| |
Jae Young
Since leaving Elleanor at her home, my days have become longer and more tedious. Carrying her to her apartment and tucking her into bed was a pleasure; I'd do it a thousand times more without growing weary or complaining. Actually, I'd relish the opportunity...
Despite the backlog of work at the agency demanding my full attention, my mind is preoccupied with Elleanor! Every word she spoke or whispered... Her array of expressions and gestures... Her voice... Her scent... It all turns my day into a tremendous struggle.
Understanding the fashion world is just a small part of running a modeling agency, a business like any other. My unfamiliarity with management adds to the challenge.
My degree in administration was mostly theoretical, and the limited practical experience I gained was from temporary roles at Park Communications. I spent more time in the spotlight than behind the scenes. There’s much to learn, and focus is crucial. However, concentrating on work for even a short period is currently impossible.
Now, staring at my phone screen, I’ve lost all hope of being productive today. Wook's message was the last straw. It feels like a hole has opened beneath me, swallowing everything in the room.
I set the phone on the table and lean back, letting my body relax against the chair. My hands slowly rise to my face, then to the back of my head, where my fingers interlock.
I knew Elleanor’s aunt was a prominent event organizer, with many shared clients between us. I just hadn’t expected to attend a launch at her venue so soon. I’m not prepared for this role yet, but Ana’s hospitalization means Wook, as her responsible party, must be with her.
I’m starting to think that fate is really testing me, with every passing hour presenting a new challenge. I’m unsure if Elleanor will be at the event tonight, and not knowing only adds to the stress.
It feels like I’m walking on hot coals and leaping over flames, spending these hours in uncertainty until I either see her or return home unscathed.
Tonight is my first night in my new house. I recently bought it and haven’t had the chance to set it up properly. I had imagined spending a peaceful evening alone, enjoying my privacy away from the prying eyes of curious onlookers and journalists eager for a scoop on my early departure from the fashion runways.
Although my retirement wasn’t particularly early, it was considered so because I was at the height of my career. There were numerous offers on the table and even new contracts with famous brands that I had to cancel.
I had hoped today would bring some peace and the freedom to let my guard down, to express my emotions without the worry of being watched.
But instead of tranquility, chaos reigns.
As soon as I muster enough composure to leave the company, I head to my new home. Relying on the GPS, I arrive with plenty of time before my unexpected appointment.
I step into the house, leading with my right foot – a bit of superstition never hurts. I place my car keys and wallet on the console table and pick up a photo of my mother, smiling. I take a moment, running my finger over her image.
“Omma, what do you think of the house? My first place. After years of longing for my own space... I finally have it. I believe you’d be happy.”
I set the picture back in its spot, kick off my shoes, and toss my briefcase onto the couch. I start loosening my tie as I climb the stairs, arriving in my room with part of my shirt unbuttoned. I fling my jacket onto the bed and head for the bathroom. A long, relaxing bath should help me regain my composure.
I step out of the bathtub, wrap myself in my robe, and quickly make a cup of chamomile tea. A sedative would be more suitable, but mixing medicine and alcohol is a bad idea, and today there’s no avoiding a drink with a client.
Struggling to keep my mind off Elleanor, which is nearly impossible, I prepare the tea.
Back in the bedroom with my tea in hand, I stretch out on the bed and turn on the TV, flipping through channels. I settle on the first action-packed movie with plenty of noisy special effects to keep my mind occupied for the moment.
––––––––
Standing in front of the mirror, I straighten my white jacket and check my messages for the tenth time. Still nothing. Jae Wook is probably still with Ana. I hover my index finger over his name on my phone, then abruptly slide it away and cancel the call as I hear his name.
“I'm the president now. This is my responsibility,” I remind myself.
I spray a bit of product on the front strands of my hair and style my quiff with my fingertips. Looking at my reflection, I see Elleanor’s image deep in my eyes. Shaking my head, I take a deep breath, turn away from the mirror, and exhale.
Heavy footsteps echo in the vast emptiness of my new house. I grab my car keys and wallet, and head to the garage.
Traffic is slow, but I’m almost grateful for it. As I get closer to the venue, my anxiety mounts. My heart races, and I notice lines forming on my face as I glance at the rearview mirror.
When did those appear? Why does it matter, Jae Young?
I signal to turn right, checking both rearview mirrors as I switch lanes and soon enter the parking lot of the banquet hall.
There, six men in black suits stand guard, their hands clasped in front of them and faces set in unfriendly expressions. They rotate their duties, watching over the vehicles.
