might be uncomfortable with me there... Is everything set for the H&H session?”
“Yes.”
“And the model?”
Wook chuckles dryly, then sighs. “You’re asking if Elle agreed?”
Why did I continue this conversation and bring her up? Handing my ticket and passport to the British Airways staff, I mentally berate myself.
“I just want to ensure everything runs smoothly and we don’t lose another client.”
“She agreed... Hyung, you always go out of your way for her, even from a distance. What's really behind it? You still have feelings for her, don’t you?”
My heart pounds as his words strike me, leaving a ringing in my ears that drowns out all other sounds. His accusation echoes in my mind. He's not the only one apprehensive about this reunion.
“You didn’t consider my feelings when you chose to be with her.” There’s only his breathing on the line. “But it's too late for regrets now. For the moment, let’s keep this about work. I expect professionalism.”
I lean back in the armchair, feeling every muscle tense up, my throat tightens. I silently hope he didn’t pick up on the quiver in my voice.
Why did they have to fall for each other?
“Boarding is complete. See you tomorrow.”
I end the call before he has a chance to argue further. If I had acted differently back then, Park Jung Hee probably wouldn’t have sent me to Korea, and maybe they wouldn’t have become so close. I’m partly to blame.
I put on my headphones and randomly select a movie, trying to distract myself with something mundane. This tactic works, but only to an extent. I switch from the movie to music, blasting heavy rock to drown out the persistent voices in my head.
I close my eyes, attempting to sleep. But the noise of my memories keeps me awake. I recall the words exchanged by those two innocent kids on the sidewalk in front of the blue house. We had no idea then how adept life is at throwing up roadblocks and altering our paths.
The poorly written letters, in crooked lines, the few we exchanged. Simple words, but laden with emotion. Crude drawings that, to me, were like works of Monet or Picasso, sealed with the reaffirmation of our promise.
Gradually, my responsibilities grew, and the frequency of my letters dwindled until they stopped altogether. I certainly let her down, especially when she realized I wasn’t coming back. My words must have seemed like empty promises, lies. A man who doesn’t keep his word is worthless.
So, the flight to London feels longer than it actually is.
I have a few hours' layover before connecting to Brazil. I use this time to review additional reports, analyzing lost and current contracts, to fully understand the agency’s situation. This will help me start developing strategies for its recovery.
I grab a simple meal, hoping to make time pass quicker. Wandering through the airport lobby, I find myself aimlessly looking at the random items in the shops scattered along the corridors, trying to distract my mind with anything mundane.
Finally, it’s time to board. As I walk, putting one foot in front of the other, I feel my breathing quicken.
Settling into my seat, I gaze down the aircraft’s aisle toward the door, watching other passengers hastily finding their seats. A flight attendant announces over the intercom that boarding is complete and the doors are now closed.
“There’s no turning back now,” I think to myself.
I sink back into my seat, closing my eyes. My heart pounds, my stomach flutters with nervousness, and my mind swirls with yet another whirlwind of uncertainties. Once again, I find myself counting the hours and minutes...
I ask for several cups of chamomile tea, which seem to have a calming effect – though it could just be exhaustion taking over. Eventually, I drift into a deep sleep.