I park as close to them as possible, step out, greet the nearest guard, and hand him my keys. I button my jacket, take a deep breath, and slip my hands into my pockets. Then, I lift my head and walk toward the reception.
Once inside and having identified myself, a woman escorts me to the table reserved for our agency. I greet other team members already there. I make my rounds among the client tables, familiar faces passing by, all the while scanning the room for her. Perhaps she isn’t working tonight. A waiter tops off my wine glass as I pass.
The other agency employees chat and whisper, and I realize I still don't know many of their names. The event officially starts, and one of our models takes the stage as host. His words, full of praise for tonight’s brand, echo around me. I sip my drink, eyes on the stage but mind elsewhere.
Shortly after, the stylist heading the brand in Brazil presents the concept of their new fragrance. The models, faces of the perfume, are called to the stage. The lights dim, leaving only a few blurred spots and spotlights on the entrance where a couple appears, carrying packages draped in green fabric.
As they pass by our table, my search ends. A chill grips my stomach; I feel my neck veins pulse. My throat tightens; I loosen my tie, but it brings no relief.
I lift my glass, draining it as if my very life depends on it. The table goes quiet, all eyes on me.
I lower my hand slowly, setting the glass back on the table. My gaze returns to the stage, but any semblance of control evaporates the moment I see her. The room fades to mere silhouettes and indistinct sounds.
The ceremony concludes to a round of applause, and a DJ starts setting the tone for what’s quickly becoming a lively party. Guests mingle, moving from table to table, exchanging hugs and smiles.
One particularly enthusiastic individual, while greeting an agency member, bumps into my table, causing my recently refilled wine glass to spill on me. I discreetly try to manage the situation, grabbing a napkin to cover the stain as I head to the restroom.
Facing the mirror, I assess the damage. My white jacket and shirt now sport two large purple stains. I remove the blazer, placing it on the marble beside the sink, and roll up my shirt sleeves. Turning on the faucet, I wet the napkin and dab at the stains.
“Aish! This either counts as extreme bad luck or some kind of cosmic punishment!” The stain just spreads further, reaching the sides and back of the shirt.
In frustration, I toss the napkin onto the mirror and lean against the sink, tilting my head back and closing my eyes.
“Think, Jae Young! Think... Maybe I can use this as a reason to head home early, before Elleanor spots me.”
I turn back around, grab my blazer, and retrieve my cellphone from the inner pocket. Checking it, I find no callback or updates from my brother. Although I know I shouldn’t leave mid-event, the main part is over and others from the agency are present. I could claim I’m feeling unwell... That’s a plan!
Decided, I leave the bathroom, phone in hand, starting to compose a message to Jae Wook about Ana’s condition.
“It looks like you could use some help.”
I freeze at the sound of that voice. Without lifting my head, my gaze fixed on my phone, I feel like I'm swallowing barbed wire, scraping down my throat. A fluffy towel appears in my line of sight.
“Aren’t you going to take it? My arm’s getting tired,” she says, gently shaking the cloth.
“Komawo.” I straighten up, meeting her beautiful green eyes and a slightly smug smile. I accept the towel.
“Did someone mistake you for a wine glass?”
“Just a small accident.”
“I saw it happen. I was just imitating you with the bad joke.” She winks.
Is Elleanor joking? Has she gotten over her anger? She’s matured now, so maybe she understands my side. Right?
She stands with her arms crossed, head tilted as if aiming a gun at me, her eyes wide.
Wrong!
“Did you see?”
Of course, she just said she did! I shift my weight from one foot to the other.
“Aren’t you going to try cleaning it?”
“Thanks for your concern, but I’m actually on my way out.”
“All because of a little spill, Park Jae Young?” She raises an eyebrow and pouts.
Aigoo! Why is she doing this? Is she trying to torment me?
My heart skips a beat.
“Um, yeah.” I clear my throat. “No, I was planning on leaving earlier. I’ve got a headache. I think I had one too many drinks.”
“And did your headache start before or after you noticed me?” Her face shifts from a tease to a demand for an immediate response.
“As I said, the headache started before the wine incident.”
I give a slight shrug, still holding onto my shirt.
“You’re still not great at lying, Jae Young. Don’t try to change the subject. I saw you spot me from behind the models. You turned away instantly, but I noticed.”
My left hand moves to my head, pushing back my already disheveled hair. I take a deep breath, attempting to gather my thoughts.
“What do you want me to say, Elleanor?”
She turns away, chuckling and biting her lower lip, seemingly amused by my discomfort.
“Just admit you were avoiding me again.” She places her hands on her hips, tapping her right foot on the ground rhythmically, as if keeping time to a dance.
Certainly, this isn’t going to be a pleasant waltz!
“I... I didn’t want to start an argument with you.. Mianiêyô.”
Even though it's true, my heart feels constricted, shrinking to a minuscule size, barely able to circulate blood. A numbness creeps into my extremities.
Her face remains expressionless, a blank slate. Another sharp jab at me.
“It’s good you acknowledged that. Now, tell me why you’re so afraid of me, Jae Young Ssi? I get that a lot of time has passed, but...”
“I can’t exactly explain it, Lia. I regret not being able to keep my promise to stay by your side, as I would have liked... I can’t undo what happened.”
“And what exactly did happen? Huh?” She punches my chest with clenched fists. I step back, resting my hands on my hips. My eyes sting as if aflame. “Did you just forget about me? Did you meet someone else and fall in love?”
“Don’t you see me as a woman?”
Her gaze is piercing, like two sharp knives aimed at me. I avert my gaze, looking down at my feet. She’s come prepared to confront me.
“Of course, I see you as a woman, even with your petite frame.” I attempt a lighter tone.
“Don’t pretend you don’t get it!” My attempt doesn't work as intended. She steps closer, and I struggle not to pull her into my arms and take her away from this tension. As she approaches, her figure becomes more pronounced in the tightly fitting black dress. “Answer me!”
“Jeongmal yeppeoyo[43]! You’re incredibly beautiful, enough to drive anyone crazy.”
A triumphant smile spreads across her face.
“You don’t have any feelings for me?”
What are you doing, Elleanor? I’m already in torment; do you enjoy making it worse? Hajimá![44]
“Andwae![45]... I... I don’t know...”
“You don’t know? Then shouldn’t you figure out your feelings?” I close my eyes, my breathing quickens. She places her hands on my chest, causing a warmth to spread there. And again. “Am I just the little girl from your childhood to you? Nothing more?”
Before her hands can reach me again, I grasp her wrists, pinning them against the wall. I move closer until I can feel the tension in every cell of my body.
The intensity in her eyes pulls me in, and soon my forehead rests against hers, our noses touch, our lips so close not even the slightest breeze could pass between them. I run my tongue over my parched lips. My eyes shut. I focus on steady breathing, never having imagined being this close would be so overwhelming.
“Never downplay your importance to anyone, Elleanor. Especially not to me. Don’t question my intentions, even if my actions aren’t what you hoped for. There are things I need to sort out, complex issues I’m grappling with internally.”
I take her left hand and place it on the center of my chest, slowly releasing my breath. I kiss her forehead, yearning to kiss her lips and hold her close...
“What did you mean when you said It’s not about forgiveness, and how are You supposed to just overlook and move on? What did I do that hurt you so deeply?” My heart freezes.
I’m going to pass out right here! She wasn’t asleep? How... What did you expect, Jae Young? If she can communicate with the other side, hearing in her sleep isn’t a stretch!
My grip weakens, releasing her wrists, which fall gently. Her penetrating gaze feels like it’s seeing into my soul. I step back.
“About what...”
“When you took me home... I remember every word you said, Jae.” My mouth goes dry, leaving me unable to speak clearly. “You were talking about me and Wook.” The room seems to spin. “What did you mean?”
“I didn’t really mean...”
“I hope your brother hasn’t fabricated any stories about me. Wook and I have been, are, and will always be just friends.”
Her words jolt my heart back to life. The inner turmoil between emotion and reason resumes, another intense battle. I lean back against the wall.
She steps closer, grasping the collar of my shirt firmly.
“You won’t speak up. You always put your brother first, even above yourself. Do you realize he wouldn’t do the same for you?” I nod. “If you’re considering sacrificing your feelings for me because of your brother, understand this: I don’t love him, never have, and I won’t be with him, regardless of you, Park Jae Young! I’m not an object to be discarded, abandoned, or passed on to someone else!”
A tear escapes, trickling down my cheek.
“Lia... I never saw you as an object.”
“That’s exactly what it feels like, Jae Young. You wouldn’t consider giving up on me for your brother if you saw me differently. Unless you feel nothing for me, which contradicts your apology for kissing me while I was unconscious.” I’m stunned, my mind reeling. She tugs my collar closer, bringing our faces nearly together. Her intense gaze almost reduces me to ashes. “I just need to know if someone will stand by me. If not, go back to Korea and forget the promises you made. I’m releasing you from that commitment now.”
Her eyes brim with tears. She releases my shirt and steps back, then turns and walks away, each step quicker than the last, until she’s out of sight.
I run the backs of my hands over my face, drying it. In frustration, I toss my jacket aside and kick the bathroom door with force. The sound of something breaking as the door slams into the wall snaps me back to reality.
Regaining my composure, an urge propels me to chase after her. Like a radar seeking the fiery green-eyed girl, I follow the path she took. Passing employees with trays, I bump into some, narrowly miss others. Ignoring their shouts and insults, I don't slow down.
Bursting through the door, I find myself on the opposite side of the parking lot. I look around – no sign of her. A lightning bolt streaks across the sky, followed by a thunderous roar, as if the heavens are splitting open. Perhaps the sky is breaking, or maybe beings from another world are furious with me. A raindrop lands on my forehead.
“Where did you go, Elleanor?”
I barely finish the question when the sky unleashes a heavy downpour. I start running down the sidewalk. The glare from the oncoming cars nearly blinds me, but their lights help me spot a bus stop ahead. Approaching it, I see the silhouette of a black dress and wavy hair fluttering in the wind. It's Lia!
I pick up speed, finally reaching her.
“It’s pouring and you’re soaked. Come on, I’ll drive you.” I reach for her hand, but she pulls away.
“Then tell me the truth! What is it you can’t ignore?”
The rain intensifies, streaming down her face, mingling with her tears.
“Please, Lia!”
“Say it now, or leave!”
“I saw you and Jae Wook in the college parking lot! You were hugging like a couple... He kissed you.” She steps back, shock written all over her face.
“How could you see something that never happened? Jae Wook can be too impulsive sometimes, invading my personal space, but he never kissed me.” She falls silent, looking down. When she raises her eyes again, they're filled with anguish. “You saw me... It means you were in Brazil earlier.” She shakes her head, closing her eyes. “How foolish I've been! This probably happened many times!”
She turns, heading toward the bus stop. I follow her, stopping in front of her and grasping her shoulders.
“It’s not what you think.”
“No, it's probably worse.”
“Jae Wook told me you two were an item.” I pause, carefully choosing my next words. She pushes me away, her tears intensifying. Elleanor rubs her arms, trying to warm herself up. “When I saw you two together...”
“Enough!” She shouts, hands covering her ears.
“You’re drenched. Let me drive you home. If you don’t want to see me afterward, I’ll respect your choice.” She runs her hands down her face, her once sweet expression now just a blank mask.
“I don’t need you. I can take care of myself, Park Jae Young.”
“Elleanor, don’t be stubborn. You could get sick.”
“Where were you during all the other times I got caught in the rain and fell ill?” She closes her eyes, turning her head away. I stay silent. There’s no excuse. “From now on, keep your distance, you and your brother. That shouldn't be hard for you. Just continue doing what you’ve been doing so well!”
“Lia, please!”
“I was ready to fight for us, but you chose not to hear my side and didn’t seek the truth.” She glances at the busy avenue and raises her hand. “There’s my bus. Goodbye, Park Jae Young.”
She wraps her arms around herself. Without a backward glance, she boards the bus.
“Elleanor! Lia!” I hit the side of the bus as it starts to pull away. I chase after it as fast as I can, but it’s no use.
I tilt my head back, allowing the rain to wash over my face. Cupping my hands around my mouth, I yell. “Aish!” I shout, not caring who hears me.
I trudge through the rain back to the parking lot. As soon as I get into my car, I start it and floor the accelerator, weaving through the now sparse traffic. The car skids in puddles, but I’m only focused on the roar of the engine.
I somehow make it home, paying no attention to the GPS.
I step through the door and head straight to the wine cellar. Grabbing the first bottle of wine I see, I open it and take a swig straight from the bottle.
Climbing the stairs, the bottle becomes my sole companion, the only thing I deserve right now.
With each sip, her words replay in my mind, each one another sharp stab to my chest. The relentless tears continue to fall.
“Sesang-e! What have you done, Park Jae Young?”
The room spins, and my arm clumsily sweeps objects from the shelf, sending them crashing to the floor along with the pictures.
I take another deep gulp.
My chest is in pain. Frustrated, I punch the wall, resulting in several cuts, but they're nothing compared to the deeper, unseen hurt.
I repeatedly bring the bottle to my lips until it’s nearly empty. The echoes in my head drive me to the edge, and the reflection in the mirror fills me with loathing. In a moment of anger, I hurl the bottle at the mirror, shattering both.
I collapse onto the bed, burying my head under a pillow. Gradually, the echoes fade into silence...